


Arrows & Cupids

by TwilightCakes



Category: Hunger Games (2012), Hunger Games - Fandom, Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-18
Updated: 2016-02-08
Packaged: 2017-11-25 23:05:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 54
Words: 153,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/643924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwilightCakes/pseuds/TwilightCakes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After hunting illegally one day, a near-starving Katniss Everdeen is caught and almost has to pay the price. Peeta has always tried to get the girl with the secret arrows to notice him, and he figures that now is a good a chance as any. AU/Everlark - No Games, but Panem is otherwise the same.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Katniss

For a day that would eventually change her life, it started off relatively normal. Katniss watched with a smirk as Gale's eyes widened slightly in the early morning light. She dumped the contents of her game bag on the table, arranging the dead animals in a row for him to admire. They had gotten up and left for the woods while it was still dark that morning and their trip had been more than worth it.

"Shit. Nice haul," he sniffed, wiping his nose on his sleeve. They had hurried back to the Seam after hunting that winter morning for their catch had been large. It was unseasonably warm for February so the animals were out and about trying to scramble for food the same way they were. By splitting up to hunt they had bagged almost triple what they normally did on a wintery Saturday morning and they needed it. The winter had been long and rough, scaring most of the animals deep into the frozen woods and out of their reach. Times had been more than a little tough for them that season and they were overjoyed at their luck that morning.

Katniss knew both of them were looking rather lean after a winter of trying to feed their families; their hunting clothes hung from their bodies and their cheekbones were starting to jut out. If Katniss had to lie to Prim and say 'I'm not really hungry' again so that her sister and mother could eat she thought she might collapse into herself from hunger. She felt as though she had been hungry since the last leaf of fall had touched the ground.

The food was desperately needed.

"When did you get that rabbit?!" he demanded, reaching across the table. Katniss smacked his hand away before he could touch it, playfully narrowing her eyes at him.

"Hands off. That's for the mayor."

"The mayor doesn't like rabbit."

"How would you know? I'm the one that sits with his daughter at lunch every day. She told me," Katniss snapped. Gale eyed her again until his face broke out into a tell-tale smile and hers had one to match. As much as they teased each other she knew they would always be best friends. While she still had to go to school every day, Gale had a job in the mines and she rarely saw him. She would be turning eighteen in a few months and was in her official last year of school. Gale had been out for several years and she missed at least seeing at least one friendly face in the barren hallways of the District 12 school. She didn't have many friends.

"You still sit with Madge?" he asked. Katniss shook her head to herself as she noticed the hopeful tone to Gale's voice. Her friend had been carrying a torch for the mayor's daughter for years now, despite the fact that he acted otherwise. When they went to the back door of the Undersee mansion he could hardly be bothered to look her friend in the eye.

She nodded, her eyes flicking up to meet his. "Better than sitting alone. Not that you ever sat with me anyway."

Gale shrugged. "I couldn't sit with Katniss Everdeen at lunch back in the day when I was in school – what would people say?" he joked.

She snickered and pulled her hunting knife out of her belt. "They'd say 'Gale's finally found himself a Seam slut'," she laughed, waving her knife at him. "Come on, let's go butcher these and get to the Hob."

Gale helped her load everything back into their bags so that they could go down to the cellar of the Hawthorne home. While they could do the messy part of their butchering in the woods, they found that the rest could be done in the warmth and protection of the cellar. It was away from any prying eyes and the dry air was good for hanging up hides and pelts. A steady, comfortable silence fell over them as they worked, skinning the meat and deciding what would go for trade and what would stay. Gale would grunt at her and motion with his knife and she would place certain items to the side to keep.

"You take these to the Hob; I'm gonna head to town and see if anyone besides the Undersees want to trade," she said.

"What?"

"People in town must miss squirrel meat as much as we do. I bet that baker's mean old wife would kill for a couple of fried up tree rats," she laughed. Gale didn't laugh with her. He stared sternly at the table in front of him and shook his head slowly.

"I don't think we should trade in town anymore," Gale said slowly, lifting his head to look at her. Katniss paused, frowning.

"What are you talking about?" she asked incredulously. "Of course we need to trade in town. Half those people trade twice what they should cuz they don't know any better. We make a killing Gale, come on!"

Gale stared at her from across the little table they used for their work, his steely gaze locking with hers. "We shouldn't, that all."

She stared at him, completely bewildered.

"That new peacekeeper, Thread. I've heard things in the mines, Catnip. He's here to prove a point."

She huffed. "So? Isn't that the point of Peacekeepers? To prove a point for the Capitol?"

He shook his head and cursed so low it was barely a whisper. "People been talkin, ok? He's a lot worse than Old Cray. Word has it he wasn't being strict enough and they replaced him with Thread to crack down. The Hob is safe but…I don't want you going to town to trade."

Katniss felt her cheeks grow slightly hot. Gale was bossy and arrogant, but he had never flat out told her what she could or couldn't do before. A fire ignited deep within her gut, the defiance already seeping from her.

"Who made you boss? I shot it, I trade it as I see fit, end of story," she snapped defiantly. Gale's nostrils flared.

"Katniss," he repeated sternly, "will you just listen? I'm telling you now this guy means business. This isn't Cray, alright? A guy I work with got whipped last week just for tripping a Peacekeeper. You've tripped one of 'em before, just being silly. Stupid shit we do all the time, just for laughs people are getting whipped for."

"That doesn't mean I would!" she sniped back, her voice rising slightly. "I'm smarter than that Gale Hawthorne, and you know it!"

"Do you hear yourself? These new guys coming off the train aren't Darius. They aren't laid back and fun like him, alright?"

"Since when do you tell me what I can do?" she challenged back. Gale's jaw set and she could hear his teeth grind together in a moment of pure frustration. Angry Gale wasn't something she saw often but she wasn't about to back down. No one told her what she could and couldn't do.

"Since it's becoming dangerous to do what we do."

Katniss shook her head and grabbed her bag, haphazardly stuffing the rabbit and a few squirrels into it. She wasn't sure if it was her hunger making her so crazy or the fact that some stupid man was telling her what to do. Even if it was just Gale, it still felt like she was being controlled. Every aspect of her life was controlled and she despised it. The Capitol controlled how much food they got, where they could hunt, and who lived or died. Hunting and trading was one of the few areas of her life that she ran solely on her own and Gale wasn't about to change that. They needed food and money to survive and he was attempting to tamper with that. Her temper flared as she finished collecting her kills from the table.

"How's this: you do what you want, and I'll do what I want. I'm taking what I shot and you can just get over it," she jabbed at him.

"You don't mean that."

"I"m sick of being hungry, Gale. I'm sick of watching myself and my little sister starve! Alright? I know you are too."

Gale's jaw dropped open slightly. "Are you saying I don't give a shit about my siblings? That's low, Katniss, even for you."

She sniffed to herself as hot tears threatened to spill over onto her cheeks. She hadn't meant in insult Gale like that and insinuate he didn't take care of his siblings; Gale practically broke his back in the mines five days a week just for half of what he should earn. She was out of line but so astonishingly angry she didn't care. Slinging the bag over her shoulder, she tossed him a menacing look before darting up the cellar's steps.

"Katniss…don't!" he called after her. She was slamming the front door behind her before he even finished his words.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

(Peeta)

He watched as the sun filtered through the slightly warped glass of the bakery window, melting the seemingly permanent frost that had settled there weeks before. Lifting his wrist, he wiped a bit of sweat from his temple. It was a Saturday so he was working with his father in the bakery that his family owned. It would have been nice to have the day off to maybe do something with his friends since they had been cooped up all winter, but he didn't really mind. His dad said it was the warmest February day he could remember since 'who knows when!' and that the cold snap they had been suffering since December was finally over. Peeta didn't really care about the weather one way or another.

All he cared about was that she got out to hunt.

He wasn't stupid – Katniss Everdeen hunted and traded and so did Gale Hawthorne. He couldn't count how many times they had come to the back door of the bakery in hopes of trading his father for some white flour or rolls.

But that hadn't happened in months now.

He wiped more sweat away from his face, stepping a little further away from the blazing hot oven beside him. It was nice to stand next to it when it was cold out, but that day it was a bit too warm for his liking. He guiltily glanced out the window again, hoping to see her traipsing through the snow with her tell-tale bloody game bag and hunting boots to trade with his father while he watched.

It wouldn't be the first time he had watched her with rapt interest.

In fact, Peeta had been watching Katniss Everdeen for years.

However, watching was all he did. He could not – could not – muster up the courage to talk to her the way he did the other girls in school. While Katniss was brave and strong and smart, the other girls were….lacking. They flipped their hair and talked about silly things that he could only pretend to be interested in for so long. Eventually he grew bored and just started comparing every other girl to his life-long crush with the braided hair and silvery eyes.

He hoped she had gotten out to hunt that day. He sat one seat over and two seats back from her in their math class, and he swore he could see the bones of her shoulders sticking out from her baggy wool sweater she had worn.

He could only make an educated guess that it was about as easy to hunt during a cold stint as it was to nail pudding to a tree. If I lived in that forest, I'd sure as hell be burrowed up somewhere warm too, he thought as he sunk his hands into the dough he was working on. It didn't take a genius to figure out that she hadn't been able to hunt or gather or do whatever else it was that she had been doing for years to survive. When the girl he silently watched started losing weight again it had torn at his lovesick heart.

His mind flashed back to the day he had thrown her the bread; it was just after her father died. Even as a young boy he could see the way she was slowly starving to death. To this day he wasn't sure what had compelled him to throw the bread to her. It had just been an instinct. He knew he would get a blow to the cheek or a box on the ears for it but it had been worth it.

After the bread incident as he called it in his thoughts, things had gotten better for her. Something had clicked for the starving girl and a new life had been breathed into her fragile little frame. It had taken him a few months to figure out what it was. How was she suddenly surviving? Not only that, she looked to be thriving. Peeta remembered being mystified about it - until his father started placing meat on the table again. He could remember how excited he and his brothers had been to finally have meat again. The winter had been hard on everyone, not just Seam families. Heck, even his mother had commented how juicy and delicious it was. She about had a heart attack when his father told them he had traded for squirrel meat from the little skinny girl with the braid. Peeta had choked on the delicious food right there at the dinner table. Relief had flooded through his limbs as he realized that the tiny girl he had tossed bread to several weeks before was finally going to be okay. She had learned a way to keep from starving because she was strong and fiery and so fiercely independent it made his heart swell with pride.

That was years ago. Now, it was like déjà vu was playing a sick trick on him.

He saw her in the hallways at school, her sunken in cheeks and clothes that bagged on her already small frame. No one seemed to notice that she was withering away and losing pound after pound as the winter dragged on and on but he noticed. Everyone in the district was looking a little lean that winter, but it seemed to have it the Seam residents the hardest, as something like a draught or a cold snap usually did. His chest ached every time he passed her in the crowded hallways and saw the way her collar bone stuck of her thin shirt and her pants hung lower and lower on her hips.

He glanced up and felt his eyes widen. A smile stretched across his face as he saw the raggedy Seam girl that had ensnared his heart coming up the back alley behind the bakery. He could see her breaths forming puffs of white air in front of her as she hauled what looked to be a heavy game bag up the dirty alley.

"Dad!" he shouted, brushing his hands on his apron. "Dad!"

His father poked his head around the corner, his hands still busy wrapping up someone's order. Peeta pointed to the back door; it was their silent signal that Katniss or Gale was coming to trade. The last thing he wanted to do was shout out in the middle of the busy shop that she was there to illegally trade with them.

A surprisingly hard knock sounded on the door, making him jump. He turned around and hurriedly opened it, his tongue failing him when he needed it most. Katniss peered into the shop, her eyes widening for an unexplained moment before she resumed her usual steely stare.

His father hurried back seconds later, sparing Peeta some embarrassment. He didn't miss the curious look his father gave him as he closed the door behind her. "What brings you in today Miss Everdeen?" he asked in a charming voice. Peeta had to shake his head and bite back a laugh – everything he had learned about charming people he had learned from his father.

"I've got squirrels," she announced proudly in her soft, raspy voice. She rarely spoke in school, so every time he heard her voice it sounded a little different and more mature. Peeta stood awkwardly behind her as she moved her bag to the front for better access. "If you want to trade, that is."

His father nodded. "Oh yes. I've been dreaming of frying some up for weeks now. What was it you were wanting to trade?"

She shrugged. "Whatever you have. Rolls?"

"I'll bag those up. Peeta, please show Katniss where she can put them."

He nodded dutifully, nearly stumbling over his own two feet as he brushed past her towards the counter. Quickly laying out a piece of parchment paper, he motioned wordlessly to the flat surface so that she could unload them. The squirrels were thinner than normal, but still looked juicy and delicious. She had butchered them expertly, the meat tucked into little hunched slabs with the limbs tied together. It had taken him some getting used to the dead animals and associating them as food, but he now looked forward to helping his father cook them up for dinner.

Peeta stood there awkwardly with Katniss, chewing his lip and silently cursing himself. He had absolutely zero problems chatting mindlessly with the girls from his classes at school; why did she make him so tongue tied?

Because you've had a crush on her since she was six, his mind chided.

"Weather finally came around," he finally said.

Katniss looked over at him like he had grown two heads. She nodded but didn't speak as his father finally walked back to where they stood with a bag of rolls for her. "Here you go. Don't you usually only leave us four?" he asked. He gestured to the five little bundles of meat on the parchment paper with a questioning glance.

Katniss shifted awkwardly. "They're skinny," she practically whispered, dropping her eyes to the floor.

Peeta gave his dad a pleading look over her head, gesturing to the fresh loaves of the multigrain bread on the cooling racks beside them.

"Here, take one of these too. I insist. They just don't sell the way they used to," his father pleasantly lied. Katniss held out her hand for the loaf, her grey eyes darting up to his.

"You're sure?"

"I'm sure. Now you go on so that I can fry up my squirrels," he laughed. Peeta watched as Katniss slowly smiled, tucking the bread into the bag hanging on her shoulder. He noticed the way her jacket was spattered with blood and he could only hope it wasn't hers as his stomach turned slightly.

"Thank you."

"And Katniss," his father said softly, pulling on her sleeve. She turned around and gave him a quizzical look. Peeta shifted on his feet again, making her eyes dart to his for a moment. He offered her a small nod as his father spoke.

"We had a new Peacekeeper come into the shop the other day and introduce himself. He didn't seem like a very….understanding person if you know what I mean?"

Katniss pulled her arm back, nodding slightly. Peeta didn't miss the way her eyes widened slightly as she inched closer to the door like a frightened animal.

"Just be careful out there, you hear?" he asked gently.

She nodded quickly before darting out the door. Peeta let out the breath he had forgotten he'd been holding.

Please be safe Katniss, he added in his head as he watched her leave. Even though I don't know you, I don't know what I'd do if something happened to you.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

(Peeta)

The weather took a violent turn after that one blissfully warm Saturday. As much as Peeta hoped and prayed that it would stay warm for her sake, it didn't. Instead the wintery winds grew icy once again and practically buried District 12 in almost two feet of snow.

Peeta's father joined him at the window a week later, his blue eyes frowning over his glasses as they stared out the window together.

"You look rather hopeful today, son," he mused, elbowing Peeta in the side. At eighteen years of age, Peeta was used to an occasional gentle ribbing from his dad. He enjoyed it, actually. While his brothers were loud and pushy and completely obnoxious, Peeta liked to think his calm demeanor made him the spitting image of his dad. They had a bond that neither Rye nor Bannock could come close to.

"Just…thinking."

"Ah."

"Weather is horrible."

Peeta listened as his father swallowed roughly. "I doubt she's able to get anything. It's windy out….you know she told me once that squirrels don't like wind? Huh…makes sense though…that they'd want to stay out of the trees when it's windy."

"Yeah," Peeta muttered. He sniffed and wiped his nose on his sleeve as he waited impatiently for the heart shaped sugar cookies to cool. St. Valentine's Day was coming up next week, and although it wasn't a widely celebrated holiday in the districts they still took advantage of it by decorating heart shaped cookies. He knew it was a holiday stemming back to the Dark Days and that it involved hearts, but that was the extent of his knowledge on the subject.

"So…you seemed a bit tongue tied by her when she came by last week."

Peeta blinked and watched as his breath made the glass window fog up slightly. "Wait, what?"

His father grinned and shook his head. "You. You didn't know what to say to her. It was…" he trailed off, shaking his head again as he chuckled to himself.

Peeta huffed and stared out the window again. Beside him, his father took off his glasses to clean them on the unsoiled part of his apron. "So how long have you been in love with her?"

Peeta's head whipped around to look at him. "What?"

"Katniss. How long have you been in love with her?"

Peeta slowly turned his head back to the window. "I don't know," he sighed. It wasn't in his best interest to lie to his dad – he could always see right through him. "To be in love with someone don't they have to like….know you exist?" he muttered quietly.

His father reached out, grasping Peeta's shoulder firmly. "You really like her. You can barely even talk when she comes into the shop…I…"

"You used to…you and her mom used to date, didn't you?" he asked quietly.

His dad sighed, rubbing his palms together. "Make the mistake of telling your brother something one time…" he muttered. "Bannock couldn't keep a secret if he had it in a bucket. Yes, I dated her. Loved her. Loved her so much…then….then she fell in love with a coalminer and I lost my shot. She married him a few weeks later."

Peeta glanced at his father with surprise. His words were laced with sorrow and yet a type of nonchalance that Peeta couldn't get over. He seemed used to the fact that he had loved a girl once and let her get away. His dad had obviously grown comfortable with the idea losing his happiness and watching it slip through his fingers.

"Don't lose your shot…okay son? Don't…don't lose it."

One of the timers on the oven went off, prompting them to both jump a little. Peeta's dad thumped him on the back again before sniffing slightly and turning to switch the button off. Peeta looked back to where he'd been staring before his dad started talking to him. Instead of the bleak, snowy alley he saw movement.

There, winding her way up the narrow, snow filled alley was Katniss. He could see her tell-tale bag swinging out behind her as she trudged up the snowy path towards their door.

"Well I'll be," he heard his father murmur behind him. "Her she comes. Resilient thing, isn't she?"

"Yeah," Peeta smiled. He gulped as his father opened the back door, revealing the drift that had formed in front of it. He reached out his hand and helped her inside to stand on the matt with a laugh.

"Don't tell me you managed to kill some squirrels today!"

"Just two," she said meekly, giving him a helpless smile and a shrug. She noticed Peeta standing there and gave him a small nod.

"H-hi," he stuttered. Katniss looked back at his dad.

"I got two…um…would you mind if I asked you how to make crackers?"

"I know of a recipe," his father answered. "Wanting something for this cold day to add to some stew?"

"No," she spoke quietly, "Prim has the flu and it won't be long before my mom gets it. At this rate I'll get it too," she added glumly. "She can't keep much down. I was wondering if I could trade for maybe a cup of flour today?"

Peeta watched as his father turned on the charm, smiling widely and clapping her on the shoulder. "You'll need flour and shortening. I've got both. Why don't you take off your coat while I write it down and fetch those? Peeta, why don't you make the girl some tea or get her a biscuit while she waits?"

He blinked as Katniss looked over at him; her silvery eyes a little wide. "I don't-"

But his father was already gone. Peeta scurried to get the teapot going on the nearby stove, thankful to have something to keep his hands busy. "Cold out there?"

"Freezing. Where do you want them?"

"What? Oh…just right there on the cutting board. I'm sure the old man will want to fry them up tonight."

"Right," she said, opening her bag. "They're small."

"Meat is meat," he shrugged. They stood in silence for a few minutes, Katniss awkwardly glued to the mat inside the door and Peeta gripping the countertop as he willed the teakettle to scream. He could hear his father puttering around in the front and realized he was trying to give Peeta time to talk to her. Gulping back his nervousness, he turned to her with a smile.

"So…ready for school to be over this spring?"

She shrugged in response, dropping her eyes to the floor.

"I am. Well, not happy to go to work full time, but…I guess it's better than math homework and…writing essays and stuff like that. Do you know what you're going to do after we graduate?"

Graduation wasn't much to celebrate in District 12 – the fifty or so students who were eighteen and had made it all the way through school usually got a certificate on the last day of class and families sometimes celebrated with a special dinner in their honor. They usually got a week to relax and socialize before starting whatever their full time career was to be. Peeta would start working full time in the bakery, but he realized he had no idea what Katniss was going to do.

"Not sure," she replied softly, chewing her lip. "Why are you talking to me?" she asked suddenly. Her voice had taken a sharp turn suddenly and it threw him.

Peeta looked up in surprise, gripping the countertop again. "What?"

"You never talk to me. You don't have to keep me company now, I can just wait. I won't take anything if that's what you're worried about."

Peeta felt the color drain from his cheeks. She honestly thought he was only in the kitchen because he thought she would steal? The idea was laughable. "What? No, I….I didn't think you would. I was just trying to be nice. We…we don't really ever talk."

She frowned. "Why would we? I'm from the Seam."

"So? I know where you're from," he stated firmly. As wrapped up in this girl as he was, it still irritated him that she assumed he didn't know where she was from.

"So…so why are you nice to me? That day…that day you threw me the bread when we were kids-"

"-What about it?" he asked. "You needed it."

"It was charity," she spat.

He recoiled slightly from the steely look in her eyes. "You were starving. I was helping."

"You pitied me. Just like you pity me every time I walk in here. I can see the way you look at me every time I come to trade. Do you not want me to come in here either?"

"Wait…either? What-"

"Your mother hates me. Why do you think I only come on Saturdays when I know she's not here? Just tell me what day you don't work and I'll just come then," she hissed. Peeta was still in shock at the violent turn their conversation had taken. One minute she was standing there, wordlessly staring at the floor and the next she was accusing him of pitying her? He stared at her incredulously as he watched her cross her arms and look away.

Even furious she was more radiant than the sun, he thought.

"You didn't have to do that…that day. We would have been fine."

"Right," he snapped suddenly. Her stance didn't change, but her eyes flashed with remorse.

"You don't have to be nice to me. I'm from the Seam, I…I know."

"So what if you are? You barely know me and me you. We could be friends."

"Don't be stupid-"

She had her mouth open about to say something else when his father came shuffling back, tucking a few little bags into a larger one from the front of the store. He handed Katniss a piece of paper with his chicken-scratch handwriting on it and smiled. "That's all you should need. Just roll out the dough as thin as you can to make them extra crispy."

Peeta watched as Katniss nodded, accepting the parcel with a look of gratitude. "The next four squirrels I get are for you."

"Nonsense. Tell Primrose I said to feel better."

Katniss paused. "You know her?"

Peeta watched as his father nodded. "She looks exactly like your mother did so many years ago. That hair….you mom used to wear hers in two braids."

His heart clenched inside his chest as the nostalgic look from earlier crossed his father's face. The far off look in his eye told clearly said he was somewhere else for a moment – possibly a memory of a blonde haired Merchant girl that had gotten away.

"Thank you," she said quietly, her raspy voice firm. However, when she said it she wasn't looking at his dad.

She was looking right at him.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

(Katniss)

Things had gone from bad to worse.

Not only was the warm spell over, but the flu was running rampant through the Seam and had left her mother and sister both sick with it. To top it all off, she still wasn't speaking to Gale. In fact, she hadn't seen him once since she had stormed out of his house that morning a week ago. She figured he had probably picked up an extra Saturday shift in the mines for some extra money. Or maybe he was just avoiding her.

But that wasn't what was bothering her. Not by a long shot.

Instead of worrying about her friend, she found herself contemplating the mysterious words and friendly gesture from the baker's son. She couldn't figure out his angle – why did he want to be nice to her on top of everything else? As if she didn't owe him enough already!

The dry, wintery air bit at her cheeks as she walked back to the Seam, filling her lungs with a chilling fire that made her breaths had to catch. No, what irritated her was the way he had messed with her head. He was just like every other merchant boy she'd met; it was fine to flirt with Seam trash when no one was around, but they wouldn't dare look at someone like her in town or at school. Just like Peeta – it was fine to talk to her in the privacy of the bakery, but she knew he wouldn't dare talk to her in school. In school people would see.

She hurried back home, happy to see smoke still pouring out of their chimney. She had left to hunt before dawn and hoped all morning that the fire she'd started before she left kept burning. The door swung open with a gust of cold air that she quickly tried to halt by slamming it shut again. Prim, who was sitting in front of the fire, whirled around to look.

"Hey."

"Hey yourself. Shouldn't you be in bed?"

The fourteen year old girl shrugged. "Was cold in bed without you, so I came out here. Mom needed quiet anyway. I kept coughing," she said quietly. Katniss watched as Prim sniffled slightly and wiped her nose with the threadbare handkerchief. The flu was considered a serious illness in a place like the Seam; without a doctor or medicine or barely enough food, the virus often ended up taking the lives of the people it infested. She needed to take care of them both now while the sickness was manageable and before it got worse.

She walked over to the table and began unloading the parcels from the baker onto the table. "I got stuff to make you some crackers. You hungry?"

We're always hungry, Katniss thought as her sister answered. It was more of a rhetorical question if anything.

"Yes, please. Where did you get the flour?"

Katniss smiled. "Bakery. I gave him two squirrels…next four I shoot are him. I owe him now," she added sourly. "Give me a minute to get these going."

Prim stood on wobbly legs and walked the short distance to the kitchen. "The baker? You went to the bakery again?" Prim wasted no time diving into the brown Mellark Bakery bag and rummaging through the contents. "I haven't walked by the bakery in ages. I bet he still makes the best cakes."

"I know. He said to tell you to feel better."

"Mr. Mellark? That's so sweet," Prim hummed hoarsely. Katniss made a face as she remembered an incident on the last day of school the year before that still made her cringe. She and Prim had been walking through town and happened in front of the bakery to admire the pretty cakes and pastries in the glass window when Mrs. Mellark had come out with a broom. She was screaming and cursing loudly at them for fogging up her windows, the stupid little seam brats and had actually gone so far as to knock Prim's behind with the tip of her broom. People all around had witnessed the scene and Katniss was sure Prim had been humiliated. Mrs. Mellark hadn't actually hurt anything but Prim's pride, for she never asked to walk by the bakery since then. It was a low point that the two sister rarely spoke of, but Katniss knew Prim missed seeing the pretty cakes in the windows. The cakes were a rare source of beauty in their cold, barren district.

"He's nicer than his wife."

Prim nodded silently, her cheeks reddening slightly at the memory she was surely reliving. Katniss got out the wooden measuring spoons and carefully worked her way through Mr. Mellark's scratchy handwritten directions to make the crispy crackers.

"Has mom been able to keep anything down?"

"She's just got the start of it, so yeah. I still can't keep anything down."

Katniss sighed as she mixed all the ingredients together into the wooden bowl. "Does this look right to you? I'm not a cook," she muttered.

Prim leaned over, peering into the bowl with a scowl. "Just don't kill me, kay?"

Katniss shook her head. "I'll do my best."

"This is the longest winter ever," Prim moaned, "I want spring. I want leafy things and flowers and berries. Do you think those strawberries will grow back again this year? The ones you and Gale found a few summers back?"

The name hung in the air for a second as Katniss tried her best not to let her emotions show. She and Gale hadn't spoken for a week now; that was the longest they'd ever gone. They had differences of opinion all the time, but nothing like the blowup they'd suffered last Saturday. Of course neither of them ever apologized per se; they just simply got over it and moved on. Banding together to hunt and gather food to trade and eat usually won out over any stupid argument. They just got over and moved on.

But not this time.

Katniss had gone out into the woods that morning and searched for Gale's footprints in the dirty, frozen snow but she couldn't find any fresh ones. Too much had fallen that week and she was unable to see anything fresh.

"I'm not sure Prim. Maybe. Strawberries always grow back if the frost isn't too bad."

Prim sighed. "Gale always brought me strawberries. I hope he finds them again this year, I'd love him forever for it."

Katniss couldn't contain her smile as she stuck her freshly washed hands into the dough to mix it up. "I bet."

Things were finally finally getting better.

Another snowy, dismal week had passed and things were looking up. Well, weather related things. The snow was melting away bit by bit and the sun had been shining brightly all week as she sat in her classes. More than once she had gotten called on by the teacher and had no idea where they were even at it the textbook for she had been staring out the window at the sunlit field beside the school. No matter; she wasn't sure what she wanted to do after school was over in May, but she knew it had nothing to do with the history of coalmining. She hoped that the warm sun was enough to coax the freezing forest animals out of hiding long enough for her to get the four squirrels she owed the baker.

Katniss always cringed when she thought of the baker – or more specifically, his son. She had managed to avoid Peeta every day that week, ducking behind someone tall or wide in the hallways to blend in and go unseen. She wasn't sure if he was the type to say something to her at school or not, but the look on his face in the bakery hinted at the idea that he wasn't finished talking.

It didn't matter though – she had to go to the bakery that Saturday whether she wanted to or not. She owed the baker a thank you for the recipe and his four damn squirrels.

She didn't have a choice.

The baker was one of the few merchants in town that would trade with her without giving her snarky looks or muttering things about the Seam under their breath while doing it. It was in her best interests to say in the baker's good graces, so four squirrels he would get. The crackers had been the only thing Prim and her mother had been able to eat all week; without them, she wasn't sure what they would have done food that the two of them could both stomach while ill. They were both recovering well though so she was happy to have had it.

So that was why she was out in the woods that morning, bent over four skinny squirrel carcasses. The rabbit lay to right, waiting to be butchered as well. She grinned. The mayor had been so pleased with her kill last time, marveling at the size of the animal she had brought him two weeks ago that he had begged her for more, insisting he could butcher it himself. When she finished with the squirrels, she quickly wrapped them in some thin cheese cloth and stuffed them in her bag with the rabbit. The walk to town was short; she hadn't had to go far that morning to get her kills in. Gale was nowhere to be seen again as she ducked beneath the fence, but she didn't have much time to think about it before she was rapping on the baker's back door.

Her heart stopped with a pair of blue eyes and messy blonde hair opened the door. She stared at him for a second, her stomach turning over within her as she took him in. He wore a brown, oversized wool sweater that hung off his shoulders and was pushed up to his elbows. A clean white apron hung around his neck but wasn't yet tied, so she had clearly caught him before he had started his work. His skin was flushed and pink, his blonde hair slightly damp on the ends from a recent shower. He had just shaved too; his pale skin was smooth and clear except for a tiny cut by his ear. His lips were pink and chapped from the cold as he licked them once. He stared at her as she stood on the stoop and for a moment…something melted inside of her. The hard, protective exterior she had built up started to chip away but then the spell was broken and she snapped back to reality.

"Hello," he offered politely, pulling the door back. The crooked smile he offered her was fleeting, but it still made her stomach flutter. The cold, February wind bit at her heels as she moved to stand on her familiar place on the mat inside the door. "You can come in."

Katniss shook herself out of it. No, she thought firmly. He's only being nice because he's alone with you.

"I have your squirrels. I told your dad I owed you four."

She watched as Peeta craned his neck around the corner towards the front of the shop. "He's with a customer. I can take them."

He accepted the four parcels of wrapped meat, chewing his lip as he set them on the counter. "Are those good? I know they're skinny but…that's all I could get."

"Um…yeah. He says you shoot them right through the eye. Do you…you use a bow, right?"

Katniss swallowed roughly and shifted on her feet. The bow she used to hunt had been her father's bow and was a very illegal weapon to have. It was a tender subject with her since it helped her feed her family. As nice as Peeta was being, she didn't exactly trust him with that heavy of a secret.

"Sorry," he muttered finally. "He wouldn't tell anyone. He loves the damn things too much."

"Oh."

"They look great. Um…about last time. Last week, rather. I didn't-"

She held up her hands. "It's nothing. Alright? It's okay. I don't want to get into it."

Peeta gave her an exasperated look. "Get into what? I was just being nice to you and you went and bit my head off. I….I would talk to you at school if I knew what to say."

"Right," she muttered, digging her toe into the mat. "Look though, it doesn't matter if you'd talk to me or not. It doesn't change anything like I said."

"Well…can we at least be friends?"

She looked up and was startled by the piercing look in his light blue eyes. "What good would that do? I'm the Seam trash that brings your dad dead squirrels when your mother isn't looking. What's there to be friendly about? I…I'm glad you gave me that bread that day but really – you don't owe me anything else. I owe you, if anything."

Peeta's shoulders slumped as he heaved a sigh and walked to the rack closest to her. She watched his arms move as he packaged something up, the bulky wool sweater clinging to his muscled forearms. In that moment she couldn't help but remember the way he had looked while wrestling his older brother in the school tournament two years ago – she had watched his every move from up in the bleachers while Gale complained that he could beat every one of them if he wanted to.

"I'm sorry if I've offended you. I just wanted to be friends is all."

She made a huffing noise in her throat. "With me? You want to be friends with me?"

Peeta's blonde eyebrows furrowed together as I spoke, his head shaking. "Less and less, actually. Here, just take this. I'm sorry I tried."

He shoved the small package at her, his hands brushing hers as she instinctively held up her hands. "What's this?"

"Just…something for the meat. I know you guys had a deal, but…whatever," he mumbled, turning away. He ran a hand through his still-damp curls making them unrulier than they already were and muttering something about 'a horrible idea' under his breath. His back to her, he leaned on the wooden countertop and shook his head. She felt bad for snapping at him, but she didn't understand what he wanted.

Unless…

An errant thought skittered through her mind making her toes curl and her cheeks flush.

"I'm from the Seam, okay? How many merchant kids do you see hanging around with Seam kids? And I don't….I'm not going to go to the…t-he slag heap with you," she finally said. That was the only logical reason she could think of at the moment. Merchant kids weren't friends with Seam kids, but she knew a merchant boy or girl wasn't above taking a member of the opposite sex to the slag heap. Maybe that's what he wanted from her.

Peeta looked back at her from across the kitchen with wide eyes and his mouth open. "What?"

She gave him a pointed look. "I don't…I don't go there. Ever. With anyone. So-"

"Wait, you thought I was being nice to you so that you would agree to go to some…some dump, some garbage heap with me for a…for a quick lay?" he snapped suddenly. "Wow. That's not…no. No, that's not why I was being nice to you. That's not why I was trying to be a decent human being to you; not back then, with t-the…the bread, not now. No. Not even close, Katniss."

Katniss' mouth dropped open. The anguished look in his stormy blue eyes made her mouth go dry and her tongue heavy in her mouth. "Look, I'm sorry I…I'm gonna go."

Without another word, she turned and darted out the back door, slamming it behind her. She practically ran down the slick, icy alley wanting to suddenly be as far away from the Mellark Bakery as she could possibly be.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

(Peeta)

He watched her fist close around the small bundle of heart shaped cookies in her hand as she opened the door. Before he could speak or even say he was sorry it had been slammed in his face. His heart felt like the smashed cookies and by the way he felt at the exact moment, it should have been. Every second of silence since the door had closed was agony.

She was gone.

He started to go after her, but what more could he say? The hand he had reached out to open the door fell short, landing on his thigh with a soft thump. His father told him to take a chance and make an effort to know her before it was too late, but he'd tried to do just that and he'd failed miserably. It all seemed suddenly hopeless.

There was a shuffling noise in the doorway between the front of the shop and the kitchen. Peeta looked up to see his father standing there with a bewildered look on his face. "What happened? I heard shouting, I was with a customer –"

"-She's gone."

"What do you mean 'gone', son? She was just here. Did you say something to her?"

Peeta shook his head and felt utter despair settled into him. "I tried, I…I told her that I wanted to get to know her and…"

His father walked back towards him with a look of concern knit between his eyebrows. "Son…what happened?" he asked gently.

"She thought…she thought I was only being nice to her so that I could talk her into going to the slag heap with me. She said that Seam girls and Merchant guys shouldn't be friends…dad….she thought I wanted to use her. She thought I just wanted-"

His words halted in midair, pausing painfully as the memory of her words pierced his heart like one of her arrows would have. He literally felt like she had shot him through the heart with her sharp words.

She didn't want anything to do with him.

Mr. Mellark sighed and shook his head, walking closer to put his hand on Peeta's shoulder. "You really love her, don't you?"

Peeta looked up at his father's eyes and saw the same haunted, aching look he often saw mirrored in his own. It was a look of regret.

"I don't know how…. I can love someone I barely know, but…I think I do. Is that strange?"

"Honestly? Not to me, son."

"Dad, then what did I do wrong? I…it feels like a crime that I just want to get to know her. I watch her in the hallways and in classes and I…I want to know more about her. I want her to know me and…If she would only give me a chance I….I know she'd love me back."

His father sighed and patted his shoulder. "You did the right thing. You spoke your peace."

"So I get to pine after her more? Watch her pass me in the hallways every day and not even bat an eye? Dad…"

"Pining after a girl you can't have…oh Peeta; I've never doubted that you were my son, not for an instant. Now, hearing you talk about her…I know we are one in the same, my boy."

Peeta looked up at his father's misty eyes and bit back a groan of misery. His father was clearly still paying for not fighting for the love of his life – he had settled for his mother. Peeta didn't want to settle. He didn't want to watch the beautiful Seam girl walk around the district for the rest of his life and wonder about how things might have been. The regrets his father carried would not be shackled to him as well, he decided. But how do I get her attention? And what if someone gets to her first and wins her over? What if Gale…

"Do you think she…what's….Gale like?" he finally asked. Peeta had seen the tall, dark man that was Katniss' friend many times. He knew they hunted together and their families were friends. From the dirt under his fingernails he appeared to be a coalminer on the days he wasn't hunting with Katniss. Peeta's stomach sank to his feet as he mentally compared himself to the tall, muscular, fearless looking man that was constantly by Katniss' side. He didn't even come close.

His father released his shoulders and turned to look at the four squirrels on the counter. "Gale? Hard. Tough…but he has to be I think. I don't think either of their lives have been easy, Peet. I think life dealt them a pretty awful deck and it seems to me that…they banded together to survive it."

"When they come to trade together do you…are they together you think?"

Mr. Mellark turned around and looked at him as he leaned back against the counter. "No. I get a connection, a bond between them, but not…romantic. He doesn't look at her the way…well, the way you do. I've seen you when she's here, Peeta. I've seen the way you look at her with that longing look. It's the same way I used to look at her mother."

"Really?"

He nodded and leaned his weathered face on his knuckle. "You have to take a chance son. This gesture obviously wasn't big enough – she got the wrong idea. I'm speaking from experience, as a man that lost his chance….You need to prove to her that you want more than say, a romp on the slag heap? Show her you care."

Peeta's mind flashed to the heart shaped cookies he had wrapped up and shoved at her before she had flown out the door. The lovesick fool that he was, he had frosted them different colors of pinks and reds and sprinkled them with sugar crystals the night before while pining after her. It had seemed like a good idea at the time to give her such a gift, but now it just seemed utterly ridiculous. She'd see him as nothing more than a pitiful sap.

That's what you are, Mellark, his mind told him. Gutless. A gutless sap who's in love with a girl he'd never be worthy of.

Peeta pulled the sleeves his sweater down over his knuckles and peeled off his apron. Grabbing his coat, he glanced over his shoulder at his father before opening the door.

"Grand gesture. Show her who you are here," his father said, pointing to his chest, "and she won't be able to say no."

Peeta grinned as he flew out the door and into the icy wind. His dad was right – he needed to do something to show Katniss that he wasn't just hoping for a romp on the slag heap with a Seam girl. He needed to show her that he had loved her all his life and would always care for her. As lovesick as he felt, he did know that he loved her; he didn't know why, but he did. At least in school he could see her five days a week and make sure she was at best okay. At school he could watch her and slyly stare at her in class and memorize stupid little details about her that everyone else seemed to overlook.

The way she played with the end of her braid when she was nervous.

A wry smile when she thought something was funny.

Chewing the end of her pencil when she was deep on thought.

Pulling on her earlobe when she was anxious for the bell to ring.

They were all tiny little things that he had memorized about her over the years, cataloging them into his mind to think of late at night when he was in his bed. In May they would complete their schooling and go on with their lives and he would no longer be able to watch her and make sure she was doing alright. She would come to the bakery to trade maybe once a week if he was lucky, and now that they had blown up at each other she probably either wouldn't come back or would send Gale in her place. He wasn't sure what was worse.

He jogged through the alley, darting into the town square. It was cold out, but the Merchants had business to attend to that couldn't be ignored on a Saturday morning. People bustled about their day, talking and laughing and avoiding the white-clad Peacekeepers and their large guns. Peeta sighed in frustration as he reached the edge of town and didn't see a trace of her. He knew she lived in the Seam, but he had no idea where. It wasn't in his best interest to not go knocking on doors asking people either unless he wanted to get his teeth knocked out.

But he knew he couldn't waste a single second.

His father was living proof that he couldn't waste another opportunity to show her that she belonged with him and to just at least give him a fighting chance.

He pushed his still-damp hair away from his eyes and frantically scanned the bustling crowd around him. She was nowhere to be seen.

The bitter cold air nipped at his skin as he hurried back towards town. There was more in her game bag – she didn't just have the squirrels. Surely she was going somewhere else to trade, but where? He headed back towards the shops to search some more when suddenly a Peacekeeper whistle rung shrilly through the air.

The whistles were used to mainly startle people and to alert other Peacekeepers that a rule or law had been broken and they needed assistance. The awful soldiers traveled in twos, but if someone was caught doing something wrong hoards of them would arrive with their guns in the air and their eyes wild. Most of the time the guns were a warning – Peeta had heard of people being shot for mouthing off to them or for talking badly about the President, but he'd never seen a Peacekeeper shoot anyone firsthand.

The bustling crowd in the square seemed to halt in surprise, people parting to the side as a pair of Peacekeepers marched by. Whispers started and soon people were openly gawking as another white helmet marched by, this one single. He was dragging someone with him, but he couldn't see who. They were headed to the center of town, where a small platform was kept for public trials and whippings. Peeta pushed around another body and his eyes settled on the Head Peacekeeper, Thread, as he dragged the offender up the steps.

Peeta's stomach lurched and his heart clenched in pain as he realized what was happening and who was being punished.

There, up on the platform with him was Katniss.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

(Katniss)

Thread's grip on the collar of her jacket tightened as he dragged her through the crowd. All around her people jumped out of the way and moved aside as the Peacekeepers began to swarm around the whipping platform in case Thread needed assistance. Even though they rarely used their guns she was sure they still knew how to use them if anyone tried to cause any trouble. She had been caught poaching by Thread himself and there was no getting out of this – she couldn't run, hide, or even lie her way out of this.

She was in trouble and she knew it.

Her hand had barely been able to rap once on the Mayor's back door when it swung open to reveal a panicked looking Mayor and the new Peacekeeper everyone had been warning her about. Curious as to why a Seam girl was knocking at the door, he had grabbed her by the collar and yanked her into the Undersee's warm kitchen. There he had discovered the rabbit in her bag and demanded to know where she'd shot it. The poor, bumbling Mayor tried to lie for her and tell her that she'd probably gotten it in his garden out back. However, the telltale wound in its eye made it clear that it was no accident she had a dead rabbit in her possession – she had hunted illegally with an even more illegal weapon. Thread wasted no time binding her hands and dragging her out of the house and towards the town square.

Her stomach sank to her feet as he pulled her along, sneering in her ear. She had finally been caught, just like everyone had warned her not to. She had gotten careless and she hadn't listened and now she was getting what she deserved for it. Hot tears of shame burned at her eyes but she refused to let them fall.

People stared at her in horror and disgust as Thread sounded his whistle to gain attention and shoot fear through the crowd. The shrill noise being sounded so close made her ears ring and her head spin. The crowd seemed to halt as they realized one by one what was about to happen to her. It was a Saturday morning, so the town was bustling with onlookers as she was dragged towards the dreaded platform in the center of it all.

"I've heard about you," he muttered as he pulled her along. Katniss smirked defiantly.

"All good things I hope."

This made him stop and growl in anger as he yanked her back by her ties. "Shut up! Shut up you little Seam brat!" he bellowed in her ear. She curled her lip angrily and stared at him icily. Thread stepped closer to her and lowered his voice to a whisper so that the onlookers couldn't hear. "I know you hunt! I knew I'd catch you eventually but this! This is just too good. Can't have you teaching the others to do the same now can we? A few sound lashes across the back will teach you not to poach on the Capitol's lands."

She tried her best not to whimper in pain as the cold leather cord used to bind her hands started to chaff and cut into her skin. The bitter winter air stung her cheeks as she moved along with him, defiant and unyielding. She would not show fear or regret, no matter how terrified she was. All they wanted was a reaction from her and she wouldn't give them the pleasure. They wanted her to scream and cry and beg for mercy.

She vowed to not make a sound, no matter how terrified she was or how badly it hurt.

He yanked at her hands again as they reached the bottom of the steps. Her foot caught on the bottom step making her stumble and fall forward, but Thread simply pulled her up by her bindings. Her feet clumsily hit the wood as she was dragged, the people at the base of the platform gasping out in horror. He pulled her up roughly, forcing her to stand and face the crowd. Katniss stared out at a sea of faces, their emotions ranging from shocked to horrified to pitying. A few familiar faces gave her nods of solidarity, but no one said a word. No one dared speak or protest or even raise their fingers in a salute.

She blinked back her tears and lifted her chin rebelliously.

As scared as she was, he would not break her. She was simply trying to feed her family and provide for them – if the Capitol saw that as wrong then, perhaps she did deserve to be publically humiliated.

But they couldn't make her be sorry.

Thread held her in place and ushered two more Peacekeepers up onto the podium with him, their guns promptly poking her in the back as a stern reminder not to try anything funny. Thread was known for brutal floggings. She felt herself begin to shake.

"Let it be known that poaching on Capitol lands is an offense punishable by public flogging. This individual," he sneered at her, "Chose to ignore the law and commit said crime. Do you have anything to say to yourself for committing such a heinous act against our nation?"

Katniss clenched her jaw again and stared into his dark, unyielding eyes. "What would you have me do, starve?"

A few hushed gasps and whispers flitted through the crowd as they heard her firm, quiet words. Thread reeled back slightly before stood toe to toe with her.

"You will not embarrass me, you little Seam brat. Apologize to me and to the Capitol and I'll give you ten lashings instead of twenty," he snarled quietly.

Katniss' blood boiled. He wanted her to apologize?! He definitely was crazy if she thought she was going to apologize before getting whipped. Before she could think, her mouth pooled with angry saliva and she wasted no time spitting it in his face. Thread reeled back in shock, roaring out in disgust before his gloved hand cracked her on the cheekbone only seconds later. The crowd gasped as they watched Katniss double over in pain. The Peacekeeprs behind her held her up, jabbing her sides with their guns to keep her standing. Pain blossomed across her skin where the cold leather of his gloves had struck her. Blood rushed to the site of the blow and began pounding against her cheekbone in protest.

"Remove her jacket and bind her to the post. She's going to feel these," he growled to his assistants. Katniss' vision was blurred as she tried to open her left eye, but it was already swelling shut. Pain seared through her face but she knew in a few minutes that pain would be inconsequential compared to what she was about to feel. Her body shook as the Peacekeeper untied her hands, ripped off her hunting jacket, and began tying her hands to the post beside Thread.

This was happening.

She lifted her eyes to the crowd, trying to see through the swollen left eye and the tears that were threatening to fall. And then she saw him.

His golden hair stood out in the crowd, shining in the wintery sunlight as he stood there watching. His blue eyes were wide and full of panic as he watched her being tied to the post and his head started to shake from side to side. Her stomach sunk to the ground as she realized what was going to happen.

"No…" she whispered desperately, but it was too late.

"Stop!"

Thread paused, turning to the voice in the crowd. Katniss watched in horror as Peeta jumped to action, shoving people out of the way. He wove his way through the crowd to stand at the bottom of the platform's steps.

Thread cackled evilly and bent down slightly to eye Peeta. Katniss sucked in a panicked breath as she watched Peeta's jaw set and he stared right back.

"You don't know that she poached that."

"What's that boy?!"

"I said," Peeta repeated calmly, ignoring the people in the crowd that backed away from him, "You don't know that she poached that."

"Nonsense!" Thread snapped, "She poached it in the woods and I know she did it so don't you even try to deny it! Unless you'd like to volunteer to take her lashings yourself boy, I suggested you step back and watch what happens to people who defy the Capitol."

She shook her head frantically as Peeta stepped up the platform and turned to the crowd. "If it will clear her name, then I will do it. I'll take the lashings. If you're going to pointlessly punish someone here today…then…t-then let it be me. Take me. Not her," he said softly, his voice cracking slightly. He held out his wrists towards Thread and nodded at him. "Do it."

"No! Peeta, no!" she finally burst out. "You can't!"

"Shhh," he whispered urgently.

"No, no please! Please don't do this! I won't let you!"

Peeta broke the hard stare he was giving Thread and looked over at her with softer eyes. "I can and I will, Katniss."

The Peacekeepers moved to untie her and she let out a shrill cry as her heart broke. The baker's son was going to take lashes for her – he was telling the truth. He was telling the truth in the bakery when he said he wanted to be friends with her – why else would he be doing this? Her heart started hammering frantically against the insides of her chest as the Peacekeepers moved to untie her. Once Katniss was untied, they quickly moved to Peeta. They jerked him forward roughly, chuckling darkly at Peeta as he stood as stiff as a rail. His bound hands shook slightly as he stood there. Thread chuckled menacingly as they began fastening his wrists to the post, bending him over slightly to expose his back.

"Peeta! Peeta stop this," she whispered urgently. "You can't do this, I…I won't let you do this!"

Peeta let out a shaky breath. "Don't be stupid, Katniss," he said, throwing her own words back at her. His eyes flicked up to meet hers, the blue color diluted slightly by unshed tears. "Go," he whispered, "Don't watch, I'll be okay. Just go."

Katniss let out another shrill cry as she was ushered from the podium. Her desperate cries were the only sound in the entire square. The noise rung out and echoed against the buildings as the sea of people looked on.

The Peacekeepers threw her violently forward and she barely made it to the bottom of the steps before she fell to her knees and vomited. The first sound she heard when she came to was the crack of a whip as it struck something. With another heave, she realized what it was.

Peeta.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

(Peeta)

He had no idea what possessed him to say something when he saw Katniss tied to the whipping post, but he did. This was his grand gesture. It was a stupid one – he knew that – but even his mind and body were now on board with his stupid, lovesick heart.

The thick rope that tied his wrists to the post in front of him scratched against his chapped skin as he watched them drag Katniss down from the podium. Thread leered in his face with a sickening smile, his sour breath pouring over Peeta's senses and making him cringe.

"She won't seem worth it in a few minutes, lad," he growled. "Twenty licks for dishonor of the Capitol!" he bellowed out into the crowd. He was met with the shocked, silent faces of several hundred people. Thread paced in front of him, twirling his whip around in his callused hands.

Thread was taunting him.

Peeta suddenly understood why Katniss had spit in his face. He stared forward into the crowd, clenching his fists in determination. He would get through this. Katniss had been through enough in her life and she didn't deserve this. He knew he didn't either, but she deserved it even less than he did. How could people not see that she and many others were starving? It wasn't fair.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Katniss fall to her knees in front of the podium. He felt Thread walk around behind him and he could feel his wool sweater being lifted. A knife sliced through the fabric in a split second, ripping it completely open and exposing his bare back. Peeta winced as the cold air hit his skin. Then, the crowd grew even quieter.

This was it. He was going to take a whipping for Katniss.

He set his jaw and clenched his teeth as he heard the telltale sound of a whip cutting through the air. Seconds later, the cold air against his skin and the scratchy rope that was tightly binding his wrists to the post felt like utopia compared to the feeling of the whip connecting with his skin. White hot, searing pain blossomed through his back where he'd been struck, but what happened next was even worse. The whip cracked over him again – in the same place. The skin had barely had time to recover before it was being struck again.

And again.

His head fell forward as his muscles clenched. Had this been a mistake? Could he take this? His body shook with determination and adrenaline as the whip cracked him another time. He felt something warm start to slide down his sides. He swallowed the lump in his throat when he realized it was his blood.

In the background he heard Katniss retching on the ground in front of him, but the pain was to dizzying to allow him to see. Another crack of the whip and blinding pain seared through him. He grunted in discomfort, determined to keep himself together. Thread had said he would get twenty licks – how many was that? Nine? Ten?

He didn't have time to think before the whip cracked him again. A strangled moan pierced the silence and he realized it was his own. His head fell forward as he awaited the next lash. It came all too soon.

"Stop! Just stop!" she cried from the ground. Peeta heard a dull 'thud' but could barely process what it meant. The whip cracked at his skin again and again, peeling away his flesh and opening it up to be thrashed at. He could feel his body trembling with agony as everything became blurry.

"That's fifteen my boy. Is she worth it now? Is she? Is the Seam Brat worth it now?"

Peeta clenched his teeth and fought the urge to say something smart. That would only mean more; he wasn't even sure he could survive this.

Crack!

Crack!

CRACK!

Peeta felt like his skin was being torn open and he was being burned alive. Nothing he'd ever experienced came close to this type of torture. His mother used to give them a crack on the buttocks with an old belt when they misbehaved as children; he'd gladly take that a million times over now.

Crack!

He heard himself groan before everything went black.

People were talking in the background as Thread bellowed something to the crowd. He could hear someone crying and a few more shouts, but nothing made sense anymore. Behind his closed eyelids, the blackness called to him. Swirling in a sea of pain, he finally succumbed to it.

The sun poured down on them, making her chocolate colored hair shine. He smiled to himself and chanced a look at her – he didn't want to seem like he was staring.

"What?" she asked shyly, tucking a loose strand behind her ears. They were sitting in the meadow on a blanket, but the snow was gone. Instead, wildflowers surrounded them with their bright colors and sweet scent. Winter was long gone, as was the cold.

"Nothing…you're just…you're beautiful."

Her cheeks became stained with pink as she sat there next to him, nervously fiddling with her hands in her lap. "No, I'm really not."

"Then why can I barely speak when I'm around you?"

She smiled and shook her head at him. "I dunno…cat gotcha tongue?" she joked.

Peeta laughed and glanced down as she rested her hand on the blanket between them. Boldly, he covered hers with his. "You just don't have any idea, do you? The effect you can have. Katniss, I…"

"Let this serve as a warning! Anyone that thinks they are above the laws of the nation of Panem, then they should heed today's flogging as a warning. Let it be a preview, shall we say, of what is to happen to anyone doing what this ignorant woman has done today. I will not hesitate to hand out the punishments as I see fit. This district is in a sorry, sorry state, my friends. I intend to 'whip' it back into the proper state, if you will."

Peeta faded back out of consciousness long enough to realize that it was over. Relief flooded through him, but the searing pain soon cut through it. He moaned in anguish and let his head fall back forward. He had made it. He had survived.

The cold winter air blew against his wounds and it felt as if he was being peeled apart. A ragged breath of wintery air reminded him that this was the price he'd chosen to pay before he blacked out again.

"You what, Peeta?"

He grinned sheepishly as her silvery eyes stared at him. The late afternoon sunlight illuminated her already tan skin, making her piercing eyes even more beautiful than they already were. She gave him a tiny smile before reaching down and popping a fresh berry past her lips. He realized they were stained pink from the wild berries they were eating. He fought the urge to see if she tasted like them too.

"I think I've always loved you."

She turned back to him and smiled. "Is that so?"

He nodded. "Ever since I saw you on the first day of school. I think I even loved you then."

Katniss sighed and scooted closer to him, shocking him completely as she moved to lean across his lap, propped up by his knees. Her long waves were loose that day as they splayed across his legs. "Tell me about when you first saw me."

"It was the first day of school and I asked my dad who you were. He told me you were the daughter of a girl he once loved. I've never forgotten that."

Katniss smiled again and reached her hand up to brush his hair away from his eyes. Peeta blinked slowly as her fingertips skittered across his temple and down the line of her jaw. He opened his eyes slowly, watching her as she touched his face. Her lips were still stained pink and he desperately wanted to kiss them.

"I told myself that I'd love you forever. And I've never stopped. I used to watch you every day you know."

"I know."

"Oh my God, Peeta!"

"What the hell happened?!"

"He just….they caught me and he volunteered…I-I I couldn't stop him! He just…I tried to stop him Gale but…"

"Lovesick idiot… what the hell was he thinking?

"We have to get him out of here…hurry, before they come back!"

"I told you, I told you, I told you! Damn it, Katniss!"

"Not now, alright? I know….Just help me get these ropes cut. Give me your knife. Now Gale, now!"

"You need to get him to your mother. She might snap out of it long enough to sew bread boy here up."

"Oh my god his skin…I…"

"Focus!"

"I'm trying, I…there's so much blood…."

"Stop it. Not now, Katniss, okay? Hold it together. We have to get him out of there before Thread and his groupies come back. If they show up again you know we'll both have to leave since it's us he's actually after. He'll freeze if we leave him here like this. She'll have enough trouble sewing up that mess as it is."

"I know, I know…I just…"

Peeta felt the knife cut through the ties holding him hunched over the posts. He fell forward and moaned in agony as he rested on someone's arms.

"Here…."

The voices stopped momentarily as another person came into earshot. Peeta was too out of it to be sure, but it sounded like the town drunk, Haymitch. He came into the bakery a few times a year to stock up on grain and bread and was always somewhat nice to Peeta.

"Use this. I got it off those vendors over there. Put him on it and we'll get some boys to help you carry 'im back to the Seam. Come on, lickety split kids. They'll be back before you know it, lookin' for somebody else ta beat on."

"Come on, help me Gale!"

"You owe for this Katniss. This should be you up here. I'm glad as hell that it isn't, but this should be you, you hear me?"

Peeta could hear someone crying and a faint sniffle as he fought to stay awake. The blackness that surrounded his mind was no longer comforting – instead, it seemed daunting and lonely. The pain began to double and triple though, and soon he had no choice. He fell into the oblivion before him in his mind, welcoming the sweet relief of letting go.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

(Katniss)

She used to think the sight of her mother thrown across her father's freshly dug empty grave, sobbing her eyes out was the worst thing she'd ever witnessed.

She knew now that wasn't the case.

A few men from the Seam that worked with Gale in the mines took pity on Peeta and helped untie him. Gale showed up minutes into the whipping, saw the rabbit nailed to the post over Peeta's head and Katniss on the ground crying and was able to piece it together almost instantly. People gasped with every crack of the whip across the blond boy's back.

Gale had pushed his way to the front of the crowd, ducking down so that Thread wouldn't see him. He had knelt down next to Katniss on the ground and had yanked her into a standing position. The last thing they needed was more attention called to them. More and more miners that worked with Gale showed up, their gray eyes watching Thread as he strode proudly back through the crowd. When the coast was clear, few stayed to help Gale cut Peeta's binds. The town drunk, Haymitch Abernathy, paid some street vendors a few coins for one of their long, flat tables so that they could haul him back to the Seam.

"Kid's always nice to me," he'd muttered before staggering off.

Everyone already pitied the baker's son for taking a whipping for the law-breaking Seam girl. Katniss hung her head in shame as the miners loaded a bloody, beaten Peeta onto the board, his torn open shirt hanging down over the sides. His face was slack and pale as he lay there unconscious, his arms flapping miserably off the edge. She hobbled over to where he laid, one hand still over her throbbing cheek to tuck his hands up beside him. He looked awful; she could barely make herself look at the shredded mess of skin and muscle that was once his back. Blood pooled in the snow beneath the board, turning it a sickly color.

"We need to get him out of here!" Gale suddenly bellowed. "Can I get some help?"

More miners and even a few other men from the Seam slowly made their way over, pity coloring their faces. Slowly, they lifted the board, grunting under the weight of Peeta's limp body. Katniss watched through her one good eye as they started towards her house. Gale shifted moods as they walked, barking orders as he led the way. He went from irate friend to completely rational ringleader as they marched the board towards her house. She walked miserably behind them, filled to the emotional brim with shame and regret. She could only hope that her mother could heal him. If she couldn't fix him, Katniss didn't know what she'd do with herself.

Peeta Mellark, the kind sweet baker boy had taken a beating for her that he might never recover from. It was safe to say she hated herself.

"Quickly, just try not to jostle him too much," Gale instructed as they walked. The miners marched along, the board held between them as they navigated the icy path. Katniss chewed her lip and held her hand against her raw cheek as they walked. One of the Peacekeepers had hit her in the temple with the butt of his gun when her cries got too loud in front of the platform, but it didn't sting as much as her cheekbone did.

She was sure it wasn't one ounce of the pain Peeta was in. Her heart twisted inside her chest as they arrived in front of her house. Prim came bursting through the door, her pale skin quickly turning pink as she took in the scene before them. Without another thought, the tiny girl raced back through the door screaming for their mother.

"Mom! Come quick!"

It all happened in a miserable blur after that. Her mother ran out onto the porch, her blue eyes glassy and completely glazed over until she saw the scene unfolding in her front yard. Katniss rushed forward, silently hoping her mother could pull herself together enough to help Peeta.

Katniss rushed to the porch and grasped her mother's shoulders firmly in her hands. "Mom…please…you have to help him."

"What?" she asked slowly. "What happened?"

Katniss' hands clenched against the thin fabric of her mother's dress. "Please mom, please. You have to help him. Snap out of it and do this one thing for me, please!"

Mrs. Everdeen nodded solemnly, taking in the sight of a bloody, mangled Peeta as the miners and Gale carefully navigated the board through the narrow front door.

"Is that…is that the baker's boy?"

Katniss felt hot tears burn her eyes as she blinked and nodded miserably.

"What happened Katniss?"

Katniss could feel the way her shoulders shook as she opened her mouth to speak, but no sound came out. Her throat tightened and closed, making her breaths labored and choppy. She knew that people died all the time from blood loss, and Peeta had already lost a lot of it. The tell-tale trail of red dotted snow leading up to their front porch was proof enough.

"I…I…just help him, m-mom please!"

Her mother nodded and took a few deep breaths before ushering Katniss back into the house. Gale and his friends stood awkwardly in the doorway of the kitchen, the board with Peeta's body still balanced between them. The air was thick with the rusty stench of blood as Mrs. Everdeen instructed them in her calm, quiet voice.

"Put him on the table. Prim, put down a sheet…good…now lower him onto it. You don't tell no one you took him here, alright? You haven't seen him."

Katniss stood helplessly by as the miners lowered Peeta onto the kitchen table. Prim had already covered it with a thin sheet and was busying herself boiling some water. Her mother switched into healer mode, washing her hands and selecting the tools she needed to sterilize. All Katniss could do was hold her cheek and stare at Peeta's mangled back through her tears.

"I can go tell his pa," Gale offered quietly. Mrs. Everdeen nodded and patted Gale on the shoulder. He tossed Katniss one last withering stare before slipping out the back door towards town. She would deal with Gale later. Now, all that mattered was Peeta.

"He passed out?" he mother asked softly, taking his wrist in her hand. She checked his pulse and gently opened one of his eyes with her hand.

"Yes," Katniss managed to croak. "He made it to about fifteen, then…"

"Fifteen!?" her mother gasped. "What….never mind. Um….Go outside and gets some snow to put on that or else you'll be hurting tomorrow. I can make a remedy to ease the swelling later. I need to sew him up while he's still out of it. Prim, are my needles sterilized?"

"Just about. Start with this one. I'll start on the local anesthetic. Where's your healing book?"

"Beside my bed. Run and get it and see if we have all that we need. We might not, but…it'll have to do," Mrs. Everdeen said quietly, surveying the mess that was Peeta's body. Her eyes rose up to meet Katniss' across the table. "Go. Get some snow."

Katniss nodded and slowly wandered out the front door. She could hear her mother through the thin walls instructing Prim how to best help her. She stared down at the white snow in their yard, frowning at it miserably. Why had he done it? Why had he thrown himself at Thread's mercy? Had the awful man called his bluff? Or did Peeta plan to get whipped that day in front of the entire town?

If only she'd been kinder to him at the bakery. What if he died in there on her mother's table? Her last words to him would be harsh, cold ones. Could she live with herself if he died that day?

She slipped her hand into her coat pocket and pulled out the small package Peeta had given her that morning. It already felt like so long ago. She unwrapped it as the cold wind whipped at her cheeks. A strangled cry left her lips when she saw what Peeta had given her.

Hearts.

There, in the delicate wrappings, were two heart shaped sugar cookies. One was frosted pink and one was frosted red, and both were elaborately decorated with white, lacy frosting and a few shiny sugar crystals. They were the most beautiful cookies she'd ever seen. But why had he given them to her before she left the bakery that morning? Glancing down at them, she held them up to get a closer look. One of the sugar crystals caught the winter light and sparkled. It was an extravagant gift for anyone, much less her.

Peeta's kindheartedness was not something she was used to – ever. Her life since her father's death had been nothing but a tumultuous, lonely, miserable fight to stay alive. She didn't trust people because she simply couldn't. The less she cared, the less she had to lose – when you didn't have much in the first place, you tended to be pretty protective of what little you did have. She had done nothing but blow off his attempts at kindness while stubbornly hiding behind her walls of protection she'd spent so long building. If she'd just stopped and looked earlier at what she now held in her hand, she might have understood.

She might have been able to stop him.

She would have not stormed out – she would have thanked him for being so kind.

Instead…

Her breath caught in her throat as another set of tears threatened to spill.

Peeta's condition was her fault and there was no denying it. He had been telling the truth about wanting to be her friend. But that wasn't what the cookies meant, was it? She looked up suddenly as the pieces all fell into place. Heart shaped cookies….what was he trying to tell her? Her eyes flicked back down to admire them in her hand and she was suddenly struck with another thought.

Could he have possibly been suggesting…more than friendship? She couldn't be sure, but what else did heart shaped cookies suggest? The wealthier kids at school had always made a big show of exchanging things like the cookies that time of year to show their affections. The holiday for love was something from the Dark Days, but a few people still celebrated it by exchanging little pink and red tokens in the shape of hearts. It was almost always a romantic gesture from boys to girls they fancied and wanted to date and be more than just friends with. Leaving a heart shaped token somewhere the girl would find it was a way for boys to tell them that they had secret crush on them and wanted to gain their attention.

Katniss had always thought it stupid and rather ridiculous to waste money on such things; besides, she'd never been the subject of anyone's fancy before, so she didn't particularly give it much thought back then. But…was Peeta trying to tell her something with the heart shaped cookies?

For the first time in her life, she caught herself hoping that he had. That is, until she remembered he was lying on her mother's kitchen table being sewn back together after getting twenty cracks with a whip for her.

A strangled, miserable cry left her lips as the meaning of it all finally hit her.

How could she have been so blind?


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

(Katniss)

After carefully re-wrapping the delicate cookies and shoving them in her pocket she returned to the house. She didn't deserve to ice her throbbing cheek she decided. The masochistic side of her knew she deserved to suffer through the pain to somehow repay Peeta for what he'd done for her. It was a stupid notion to entertain, but then again…she felt like a stupid girl for allowing Peeta to sacrifice himself in the manner he had.

After that day she would be forever in his debt.

She walked slowly into the kitchen, peeking around the wall. Peeta's bloody back had been cleaned up, but the sight of her mother holding a needle and the special thread used for stitching people up made her stomach turn. Animal blood and parts were not the same as human; she'd never grown used to seeing her mother treat people.

"You can come in," her mother said softly. She made another stitch in Peeta's skin and glanced up at her. Katniss gulped and walked into the kitchen and tried to avoid looking at his back. Prim stood beside their mother, dutifully holding the scissors and a damp rag to occasionally pat the places were blood still seeped out. Braving a glance, she could see what looked to be bone visible on his shoulder blade.

"Pull that stool over," Prim suggested quietly. Her blue eyes were watery and puffy as if she'd been crying. Katniss didn't doubt that she had – her little sister wore her heart on her sleeve. "Maybe you could hold his hand."

Katniss wordlessly nodded and did as her sister told, pulling the rickety worn stool out of the corner and placing it near his head. His arms were hanging slightly off the top of the table. Slowly, she settled close to his face and took both of his limp hands in hers. His breaths were short and choppy out of his slackened mouth and a light sheen of sweat decorated his brow.

"Can you fix him?" she asked shakily.

She watched her mother swallow. "People used to get whippin's all the time."

"This bad?"

"No."

Katniss blinked slowly and stared at the gas light on the table next to her until her pupils burned. She'd give anything to be in Peeta's place at that moment.

"Pray he doesn't wake up," her mother muttered. "Cut," she gently instructed to Prim. "This is gonna take me a minute to do. He won't like it if he wakes up and I'm still sewing."

Katniss held his hands in hers and closed her eyes. Please don't wake up Peeta….stay out for a little while longer…please don't wake up, please don't wake up….

The odds were not in her favor that day.

Peeta awoke with a groggy jolt not twenty minutes later. "What…what happened?" he groaned. Seconds later the pain registered, making him cry out. His voice was raspy and pained as he seized up.

"Hold him down!" her mother cried. "Hold him…I still have more stitches…He'll rip them out if he- Katniss, hold him down!"

Katniss jumped up and held one of his arms down while Prim hurried around the table to grab the other. "Peeta! Peeta, you have to stay calm. You're alright – we got you out of there. You blacked out but you're going to be fine," she said, her voice cracking slightly. "You have to stay still so that my mom can help you."

A fresh coating of sweat broke out over his face as he blinked wildly. His eyes looked unfocused and hazy as he lifted his head up and tried to get his surroundings.

"Stay still, stay still. Peeta, please!" Katniss begged. He let out another agonizing moan before his head flopped back down on the table with a dull thud. Prim reached over and checked his pulse, then pried his eyelid open with her thumb.

"He's out again," she said quietly.

"Mom you have to hurry," Katniss snapped coldly, "before he wakes up again. You have to hurry."

Her panic stricken mother nodded and sighed before continuing her work. "I'd give anything to have some morphling for him. Or even just a pain reliever stronger than what we have."

Morphling was a strong, Capitol produced painkiller that Katniss had rarely seen her mother use. It was difficult to find and even more difficult to afford it. The small vial her mother used to keep for extreme mining emergencies was long gone. Katniss had traded it at the Hob after her father's death for food. The money from the half vial of liquid was enough to feed them for a month.

"But we don't," Katniss heard herself say with a cracked voice.

Her mother's hands paused momentarily, her blue gaze going hazy. "I…used to have some…"

Katniss had traded it when her mother was still in a daze from her husband's death. Of course she didn't know it was gone.

"We don't have it anymore," she said simply.

Her mother looked up at her and gave a disheartened nod. She understood. In a way Katniss wasn't sorry; the foggy, selfish haze her mother had sunk into after her father's death had left Katniss on her own. At the age of eleven, barely a little older than a child, Katniss had been forced to take care of a seven year old Prim on her own while their mother wallowed. Prim had barely understood what his death meant and Katniss was struggling with it herself. But she didn't get to mourn his death – she had a seven year old to feed and clothe. Prim was the only person she was certain she loved. Katniss had no remorse for doing whatever she could to keep her alive; at the time that meant selling the morphling.

Katniss held Peeta's hand in hers, letting her forehead fall against the edge of the table as she silently hoped he wouldn't wake again. Her mother worked quickly to sew up his wounds and treat the ones that didn't need stitches. By the looks of it, most of Peeta's back would forever be a sickening, crisscrossing display of the brutal beating he'd received that day. Katniss swallowed the bile that threatened to rise up.

She could already tell that the scene from the square that day would be making an appearance in her nightmares that night.

By the time her mother finished sewing him up and cleaning her sutures, the sun was setting. Besides the day her father died, this was the worst day of Katniss' life.

She remained on the rickety stool so long her bottom began to get numb. She didn't care though. Her mother had gone out in search of some pain medicine for Peeta, knocking on neighbors' doors and asking for help. Prim was in the other room in front of the fire, and Peeta was still unconscious. The house was eerily quiet.

So quiet in fact that Katniss heard Lady, Prim's goat, make a quiet squawk in the front yard where she was penned up. Lifting her head off the hard table, she gently laid Peeta's hand down and moved to the door. A quick peek through a tiny crack made her stomach turn.

She opened the door before he could knock.

"Mr. Mellark," she said quietly, opening it further.

The normally jovial baker's face was lined with worry as he gave her a nod and walked inside.

"He's…out," she explained quietly.

"It's true then? What Gale said?"

She nodded and her eyes immediately filled with a fresh set of shame-filled tears. "I'm…I'm s-so sorry," she cried, rubbing her hands against her eyes.

He wasted no time pulling her into a tight hug. Normally embracing someone she barely knew would cause her even more stress than she already felt; however, the baker's strong arms and familiar scent of flour and sugar made her relax. She hugged him tightly and whispered how sorry she was over and over until he pulled back to look her in the eye. His thumbs wiped at her tears as he lowered his face down to hers.

"Peeta made his own choice. This wasn't your doing."

"I know but-"

"-But nothing. You do what you have to do, Katniss. I know that. I've reaped the benefits of what you do more than once. This is not your fault," he said firmly. "Now…can I see him?"

She nodded, sniffing miserably and motioning in the direction of the kitchen. Peeta was still sprawled across their kitchen table, unconscious with his back covered in rags that had been soaked in an herbal healing remedy. Katniss heard his short intake of breath when he saw his son.

"Your mother sew him up?"

"Yes," she said quietly. "She's out looking for medicine now."

"I'll ask around town and see what I can find. I'm afraid not even we can afford what he'll need," he replied shakily, pulling off his cap. His blonde hair was disheveled and unkempt beneath it, but he didn't move to straighten it.

By this time Prim had woken up from her nap and had quietly tip-toed into the kitchen. Her blue eyes were round and fearful as she regarded the baker standing beside their table. Katniss reached out for her and pulled her against her side. "Prim helped."

His eyes shifted to Prim and he smiled faintly. "Primrose. Nice to see you."

"Nice to see you," she echoed back. She shifted her gaze to Peeta's back. "We did all we could for him."

"I know you did," he said. "Thank you."

The front door opened quietly, making them all turn to look. Her mother paused, her eyes widening at the sight of the baker standing in their kitchen. "Gus."

Katniss watched the baker swallow nervously and nod. He looked so much like Peeta in that moment, his jaw clenching slightly and his mouth pulling back into a crooked smile. His hair was slightly darker blond that his son's and cut shorter, but Katniss could see where the two were clearly related. At certain angles Mr. Mellark looked like an older version of Peeta, just with more wrinkles and a few dashes of grey hair on his temples.

"Thank you for taking care of him. I trust he can stay until….he can be moved?"

"Of course Gus. Augustus," her mother corrected herself. Katniss watched as a nervous energy seemed to pulsate between the two of them, and she didn't quite understand what it meant. Before meeting her father, her mother was a Merchant girl. Perhaps the two had been friends once?

"Without the proper medicine I don't know how long that might be," she admitted. "We'll do the best we can but….I'm out of practice."

He smiled softly, nodding as he twisted his cap in his hands. "No one else I'd rather see care for him, nonsense," he insisted. "You come from the best family of healers this district has seen. I appreciate what you did."

"It was no problem," she said, shifting her eyes to the floor. "Prim, let's give them a minute."

Prim opened her mouth to argue, but closed it and eventually followed her mother out of the kitchen. Mr. Mellark turned to her and licked his lips. "What made him do this?"

Katniss swallowed the lump in her throat and found it hard to look him in the eye. "I'd…shot a rabbit. I was taking it to the Mayor's house and I knocked on the back door to trade it. Thread was there and…everyone warned me about him and I just wouldn't listen…and he took me to the square to whip me for poaching. Peeta showed up and demanded….he argued that Thread couldn't possibly know I'd poached it…and…." She stopped suddenly, a tear slipping dejectedly down her cheek, "and Peeta went up there and they tied him up and he told me not to watch and….and they whipped him for what I did," she sniffed. "I'm so sorry."

A strange look she couldn't identify flashed across Mr. Mellark's face. "Well I'll be….shoot, Peet," he whispered at his son's unconscious form. He looked back up at her and his stare was so full of intensity she almost had to look away.

"I'll leave him here with you. I'm not upset. Just…all I ask is that you take care of him and hear him out when he comes to. He's my boy and…I know he'll have a lot to say."

"Okay?" she asked, clearly confused. "But…do you know why he did this?"

She watched as Peeta's father twisted his cap in his weathered hands and gave her a shrug. "That's Peeta's story to tell."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10:

(Katniss)

After Mr. Mellark left, she returned to her place at Peeta's head, taking his cold hands in hers. The hours seemed to tick by, the short winter day creeping into night. Peeta would move every few hours, his brows knit together and his breathing shallow. Blood seeped through the rags on his back and more than once and her mother had to change them.

"He should have stopped bleeding by now," she heard her mother mutter.

"Try something else," Katniss demanded hoarsely. "Look in your book, try something else. Mom…"

"I'll try."

Katniss sat on the stool in a daze as her mother's hands worked up another concoction to treat Peeta. Even if they did happen to stop the bleeding, their next worry was infection. Between the two, the latter was the most terrifying threat they had to battle.

Prim wandered back into the kitchen eventually, her eyes red around the rims as if she'd been crying. Katniss looked up at her in question as her little sister stared at Peeta's form.

"Why did you do it?" she finally asked.

"Why did I do what?"

"Let him…" Prim didn't have to finish her sentence. "I'm glad it wasn't you but I just…."

Katniss hung her head and squeezed Peeta's hands again. They were slowly growing clammy, which filled her with dread. She feared he would wake up soon.

"I didn't, Prim. I begged him not to do it. I begged him."

They were silent again, both of them staring at the Peeta's back until she lost track of time.

The bleeding had finally slowed, so Katniss knew he would at least make it. He wasn't going to die from blood loss or trauma, so that meant he might be okay. That is if they were able to keep infection away, she reminded herself. Peeta's road to recovery would certainly be a lengthy one at any rate.

Prim sat in the kitchen with her for several more hours, wordlessly keeping vigil on Peeta's other side. More than once her little sister looked mournfully at Peeta's ripped wool sweater they had tossed onto the floor next to the icebox. When he began to stir around nine, Katniss sent her to fetch their mother. Mrs. Everdeen came rushing into the kitchen, her face ashen and her wiry hands already shaking as she pressed her hands to Peeta's wrist.

"He's waking. His pulse is getting quicker. Prim, mix me up some of that local anesthetic. We can try…"

Jumping to action, Prim went to work quickly chopping what was left of their herbs and setting another pot of water to boil. Her mother went to Peeta's side and arranged the damp rags on his stitches. "Pray that boy don't-"

Peeta cried out suddenly, making all three of them jump. His voice was ragged and throaty and contained so much pain it made Katniss' stomach turn.

"Ahhhhhh!"

Katniss began to shake with dread. If he was awake he could feel pain.

"Peeta? Peeta, it's alright."

His blue eyes flew open and he began to sweat almost immediately as his hands clenched around hers. Katniss looked up at her mother in panic but she wasn't looking; instead, her eyes were focused on the reddening bandages on Peeta's back as they grew damp with fresh blood.

"Peeta! Peeta you have to stop. You can't move!"

He groaned in agony again, twisting his torso against the table in discomfort. "Oh….ah!" he cried as her mother pressed on the cloths. He began panting wildly, his hands still clenching hers.

"What…what…ah!" he groaned. His lip curled over his teeth as he winced in agony. His grip on her hands made several of her joints pop in protest, but she wasn't about to let go.

"He has to stop moving, he's going to rip these clean out!" her mother wailed. Prim rushed over and held Peeta's arms, but he was already thrashing wildly.

"Peeta! Peeta stop!" Katniss cried. "You have to stop!"

The front door slammed suddenly, but none of them noticed. Gale appeared at Katniss' side in an instant, bringing a gust of cold wind in the room with him. He leaned his body on Peeta's arm, shoving a brown paper bag at her mother.

"Here. Use it! Now!" he barked.

Katniss watched her mother's hands jump and shake as the opened the bag. Her eyes lit up with recognition before she darted across the kitchen. Katniss looked up at Gale in question, but he didn't say a word. As Peeta continued to feverishly groan and thrash her mother loaded up a clean syringe with the vial of clear liquid. Gale yanked Peeta's arm out and held it in an iron grip as her mother injected his vein with the medicine. Within seconds Peeta let out a groan of defeat and his head fell back down.

He was still.

Katniss' head jerked up to look at Gale. "Is that what I think it is?"

Gale gave her a stern nod and watched as Prim unwrapped what was in the bag. A plastic holder containing eleven vials of morphling rested on the counter next to the twelfth.

All three of them let out a sigh of relief as Peeta's breathing returned to normal. The rags on his back were growing brighter with fresh blood, but the morphling would help fight the infection they were so terrified of. Her mother sighed and wiped a bit of sweat from her forehead.

"Did you give him enough?" Katniss asked.

"He'll be out til morning," her mother said quietly. She lifted the rags from Peeta's back and dutifully began sewing up what he'd ripped out in his painful fit. Morphling. It was as if their prayers had been answered. Katniss stared at the vials another minute before looking up at Gale.

'Thank you,' she mouthed to him. He stared at her for a moment before looking back at Peeta.

"He'd better make it."

As the time crawled by, Prim and her mother finally went to bed. Gale stayed with her, silently brooding in the corner as he leaned up against the cabinets. Katniss licked her dry, parched lips and tried to find words to say to her friend that would be fitting. Nothing came to mind. She knew she owed him for helping get Peeta back to her mother's house and for bringing him the morphling that would probably help Peeta survive the horrible wounds he'd suffered. Words seemed to escape her.

"Gale…"

He looked up at her as he pressed his fist into his lips. His eyes were softer than they'd been all day.

"Thank you," she said finally. "You didn't have to do that."

"Do what?"

"You know. You didn't have to help him and you did. I…I appreciate it. I don't know what I…."

He shrugged. "Don't, okay? Just don't. We don't need to go there. Kid shouldn't suffer because of what we do. That's our business," he said gruffly. "Least I could do was help him out. I'd hope he'd do the same for me."

She nodded, reaching up to brush a strand of sweaty hair away from Peeta's face. "I think he would."

Gale made a scoffing noise in the back of his throat. "His mother was so hot that I had the nerve to come to their front door to tell her that her son had been whipped. You'd better be ready for her in the morning."

"His mother?" Katniss spat. "She doesn't give a shit about him or she would have already come."

"Well she didn't. She about slapped me when I told her what happened and who was involved. I thought she was going to keel over when I told her we took him to your mother."

Katniss sighed, shaking her head. Peeta's mother had always been known for her nasty temper and ability to make people feel about ten inches tall. Anytime she and Prim would pause and look at the cakes in the window of the bakery and Mrs. Mellark was around, she would take the opportunity to put them in their place as she shooed them away. Katniss didn't doubt that Mrs. Mellark's antics were limited for just strangers. In fact, she found herself wondering if she was worse in the privacy of her own home. What hell had Peeta endured at her hand?

"You think she'll come?"

He shrugged. "I don't know if she'd stoop so low as 'ta come to the Seam, but…like I said, she was pretty hot. His pa come by?"

"Yes. He didn't deserve this."

"No, you're certainly right about that," Gale huffed quietly. He looked over at Peeta's limp body and shook his head. "I just happened to hear someone was getting whipped in the square. I wasn't even going to go watch until they said it was some merchant kid. That immediately made me nervous."

"Why?"

"Katniss, he….never mind," he snapped suddenly. "I had to make sure…and then when I saw the rabbit and you crying…well, I knew then what it was."

"I told his father how sorry I am," she said quietly.

"Good. Look," he sighed, "I'd best be getting home. Tomorrow's Sunday, so…I'll be around. But you watch out for his mother, you hear? I don't trust that old wench."

"I will. Gale?"

"Hm?"

"Thank you. For everything. But…mostly for the morphling. I owe you. Where did you-"

Gale's cheeks reddened slightly and he suddenly wouldn't look at her. "Never mind where I got it. Just…never mind. I got it and its fine and you don't owe me anything."

Katniss frowned as Gale slipped into his hunting jacket and gave her one last nod. "Just take care of the kid, alright? You owe him that much."

Without another word, he slipped out the door and was gone. Katniss wasn't sure what that meant. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary for Gale to be somewhat cryptic but she didn't quite understand the meaning of his words. Oh well, she thought. It was late; probably past midnight, but she didn't feel like sleeping. Staying by Peeta's side seemed like the better option.

Too much had happened that day and she feared for two things: One, that sleep wouldn't come. She would toss and turn and stay awake thinking about the what ifs. Two, she was worried her nightmares would be too much for her to bear.

What if Peeta hadn't been there to rescue her that morning? What if she'd have gotten whipped instead of him? It had occurred to her that someone her size and stature would probably not survive such a vicious beating. Peeta was strong and well fed as many merchant kids were. Would her skinny frame have endured it? The sound of the whip cracking through the air haunted her mind and she was sure it could have cracked her in two. And if she had happened to live through it, what would have become of her? Would anyone in town have cared enough to take her back to the Seam to die? Or would they have left her tied to the whipping post to freeze or bleed to death?

Her throat grew tight again as she stared down at the unconscious baker. Resting her head in her arms near his shoulder, she collapsed into herself and let her tears fall. He'd saved her life and now she owed him everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Gale...so I take it you can all guess where loverboy got the morphling, right? hehe...
> 
> The next few chapters will be in Katniss' POV. Peeta will be out of it for a bit, but I promise to make up for it when he wakes up. Deal?
> 
> Real Life has been crazy these past few days, but I am slowly getting caught up on responding to all of your lovely reviews. Thank you all for reading! *muah*


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

(Katniss)

Her tears eventually slowed and then stopped in the early hours of the morning. She was still upset; she only suspected she had run out of tears to cry.

Glancing at Peeta, she felt a strange surge of protectiveness wash over her as he lay there on the kitchen table, numb and drugged unconscious. She gulped bravely before removing the cloths covering his stitches and tossing them in the still-hot basin next to the sink. The blue cord her mother had used to sew up his gashes made a sickening, crisscrossed pattern from the back of his neck all the way down to his tailbone. The skin was still red and angry, almost purple in some areas. She carefully placed freshly soaked herbal bandages on the marks before setting some water to boil for some tea. She was far from ready for sleep yet; she could already sense how horrible her nightmares would be after the scene she'd witnessed that day. So, she took her mug of tea and sat down at the end of the table next to Peeta's face.

His cheek was resting on a stack of folded up rags, his mouth slack and his breaths finally at normal rate. He looked drugged but…peaceful.

Leave it to the golden boy to look like an angel after getting twenty lashes, she thought. In school Peeta's nickname with his friends was 'golden boy'. She'd heard his friends teasing him playfully on more than one occasion for his talented words and smiles and way with teachers. Everyone seemed to love the baker's son. Her mind went to the cookies again. It would appear that he wanted a friendship with her or possibly even more.

But why?

I wish you were awake. Although probably even then I'd be too much of a chicken to talk to you. I don't have a way with words like you do, she thought.

Katniss sipped her tea and dared lean closer to him; closer than she'd ever been. He was unconscious so what would he care? Slowly, her eyes raked over his strong jaw, chapped lips, and long eyelashes. She could already see the traces of stubble on his jaw and chin. Had it really only been that morning when he'd opened the bakery door in the beautiful wool sweater, freshly showered and shaved? It seemed so long ago already.

A curiosity she was unable to quell rushed through her. She longed to understand the boy with the bread.

Katniss leaned further forward, sniffing his hair. Just as she'd expected: store bought soap and not the awful lye soap her mother made. The stuff was rough and itchy and didn't just leave one clean, it left them feeling they were tossing out half their skin along with the bathwater. No, Peeta smelled like the rich, creamy soap usually bought in town. She leaned back and sighed.

Suddenly, she had an idea. Standing up, she hurried to the coat rack and pulled the package of cookies from her jacket pocket. After carefully unwrapping the dainty pair of frosted treats, she set the pink one aside for Prim. Pink was her favorite color and her sister needed something pink and sugary to lift her spirits. She set the red cookie in her palm and eyed it reverently for a moment before breaking off the corner. Placing it frosting down on her tongue, she let the sugary substance melt for a moment before slowly chewing.

It was delicious.

"Wow," she muttered aloud. The sound of her own voice surprised her in the quiet little kitchen as she talked to no one. Her eyes slid over to Peeta's face and she smiled. Maybe…she could talk to him? Gulping her nervousness back, she popped another bite of cookie in her mouth and savored it.

"You sure can cook, you know that? If you even made these…but I'm sure you did," she added stupidly. Shaking her head at her own silliness, she continued.

"I bet you frosted them too. Your dad doesn't seem like he would be handy with frosting…no offense…and your mother…well….I just think you frosted these," she laughed softly. "I sat beside you in History of Panem when we were in year six. You always used to doodle things in your margins. I think you appreciate pretty things….that's why I think you frosted this. It's too pretty to be anyone else."

She sighed and cocked her head to the side to look at him. "You're really something else, you know that?"

Reaching her hand out, she brushed his hair back from his face and let her fingers linger on his jaw. "You saved my life today, Peeta Mellark. I'll owe you for that forever."

Feeling silly for talking to an unconscious man, she chewed her lip for a few moments before continuing. At least if she couldn't tell him while awake, she could tell him this now. "I…I remember the bread you tossed me. When I was starving, you fed me. When I was in trouble, you saved me. When am I ever going to stop owing you?"

She snorted sadly. "Never, I guess. I can answer my own question. You gave me food I'm sure you took a beating for and you sacrificed yourself to save me from a whipping that…I'm not sure I would have survived. You're so strong I….I can't imagine anyone else being that brave."

Leaning back, she popped several of the joints in her back and sighed. "I shouldn't have been so mean to you this morning. I didn't mean it though. I guess I'm just…I don't trust people. But even you'd have to admit that most people here aren't worth trusting. Except for Gale. And Prim. Prim couldn't hurt a fly. And I guess…I guess I should have trusted you, shouldn't I?"

Peeta's answer was a breathy snore.

She smiled and brushed her hand over his hair again. "I'll take that as a yes. I should have given you a chance to earn my trust instead of saying those things to you. You know I didn't mean it, right? I'm just…not good at this stuff. I'm not good with words…and feelings."

A distant memory floated into her mind from their eighth year of school. It was the most precious memory attached to Peeta that she had. Her chest tightened as another set of tears formed behind her lids.

"Remember when we had to write those poems about springtime? What it meant to us? I thought it was so ridiculous that we had to write about something like spring, but…you said something about a dandelion. I can't even remember what, but…you said something about the dandelion in the spring meaning that winter was over. You said something poetic and beautiful like you always do about how it was the first flower that seemed to bloom in the springtime. That stuck with me because…" she choked back a little sob, "because that winter you threw me the bread was the hardest thing I've lived through. I…I didn't think I'd make it. And after the bread thing, I….I saw one….a dandelion. Then I remembered what my dad taught me before he died and I knew…I just knew that we were gonna be okay. That meant so much to me Peeta. I wish I could tell you that. I wish you could hear me," she sniffed.

His hand twitched in hers, making her freeze.

What on earth?

She studied his body for any other signs of movement, suddenly terrified that he was waking up. However, he didn't twitch again. The only movement was of his back as it lightly rose and fell with his breaths.

Katniss sat back down on the stool and stared at his hands. Did she just imagine that? No. She couldn't have.

"Did you hear me?" she whispered, leaning closer. There was no movement from Peeta, so she took that as a no. She slowly took another bite of the cookie and savored the taste some more before looking at him again.

"What does this mean?" she asked shortly, holding the cookie in front of his face. "Does this mean you want more than friendship but…hopefully less than the slag heap?"

She chuckled at her own stupid question.

"I could be your friend Peeta…but I'm not sure about anything more than that. I put on this front to stay strong for Prim, but…I'm just a coward," she said softly. "I bet you'd have quite a laugh at me if you knew I was sitting here talking to you while you're passed out. But…you're a good listener."

She took the last bite of the sugary cookie and sighed. "I think I know what your delicious cookies meant, but….I'm not sure I can give you what you're asking. I'm…I'm afraid. I'm afraid because I'm worried to fall in love. That's stupid, isn't it? But I am I guess. You seem like an easy person to fall in love with and what if I did? I suppose that's the part that scares me. Then what if…." She trailed off, thinking of the way her mother used to look at her father before he died. It was like she was his air and he was her sun. They couldn't live without each other – the last few years of her mother's life proved that much.

"I'm not sure if I could survive the way she does. A shell. Just floating through everything. My dad dying ruined her."

She sighed softly, shaking her head as she pulled the hair fastener out of the end of her braid. Her wavy strands came unraveled, falling down her back in a comforting blanket. She leaned back on her stool and ran her fingers through her hair as she watched Peeta sleep. "How silly am I talking to a person that's unconscious? See? Maybe you wouldn't even want me Peeta."

Exhausted and emotionally drained, she let her head drop down onto the table beside his. Her eyes fell closed and she was soon asleep.

The sun was just starting to pour through the dirty glass windows of the kitchen when a rooster crowing nearby woke her. Opening her eyes, she realized she was staring into a set of blue, hazy pupils.

"Oh!"

She jerked her head up and gaped. Peeta was still laying stomach-down on the kitchen table, but his chin was resting upright. It looked like an uncomfortable angle to be in, but she could only realize that he was awake.

"Peeta?" she asked frantically. Her hands cupped his pale cheeks. "Are you alright? Are you in pain?"

His pupils dilated slowly as his head wobbled. "N-no…Katniss?"

"Yes?" she asked, panic still lacing her voice.

Peeta licked his parched lips and trembled slightly as he slowly blinked. He gave her a bewildered look.

"Am I dead?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some people were confused last chapter - Gale got the morphling from Madge. He asks Katniss about her in the 1st chapter (It's pretty brief - don't feel bad if you missed it) and that kinda hints that he's interested in her. More on that later, but don't feel bad if you didn't get it.
> 
> A lot of you wanted me to hurry up and have Peeta wake up - I'm trying guys. If his back has been basically ripped open to the bone in several places, I'm gonna guess he'd want to be a little out of it for a few days. Just bear with me - the romance and fluff and M rating is coming, ok? I PROMISE.
> 
> You are all lovely and I hope you are having a fantastic week! *muah*
> 
> Questions or comments? I'm on Twitter AND Tumblr. Don't be shy. I don't bite. Even when you ask me for an ETA on a chapter - I don't mind, lol. : )


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12:

(Peeta)

After a seemingly eternal amount of time spent wallowing in the blackness, a light reappeared. It grew and multiplied and blossomed until he realized it was snow.

He could feel the wintery wind practically smothering him, the air so bitterly cold it made his breaths had to catch. His eyes hurt from looking at the white, icy landscape for so long in the bright light, but there wasn't anywhere else to turn.

Then…

Slowly, the sun came out. The yellow bursts of light combated the harsh white of the snow, coating the scenery in a soothing glow. His eyes opened further and he saw that the snow was melting. It moved around him, sinking further and further into the dirt until nothing was left. The ground beneath his feet turned soft again with grass that seemed to grow in seconds. Looking around in confusion, he tried to get his bearings.

He was in the meadow on the edge of town. He could see the rolling hills of the mines in the background, but they were no longer covered in rocky terrain and soot. The landscape was a lush green as far as the eye could see. A calm feeling washed over him as he looked to his feet.

There, soaking up the warm sunlight was the first dandelion in the spring.

He smiled.

He was numb.

Completely numb and…floating?

The strange sensation coursed through his body as he fought to gain control of his thoughts. What the hell happened? He couldn't seem to think straight; it was like his mind was scattered in a million different pieces and suddenly very heavy.

Everything was suddenly weighty. His limbs felt like lead and were impossible to move and it felt like his eyes were glued shut. He struggled to open them and make sense of everything. He could remember hearing a voice speaking, but he couldn't place it. It was feminine, but not the voice of his mother.

Strange.

"You are my dandelion in the spring."

The pretty feminine words floated through his mind as he fought to make sense of it all. This was the weirdest dream he'd ever had. He wanted to get up and move and figure this out but he was trapped in his uncooperative body. He slipped back and forth for he wasn't sure how long. Things would make sense again, then a strange, heavy feeling would return and he would slip back down into the blackness. Before he welcomed it; this time, he fought it.

e wHe

When his eyes finally did open, they didn't offer many answers. For there, sleeping next to him was Katniss.

Katniss?

He frowned as his vision started to swim. This wasn't going to be easy. The room felt like it was teetering back and forth like he was on a see saw. Was this a dream? Her face was upside down next to his, but it was her. He knew it.

He'd know her face anywhere.

But that still didn't explain anything. His eyes squinted as he watched her upside down face, slackened with sleep. He could remember Rye bringing home grain alcohol from the Hob once – they'd stashed it in their closet and waited for their mother to fall asleep before mixing it with some ice and playing a version of jacks that involved the loser taking drinks. They'd been all wobbly and silly before passing out - that was how he felt in that instant.

He was pulled back from his reverie when Katniss suddenly sighed in her sleep. He lifted his heavy head up and rested his chin on the soft material beneath his head. It was light out, but he didn't recognize his surroundings. Peeta watched with hazy eyes as she stretched and yawned as she slowly woke up. Her silvery eyes eventually opened and focused on his. He watched her jump in surprise and cry out.

"Peeta?" she asked frantically. He felt his head being jostled slightly as her cold hands grasped his cheeks. "Are you alright? Does it….does h-hurt?"

He tried to shake his head, but all he managed to do was wobble it a little bit. His body just felt like lead. "N-no…Katniss?"

"Yes?" she asked frantically.

He groaned and tried to lick his dry lips. His body shook slightly as he tried to get his eyes to focus. The longer he managed to hold them open, the better things looked. Suddenly he could see her. The morning sunlight poured through the windows behind her, illuminating her brown waves. Her hair suddenly looked like the fine, expensive chocolate they could rarely afford use at the bakery. Her eyes shone like streaks of lightning during a storm as she watched him. Her cheeks were pink and ruddy and in his woozy state of mind she looked like an angel.

The harrowing thought struck him suddenly, and he spoke without thinking.

"Am I dead?"

He watched as Katniss' mouth dropped open with surprise. "D-dead? No, Peeta, you're not dead. You were whipped…don't you remember?"

He groaned and tried to think clearly. Whipped? What was she talking about? His mind struggled to place a meaning to the familiar word for several moments. The meaning was on the tip of his tongue but he couldn't seem to connect it with anything. Then slowly, it came back to him. He could faintly picture the sight of the whipping platform in the center of town, and then….then the horrible memory suddenly came flooding back.

"Your back, you…we took you to my house. That's where you are. My mother sewed you up and we got you some morphling. You shouldn't even be awake I…" she sputtered quickly.

He smiled for no reason, but it felt good.

"So…I'm not dead?"

She gave him a bewildered look before calling out for her mother. Peeta suddenly felt loopy and even giggly for a second as he listened to another pair of footsteps approaching.

"Are you in pain?" she asked him.

Peeta remembered the morning in the bakery when she'd told him they couldn't be friends. The memory seemed to stick to the front of his mind suddenly as he she hovered in front of him. His hand reached out and it felt so strange as it extended out to lightly touch her cheek. The soft skin made his eyes close for a second as he touched it.

"Don't be…stupid," he muttered with a chuckle.

Katniss hissed in defeat and stood. He peered over the edge of the table he was on and couldn't bite back his snicker as she called for her mother again.

"Katniss Everdeen, I am on your table," he laughed. She kept muttering about him being in pain and asking all sorts of questions about what he remembered, but he couldn't focus on any of that now.

He couldn't focus on anything to be honest.

"Mom!"

"Your mother?" he heard himself slur. "What does…what does she want to do with this?"

"He's not making an sense," he heard Katniss whisper.

He heard Mrs. Everdeen walk into the room and click her tongue at him as she knelt in front of his face. A light appeared in front of his eyes as she gently pulled his eyelids open further. He snorted softly at the feeling and watched the way her eyes searched his. They were lighter blue in color and closer to his own- not like the silvery, lightning grey of Katniss'.

"I'm on the table," he stated firmly, his tongue growing thick in his mouth.

Mrs. Everdeen nodded. "Yes, you are."

"Is he going to be alright?" he heard Katniss asked.

"He's young – his body burned off the morphling. He probably can't feet anything yet and…"

"He's drunk!" Katniss snapped.

"No, it's just a side effect. Coming down from morphling can make someone…loopy. He isn't drunk, he just needs another dose. He needs to sleep today and not do a lot of moving around. Those stitches need time to heal up before he can sit up. This is why people get addicted to this stuff."

"Is he alright though?"

"He looks fine. He's just silly from the drugs. I'll sterilize another needle and give him another shot so that he doesn't feel it for a while yet. I don't want him to be uncomfortable."

"Just make it so that he can't feel any pain!"

Peeta halfway listened to the conversation around him. He was mainly trying to remember why he would be on the Everdeen's kitchen table as Katniss' voice grew louder and louder.

OH well. At least I'm not dead.

He giggled at the thought and tried to lift his head further. Sleep threatened to hold it down. With an annoyed grunt, he let his cheek fall back down onto the cloth.

"He'll be fine. No need for that," he heard Mrs. Everdeen say. He tried his best to listen to what was going on when a strange noise came from somewhere behind him. Someone crying?

There was a quiet sniffle. "I know that," Katniss snapped harshly back.

The room was quiet for a moment until her mother spoke again.

"Do you finally want to tell me why a merchant boy took a whippin' for you?"

Another quiet sniffle sounded in the small kitchen, but Peeta couldn't turn his head that far. His sight grew slightly shaky and the room spun a little. Half of him wanted to laugh; the other half was trying to listen to their voices.

"I…I don't know," he heard Katniss say.

"Care to explain that then?"

Peeta frowned. Explain what? What is she talking about?

"I know you didn't trade him for a heart shaped cookie Katniss, now-"

Mrs. Everdeen's gentle voice was cut off by a loud banging noise. Peeta blinked again and realized someone was banging on the door. He turned his heavy head on the cloths to face the direction of the noise. Katniss' mother walked to the door and pulled it open so that someone could step through.

Oh shit.

Even drugged out of his mind he knew this person.

"So it's true!" his mother snapped. He watched her quickly approach, her eyes murderous. His body kept him weighted down like ten tons of steel, but his mind was urging him to get up and run. Paralyzed, he could only lie there as his mother walked over to his side. There was a light sensation on his back before he heard her gasp.

"Don't move those! They're helping him heal!" Katniss cried.

"You shut up. You don't get to tell me what to do to my own son, you filthy Seam Brat! You want to explain to me why my son went up there and took a beating for you?"

The kitchen was quiet. Peeta's head bobbed down at sleep threatened to overtake him, but he tried his best to fight it. The thought of what his mother might say had sobered him up profoundly. The giggly, wobbly feeling was gone and he felt like he suddenly might retch. His stomach churned as his mother continued to spew insults over his body at the Everdeens. His eyes fell shut as he lay there, frozen and helpless as the scene unfolded around him.

"That's right; just as I suspected! I've seen the way he looks at you when you strut through the town with your bag full of poached carcasses. I see it. Don't think I don't know what's going on. Rest assured if you end up knocked up with his bastard child, don't come running to our house for handouts. You hear me? Anything your Seam Trash daughter does is her business! You leave my son out of it!"

"You have to right to speak to her that-"

A loud smack echoed in the tiny room. It sounded like skin hitting skin. Katniss screamed out in anger and there was a scuffle against the wooden floorboards and some more shouting. Peeta fought to open his eyes as he realized someone had been struck. By the time he pried them open he was able to see two things: Mrs. Everdeen holding her red cheek, a few hot tears slipping down them and the front door hanging wide open. Katniss stomped back inside, shaking her head and rubbing her arms.

"Are you alright?" she asked her mother softly.

Peeta saw Mrs. Everdeen nod.

"I'll get some snow for it. Damn it…"

He swallowed roughly, his throat feeling like sandpaper. He wanted to say something, but his tongue suddenly weighed a thousand pounds.

"I'll be fine. Just help me give him the shot and then you can get some rest."

"I'm fine. I'm not leaving him."

The room was silent again after that. Peeta tried to stay conscious, but the black cloak of nothingness kept threatening to pull him under. When he felt the warm needle slid into his arm, he knew there was no fighting it.

He gave into the blackness once more.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

(Katniss)

Sundays usually meant going out to the woods to gather anything she didn't get on a Saturday; berries, nuts, roots, plants. During the winter that was almost impossible to do, so she didn't feel bad keeping vigil at Peeta's bedside instead of going out to the woods. She wouldn't have been able to concentrate on anything anyway, she told herself.

Not with Peeta Mellark lying passed out on her kitchen table.

She hung her head when she pictured the way Mrs. Mellark had stormed into their modest Seam home just hours before. She'd walked inside as if she'd owned the place. Owned him. When she saw her son lying on the table Katniss knew something switched inside the plump blonde woman's brain. The crack of her palm against her mother's cheek still seemed to echo in the tiny space as she sat on her stool and tried to ignore her numb bottom. They'd packed some snow into an animal skin pouch and held it on her face for almost an hour afterwards. She'd yelled at Prim to stay upstairs until she was sure that horrible woman was on her way back to town. The look on her mother's face after the incident was one of emotional turmoil.

Katniss didn't have the heart to ask.

Instead, she had looked her mother in the eye and said 'If she comes back again, I'm going to repay her.' The look on Mrs. Everdeen's face had been thanks enough.

Peeta groaned against the wooden table, jolting her from her thoughts. It was midafternoon by then, so the half shot of morphling he'd gotten at dawn just after his mother had left was definitely wearing off. Katniss leaned closer, her heart thrumming in her chest. She had no idea what she'd say to him when he did wake, but she couldn't deny that she wanted him to talk.

"Peeta?"

He groaned again in response, his body trembling slightly as the pain of his back was surely registering. She'd never had morphling before, but her mother had described it as being put into a dizzy, confusing deep sleep. People apparently had vivid yet odd dreams while passed out on the drug and awoke on a giggly high that could last several hours. Then she said the pain would come roaring back. That was no doubt what Peeta was feeling as he lifted his head from the table.

"Katniss?"

She had to fight to bite back the tiny smile that threatened to show. "Yes? Peeta, are you alright?"

"What….what did she do…?"

She knew he was talking about his mother. "Nothing, it's fine. Does your back hurt?"

He sucked in a tiny breath and nodded. "s'tight."

Katniss lifted the warm cover on his back and saw that the stitches were holding tight – possibly too tight. The skin around the thread was angry and red, purple in some places. The cold, dry air of their house was making his skin flake.

"I can fix that," she said slowly, nodding as she stood. There had to be some sort of balm or salve on her mother's shelf for wounds like his. He reached out, drunkenly swiping for her hand. He grabbed it with a grip that surprised her – for a half passed out, half doped up mess, he had a strong grip.

"Katniss," he slurred, pulling her hand down. She fell back onto the stool with a grunt and lowered herself to look him in the eye.

"I need to get you some medicine. What's wrong? Does it hurt?"

"Not that," he groaned. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what? Peeta-"

"-Everything. Just everything. I didn't mean 'fer it to happen like this."

"For what to happen?"

He sighed and winced, shaking his head miserably. His back had to have him in absolute misery by then, so she tried to stand again. "Peeta, I have to go get my mother – she needs to give you another shot."

"No, no…just 'wait," he slurred again, pulling on her hand. "Just wait. Don't leave me…"

"Peeta, I'm going to sit right here with you okay? Don't worry, just let me go and get my mom really quick, you need more medicine."

"Wait," he pleaded miserably. His blue, dilated eyes stared into hers so helplessly it made him resemble a puppy. "Why did….why don't you like me?"

She swallowed nervously. Even drugged out of his mind Peeta Mellark could make her palms sweat. "I…do…l-like you," she admitted coolly.

He squeezed her hand as his head wobbled a bit. "Not like I like you. You…you…you tolerate me. You don't like me."

She leaned forward and narrowed her eyes at him. "Is that why you gave me those cookies?"

"I would never…ever take you to the s-slag heap."

"Peeta…"

He snorted. "I…I…I…gave you those cookies," he drunkenly admitted, "Because I am a miserable, self-deprecating bastard."

"What?" she muttered, frowning at him.

His head lolled to the side before hitting the table with a soft thunk.

"Wait, Peeta?" she asked, jumping up. "What do you mean? Why did you give them to me?"

Peeta snorted again and a wide grin appeared as he snickered to himself. "My dad was playing cupid. Remember that naked baby with the wings? He shoots the arrows…s'like you…"

"You are making no sense," she huffed quietly. "What baby?"

"I…don't know," he rambled. "But I wanted to tell you how I felt. This was me…bein' stupid…" he slurred, 'and making a gesture…I…I….Why did it take going to the…the whippin' post to tell you that?" he asked slowly, his smile fading. "I didn't want…like…you were so mad."

He sighed as his eyebrows knit together as if he was deep in thought. She was sure he couldn't be able to think much of anything at the moment, but her stomach felt like it had sunk down to her knees. He did like her. And in the way she thought he did too. And she had yelled at him and made him feel two inches tall and that was why he thought he had to go to the whipping post for her. A strange feeling washed over her until she realized she liked the idea of Peeta liking her. It didn't disgust her one bit, in fact.

What she didn't like, however, was her own blind senselessness. She lowered her head and squeezed his hand as he looked up at her hopefully, his drunken gaze searching hers. "I'll never forgive myself for what I put you through Peeta. Never."

He made a noise in the back of his throat. "Don't hate yourself for it. Just make it…up to me," he sighed. A light sheen of sweat had broken out over his forehead and he was suddenly panting softly as he squeezed her hand.

"I'm so sorry."

"Katniss…just promise me…"

"Peeta, you need a shot-"

"-I had to stay awake to tell you that. I had to," he mumbled. His lip trembled as his back began to rise and fall with his increasing breaths. His pain was obviously multiplying rapidly. She squeezed his hand and lowered her face to his.

"Anything you want. Just get better, okay? Just get better."

A tiny smile danced across his grimace as he fought the oncoming pain as he came to. "Anything?"

"Anything," she promised. "Mom!"

Her frantic voice rung through the small house, making her mother come running from her bedroom. Mrs. Everdeen's eyes darted nervously over Peeta's heaving back as Katniss squeezed his hand.

"He woke up?"

"Yes, he's been talking to me but I think now he's in a lot of pain, please hurry!"

Within seconds, her mother had switched into healer mode and was giving Peeta another shot in the arm. His body was shaking with tremors of what was surely pain by then and his entire body had broken out into a sweat.

"You should have called me sooner," her mother chided her as his head fell back down on the table. Katniss slumped over on the stool, reaching over to brush his sweaty hair away from his eyes as a wave of calm seemed to wash over the room. She didn't even care that her mother had seen her touch him affectionately. All that mattered now was that he got better so that she could make it up to him.

Her mother handed her a damp soapy cloth and motioned for her to wipe some of the sweat from his face. Now unconscious, his limbs were heavy and dead as she lifted his jaw up to wipe the cool cloth over his back and face. Mrs. Everdeen sat back and surveyed his back. Katniss followed her eyes as they moved down the criss crossing pattern of stitches over his skin.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

Her mother turned to the stove, setting a pot of water to boil. "We need to bathe him. He'll make it; we just need to fight infection now. Will you fetch the basin for me?"

Katniss quickly turned and hurried toward the closet where they kept the bathing basin, hoping her mother didn't see her blush. Bathe him? As in…all of him?

She'd accidently walked around a tree once and startled Gale while he was….relieving himself against the other side. They were hunting all day and she hadn't realized he was taking a bathroom break when he ducked to the other side of the large oak tree. When she realized he had his pants pulled slightly down she hadn't been able to stop herself from letting her eyes flash down to his….she still blushed at the thought. Gale had brushed it off with a chuckle and had simply mussed her hair in response after his embarrassment had worn off, but she had been too humiliated to look him in the eye for the rest of the day. He didn't even seem embarrassed that she had seen his genitals. The thought of someone seeing her- she had to stop the thought. Even thinking it was humiliating.

Her lip slipped between her teeth as she made her way to the closet where the kept the basin. How many girls had seen Peeta like that? She couldn't help but wonder if he'd been with a lot of girls that way. Most merchant boys had; either Seam girls hoping to marry up or a fellow merchant girl on a scandalous rambunctious streak. It wasn't uncommon for boys to take girls to the slag heap; even Gale had mentioned a few in passing. However, the thought of Gale with a girl on the slap heap didn't bother her nearly as much as the thought of Peeta there with one.

A strange feeling of possessiveness and jealous surged through her, making her pause. Was she jealous that Peeta might have taken a girl there before? Or multiple girls? The thought made her stomach a little queasy.

She hauled the basin to the kitchen and helped her mother set it up on another chair to add the soap and the boiling water. Once it was the right temperature, they worked together to first wipe down the area around his stitches. Katniss watched as her mother's thin hands worked the small cloth lightly against the wounds just enough to wipe away the dried blood and any dirt.

Katniss looked down at his blonde locks; they were normally shiny and light, but sweat and dirt and grease had made them flat against his head. "You can wash his hair," her mother offered quietly. "He won't know. Just keep it away from his eyes."

Katniss nodded and set to work, running the damp, soapy rag over his hair. She rinsed it several times, combing it back with her fingers. Grabbing a new rag, she carefully ran it over his eyes and cheeks and behind his ears. The gesture was intimate and almost comforting in a way.

"Alright now help me with his pants."

Katniss' head jerked to look at her mother. "His what?"

"Prim helped me put in a catheter while you slept last night; I need to clean him up so that he doesn't get sores or infection. Help me Katniss, come on," her mother chided her.

She stood up and moved awkwardly to stand beside her, putting her hands where her mother showed her to lift Peeta up on his side. With a frown, she realized his pants were already unfastened and a small rubber tube was attached to him. Her cheeks grew hot as her mother gently removed it and pulled the pants from his limp form. She covered him with a light, white sheet and motioned for Katniss to keep holding him that way.

"Um…Prim helped you with this while I was asleep?" she asked. She didn't think Prim was old enough to be seeing…well, what she was seeing at the moment. Her little sister seemed far too sweet and innocent to be handling…that. As shameful as it felt, she was overcome with curiosity and chanced a quick look down. Unable to believe herself she looked away with a grimace and tried not to look guilty.

Her mother nodded slowly, glancing up at her red cheeks. "Katniss….it's just a body. A man's is different than ours, but it's all just skin and bones."

Katniss sniffed and nodded. "No, I know."

"Will you be alright?"

"I'm fine," she insisted. "Let's just get him bathed like you said."

"Alright. You take this clean cloth and wash his legs and feet, I'll take care of the upper half. Poor boy should at least be clean."

Katniss swallowed her fear and did as she was told. For as awful as she had been to Peeta and how much she owed him, he at least deserved the best care they could give him. Although when it came time to wash his front and replace the catheter, she wasn't sure she could watch.

"Can you hold his hip steady? I can't have him roll over onto his back. Hold him…"

She gripped Peeta's bare hip and held him steadily on his side as her mother worked. She was just glad she didn't have to do it. When they were finished, her mother pulled out a pair of thin linen pants that used to belong to her father.

"He can wear these while he recuperates. Might make bathing him easier," she explained. Katniss was sure her cheeks didn't stop burning until they were able to put him back down on the table, face down.

"I'm going to go take a bath myself. Will you be alright out here? You should really get some rest while he's out."

Katniss sat back down on her stool at Peeta's head, taking his hand in hers. She didn't care who saw anymore. Unable to look her mother in the eye, she called over her shoulder, "Will he wake back up?"

Her mother looked at the rusted clock above the sink. "About eight hours. Tonight. He'll need to say here awhile before he can move."

Katniss glanced over her shoulder again and nodded slightly before resting her head on her free hand. When he woke back up that night, she'd have something to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Katniss glanced over her shoulder again and nodded slightly before resting her head on her free hand. When he woke back up that night, she'd have something to say.
> 
> Next chapter is in Peeta's POV...wonder what he'll have to say? He'll have a few moments of non-morphling clarity coming up...
> 
> He mentions in this chapter that he thinks of his father as cupid, but Katniss isn't as familiar with that as he is. I picture holidays from the 'Dark Days' being something the maybe only Merchant families would possibly know and even celebrate - what do you think? Either way, Katniss isn't too sure what he's referring to. I think she has maybe heard of the holiday and knows the significance of the hearts and colors, but that would probably be the extent of it.
> 
> And yes, there will be more about Mrs. Mellark/Mrs Everdeen in the future. Let me know what you think!


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

(Peeta)

When he resurfaced again the next time, it took him longer. He'd never been swimming, but he imagined the feeling was a lot like he way he felt trying to regain conscious thought: pushing and pulling and floundering hopelessly towards the surface. He wanted to be awake, but at the same time he could remember why he was asleep in the first place; the dull ache in his back let him know that the whipping in front of the town square had indubitably taken place. It was no nightmare, no lingering fear – it had happened. As much as he wanted to wake up and talk to Katniss again he knew he would pay the price to do so because he'd have to be conscious. The pain he'd felt the last time he'd tried to stay awake long enough to talk to her wasn't anything he was comfortable with. So, he relented in his struggle and tried to get some rest. He faded in and out in a woozy, drugged up haze, searching for the green meadow and the image of Katniss with the sun on her hair.

Slowly, things made sense against like the time before; the blacks faded away and let him resurface. It was miniscule things: the breath of a person beside him, the brush of fingertips across his jaw or forehead, the sound of someone running by on the street. He heard the front door open again later that evening, bringing another rush of cold air in with it. Katniss was still holding her hand in his and he didn't even realize it until she dropped it abruptly. She stood up and hurried to whoever it was, taking her wildflower scent after her.

"You're frozen! Where have you been?"

He heard a few coughs and a sniffle. "Walking the fence all day. Musta walked ten miles."

"What on earth for?"

It was Gale. He recognized the sound of his voice from the time he'd come to the bakery to trade. Peeta fought to make sense of the words as they spilled from the Seam man's mouth. A strange sort of tension seemed to settle over the room making Peeta struggle to focus.

"Fences are on, Catnip."

Silence. He heard a cup fall into the sink with a clatter and a wheeze of breath. "What do you mean…'on'?" Katniss said through gritted teeth. Peeta could almost imagine the way her fiery eyes were lit up as she spoke. Just like the day she'd screamed at him in the bakery: she'd been terrifying and unhinged but the most magnificent thing he'd ever seen. Dangerous almost.

Trepidation seemed to flavor the air. He heard Gale shift in the doorway, his breath coming out in agitated little huffs.

"I mean on. Electrified. I walked for miles to see if they were maybe just on near town, but…no. I couldn't get through to hunt, so…"

He heard Katniss make a tiny squeak of panic. "What…Gale, what are we going to do?"

He was quiet a moment, shifting on his heavy feet. Peeta's ears strained to listen as the older boy continued speaking. "I don't know. I didn't think they'd….I never thought they'd turn on. It had to be Thread though...after that stunt you and lover boy pulled things aren't the same. No here, not in the Hob, not in town."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know, I just…I never thought they'd go so far as to turn on the fences. Can you imagine how much electricity that takes? Shit, we don't even have it here most days. But….they're on and they mean business. Spent all mornin' at the Hob trynna figure out what's up. Haymitch, that old drunk said….said something's coming."

"Something? Like what, stop talking in riddles!"

"Like a rebellion!" he snapped. He lowered his voice so that Peeta could barely hear him. "Like a rebellion. Old drunk has a radio that gets waves from other districts. Stuff's happenin….finally. Finally!"

"Gale, calm down. You can't be talking about things like that. A rebellion…"

"Think about it Catnip. They're cracking down to break us. They know we're already near broke, what's one more blow to break us? That's what this is. They're gonna starve us all winter and end it all first chance of spring. Mark my words. This is it. This is what we've been waiting for."

"What are you talking about?"

"This is our chance! Our chance to fight back and…and do something!"

He heard Katniss grunt in frustration. "I did do something, Gale. I did. I hunted to feed my family and that…is what happened. I'm already being punished for fighting back. The cost was more than I could ever afford to wager."

"So that's it then? You're just gonna starve? Let the Capitol break you?"

"What choice do we have Gale?"

He seemed to ignore her. "If I lived in Two-"

"-But you don't live in two."

"-but if I did I'd join in. Surely Two is in on this, being so close. Id' join in and lead…"

"Gale. Listen to yourself. You don't live in Two, you live here. And that's never going to change. Shit, you sound like Haymitch."

"Old man isn't what he seems. He's been down at the Hob for a few days now, ever since Peeta's whippin'. He's been talkin, Catnip. And people been listening. People are angry. They saw when they did to you…and to him. And you know what those rich townspeople realized? Those hoity toity merchants? They realized that even they aren't untouchable. The Capitol doesn't care who you are, where you live, or what you have to lose. They'll take it. That…..made people wake the fuck up and realize what they could lose. Whether you want it or not, this is happening. It's coming."

"Fine. Rebellion is coming, great. But meanwhile what are we supposed to do?"

Gale was quiet for a moment. "I'll figure something out. I always do. In the meantime…take care of bread boy, yeah?"

"Yeah," she snorted. "Be careful. Hey, stay away from the woods for a while, just in case?"

Peeta strained his ears, but he didn't hear Gale say anything else before the door opened and he stepped out. Katniss sighed in defeat and shuffled back over to Peeta's side. He struggled to lift his head and open his eyes and speak but he simply couldn't. Instead, he tried to be satisfied with the way Katniss' shaky hand placed itself in his.

"This isn't good," she whispered softly.

Is she talking to me? There's no one else in here…but is she really talking to me? he thought hopefully.

"I never wanted to start anything. A rebellion or whatever it's called. I just wanted to feed my family and….scrape by. Like we always do," she said softly, gripping his hand. His pulse seemed the throb in his palm.

"Gale's right though. Thread didn't care who you were or were your family was from. No, he just took you up there and-" her breath caught in her throat suddenly and her clipped words were suddenly cut off.

Some amount of time later, he heard another – lighter- pair of footsteps enter the room. Katniss inhaled softly.

"Prim…" Katniss sighed in awe. Prim gave a little giggle.

"I sewed it back together."

"Is that where you've been all day?"

Katniss' hand left his to accept something. The feel of wool was suddenly brushing against his arm; it tickled.

"It was too beautiful to go to waste. It's not perfect but…"

"I'm sure he'll appreciate it when he wakes up."

Prim laughed softly. "It smells like flour. The white kind."

He heard Katniss inhale softly. "It does! My…this is really nice little duck. I'm sure Peeta will love that you sewed his sweater back up," she chuckled. "Do you think he'd mind if I wore it?"

Prim giggled. "Probably not, no. I don't think Peeta minds much of anything."

"You don't, huh?" she teased.

"No," Prim snickered. "He's sweet on you," she mumbled softly.

"Prim…"

"Just wear it."

Katniss was silent for a moment. There was a rustling beside him and soon he could feel the wool against his arm again as it covered her. The sweater had once belonged to his father – a gift from someone back in the day. Too stocky for it now, he'd given it to Peeta two winters ago to keep instead. He liked to wear it on cold winter mornings in the bakery before the ovens fired up.

And now Katniss was wearing it. His drugged heart soared.

"This is a beautiful sweater," he heard her muse softly. "He wears it a lot in the mornings before I come to trade."

"I ate that cookie while you were sleeping last night. You didn't mind, did you?" Prim asked suddenly.

Katniss laughed. "It was for you."

There was another quiet little laugh. "He likes you. The boys at school give heart shaped paper to the girls they like."

"This was just a cookie Prim."

"A heart shaped cookie Katniss. He gave it do you, didn't he?"

Katniss sighed. "Well…yeah."

It's because I like you, darn it. Accept the cookie and now actually talk to me once I wake up, he silently pleaded.

"Do you like him too?"

"I don't have time for liking, little duck. Some things are just more important."

"Like what?"

Katniss chuckled. "Food. Shelter. School. Shouldn't you be in the tub by now?"

"Yes," Prim grumbled.

"Here, I'll help you get it filled up. Come on."

Katniss left him again, softly patting his head before walking away. The simple, careless touch had him reeling like all the others. In a way it was nice to be slightly unconscious when she touched him; it gave him a chance to get used to the feeling of her hand in his and the pads of her fingers on his jaw without acting like the bumbling idiot he surely would be at that point. Any other girl could touch him, flirt with him, or shake her hips as she walked away and Peeta could easily shrug it off with an award winning smile and a laugh. But when Katniss so much as met his eye in the hallways at school he was red faced and sputtering things to say in his mind.

She had an effect on him that he couldn't explain. She always had, she always would.

She returned later, settling down on the stool near his head with a light sigh and a shiver.

"It's getting colder. I hope you don't mind that I've commandeered your sweater. It's awfully nice."

He listened as she inhaled.

"Smells like cinnamon and….flour. Prim was right about that. And store bought soap. It…I guess it smells like you. Is that weird?"

When he didn't answer, she snorted. "Yes. It's weird. In school I always….I always imagined you'd smell nice. Although I'm pretty sure your mother would be the kind of person to box your ears if you didn't wash behind them." She leaned over and giggled softly.

"You do wash behind your ears. Nice, Mellark."

Only in case you ever decided to get close enough to look, he thought.

"It's so much easier to talk to you when you're like this. You'll forgive me if I'm not this good with words when you wake up, okay?"

Okay. Just talk to me. It doesn't have to be anything special. Just talk to me. You'd make my day, he thought. Sleep was quickly pulling him under, the blackness of the morphling clawing at his mind. It threatened to drown him again and he was struggling to stay above the surface.

"For what it's worth again….I'm still sorry this happened to you. I'll never stop being sorry," she whispered.

Only when he felt the warm, pliant feeling of her lips against his forehead in a lingering kiss did he finally fade under.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

(Katniss)

That night was her second night spent sleeping next to Peeta.

Her mother startled her when she walked into the kitchen that morning, softly clanking the tea kettle against the stove top. Katniss awoke with a start, realizing for once her mother was awake before she was. It was normally her that was getting up before the sun to hurry off to the woods. They shared an awkward, quiet smile as the kettle began to whistle from the burner.

Sitting up, she let her back pop and stretch as she watched the little flame lick at the bottom of the kettle.

"Tea?"

"Please," she answered. The kitchen was chilly in the mornings, and that morning was no exception. Sitting up further, she realized a white sheet was resting over Peeta's body. His feet were clad in an old pair of her father's socks he used to keep warm deep in the mines. Her mother's gaze met hers and looked at the socks.

"I figured he'd be cold," she muttered.

"Thank you," Katniss offered meekly.

If it had been anyone but Peeta wearing the socks she would have been offended.

Her mother's hands quickly set to work brewing another batch of the herbal salve they were using to cover Peeta's stitches that would keep them from getting to tight and uncomfortable. Katniss watched as she peeled back the sheet with a feather light touch and assessed his wounds with a skilled eye. In a way she was glad her mother had something to do again; healing Peeta had brought her back to life in a sense.

"You goin' to school?"

Katniss shook her head. "No. I'm not gonna leave him."

And that was all that was said.

Her mother glanced over at her several times as her hands worked to make the salve. The herbs were thrown into her mixing basin along with some hot water and a type of balm Katniss had traded for at the Hob. Katniss watched as her mother turned to face her, the swollen side of her face already a deep shade of purple.

"Mom…your eye," she gasped quietly.

Her mother turned away. "It's nothin'. Just swollen today s'all."

Katniss was silent a moment. The rage she felt when the stuck up merchant woman had slapped her mother was still threatening to boil over. How could she not fight back? How could she just stand there and take it as if she'd deserved it?

"Why didn't you…why didn't you fight back? Or say something?"

Mrs. Everdeen paused, her hands stilling as she reached for the fresh medicine. She didn't look at Katniss when she spoke. "If I struck her back…then…then I might as well be just as bad as her. Puts me on the same level anyhow. Just cuz we live here…doesn't mean we're trash. She might think it. Others might think it. But….I used to live in the same neighborhood as her…growin' up. We came from the same place. I don't live there anymore, but…I wasn't raised that way. Your daddy had pride, Katniss. Some of it rubbed off on me too….I….you can have class no matter where you live I spose'.

Her words hung in the air as Katniss watched her mother work. She'd never thought of it that way. As a Seam girl she'd always just done her best to get by and survive. She'd never given a though to acting like she had class. Could one have class and live where she lived? In a slum, for lack of a better word? Where old people died with empty bellies on the street and children wordlessly begged for food with their eyes? She wasn't sure. But at the end of the day, Mrs. Mellark was the one who had stalked to another woman's house and struck her in repayment for healing her son.

Her mother's words resonated with her for the first time in years.

"She didn't just hit you because of me, did she?"

The silence in the kitchen was thick as her mother's hands paused over the medicine she was mixing.

"No," she admitted finally. "No, she didn't. That woman has been angry with me for more years than I care to talk about."

Katniss waited for her mother to elaborate more, but she didn't. Figuring she was done talking, she left Peeta's side briefly to bathe, clean her teeth and change her clothes. However, she still put his sweater on again before returning to the kitchen. Her mother was just finishing up Peeta's salve when she returned. With an outstretched hand, she handed her the medicine and nodded.

"You can put it on him. Might be good for you to learn, case' I'm not here."

With a soft, skilled hand, her mother showed her how to take a piece of gauze and lightly smooth the thick substance over Peeta's stichches. She grew frustrated at the mess it caused and instead opted to do it with clean fingertips.

"I'm gonna go lie down I think. Will you be alright?"

She nodded, watching her mother disappear back to her bedroom. What had happened between Mrs. Mellark and her mother that the woman had been so quick to run to the Seam and strike her? Her mother didn't seem particularly surprised to see Peeta's angry mother on her doorstep, but that still didn't answer anything. She sighed as she applied more medicine to Peeta's healing back. Maybe he would be able to tell her when he woke up.

As if on cue, Peeta inhaled deeply and groaned. Her hands stilled above his back as he sighed again and moved his head.

He's waking up!

She heard him mumble something, his raspy voice warbled and uneven. She couldn't make out what it was, so she leaned down into his range of vision.

"Peeta?"

His blue eyes looked up at hers and he gave a faint smile.

"Hi," she said quietly.

"Hi," he echoed back, blinking slowly. "What day is it?"

She realized for the first time in several days, his blue eyes were no longer fuzzy and unable to focus as he stared at her. They were suddenly clear as he tilted his head up and looked at her from his place on top of the table.

"Peeta?" She asked in disbelief. He was so awake and vibrant that it didn't seem real. She'd known for almost two days now that he was going to survive the whipping, but today was the first day she really believed it. Her knees felt weak as he stared up at her with a soft blue gaze that was –again- puppy like. Her hand found his as she moved to sit on the stool at the end of the table near his head.

"My back…"

"Does it hurt?" she asked quickly.

"Not as much. I felt so out of it."

"Yeah, I….I told you this once before, but you might not remember. Gale got you morphling. We've been giving it to you to keep you out so that you wouldn't be in pain."

His eyes went a little wide. "Where did he…."

"I don't know. But we got it and you're going to be okay. We're just making sure it doesn't get infected now."

"I'm not dead," he croaked, giving her a wobbly smile. The crooked yet brightly optimistic grin had her stomach erupting with butterflies as she suddenly realized she was still holding his hand. Her eyes fell down to where her fingers were intertwined with his as if they held their hands together every single day of their lives. His gaze followed hers and she realized he too was staring at the joined hands. When his blue gaze flicked back up to hers she was unprepared with a defense with which to write it off.

"I'm not dead and you're…here," he said softly.

"I'm here."

"Have you been taking care of me?"

She nodded. "I have…well, and my mother."

Peeta gave her a weak smile. His eyes slowly opened wider as they moved to look out the kitchen window. Sluggishly, they returned to her, scanning down her body. A faint smile appeared.

"Is that my sweater?"

Katniss jumped a little as she realized she was still wearing Peeta's wool sweater that Prim had sewn back together. She turned red as she realized she was wearing not just any sweater but a boy's sweater and nodded shyly.

"Um…sorry. I was cold earlier and I….didn't think you'd mind. Prim fixed it for you."

He gave her another soft smile. Without thinking, she raised her free hand and brushed a stray blonde hair out of his eyes. His arms probably hurt to move because of the stitches in his back so it was the least she could do.

"I don't mind."

"She thought it was too pretty to waste. But…yeah, my mom has been healing you. I was putting more medicine to help you get better on your back when you woke up. It's Monday afternoon," she rambled nervously.

Peeta looked back up at her. "Shouldn't you be at school?"

Her head barely moved as she gave it a tiny shake. "No, I…I wasn't going to leave you. I…I wasn't going to do that."

"Thank you," he said quietly.

Katniss' eyes widened on their own accord. She had gotten him whipped and he was thanking her? How much of a martyr did this crazy, puppy faced kid want to be?!

"For what? I'm the reason this whole mess happened. I'm the reason this entire…thing started!" she cried, her hand unconsciously squeezing his. Peeta squeezed it back, making her jump slightly as she remembered they were still holding hands.

A sickening feeling washed over her as she considered the events of the past few days. As Gale mentioned, people had been talking about a rebellion – but that was just it. Talking. Not acting. It wasn't until she'd poached the rabbit and gotten Peeta whipped that people started acting out and actively started preparing for a rebellion. Was it no longer talk? She made a silent vow to send Prim down the street to fetch Gale after school was out – she needed to talk to him and make sure that this wasn't really happening.

A rebellion – she was afraid of what that could mean.

"What's wrong?" he asked weakly.

"I'm going to get you some water," she mumbled, dropping his hand and standing on shaky legs. She turned her back to him and poured some fresh water into a shallow cup. Her eyes went a little wide again as she thought about what this could possibly mean. If the Capitol decided that her actions had sparked the district to do something against them, they would trace it back to her and make her pay. Her family would suffer and she would be punished or worse. When she thought about the Peacekeepers coming in their steel toed boots and white uniforms to collect Prim her heart began to pound in her chest. It threatened to rattle straight through her ribs as she stood beside the sink with her back to Peeta. Every deep, dark fear she held inside her mind suddenly rushed to the front of her brain and seemed like reality.

"Katniss?"

His voice snapped her back from the nightmare taking place behind her eyes.

"I'm sorry," she said quickly. Bringing the water to him, she helped his shaky hands finish the cup. When she was certain he could keep that down, she went to heat up some leftover broth Prim had tucked away. Once it was warmed, she took the bowl over to sit on her stool again.

"Did you make that?" he asked hopefully. His hand shook terribly as he reached for the bowl, but she shook her head.

Katniss bit back a smirk. "I'll do that. But….no, I didn't make it. Prim did though. She made it just for you."

Another crooked smile that made her heart melt. Brushing it aside, she took a spoonful of broth and lifted it to his lips. His wide, blue eyes stayed locked on hers as he accepted the spoon and swallowed.

"That's nice," he sighed reverently, closing his eyes. Her eyes watched with rapt attention as his tongue slipped out and wet his chapped lips. "I was hungry."

Katniss chewed her lip and offered him another spoonful. "Well….," she swallowed roughly, "you fed me once."

Peeta stared at her.

"I…I think about that all the time."

It was now or never.

"So do I," she sighed.

"You do?"

"I guess you could say it was a turning point for me. Never mind…it's not important."

Peeta gulped. "You were dying."

Katniss nodded sadly, looking away. "I was. That's two times now that you've saved me. I'm going to owe you for a long time I guess."

"You don't owe me anything."

She raised an eyebrow in a challenge, watching the way he blinked up at her. He seemed almost childlike as he watched her stir the broth again before giving him another spoonful.

Peeta looked up at her again after swallowing. "Do you hate me?"

"No," she whispered with a bitter laugh. "No one could hate you Peeta. Especially….especially not me," she trailed off, looking down at her lap. Her eyes slowly rose to meet his. He was staring back at her with an intensity that made her tremble where she sat.

"But you don't like me."

She looked away, stirring the broth. The only sound in the room was the little pewter spoon as it clanked against the side of the bowl. "I never said that I didn't like you."

"Then what?"

"I…don't know what to make of you, that's all."

He coughed out a little laugh, wincing as the movement surely irritated his back. "What do you mean?"

"You shouldn't be talking. Does your back hurt?"

"It's fine," he winced, clenching his jaw. She watched as the movement made his strong jawline ripple slightly as his teeth pushed together. She'd always secretly admired the way he'd inherited his father's strong featured face.

He accepted another spoonful of broth with a frown. "I just….you seemed too offended that day in the bakery. I only tried to talk to you because…"

Katniss raised an eyebrow and waited for the answer to that. His cheeks reddened slightly, the ruddy color making his pale skin look rather splotchy.

"Is it the same reason you gave me the cookies?"

Peeta stared forward and sniffed. "Maybe it is."

She let out a quiet laugh before spooning him another mouthful. "I ate one. I gave the other to Prim."

He refused to look at her as he pouted quietly. "Were they at least good?" he finally asked sourly.

"Would you be happy to know it's the best thing I've ever tasted?"

"Maybe," he relented. "Why did you automatically assume I wanted to take you to the slag heap? Why did you think I wanted to do that to you? That's not…that's not who I am."

"You've never taken a girl to the slag heap?"

Peeta frowned. "If we've being honest I'm no angel, but….no, I haven't. Did you think I had?"

"I'm from the Seam," she sighed. "What else do merchant boys like you want with girls like me?"

Peeta was quiet a few moments before speaking again. "A chance."


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

(Peeta)

"A chance," he gulped. "I just want you to give me a chance."

Katniss' mouth paused dropping open slightly. She absently stirred the broth as she stared at him, her silvery eyes wide.

"A chance for what?"

He had to snort softly at this girl's blindness. For someone who single handedly cared for her family, hunted, bartered, and still kept good marks in school….she was rather dim. He tried to remind himself that she most likely didn't have much experience in things like this, so he tried to be patient. The noise he'd made had given Katniss a deep frown.

"What's so funny?"

"You're not making this easy, that's all," he said, wincing as he readjusted his position on the table. Knocked unconscious it didn't feel too bad. Now that he was awake and coherent the wooden surface was making his joints ache.

"Stop moving around," she chided, placing her hand on his bare arm to pull him down. "You'll irritate your stitches."

Peeta sighed and lifted his head up to look at her. "Hasn't a boy ever told you that he's liked you before? You're making this harder than it should be."

Katniss balked¸ pressing her lips together as she was suddenly unable to look at him. Instead, her grey gaze shifted uncomfortably around the room. Peeta was suddenly struck with a distressing thought: was he the first boy to ever show an interest in her? He had worried for months now that Gale had beaten him to the punch. He couldn't deny that he'd stared longingly after them more than once after they'd left the bakery, wondering how close they were.

Katniss shifted uncomfortably in front of him as her olive skin turned slightly pink. Her blush spread from her cheeks to her neck to the skin poking out of his wool sweater. She looked cute that day – her wet hair was hanging in loose waves over one shoulder, her skin reddened slightly from just being washed, and she was still wearing his sweater over a pair of waffle print long underwear. She self-consciously pulled it down over her knees as she sat nervously on the stool beside him. He smirked.

"You're cute when you're nervous."

Her eyes flashed up to his, giving him an incredulous look. "Are you still drunk from the medicine?"

He shook his head. "I don't feel drunk."

"You think I'm cute, you must be drunk," she coughed softly. She nervously tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ears as her toes curled around the worn wooden rung of the stool.

"I might feel a little weird, but….I know what I'm saying. Are you…"

He paused, trying to figure out how to word his next question. He wanted to know if Gale did indeed already beat him to Katniss' heart. If he had it wouldn't change much; he'd still have feelings for the girl with the arrows, but it did mean that he would stop his efforts to pursue her. There was nothing worse than a guy going after another guy's girl. He didn't know Gale very well, but he certainly wouldn't do something like that even to a boy he didn't know all that well.

"Am I what?" she frowned.

"Are you going with Gale?"

"Going where?"

He smiled. "Well…," he blushed, feeling his cheeks turn hot, "I see you come trade with him."

Their bond wasn't hard to see, even for him. The way they bumped elbows sometimes as they came walking up the back alley to trade, the way they spoke in hushed voices as they waited for his father in the bakery, the way their gray eyes regarded one another…it wasn't difficult to see that Katniss and Gale were close. His father had said he didn't think it was the kind of romantic 'close' Peeta had feared, but he wanted to hear it either way. It would be a tough blow to weather, but he knew he had to find out. His body was physically broken but healing itself; he figured he might as well get his heart broken too while he was at it. He'd work on healing them both at the same time.

"He's my hunt-I mean, we….well…."

"I know you hunt. You can say it."

She gave him a dark look. "Fine, he's my hunting partner. He's my best friend. I…" her eyes suddenly lit up as she realized what he was asking her. She shook her head. "It's not like that with Gale. Everyone seems to think so, but….a guy and a girl can be friends. Gale and I depend on each other, that's all. Why?"

"You seem close," he answered honestly. "I didn't know if….if you had feelings for him."

"Friend feelings, yes. He's my partner. That's the way it always will be," she ended firmly, eying him sternly.

"Friends. I get it," Peeta muttered defensively. "So…but if you don't like Gale, is so bad that I would maybe….I mean if we-"

Katniss held up her hands. "-Why don't you get better, yeah? I think you've got enough to worry about instead of wondering about what Gale and I are up to. I need to finish putting your medicine on anyway," she mumbled, standing up.

Peeta's stomach sank. Her standoffish attitude wasn't anything he was used to; when a guy told a girl he liked her she was supposed to either shoot him down with a grimace or shyly admit she liked him back. It was one or the other! Katniss hadn't done either. She'd done the worst thing a girl could do – she'd left him hanging. He sighed and propped his chin up on his hands as Katniss moved around behind him. It figures she would do that though – he'd made this entire thing so awkward he was cringing on the inside. But he couldn't help it. He needed to tell her how he felt before it was too late.

"I'm sorry," he offered meekly. "I didn't mean to put you on the spot or anything. You're healing me and all I do is make you feel weird. Great," he mumbled pathetically.

"I'm supposed to be healing you. My mother is the talented one. And it's okay," she sighed. She was quiet a few moments before he heard her swallow. "I did like the cookies."

"You really did?"

"I told you they were the best thing I've ever tasted. You didn't have to do that."

"Sure I did," he shrugged. "This month is for Valentines."

"That's a holiday, right?"

"Right."

"You were talking about naked babies with arrows."

"Yeah. Cupids. My dad has an old book that has some pictures in it of cupids. They're cherubs and they go around with arrows shooting people with…well I don't remember it, but whoever they shoot falls in love. That's Valentine's day."

"Sounds morbid," she mused with a snort.

He nodded, jumping as her fingers began tracing the cool salve over his stitches. They burned slightly, the tender skin protesting at the touch. Seconds after she applied the medicine, a cooling tingle washed over the area making it feel a hundred times better.

"Sorry."

"No…it feels good," he admitted. "What is that?"

"An herbal mixture. It's supposed to help you heal faster. We mix it with some aloe to keep it moisturized and a bit tingly. My fingers always feel weird after I do this," she admitted with a little laugh.

"It's nice. Thank you."

Katniss sighed, pausing her work with a huff. "When are you going to stop thanking me? I'm the one that got you into this mess."

"It's alright. They shouldn't have let Thread punish you in the first place. Someone should have stood up and stopped it."

"I broke the law. I deserved it."

"You only needed food," he argued back, peeking over his shoulder. The afternoon light shone through the dingy kitchen window, illuminating her face again as she stood beside the table. The image reminded him of the first time he woke after the whipping.

"I woke up the other day and thought I was dead," he chuckled softly, turning back around. "You looked like an angel."

Katniss snorted. "Alright."

"Well you did. I was so out of it."

"Why did you think you were dead?"

"I'd have to be. For you to talk to me," he muttered with a shrug. "You never talk to me at school."

Katniss sighed as her fingers traced softly over the ridges in his back. "We don't exactly run in the same social circles Peeta."

"You sit with Madge at lunch though – she's my friend."

"You're both town kids. If your group of friends saw you talking to me they'd string you up by your toes and don't deny it," she huffed softly. "It's just the way things are."

He looked back over his shoulder at her. "Wasn't your mother from town? And your father a coalminer?"

Her jaw dropped open slightly as she visibly searched for a quick retort but failed to find one. Amused, he snorted and turned back forward.

"That's different."

"How?"

"It just is, Peeta. They….they fell in love and nothing else mattered."

"So you're saying even if you met someone who changed everything, made you unafraid and just won you over, head over heels…that wouldn't change a thing?" he asked hopefully. "You wouldn't even give it a chance?"

"I don't know," she finally said after some silence. "I've never been put in that situation."

"What if you were? What if you had once chance at something like that?"

"Peeta…"

"Listen, I know you don't want to think about this now. But…if I rest up and let you heal me and whatnot would you at least give me a chance?"

He glanced over his shoulder again. Her hands were very still above his back, her eyes flashing to his. "That won't change anything. I'll still be….just this, and you'll go back home. Things will be the same as they always were Peeta."

He paused and tried to recover. "Well…tell me this. How did you feel when I gave you the cookies? When you saw them and tasted them? I baked them just for you. If a guy frosts cookies pink and red for you, you'd have to feel something. How did you feel?"

She laughed softly. "I felt….hopeful. Excited," she admitted.

"Then no," he chuckled lightly, "when this is all over, things will most definitely not be the same Katniss. You'll see."

He heard her laugh again quietly, her skilled touch applying more medicine to his wounds. She didn't say anything after that, but he could tell she was busy deep in thought.

All too soon, the house was bustling with people and he didn't get another chance to talk to her again. Mrs. Everdeen woke and did a quick assessment of his body, Prim came home from school, and Katniss began moving around the kitchen preparing some food. From his place on the table he could watch her as she lit the burner on the stove and busied herself by heating up more broth and mixing up some grain she had taken from a sack in the corner. He realized she was making the traditional Seam bread he'd heard about; it took some grain, a little coarse flour, water, and a pinch of salt. Most Seam residents didn't have white flour or yeast, so their bread was dense and flat. She poured it in a greased muffin tin and shoved it in the oven with a sigh. Peeta watched as her eyes shifted nervously around the kitchen, her unease suddenly apparent. What was the matter? He caught her gaze and gave her a questioning look.

He didn't understand until Gale stopped by on his way home from work.

Glancing over his shoulder, he saw the familiar Seam boy standing in the doorway, practically covered in coal dust and soot. Katniss handed him a damp cloth to wipe his face and hands on as they stood there talking.

"People's talkin' in the mines. Sayin' it's happening now. There's a meeting Wednesday night at the Hob. Haymitch is talkin'. People's starting to get organized about this. This is serious. You should really come Catnip. You need to at least hear him out."

"Hear him out about what? Starting something we can't possibly finish? Give the Capitol another reason to blow us out of the water? No thank you Gale. I have a lot to lose and I don't want to get involved."

"Listen to me: fences are on and they ain't comin' off anytime soon. Thom heard Peacekeepers talkin' about it. Alright? You know what that means? We starve."

"I know what it means," she snapped.

"And yet you don't seem to care."

"We'll….we'll be fine," she mumbled uneasily. Peeta watched as she hugged her middle with her already skinny arms. His sweater hung from her small frame more than he liked and he felt his stomach turn uneasily. She had been worried earlier that they were running out of food – that was what that worried look was about. And how he was there, taking up their kitchen table as another mouth to feed. The fences were on and Katniss couldn't hunt. He finally understood.

"No, we won't. We barely hang on as it is. You want to live like that? Working yourself to the bone for next to nothin'? Watching your family starve? Worst way to die if you ask me. We agreed on that a long time ago."

"I know we did. But Gale…this isn't some small feat. You're talking about taking down the Capitol."

"If we die trying, then we die. Anything is better than this. Dying while fighting that piece of shit is better than dying by starving. At least you'd die for something."

"Gale…"

"Tesserae comes out at the first of every month. We're barely more than a week in Catnip – how much food you got left?"

"We're fine," she repeated. "We're going to be fine."

"Right. I'd reckon you got more than we got over at my house, that's for sure. I'm not willing to die a slow, painful death and watch my little brothers and sister go that way too. I'd rather have a purpose. I'm gonna fight. You should too. Wednesday night, alright?"

"Fine, whatever," she mumbled. Peeta glanced back as Gale patted her shoulder and sniffed. His gray eyes turned to Peeta's.

"You gonna live bread boy?"

"Think so," he managed to call out.

"Good," Gale nodded. "You hear what I said? You heal up so you can join in the fun," he added with a grin.

Peeta smiled from his place on the table. "You know it."

Katniss let out a tiny shriek of indignance as Gale mussed her hair and turned to leave. She turned and stared incredulously at Peeta after the front door slammed shut and they were alone again. She stomped back to the kitchen and looked like she wanted to smack him.

"What on earth? You're not joining in on this idiotic suicide mission. You're not going to get involved."

"Who says? You?"

"Yes me! I say you can't get involved! Why on earth would you do a stupid thing like that? You've already done enough!"

Peeta shrugged. "I guess you can say I've finally got something worth fighting for."

Katniss met his gaze and this time she held it. A soft smile appeared on her thin, weathered face and he realized it was for him.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

(Peeta)

Even though she'd smiled at him when he'd said his pleasing words, he knew she was still irritated. One thing Katniss could not hide was the distaste on her features. Her movements were stiff and worried as she moved about the room preparing their meager dinner of broth and dense Seam bread. He licked his lips and for once couldn't think of anything to say to make this better. When the cakes were finished, she called out that dinner was ready.

"Will you make sure he eats?" her mother softly asked.

He saw her nod and dunk a piece of the coarse bread into the bowl of broth before her. She had haphazardly braided her loose hair, forgoing the tie on the end. It stayed put over her shoulder as she sat down on her trusty stool by his head. Her mother and Prim took their meal into the living room and left the along once again.

Peeta looked up at her and tried to ignore the hot, itchy pain of his stitches by trying to engage her in conversation. "Are you angry with me?"

She was quiet a minute, her grey eyes scanning the wooden floor in front of them.

"I still can't believe you said that," she whispered finally. "You don't mean that, do you? You can't."

"What?" he asked. "That I would get involved in a rebellion? Yes I meant it. I feel the same way Gale does."

Her shoulders slumped. "Peeta….we wouldn't win. The Capitol would crush us. Plain and simple."

He snorted. "I know you think I'm some stuck up merchant boy who's never-"

"You don't know what I think," she snapped."

He sighed and gave her a pleading look. "Where's your sense of pride? And hope?"

He watched the way her face changed. "That…died a long time ago."

"I know it didn't because if it did you wouldn't be like this. You wouldn't have this fight in you."

Her nostrils flared slightly and her silvery eyes ignited as she looked up at him. "What fight?"

He couldn't help but smile. "That one."

"Fine," she sighed, spooning another bit of broth into his mouth. "But you shouldn't have said that. Gale will believe you."

"So let him. I've already done this much – I can at least fight. This isn't totally up to you, you know. You're not the only one fed up with the way we live in this hellhole of a district. Did you ever stop to think that maybe I'm not completely happy either? There's nothing here for us. And….I want a future to fight for."

"But don't you want to live to see it?"

"Of course I do. But I know that if I sit back and do nothing I won't even have a shot at it."

She glanced up at him and gave him a lopsided smile that made his stomach do a summersault. She fed him broth for another few minutes in peaceful silence. He enjoyed the time together, basking in the feeling of being in her company. There was a comforting feeling to just lying there quietly with her as she fed him.

"Did you give any more thought to what I asked before?"

"What's that?" she asked quietly, spooning up the last of the broth.

"That if I heal and do better…that maybe you would give me a chance?"

Her eyes met his before flittering away. "Maybe."

"You can't answer me like that. Not with a rebellion hanging over our heads. What if I died tomorrow?"

"Don't say that," she snapped. "Don't say that you might die."

"I'm sorry," he offered softly.

She sighed. "I'm sorry. But I have, yes. And…I suppose I would give you a chance. But I'm not sure what good it would do."

"What do you mean?"

"It's like I said earlier – I'm from here and you're from town. The second people saw you holding my hand they'd ask when the baby's due. Then you'd be soiled in their eyes and no decent girl would want to have you after that. They all think we're dirty."

Peeta wrinkled his nose. "That's no one's business. Besides….we'll be eighteen soon."

"What's your point?"

"My point is that people who are eighteen get married and have babies. We'd just be holding hands, after all," he smirked. "That's not a crime."

"I guess," she laughed. "Why don't you get better first? I think we have bigger things to worry about until then. Infection, food, a rebellion…"

He sighed. Skunked again. Oh well.

"I at least wish I could do something nice for you. You're supposed to do something nice for the girl you're sweet on."

She blushed. "You made me cookies."

"I'd make you a damn cake if it meant you'd hold my hand."

She raised an eyebrow. "You're….bold."

"True," he mused. "But I almost died. If I had, you'd…you'd never know how I felt about you. The Capitol can take a lot of things from us Katniss, but…but what's the point in letting them? The Capitol can do a lot of things to make our lives miserable but the one thing it can't do is control how we feel. What we want, what we wish for….I wasn't about to let them take that away from me," he admitted. He swallowed his nervousness and stared up at her.

Katniss smiled faintly, nodding. "I can respect that Peeta. I…I'm glad you said something. And again…I'm sorry I was so mean to you the other morning. I just assumed that….a merchant boy only wanted a romp on the slag heap with an easy Seam girl."

"No," he insisted. "Not at all. I mean…I….I would…."

He trailed off, unsure of how bold he should be. If she freaked out and turned him down he could always claim it was the morphling talking, right?

"What?"

"I…I would maybe take a kiss. I did almost die, so…"

Katniss sputtered out a nervous laugh. "You want me to kiss you?"

He nodded. "You did once. Am I right? When I was asleep? You talked to me and kissed my forehead. I don't remember much from being out but I…I –r-remember that," he stammered nervously.

He watched as her olive skin turned a shade of dusty rose. "I…maybe did, yes," she admitted. "But you're awake now."

Peeta pretended to wince. "My back hurts an awful lot. I just thought it would maybe make it better."

She gave him a skeptical look. "And how exactly will my kissing you make your back feel better?"

He rolled his head to the side and laughed. "It just will. It's scientific, I swear. It will," he repeated. His eyes met hers and he gave her his best helpless, pleading gaze.

Katniss shook her head. "This won't fix your back. This is silly."

Peeta blinked. "There might be another cookie in it for you. Or like I said…a cake."

She raised an eyebrow. "Tempting the Seam girl with food? Clever boy," she deadpanned. A tiny laugh slipped from her lips as she pressed them together and stared down at him.

"Please? One kiss. Don't make the injured man beg. I could have died without knowing what it's like to kiss Katniss Everdeen."

"What would that matter?" she asked.

"Everything," he sighed woefully. "I've liked you since you showed up to school that first day. Your hair was in two braids instead of one. I used to watch you walk home to the Seam," he babbled nervously. "I knew it even then."

Katniss locked him in a steely staring contest, her breaths increasing slightly. It was the only thing he could hear.

"You're lying," she whispered.

"No," he promised quietly. "I wouldn't lie about that. Katniss…it's always been you. I won't lie and say I haven't kissed other girls ever. I have. I did, I mean. I tried to move on and think of someone else. But no matter who I was kissing I…every time I opened my eyes the fantasy ended because it wasn't you."

Katniss didn't say anything for a few minutes, making his stomach turn with fear. Had he said too much?

"Can you just….say something? I'm pouring out my heart here and you're….you're just looking at me. Come on, I'm already on your kitchen table, broken and…and looking awful. Don't kick me when I'm down."

Her eyes lowered to his. "You've thought about kissing me?"

He felt his cheeks grow slightly warm. "Maybe once or twice."

She nodded. "What if I'm bad at it?"

Peeta stilled, tilting his head up to look at her. She was gnawing on the corner of her thumbnail, her arms tucked around her middle. She looked nervous.

"Haven't you been kissed before?"

She shook her head slowly, her eyes avoiding his. "No. I…Peeta I don't have time for silly things like kissing. I'm probably horrible at it."

He shrugged slightly, rubbing his chapped lips together. "I'd let you use me for practice. Unless there's someone else you'd rather kiss first?"

"I've never actually given much thought to kissing anyone before," she replied flatly. He watched her shrug nonchalantly as she tried to brush away her obvious embarrassment.

"I'd understand if you didn't want to. It's alright then."

Katniss looked over at him from her place eon the stool, her olive cheeks turning pink again as she chewed on her lip. Before he could think of another argument as to why she should kiss him, she quickly leaned down and just did it. Peeta stilled in shock, his body singing with surprise as her face drew closer to his and her mouth brushed against his ever so lightly. It was hardly a kiss- more just her mouth colliding softly with his for a split second. She was gone before he could even blink, retreating back behind him in the kitchen where he couldn't see. His back was too tight to turn that way, despite his efforts.

"Hey….hey wait!" he called out. She urgently 'shhh'd' him, hurrying over to his side.

"Would you be quiet? Everyone's home now. Just….I'm sorry. I kissed you, see? Wasn't it awful?"

Peeta had to laugh. Katniss huffed and muttered something under her breath about how now he was laughing at her and he shook his head the best he could. "No…I'm not laughing at you, I just…that wasn't even a real kiss!"

"Of course it was," she huffed, sitting back down on the stool. Her eyes failed to meet his. "I kissed you, didn't I?"

"But it was so fast," he whined. "Can you do it again?"

She looked at him then, her gaze indignant and her arms crossed. "I just did it. Our lips touched, that was a kiss. Now would you kindly shut up about it?"

Peeta didn't have time to protest, for Prim came flouncing into the kitchen seconds later. "Mom is lying down, but she said Peeta needs to at least have a sponge bath. Do you want me to do it?"

He watched as Katniss sputtered a second, her face growing red again. "No Prim, I can do it. Is your homework done?"

"No," the younger girl groaned. "Not yet. Almost."

"Almost isn't finished."

"Alright. Well…make sure you do his back first and then the rest. Just like last time."

"I know."

Prim gave him a tiny wave before turning and exiting the room. Peeta listened as her light footsteps went down the hall and up the steps. He gave Katniss an incredulous look.

"What does she mean 'just like last time'?"

She shrugged. "We had to clean you up yesterday. We cleaned your back and…and washed your hair and body. Infection festers in uncleanliness," she mumbled.

Peeta sighed. "Aw, hell. So when were you going to tell me this?"

"What does it matter?"

"It doesn't….I guess," he lamented. It was a little embarrassing that she had bathed him and most likely seen him naked, but he supposed it wasn't anything to really dwell on. It wasn't like it was lewd or inappropriate he reasoned – he was injured and she was simply treating his medical needs. He didn't figure he had anything she'd never seen before anyway as the daughter of a healer.

The boiling kettle on the stove began to whistle, and he watched as she removed it from the heat. She took another bucket of already cooled water and added it to the wash basin on the floor before adding some soap and a few herbs to it. She silently moved behind him and pulled the sheet back to expose his stitches. The warm, soapy water against his skin felt like relief from the burning, itching pain. He sighed and rested his head on the soft pile of rags that he was using as a pillow. Her gentle touch dragged the damp rag over his wounds, soothing and easing his pain.

"You'd make a good healer," he said finally. She paused her movements, softly snorting.

"I would not."

He smiled and tried to look over his shoulder. "You would too. I'm not afraid to argue with you Katniss."

"So I see."

"Speaking of fights….why does it make you so hot and bothered that I would want to fight in a rebellion?"

She stopped her movements and huffed again. "Haven't you suffered enough? Or do you want Thread to come and give you seconds?"

"Gale thought it was a good idea."

Katniss resumed her work. "Gale thinks a lot of stupid things are good ideas. We don't need a rebellion. We need to get through the winter."

"Then what? You heard Gale. The fences are on. What are you gonna do then?"

"I'll think of something," she repeated.

Peeta shook his head. "You're already skinny enough. Why's it so bad that I worry about you? I did once and I still do."

"You shouldn't. I'm not your responsibility to worry over."

"Never stopped me before," He insisted. He stared forward and sighed as he began running the rag down his sides and over his arms. "I watch you at school-"

"-Why are you telling me this?"

"-Because I almost died, alright? I want to tell you these things. I'm done not having any peace over all of this. Katniss….I watched you in the hallways at school. I watch you walk home. I watch you leave after you trade at the bakery. I spent over half my life just sitting by-"

"-that's not true."

He knew she was referring to the bread he'd tossed her that one time, but he felt guilty about even that. He should have done more. It shouldn't have mattered that his mother was there and would have seen; he just should have done more. "I just…I can't bear to see you hurt. I can't bear to see you go without something you need. Something as simple as food, Katniss."

He grabbed her wrist as she came near his hand and looked up at her. "I can't stand to see you waste away again. We need to do something. What's your plan to stay alive if you can't hunt?"

She paused, her grey eyes fixing on his. He heard her breath tremble slightly as her eyes filled up with tears. "I….I don't know what I'm going to do," she admitted shakily, her voice wavering with panic. She crumbled down onto the stool again, shaking her head. "I hate being weak. I hate not having any control over this," she cried. "I didn't think I had anything more to lose after….but I do. I'm finding out that I have a lot to lose and I feel so powerless."

Peeta lifted his head up and winced as he tried to unsuccessfully balance on his elbows; his back wouldn't allow that yet. Instead he gripped her hand in his and stared up at her as tears silently streamed down her face. Clearly embarrassed, she swatted them away and refused to look at him.

"You're allowed to feel a moment of weakness every once in a while you know."

"I'm not weak."

"I didn't say you were. You're allowed to feel though, Katniss. But this is why I want to do something. The Capitol doesn't have the right to starve you and back you into a corner like this. The Capitol doesn't have the right to make you feel weak."

Katniss brushed away another set of tears, her olive skin turning slightly splotchy around her eyes. "Peeta…"

"I'd fight for you," he said, gripping her hand in his. "If you'll let me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw, these two. One more chapter of fluff, then we're going to get into some fun rebellion shenanigans.
> 
> So, along with that comes a small confession: I thought this was going to be a short, fluffy, quick little story. I ditched that and this totally got away from me (my apologies *runs and hides*) and now this will be a full story that I'm going to just write and see where it takes me. The original ending of the fic was this chapter (Where she kisses him) but as you can probably tell...ummmm I'm not ready to put this down. Bear with me, everything will be finished, I just need to run with this.
> 
> Thank you for reading and please review! : )


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

(Katniss)

She was embarrassed she'd let him see her cry. Again.

The warmth from his surprisingly strong grip resonated up her arm and into her chest as he stared at her with his hopeful blue eyes.

"I'd fight for you so that you don't have to feel this way anymore."

She smiled bitterly and wiped her eyes again with her free hand.

"Are you just saying that because you're on my kitchen table and I've seen you naked?"

Peeta chuckled, shaking his head. "Katniss…."

"I know, I know. Give you a chance. Can you just heal first though? Is that too much to ask?"

"Not if you kiss me again," he grinned.

She sighed. Kissing him wasn't on her list of things to do that day in the least bit, but she still had. If anything she could at least say her first kiss had been with sweet, kind Peeta Mellark. She'd always have that, wouldn't she?

"Kissing you won't solve anything."

"Never know," he shrugged. "It might."

She stared down at him skeptically as he eyed her hopefully from the table. In all honesty, he looked rather pathetic and scruffy – his blonde hair was sticking up at all angles and his chin and jaw were covered in blonde stubble. Figuring she couldn't stand to make him any more miserable, she leaned down and brushed her mouth with his once again. It was too awkward of an angle to really do much other than a light peck, but she was fine with that. For now. Peeta's chapped, pliant lips seemed to melt against hers in the split second they touched, and it made her stomach twist inside of her. She slowly became aware of how it wasn't exactly unpleasant and she let her lips linger against his a split second longer than she had the first time. He groaned in protest as she pulled away.

"What?" she asked, fearing she'd done something wrong.

His blue eyes narrowed up at her. "When I'm better, you'd better lookout. When I can move I'm going to kiss you like you should be kissed. Properly," he added between clenched teeth.

She snorted and stood up, pushing the sleeves of his wool sweater up.

"What does that mean? Properly?"

He sniffed in frustration and shook his head. "Not when I'm half naked on your kitchen table and still slightly drugged. When I can actually move and…and kiss you like you should be kissed, you know?"

"Not especially," she laughed.

"Well next time I won't lie here like a dead guy. You….That's not how I pictured this to go."

"You're making me sorry I took pity on you," she quipped.

He looked up at her with a pleading glance. "No. Just…I feel bad your first kiss was with some cripple in your kitchen. If I had my way I'd do it better, that's all. You know, add some romance to it? Whatever, I just…I'm going to make it up to you Katniss. When I'm better. I'm going to kiss you like you deserve to be kissed."

"I see," she hummed calmly, despite the way she felt on the inside. An excited tingle ran up her spine at his words and it confused her. The idea of a healed Peeta up and walking and grabbing her shoulders to kiss her 'properly' sent a thrill through her. Confused, she frowned and picked up the damp rag again before ringing it out in the sink. She'd seen the lingering, spit-swapping, open mouthed kisses of the kids behind the hob and in the schoolyard. It looked positively vile to her. Did Peeta want to do that to her? She wasn't sure if she was particularly crazy about that idea. That type of kissing seemed…complicated.

"What are you thinking about?" his voice broke her thoughts.

"Honestly?" she smiled, running the rag over the back of his neck and ears, "The time I caught that Daliah girl from our class kissing Gale behind the Hob. I teased him for weeks that she was trying to eat his face."

"What?"

"Nothing. It just…it was funny," she snickered.

"You mean like they were French kissing? With tongues?"

"I guess."

"Huh," he said, shifting on the table. She ran the cloth over his bare shoulders and noticed the way his muscles tensed at her touch. She ran the rag down his sides, around the perimeter of his wounds. He tensed again and snorted.

"That tickles."

"Sorry."

She moved the rag over his sides and up again before dumping the old water out into the sink and mixing fresh. "Turn your head….there," she coaxed, making Peeta look at her. He watched her with an unflinching gaze as she ran the cloth over his forehead, cheeks, and jaw.

"I can shave you tomorrow if you'd like," she offered. Her father's shaving kit was still sitting in her mother's upstairs closet. It was one of the few things she'd been unable to part with and sell after he'd died.

Peeta's mouth quirked into a crooked little smile. "That would be nice. You know how?"

She nodded. "My dad. Your face looks like it's itchy."

"It is," he admitted. "My mother usually makes me shave every day. If I come down to work looking scruffy she throws a fit."

The room grew silent as she and surely he thought of the way his mother had come barging over.

"Katniss?"

"Hmm?"

"I….I know my mom came over here the other day. I'm sorry for whatever she…did. Or said. I don't remember much."

"It's alright," she insisted quickly, not wanting to dwell on it. She didn't want to tell Peeta that's she'd followed his mother out into the snow after her own mother had been slapped. She'd gotten up in Mrs. Mellark's face and pulled her fist back like she was going to punch her lights out. Of course she wouldn't have done it – she'd never really hit anyone before. But the look on Mrs. Mellark's face as Katniss had threatened to do it was enough for her.

"I don't think she'll come back here."

"I just….she's just so…."

"Peeta, listen," she said softly, touching his cheek with her hand, "You're not your mother. I know that."

Peeta looked up at her from the table with a grateful gaze. She didn't get a chance to say anything else, for there was a knock at the door. Katniss almost didn't want to answer it – each time someone showed up at their door the past few days it only brought one more bit of bad news after another. She put the rag down and went to open it.

Mr. Mellark looked up and gave her a shaky smile.

"Katniss. I was hoping you'd be home. I um…might I speak with you for a moment?"

"Of course," she said, opening the door wider. Mr. Mellark kindly slid past her and looked around hopefully.

"Your mother…?"

Katniss glanced toward the steps the led upstairs and twisted her mouth. She was surprised her mother had pulled herself together as much as she had the past few days – most of her time was spent puttering around the house, spacing out before she could accomplish much of anything. That or she was in bed, staring at the chipped paint on the wall.

"She's um…resting," Katniss muttered, leading him into the kitchen. Mr. Mellark's face registered what she was saying without her having to say it.

"Ah."

Peeta looked up with bright eyes, his lips turning up into a smile. "Dad!"

Mr. Mellark exhaled shakily and lurched towards him. "My boy!"

"Hey dad. Katniss said you came to see me when I was out."

"You were a little worse for wear when I saw you last, yes," he nodded. "Are you feeling any better?"

"My back hurts, but…Katniss is taking care of me," he said slowly, flicking his eyes over to her. She felt her cheeks heat up again.

"I can…go in the other room…."

"Nonsense," Mr. Mellark said quickly, "You're the person I needed to speak to. Can I assume you do the bartering for the family?" he asked, his blue eyes twinkling.

Katniss realized he looked so much like Peeta, but even more so when he smiled. His gentle blue eyed gaze and squared jaw was exactly like Peeta's, only Mr. Mellark had more laugh lines and wrinkles. He was actually quite handsome for an older man. She nodded and moved back over to sit on her stool. "What can I help you with?"

"I brought some food," he said slowly, pulling a package from his coat. The smell of freshly baked bread hit her nostrils and her stomach rumbled in response before she could stop it. She ducked her head and gave a nervous laugh.

"Sorry."

He gave her a crooked smile. "Just in time, I suppose. I brought it to…sort of offer payment for treating my son. I'm not immune to the talk in town and I heard….well….I know things are…getting tougher," he coughed, obviously referring to the fences. "I just thought this might help."

He placed the still-warm parchment containing the bread in her hands, pushing it towards her with gentle force. "Take it."

She opened her mouth but no sound came out. She hadn't had anything to eat but broth and tea and her stomach was starting to feel hollow; the awful, gnawing feeling she'd had all the time after her father died. With no hope of hunting or way of bringing in food again, she found herself forced to accept it. Swallowing back her normal self-survival instinct and pride, she nodded. "Thank you."

"It's the least I can do for your mother for sewing him up. I….Can you tell her I'm sorry?"

He didn't need to say what for. Katniss watched as his stubble covered jaw grew slightly ruddy at the mention of his wife's outlandish stunt the day before. "I can tell by the look on your face I don't need to ask what happened."

Katniss shook her head.

Peeta sighed miserably from the table. "I'll give you a minute." She got up and left the room, wandering into the living room to sit on the threadbare couch. A spring from the cushion poked her in the rear, making her shift uncomfortably as Mr. Mellark spoke to Peeta in a hushed voice from the kitchen. She picked at her nails as he waited for him to finish. He emerged a few minutes later, his hat twisted in his hands and his eyes wide with hope.

"I'll be back tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" she asked.

He nodded. "Do you know how much longer he'll have to stay laid up?"

"No, I don't. If you'll be back tomorrow I can make sure my mother is…here," she replied awkwardly. She silently hoped she could drag her mother out of bed again now that Peeta was healing. It took a lot to coax her out of her room sometimes.

"That would be nice. I'd like to discuss an arrangement with the two of you. Same time tomorrow?"

"That would be fine."

She watched as Mr. Mellark reached down to squeeze Peeta's hand, even stooping to place a quick kiss on his son's hair. Katniss shifted her eyes down uncomfortably as she witnessed the tender moment between father and son. It was obvious that Peeta and his father were close. How Mr. Mellark could have ended up with that old witch of a woman she wasn't sure.

Mr. Mellark placed his cap back on his head and pulled his coat tighter around him before giving her a parting wave and opening the door. When he was gone, she made her way back to the kitchen and gave Peeta a weak smile.

"Hungry?"

He nodded, so she dutifully opened the parcel his father had left on the counter. The smell of the warm, fresh white bread cut through the air and made the hole in her stomach lurch painfully. It had only been two days since the fences were on and she was already feeling hollow. Gale was right – they would need to do something whether she wanted to or not.

"Do you care if I take some up to Prim and my mother?"

"It's not mine," he shrugged, placing his hands under his chin. He winced slightly as he moved, a few bones in his back cracking as she left. Prim was ecstatic to receive the treat and even her mother perked up a little as she accepted the thick slice of fluffy white bread. Katniss returned to the kitchen and cut a slice for herself and for Peeta.

"He knew this is my favorite," Peeta explained, accepting the food. Katniss bit into the bread and couldn't contain the moan of approval.

"It's still warm!" she gasped, chewing slowly. She held the bread away from herself and examined it. It looked like the inside of a cloud.

Peeta chewed his and nodded. "Been forever since I've had bread that wasn't stale. Old man can still mix a loaf," he chuckled.

Katniss' eyes flicked up to meet his. What did he mean? Surely living and working in a bakery meant he got fresh bread all the time.

"I know what you're thinking," he said flatly. "And no, I don't get fresh bread at all, if ever. Everything I get is mostly stale. Mother doesn't like us to eat anything unless it doesn't sell. Then it's ours eat," he explained.

She shifted on her feet and bit her lip. "I didn't know that. Well….this is amazing. I'll have to tell your father thank you."

"He'll be back tomorrow. He wants to talk to you mom about how long I'll be here."

"Why?" she asked.

Peeta looked away, chewing thoughtfully. "Part of the reason I want to fight in a rebellion is so that….so that I can have a fresh start. I want to be free and not be controlled by the Capitol anymore and just….not feel so trapped. They make it feel like a crime to not know what you want to do in life."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean…what if I don't want to be a baker?"

"But don't you?"

He sighed, his blue gaze stormy. "Maybe I do, eventually. Maybe I want to paint, or…or travel. See the rest of Panem. But no. I can't do something as simple as seeing the ocean or the prairie because they say I can't."

Katniss shifted on the stool and played with the last of her crust. She did understand what he meant – she understood exactly. She'd yearned on more than one occasion to leave the district and see the rest of Panem, but travel between the districts was strictly forbidden. Honestly though, she was amazed that Peeta seemed to have given his purpose in the rebellion some thought. This was no recent development – he must have been stewing over this for some time to feel so passionately about it. She sighed.

"Once…Madge had me over to her house when we were younger," she started, "And we went into her father's office and found one of his geography books from the Dark Days."

"You're kidding. What did it say?" he asked excitedly.

She smiled, happy to have found a topic he was interested in besides a rebellion or kissing. "That the world is a lot bigger than we think. Or than they've told us. There are oceans and other….bodies of land," she explained, failing to remember the terminology. "But Panem is so different. Every district is just…beautiful in its own way. In District One they have mountains that are so high they have snow year round. They're not like our mountains. And in Seven, they have trees that are so tall they're practically ancient. And in Three they don't have grass or anything; just sand. It's warm there all year round, like summer."

Peeta's eyes lit up as she watched him try to picture it all. She could still remember the day they'd sat in his office, flipping through the forbidden book and rushing to put it back where they'd found it when Madge's nanny came looking for them.

"I'd give anything to see that," he sighed. He was quiet for a long time after that, his gaze thoughtfully.

"Katniss?"

"What?" she asked finally, looking down at him. He stared up at her with worried eyes.

"I don't think I can go home anymore. After everything. My dad doesn't think my mom will let me live at home anymore," he admitted softly, shaking his head. "So….I have to fight. I have to make a change because otherwise….I won't have anywhere else to go."

Katniss inhaled quickly. He couldn't be serious. How could his own mother not want him back? Was it because of what he'd done for her? Or that his father had let him stay? Regret rolled over her, making her stomach feel queasy. She'd been down before; starving, desperate, and she'd felt doomed on more than one occasion. But even in that extreme instance she'd always had a home to go to at the end of the day. She'd always had a place to live. But now Peeta didn't even have that. She felt ill.

Taking his hand in hers, she squeezed it lightly and watched him look up at her. "We'll figure this out."

"Together?"

"Together," she nodded. And she meant it.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

(Katniss)

She stood at the foot of the bed watching her mother's even breaths leave her body. She was curled on her side, her thin arm outstretched across the double bed. Her hand was curled inward, stretching over the empty spot where her father used to sleep. Katniss' eyes rested on the framed, faded portrait of her father that rested on the nightstand. A lump suddenly appeared in her throat as she stood and watched her mother sleep.

She'd never seen such a broken looking person before. Was that all love got you? Did giving yourself away to someone leave you to be like this forever when they left? A shattered, useless shell?

She gently jostled her mother's feet and moved beside the bed.

"Mom. Mom? You have to get up. Peeta's dad is coming back soon."

Mrs. Everdeen's eyes fluttered open, her pale skin almost translucent in the early morning light pouring through the window. Her outstretched hand curled further inward as if she was reaching for something. Or someone. Katniss blinked and looked away.

"What is it?" she whispered with bleary eyes.

"He's coming back to talk to you about something today. You need to get up. Come on," she pleaded firmly. Her mother sat up in bed and looked around the room.

"He's coming here?"

Katniss nodded. She turned and left, pausing at the door to catch her mother's eye. "Peeta doesn't think his mom will let him come home."

Her mother nodded slowly, her glassy eyes wide and dazed. With that, Katniss turned and went back down the narrow staircase to the living room. The stove that separated the living room from the kitchen was open as she returned to the work of lighting a fire for the day. She'd let it nearly die down in her concern for Peeta, and re-lighting it was always tedious work. Taking three thin little strips of wood in her hands, she lit them with a small flint she kept handy. The embers ebbed and glowed as if they were deciding whether or not to light. She blew lightly on the ends, coaxing the tiny flame into existence. It lit and reluctantly danced on the ends of the sticks as she held them. Keeping the fire in the stove lit and keeping the house warm was usually one of her top priorities.

Taking care of Peeta was making her slip. Slip? Who was she kidding? She was falling. Hard and fast. She gnawed on the inside of her cheek and couldn't help but picture the way her mother's hand still clung to the opposite side of the bed.

She looked over at the table after blowing on the kindling. He was awake and watching her as she worked. Peeta's sleepy gaze met hers and…

She suddenly felt like the little sticks she held in her shaky hands.

Ignited. Hot. Alive.

Clearing her throat, she shoved the tiny flame into the wood burning stove's belly and added a few crumpled up papers. Peeta yawned from his place on the table and gave her a crooked smile that she had grown to love the past few days.

"Sleep alright?"

He nodded, glancing down at the crumpled quilt and lumpy pillow that were stashed halfway under the table. She'd slept on a quilt on the floor beside the table and had hoped he wouldn't notice. He obviously had.

"Does your back hurt?"

"No, does yours?" he asked cheekily.

"Answer me," she said sternly, ignoring his flirting.

He shook his head 'no', but eventually winced and nodded. Katniss added a few small logs to the stove and stood, brushing off her hands. She walked over to Peeta and pulled the sheet back. His wounds were definitely healing; through the red, angry flesh she could see the beginnings of scabs and pink skin. She sighed in relief. Pinkness meant that the skin was growing back or at the very least into a wearable scar.

"My back will always be ugly," he lamented. "I can feel how torn up I was."

She sniffed and shook her head. "You'll be fine. You'll just have some scars now."

He looked over at her, craning his neck and wincing. "Does it disgust you? Seeing what I'll look like?"

Her heart twisted in her chest as he stared up at her with a pained blue eyed gaze. In that moment, all she could remember was the sound of the whip as it cut through the air and landed on his bare skin with a sickening crack. There was no doubt that such a punishment would have killed her. That would leave Prim on her own with no food or mercy or….she stopped herself before she got too caught up in her imagination of what could have been that day.

"No," she said quietly, her voice sounding wounded. "No, you don't disgust me. You…." She swallowed hard, shaking her head. "You got these scars protecting me. How could I ever….how could I ever think they were ugly?" she asked finally.

Peeta nodded, blinking thoughtfully. "If you're alright with them, then so am I."

She didn't have a chance to thank him again. Her mother wandered into the kitchen with Prim in tow. They both blinked sleepily in the dim morning light as Katniss kicked the quilt and pillow further under the table. Her mother's eyes followed the movement and she knew she'd been caught.

"How are you feeling?" her mother asked Peeta, bending down to examine his stitches. Katniss watched as she laid a comforting hand on his shoulder as she surveyed his progress.

"Sore. Itchy….it hurts," he finally admitted sheepishly.

Her mother turned to a hopeful Prim. She wanted so much to help.

"Go outside and bring me a bowl full of snow. Can you fill up that tin one under the sink? Make sure it's clean."

Prim nodded eagerly, grabbing the bowl before dashing outside into the snow. Her mother turned back to her and let her eyes flicker up to the wound on her face. "Your bruise is healing," she said, softly touching Katniss' temple. She winced and ducked away, not wanting to call attention to the fading bruise near her hairline where the butt of Thread's whip and struck her.

"I'm fine," Katniss insisted, pushing her hand away.

Prim returned a few minutes later, her arms full of a tin bowl overflowing with clean, white snow. Katniss sat down on her stool by Peeta's head and watched as her mother mixed up a batch of snow coat. The white snow soon turned a pale shade of mint green as the ground up herbs were stirred in.

"This should help and give you some relief. If you're still hurting later, I can give you a half a shot of morphling."

Peeta looked up warily. "Will it knock me out again?"

"Might make you a bit silly, but I don't have to give you that much of it," she explained. "A full dose would knock you out for about eight hours; a quarter would just make you a bit numb and maybe a little….squirrely."

"Okay," he said slowly. She couldn't tell he didn't exactly want to be knocked out for half the day again, and truthfully she didn't want that to be the case either. Hanging her head, she tried to fight the way her mind kept telling her she wanted him awake so that they could talk again. She shouldn't want to, but she did. The baker's son had drawn her in like a magnet.

Prim carefully moved the bowl closer to Peeta's side and gave it a hearty stir. "We might not need it. Snow coat might help it enough," she said hopefully. Peeta rested his head in his hand and sighed in relief as Prim began slathering the thick snow onto his back. Katniss and her mother arranged some clean, damp rags in a circle on his back to keep the slushy, light green snow in place. Peeta actually groaned out loud as the medicine settled onto his red, puffy skin. The noise broke the silence in the small kitchen and made Katniss' eyes widen in shock. The sound was so…primal. Her mind began to wander to dangerous places before her mother spoke.

"Is that better?"

"Yes," he whispered hoarsely. Katniss helped Prim arrange more snow on his skin as there was a knock at the door. Her mother opened it to see Mr. Mellark on their front step.

"I'm so glad I got you today. Are you feeling better?" he asked sweetly. Katniss watched their awkward but friendly exchange from the stool as Mr. Mellark stood on their doorstep. She watched as her mother smoothed her apron and nodded.

"My dad is so funny," Peeta whispered as they quietly watched them. "All these years and she still gets to him."

Her mother motioned for him to come in.

"Wait, what?" she whispered.

"Later," he insisted, shaking his head. She nodded as Mr. Mellark sat down at the table next to where Peeta was laying.

"How you feeling?" he asked.

"Better," Peeta admitted. Katniss watched with wide eyes as his father pulled another loaf of bread out of his coat, along with another, smaller package. He handed it to Prim and watched as she opened it.

"Flour!" she exclaimed. "Look Katniss! White flour!"

Katniss' eyes went as wide as Prim's as her sister shoved the parcel towards her. Indeed, the neatly folded bag was full of at least five cups of white, fine flour. Such a thing was easily considered a delicacy in the Seam; Katniss hadn't ever had white flour before the bread yesterday.

"Such a gift," she agreed, looking at Mr. Mellark. They exchanged an awkward look before her mother blushed and looked over at Prim. "Shouldn't you be going to school?"

Prim sniffed and stomped her food petulantly. "Do I really have to? Why can't I stay with Peeta?"

"He needs his rest."

"But Katniss stays-"

"-Prim," her mother chided. "Please go to school."

Prim sighed dejectedly, hanging her shoulders and making a noise in the back of her throat. Katniss ruffled her sister's head as she passed, pushing her a pail with a meager lunch in it. Suddenly, she had an idea.

"Wait!" she called out, leaping up. Every pair of eyes in the room watched as she hurried to the counter and unwrapped the bread from the day before. She slipped a slice into her sister's pocket and grinned. "You can only eat it if you go to school. Now go, the whistle will sound any minute!"

Satisfied, Prim accepted the treat and shrugged into her coat. With a cheerful little wave, she turned and darted out the front door.

"She was very happy to get that bread," Katniss said as Peeta chuckled behind her. Mr. Mellark nodded. "And I was happy to give it to her. I take it eh….things are still the same?"

"Gale hasn't been by and I haven't left so…I think everything is the same," she explained. She was hoping Peeta would accept a half shot of morphling later so that she could slip out and talk to Gale more about this rebellion nonsense. So far though, she had been unwilling to leave Peeta's side.

"Good. Will you please keep me updated? Mr. uh…Mr. Abernathy came to my shop yesterday. He had some ideas I'd like to stay…current on."

Katniss felt her eyebrows rise up. Mr. Mellark was interested in a rebellion? She couldn't believe it. Peeta coughed from his place on the table as if to see 'See! Told you so!', but she didn't give him the satisfaction of turning around.

"Speaking of ideas…I came today to discuss the subject of payment."

"We don't need-" her mother started, but Peeta's father cut her off.

"Money is tight all around, but…I thought you might take some bread and flour in exchange. I figured food is right up there with money – am I right?"

"That's very gracious of you," her mother insisted, "But does Susan know?"

"My wife is….this no longer concerns her. I want to pay you for taking care of my son, Elise. It's really the least I can do, but….well, winter is rough on everyone I think."

"How much longer do I have to stay?" Peeta asked.

Her mother chewed her lip and shrugged. "I'd say….perhaps a week? I'd like to monitor you for at least a week. Maybe an extra day after I remove the stitches. Just to be sure."

Peeta looked at his father. "What about after that?"

"Son-"

"-No, dad, what about after that? What's going to happen to me once I'm healed up and can leave?"

Mr. Mellark's face grew dark and he suddenly couldn't look at his son. "I'm still talking to her. She's…you know how she is."

Katniss watched as Peeta clenched his jaw. "Why are you with her? She can kick me out – fine. I know she wants to. I'll figure something out. But dad why are you with her if she treats everyone this way? Shouldn't of all people….of everyone in the world, shouldn't you at least be nice to your own family?"

"Peeta," his father warned, pinching the bridge of his nose. Katniss moved to stand in the doorway with her mother, who was also inching out of the room. Their conversation as anything but public.

"No, I'm serious. Of all people she should treat us at least somewhat better than everyone else. But no! She treats us like trash dad. You the worst."

"Peeta, she's just-"

"Dad stop making excuses. Why are you with her?"

Katniss watched as Mr. Mellark looked up after a long silence. "Son….she doesn't want you home. I'm trying to talk her out of it. But she doesn't want you home after this all blows over."

She heard Peeta exhale as his suspicions were confirmed. "Fine. That's just fine. I don't need her anyway."

Katniss saw her mother tense beside her. "He….he can stay here. He can stay here with us," she repeated firmly. Both Peeta and Mr. Mellark looked over to the doorway with shock. Katniss felt a hot flush of….something race up her neck and ignite her face. Her heart was pounding in her chest. Peeta live with them? What would people say?

Her mother moved back into the kitchen and touched Peeta's shoulder. "You always have a place here, Peeta. I wouldn't turn you away. Not after what you did for us."

Mr. Mellark pinched the bridge of his nose again and clenched his jaw. "I'm sorry, Elise. I'm so sorry that it's come to this."

Her mother nodded, chewing her bottom lip. "No. It's fine. I'm afraid he'll always be scarred, but…I think we've managed to keep infection away."

"I can see that," he said nodding towards the snow coat. "You were always the finest healer in the district, and don't deny it."

Katniss watched in pure awe as her normally obtuse mother actually blushed slightly. Her eyes flicked to Peeta's; he was watching the scene with rapt interest from his place on the table.

"Well…we can figure things out later. I might be able to talk to her….but…who knows. Elise, I'd like to pay you in bread and grain for your trouble. At least until things…get better?"

Her mother nodded. "That would be fine. But nothing extravagant. Please, I….helping Peeta is the least we can do."

"He saved my life," Katniss suddenly blurted out. Mr. Mellark looked at her in surprise. "He…he saved my life and I will do anything to make sure he's taken care of. It's…like she said; it's the least I can do."

Surprised by her outburst, she refused to look at Peeta. She could practically feel the grin radiating from his face as she stared forward hotly. She was so stupid sometimes. She'd practically admitted that she liked him right there. Embarrassment flashed through her.

Mr. Mellark cleared his throat awkwardly, flashing her a shy smile that looked like Peeta's. "Well Katniss, I…I appreciate it. Sometimes his...emotions get the best of him and his big heart gets him into situations that might be over his head, but…in this case, I'm very glad it did."


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

(Katniss)

Mr. Mellark's words stuck with her for the rest of the afternoon. She applied three more fresh rounds of snow coat to Peeta's back even when he insisted that two was enough. However, the relief that registered on his face each time a new layer was applied was all she needed to see to know that she should keep up her work. She had said she would do anything to help him heal and she meant it.

"Shouldn't you be back in school?" he asked finally. "You've already missed two days."

She shrugged. "It would be different if I was actually missing something important or relevant. I think I can miss a week and still manage to pass my final exam on how coal is mined. Besides, I don't think they want to fail a Seam kid."

"But still, you shouldn't miss so much. Won't they send Peacekeepers eventually?"

"If I miss more than a week. I've missed school before Peeta. They don't come to the Seam very often to check for kids here. Trust me," she muttered. She was positive that if a Seam child missed school it was one less mouth to feed in their eyes. It wasn't uncommon for Seam children to get bad grades in school – in fact, the practice was rather common. Children in primary grades regularly and purposefully got grades high enough to not disqualify them but not low enough to get kicked out. That way, they had a warm place to go five days a week and at least one free, guaranteed meal a day. At Katniss' age the free meal barely resembled slop, but she'd accepted it on more than one occasion in order to ration their food at home. The school's response was to usually pass as many near-failing students as it could in order to keep the hallways less crowded.

"Katniss…"

"I think I'll manage to pass," she sighed, wiping the snow away again. Peeta sighed in relief as her fingers wiped the cool slush from his back with a soft cloth.

"I never asked you what you wanted to do if….well, after school."

She laughed bitterly. "Survive. Get prim through school and maybe….maybe make sure she has an apprenticeship. She'd make a good healer and there's some need for it here. Lot, actually."

"What about you though? What do you want to do?"

Katniss paused her movements, shaking her head. "I…I never thought about it. I guess I live the type of life you have to take one day at a time," she explained.

Peeta nodded. "I guess you're right."

Her stomach rumbled in response, making her cringe. In all honesty, most of her life had been spent worrying about where her next meal would come from. Most of her life had been focused on surviving. She met his eye and shrugged. "That's something that has gotten a bit harder to do at this point."

It got so cold that night the next day that Prim was begging to bring her pet goat Lady inside before dinner was even on the table. Katniss groaned and bundled up in her father's old coat to go collect the stupid animal so that it wouldn't freeze to death. She was supposed to meet Gale that night to talk about what this rebellion would include, but she hadn't decided whether or not to actually go yet. She wasn't sure if she wanted to show her face at the Hob yet. Surely the news that they were harboring a merchant boy in their home was scandalous news. The Hob could always count on containing two things; stolen, illegal items and gossip.

Katniss only had the tolerance for one of those.

A stern pull on the end of the rope in her chapped hands made her come to a halt. Exasperated, she turned around.

"What?" she demanded.

Lady bleated back in response, shaking her head. The confused little goat wasn't used to Katniss' attention.

"You want to say out here and freeze to death?"

The goat looked at her blankly, indifference skittering across her furry face.

"Fine. I'll leave you then," Katniss said, dropping the rope. "I'm just going inside the nice warm house with Prim…."

Lady let out a strangled bleat and trotted past her into up the worn path towards the house. The ground was so cold it sounded like her little hooves were running on marble instead of dirt. Into the house she went, followed by Katniss who was sufficiently fed up with the stupid animal.

Peeta's eyebrows rose up when the goat meandered over to the table and sniffed his elbow that was hanging off the surface. Her mother set another bowl of broth down on the table and shook her head at the pale furred animal as it let out a bleat.

"Can we at least keep her out of the kitchen?"

Katniss huffed. "Do you want to try to tell that stupid goat what to do? Good luck."

"Lady!" Prim squealed, running up to her. She kissed the goat on the forehead and scratched behind her ears as Katniss shrugged to Peeta.

"And I guess the goat makes five?" he laughed.

"When she's warm enough she gives good milk. We make cheese and sell it," she said, sitting down on the stool. Her mother ushered Prim in the goat into the living room to eat while she fed him.

Peeta propped his head up on his hands and looked up at her as she stirred the vegetable broth with bits of bread in it. "Hungry?"

"Smells good," he nodded. "You put bread in your soup too?"

"When we have it. It softens up the loaf I make with the tess-…with the grain I have," she said, stopping short of admitting to taking out a tesserae. She knew Peeta knew she had several, but that didn't mean she particularly wanted to talk about it.

"Oh. Well….Do you like that loaf? The French bread is my favorite."

She eyed the loaf of fluffy white bread on the counter. "I like it but that's awfully generous of your father."

"Yeah. Old man still has it," he chuckled. "He mostly just does the books and helps the customers. I'm the one that mixes the loaves and actually does all the baking," he explained when she gave him a quizzical look.

"It looks like an expensive loaf is all," she said softly. She wasn't stupid – the white breads were the fancier variety since they took white flour to make. The denser, grain filled darker breads were usually all she could afford if she was lucky. Mr. Mellark had brought them somewhat of a delicacy in District 12 in repayment. The bread on the counter seemed to hang over her head like a dark cloud. What would happen when Peeta was well enough to leave? Gale's words rattled around in her head as she carefully spoon fed Peeta the broth. He was right – both boys were right. She had to do something and soon.

"It's a nicer one, yeah. It's used in toastings a lot."

She looked over at him and met his gaze. Peeta was staring up at her hopefully.

"Do you ever want to get married?"

"No," she admitted softly. "I just want to survive."

Peeta shifted on the table. "But…but if you had a husband, he could help you. It wouldn't just be you."

"No," she said, shifting uncomfortably. "But husbands lead to babies. And…I live here and who would want to bring a baby into this world?"

"I guess you're right. But what if you didn't live here?"

"Peeta, we do live here."

"But what if you didn't? Would that change your mind?"

"But we do live here and we always will. That's just the way things are."

She forcibly shoved another spoonful of broth past his lips to shut him up. She added a stern look on top of that and shrugged.

"But-"

"Just eat. I'm going to meet Gale after I'm finished."

"You are?" he asked brightly. "I wish I could go."

"You can't even sit up," she said, trying not to laugh.

Peeta pouted and accepted another spoonful of broth. "Not yet, but in a few days I will. Your mom said that tomorrow I can actually sit up and not just….vegetate here on your table."

"You're fine."

"Are you at least going to let my dad help you?"

Katniss pursed her lips and considered the more than substantial offer Mr. Mellark had made to them in exchange for taking care of Peeta. It didn't seem right to accept that much help, but what other choice did she have? It wasn't like he could go home – his father had said that himself.

"It's very…generous of him."

"Your sister was already worrying about how to ration the flour while you were out getting the goat," he said softly. "You have to let my dad help you while I'm here. Otherwise I'm just another mouth to feed."

"What are you going to do once you're better?"

Peeta shrugged. "I can't go home. I don't even want to go home. I guess you could say I'm banking everything I have on this rebellion thing. If I can't get what I want, I might as well die for something worthwhile, right?"

Katniss could only stare at him.

Peeta's words stuck with her as she cut through the dark night. Her breath came out in little puffs of white air as she walked towards the Hob, her father's hunting jacket pulled firmly around her body. She hadn't even left the house since the day of Peeta's whipping; the cold air felt foreign against her skin.

She slipped into the back door of the abandoned warehouse, shocked when she saw how many people were there. Miners, Seam residents, and even a few blonde heads of townspeople stuck up through the crowd. She spotted Gale along the outside of the sea of people and hurried over to where he stood, ducking her head along the way. She didn't particularly want to be noticed after what happened in the town square – she was sure people would have questions and they weren't ones she was ready to answer yet.

"You came," he stated flatly, bouncing on the balls of his feet. He leaned against an old stack of chicken wire cages with an anxious look. She gave him a once over and noticed she wasn't the only one looking extra lean these days – Gale appeared to have slimmed down a bit as well.

"Get any more brilliant ideas yet?"

"No," he quipped. "That's why I'm here. Why are you here?"

She shrugged and turned away from the crowd, picking absently at the splintering wood beside her. "I couldn't think of anything to do either. I mean…if we can't hunt, what can we do?"

"Figures. I'm glad you came, Catnip. We'll hopefully figure something out tonight. Haymitch told me he had news."

She frowned and looked up. "Yeah, and since when it the town drunk our mouthpiece for a rebellion? I've only seen him stagger around with the front of his pants wet. Are you trying to convince me he's worth investing so much hope in?" she snapped.

Gale's eyebrow quirked. "Did you ever think that it might all be an act?"

"What do you mean? He's not important enough to matter most of the time. I forget he's even around."

"Precisely," Gale said. "Wouldn't you be more likely to talk around the town drunk than a seemingly coherent person? Given the two, who would you think would go more unnoticed?"

Katniss paused. Gale had a point – most of the time the people of the district ignored the staggering drunk and carried on with whatever they were doing. More than once Haymitch has seen her duck under the fence with a full game bag. She realized with a start that she'd been brushing off his glassy blue eyes and drunken stagger for as long as she could remember. Was it all just an act so that people wouldn't take him seriously and he could spy, picking up bits of information as he went along? It certainly made sense.

Well shit, she thought. "I guess you're right. So he's got a plan?"

"Hope so. He's got news…or at least I hope he does."

"Right."

"So does bread boy still want to fight?"

"His name is Peeta."

Gale smirked. "I bet. He had a lot of spunk the other night when I was there. He was ready for a fight. Impressive words for a town boy. I thought they were all soft."

"Things are bad all around I guess. We were…wrong about him. His life isn't the tea party we all thought it would be, being the baker's son an all."

Gale sighed and shrugged. "With that witch for a mother, how could it be? At least he wants to do something about it though. He had a lot of fire and that's what we need."

Katniss shook her head and sighed. "He doesn't know what he's doing. He thinks he's had it tough and maybe he has, but….he has no idea how bad things can get. He doesn't seem to understand that it can always get worse, you know?"

Gale frowned and turned to face her. "Are you so dense that you're forgetting he took a whipping for you?"

"Gale, shhh," she chided quickly, batting his hands down. "Shut up."

"Well I'm sorry but he did. In my opinion the kid knows how shitty things can be. Let him decide what he want to fight for, will ya?"

"Yeah, whatever."

"He healing up alright?"

"Yeah, why?"

He shrugged. "Just thought the kid would want to be in on this. Got a silver tongue that one."

"Apparently not silver enough to get himself talked out of a whippin," she huffed. "He'll live. His stitches are healing up well mom said. I duno, he's looks…better."

Gale caught her eye and nodded. She felt her cheeks heat up and looked away. "Which reminds me; thanks for that medicine…it…wouldn't have been pretty without it."

"It's fine. I felt sorry for the kid, actually. Kinda helped that he took that beating for you. I felt like I kinda owed him. He took the blame for something we both do. It was just bad, dumb luck that he happened to be there to step in for you."

She dug her toe into the dirt floor of the Hob and shrugged. "Well either way, thank you. I appreciate it. Um…but where did you get it?"

Gale eyed her sideways and shook his head. "Never mind where I got it."

"No, I wanna….I wanna know. Come on Gale."

The crowd around them was growing steadily anxious. People were starting to chatter loudly as the big room became more and more crowded with people. She wrinkled her nose and waited for Gale's answer as she tried to block out the stench of too many unbathed bodies in one place. The Hob didn usually smell like a flower or anything, but the large group of people wasn't helping the problem.

"I got it from….Undersee," he admitted lowly.

Katniss raised an eyebrow. "My friend? Madge?"

He nodded and shot her a dirty look. "Hey keep it down. I don't want anyone to know that."

"How'd you do it?"

He shrugged and shifted, spitting onto the dirt floor. "I might owe her strawberries for the rest of my life."

"I'm sure you don't mind," Katniss laughed. "Oh Gale. She's good company. I approve."

"Right, cuz that's what I was hoping for. Just don't spread that around, alright? I was lucky her mother didn't need it and she had a few vials lying around. Fingers crossed no one notices it's gone."

"I'm sure a lot goes on in that house that no one notices," Katniss laughed. She'd been to the mayor's mansion to do homework or complete a project with Madge on several occasions, and she used to go there to play when she was little. Madge's mother had terrible headaches that required the rare, expensive medication. Katniss' mother surmised that the mayor's wife probably had some sort of untreatable tumor, so that explained her headaches. Katniss didn't know much about her mother, which suited her just fine – they didn't need a lot of small talk. Madge was the only person besides Gale that she considered an actual friend. She knew she'd need to go and thank her for the medicine after this was all over.

"I won't tell anyone. We still have some left – Peeta wanted to stop taking it."

"Smart move if you don't need it," Gale said. "Nasty stuff. My ma said people used to get addicted to it back in the day when things were real bad. She said they got all….dopey eyed and crazy when they couldn't get it. She said people would even kill for it."

Katniss leaned back against the wall and tried to imagine Peeta in a morphling craze, glassy eyed and reaching for her neck. She couldn't picture the boy with the bread doing anything remotely violent towards her, even if he was out of his mind. Suddenly she couldn't get the feeling his lips against hers out of her head. Guiltily, she stared at the ground.

"What's that look for?" Gale asked.

"What's what look?"

"Nothing," he shrugged, giving her a weird expression. She nudged his side and looked up to the front of the Hob where Haymitch was stepping up onto a makeshift platform. It was really an old, rusted out truck that didn't run; Greasy Sae sometimes set up her booth in front of it so that she could sit on the tailgate. Haymitch stood up and eyed the crowd before him as people started quieting down. Katniss stood up on one of the old crates beside Gale and leaned on his shoulder to keep her balance as the Hob grew eerily silent. Everyone wanted to hear what the old drunk had to say.

"If you're here tonight…that means you're unhappy with the state of things. If you're here tonight," he continued, his raspy voice firm, "That means you want a change."


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

(Katniss)

She walked home to the Seam that night feeling jaded. Gale was chattering (which was strange for Gale) all the way to her doorstep about change and uprisings and what the future might hold. She didn't have the heart to tell him that it was all just talk.

Haymitch had been a surprisingly talented speaker. He'd roused the crowd and gotten them angry and then sad and then indignant and right back to angry again. He'd lit a spark in the Hob that night but she still maintained that it was only that – a spark. The flame they would need to spur an entire rebellion wasn't there.

Or at least not yet.

"There's talk. There's talk on the rebel airwave that uprisings are going to start happening. Any day now. They might have already gotten underway! We must be ready to fight for our freedom and bring the Capitol down!

His words had stirred something in her, but what? She was full to the brim with hope but what would she do with it? Talk. That's all there was. Talk of uprisings and change and preparations for nothing. Gale continued his excited, rambling chatter as they moved through the snowy paths towards the Seam.

"If we caught them by surprise…can you imagine Catnip? Oh…there are only so many peacekeepers. Shoot, we outnumber them in the mines fifty to one! Imagine if we all just…just…just turned on them one day! What would they do? What could they do?"

She stopped talking and glowered at him. His shoulders were shaking with an excited energy that she felt sorry to demean. "They could turn their automatic weapons on you and shoot you all with one pull of the trigger," she said quietly.

Gale's shoulders slumped down as his breathing slowed. He stared at her with hurt grey eyes. "You don't know that. If we were organized and…and could catch them unaware they might not be able to do much. Who knows though, right? I mean…don't you want this too?"

"Of course I do! But I also don't want to die. I have Prim and mom and….and I don't think Peeta can go home after this. So now I have four mouths to feed including my own. And you have your brothers and sisters. What if we both died? Both of our families would starve Gale, you know that."

"But they'll starve if we don't do anything either!" he pointed out. Katniss turned and kept walking. She didn't mean to hurt Gale's feelings and act as such a downer, but what other choice did she have? He needed to at least see reason, didn't he?

"I've taken out so many tesserae's just to keep my family's bellies full that the Capitol has me working for them in the mines til I'm sixty. Sixty," he added with a grimace. "And that's if I don't have to take out any more. Which I will, since…well, you know the fences and whatnot. So just to feed my brothers and sister is and keep them barely alive I gotta work for practically nothing til I'm sixty. If I live that long working underground."

"I know," she admitted woefully. It wasn't a fair system at all; for each tesserae taken out, it equaled a year of work for the Capitol while being paid only a fraction of what he would normally make. The Capitol took over half of what one would normally make in repayment for the food. She knew Gale had a point, but what could she do?

"Gale," she chided, shuffling her feet through the dirty snow. His thoughts were too dangerous to be spoken out loud. "Keep quiet."

"Whatever Catnip. You're in this now whether you admit it or not. I saw the look on your face when he was talking about….all of that. You got excited as I did." She listened as his mood shifted back to optimistic as hummed to himself and bounced on the balls of his feet again as they walked. He did that right before the kill when they were hunting too. He'd stay very still and then he'd bounce a few times and shoot. Then he'd hit his target. She couldn't help but wonder if he would hit this target as well.

"This was a good night. A good night," he repeated to himself as they walked.

"Nothing happened. It was all talk Gale and you know it. Nothing is going to change."

"I know it is. We'll figure something out…"

"But what if we don't?"

"But what if we do?"

Her shoulders sunk down as she realized that all of her hope was for nothing. She would get Prim through school, she would turn eighteen, and then she would take her place in the mines or wherever the Capitol placed her. She'd taken out at least fifteen tesserae's over the years, which each equaled a year of serving the Capitol as an employee. They might work her in the mines or in town or wherever they saw fit. Either way, the Capitol owned her until she was at least thirty two. She didn't have the energy to hope anymore.

She slipped silently inside the house, giving Gale a little wave as he headed back down the path towards his own house. The house was dark, save for the light of a single gas lamp in the kitchen. Peeta looked up from his book as she shrugged out of her coat.

"What are you doing up?" she laughed softly, shuffling over to the kitchen. Peeta held up one of Prim's little sixth year mystery novels and shrugged.

"Waiting for you," he said. "Prim loaned me a book to read. You wouldn't happen to have anything…"

"I have other books yes," she laughed, sitting down on the stool.

"How did it go?" he asked hopefully.

She looked away and sighed. She almost didn't have the heart to tell him the truth. It had been all about hope and empty promises of nothing concrete.

"It was fine," she lied.

Peeta's blue eyed gaze focused in on her. He shook his head slightly.

"You're lying."

"I am," she sighed. "They basically think uprisings are happening in other districts, but we have shaky communication with them. Old radios, messengers that take months to arrive…if they ever do. It's unreliable nonsense."

"But they think they're happening?"

Katniss sighed. "Just like you to only focus on the good. But yes, they do. Haymitch is convinced Two is riled up and ready to strike at any day now."

"Two…they're close to the Capitol," he whispered. "What if they…retaliate?"

"Nothing will happen Peeta. We make coal. They're not going to level our District; we make things they need."

"I suppose you're right. But they do think uprisings are happening?"

"Yes. Haymitch does anyway. He needs proof though, and that's almost impossible to get with almost no communication or way to be sure. He wants to organize a rebellion to overthrow the Peacekeepers here, but he says it needs to all be done at the same time. If all the districts were to rebel all at once…..then that way the Capitol won't have time to react."

"He's got a point. Organized chaos," he explained when she gave him an indignant look. "Well he does."

"Fine. But either way he has no proof that it's all happening. It's just hearsay and hopeful thinking."

"But you still went to the meeting," he pointed out. Katniss watched as he shifted under the sheet that was covering him, shivering slightly. She shuffled over a few feet to add another log to the fire.

"I went to see what it was about. To see if it was even possible."

"And what do you think now?"

She sat back down on the stool and shrugged. "I mean….Haymitch had good ideas. But he has no way to know whether or not the other districts are rebelling or not. It's just what you said: it needs to be organized chaos. Otherwise the Capitol can focus on taking us down one at a time. It's a lot like back in school when a bunch of kids were misbehaving. Remember seventh year on the last day?"

Peeta chuckled. "Yeah. Mrs. Marsden's class. I'll never forget that. Everyone was so excited to be done with school. People were cheering and yelling and tossing their papers up into the air."

"Right. Remember how she didn't even know what to do? She was just all frazzled and crazy and she finally just…"

"Didn't do much of anything. She gave up because she knew it was hopeless," Peeta sighed.

"Right. Well…I think Haymitch is hopeful that the same thing will happen in the districts."

Peeta looked up at her hopefully. "Am I foolish to hope the same?"

"No," she said softly, shaking her head. "Because I feel the same way."

Her mother was putting some moisturizing balm on Peeta's stitches the next day as Katniss laced up her boots. Her eyes flicked up to meet his as he steadied himself into an upright position. Peeta was sitting up for the first time since he'd come to their house. His whipping had been just shy of a week ago and her mother said he was healing very well. He smiled shyly at her and nodded. Her lips seemed to burn suddenly as she looked away.

"So far so good," she heard her mother mutter. Peeta winced a little and she could swear she heard him grit his teeth a little as he straightened up and even popped a few bones in his back. "No leaning forward…or sideways. Just sit straight and try not to pull any of them out. I think you're about healed though."

"When can they come out?"

Katniss heard her mother snort softly. "A few days. Most of these aren't deep, so they should be able to come out by Saturday. We might leave a few in for a couple days after that, but most likely Saturday or so. You won't be running off to join any rebellions just yet."

Peeta tossed a smirky look over his shoulder. "Just asking."

Katniss watched her mother smile as the endearing baker boy playfully charmed her. When her boots were tied she jumped up and dug her gloves out of the pockets of the coat she was going to wear. She was going into town to give Madge a well overdue thank you for Peeta's medicine. She wasn't about to admit that though.

As she pulled on her scarf and coat, she tried her best to drown out the noise of Peeta's pained groans as he moved for the first time in days. With the help of her mother, he made was able to lower himself down off the table to make it to one of the chairs. He was currently sitting in her father's old dinner seat, shirtless and wearing the loose cotton slacks. Her mouth went a little dry as she shamefully dragged her eyes across the expanse of his broad, pale chest. Years of hauling heavy sacks of flour around had obviously been kind to his young body. The sound of Peeta's loud laugh broke her thoughts and made her look away in a hurry.

"Imagine the look on Prim's face when she comes home and can actually eat at her dinner table tonight," he chuckled, "instead of seeing me laying here like a dead slug."

Katniss bit back a laugh. His eyes met hers as she buttoned the buttons on her father's hunting jacket. "Where are you off to?"

Her mother gave her a pointed look from over Peeta's shoulder that clearly said 'be nice'. Katniss shrugged indignantly; no one ever asked her where she was going. Prim knew better and her mother was usually too out of it to care. She didn't particularly feel that she owed him an explanation even if he was asking out of sheer curiosity.

"Nowhere special."

She watched his Adam's apple bob slightly as he swallowed. He clearly wasn't expecting that answer.

"But somewhere?"

She shrugged again and pulled a cap Prim had knitted for her over her head. She pulled her braid out of her coat and tossed him one last look. It was late afternoon and she wanted to be home before dark, so she wasn't in the mood to stay and argue with Peeta. His concern was both heartwarming and annoying to her as she opened the door.

"Be back later," she mumbled before anyone could say anything. Shaking her head to herself, she took the back path into town with footsteps as fast as her short legs would allow. She just wanted to go to Madge's house and give her thanks and then be done with it. She would be even. Even though Madge had been her friend for years (or closest thing to a friend) she knew that the mayor's daughter wasn't expecting a formal thank you of any sort, but Katniss still wanted to do the right thing and show her gratitude to the girl that had donated the pricy gift. She'd help Gale collect enough strawberries in the spring to make them even-

She stopped suddenly, her boots sliding slightly on the ice at her quick halt.

It was impossible, she realized. There would be no more strawberries. The fences were on and were probably going to stay on. She no longer had the woods as a fallback, as a safety net. There would be no more food to hunt and trade and sell. There would be no more strawberries or squirrels or tubers or deer.

That was all gone now. The woods were as good as dead to her. A tear stung against her cheek as she stood there, frozen on the slushy path to town. It slid down off her chin and into the snow at her feet.

She couldn't help but feel like there would be no dandelions that spring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More soon! Thank you all for being so patient with me while I battled out this awful cold. Ulgh. Your reviews were lovely to read as I was in bed this weekend hacking up a lung : )
> 
> Many of you asked about the tessare issue and I was too sick to respond this past weekend. I hope my explanation of what I think it would have been like did it justice. Without the reaping slips I think it would make sense that the Capitol would get to have a person for a year's worth of work at a greatly reduced pay in exchange for more food. In this 'universe' the men might be miners or do work like scout new routes in the mines and I picture women maybe doing something like taking food or supplies down to the mines (being 'runners') or maybe working in town cleaning the streets or scraping coal dust off of everything. What do you think?"
> 
> Up next: A visit with Madge and some news ; )
> 
> Please review!


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

(Katniss)

Her eyes scanned the fence as she walked, reminiscing about the time she'd seen the dandelion in the spring after her father died and Peeta had thrown her that fateful loaf of bread. She could still taste the dense loaf in her mouth and feel the way it had settled against her stomach after being empty for so long. That had been the hardest winter she'd lived through; would she live through it this time without the help of the woods? Her eyes moved to the outline of the snowy hills that surrounded District 12. She'd never felt more like a caged animal than she did now.

She continued walking again and didn't stop until she reached the back door of the mayor's mansion. It was on the edge of town near the square and the Justice Building, but she could avoid all that by using the back door. She wasn't ready to see anyone yet, nor was she ready to see the whipping post that was surely still stained with Peeta's blood.

Blood he'd shed for her.

Her thank you speech she'd prepared for Madge's was suddenly lodged in her throat. What if someone came to the door that wasn't her friend? Would they shoo her away before she got the chance? No one came to the back door but Gale and Katniss, so she figured if Madge was home she would open up. She didn't need to worry: the back door swung open after the first knock.

"Katniss!"

She was yanked inside without a moment's hesitation, stumbling into the warm kitchen and into Madge's firm grasp. The mayor's daughter was well fed and surprisingly strong for a girl that didn't have to work for a living. The warm kitchen surrounded her as her old friend hugged her tight.

"Madge," she coughed, shaking her head. Madge soon released her but kept her hands firmly on Katniss' shoulders.

"I've been so worried! How's Peeta? Will he make it?"

Katniss nodded vigorously as her friend looked around nervously. "He's going to be fine."

"The maid is about. Can we go upstairs?"

"S-sure," she sputtered, allowing Madge to pull her through the large house. She didn't stop tugging on Katniss' hand until they were on the upstairs landing.

"Madge…what's wrong?"

"Tell me everything," she urged, her blue eyes wild. Katniss shifted from foot to food and tried to remain collected.

"Um….well Peeta is actually the reason I came today. To t-thank you. He's going to be fine. Scarred, but fine."

Madge's shoulders slumped with relief. "Oh good! I mean I guess I knew he'd be okay if he got the medicine and Gale told me-" she stopped midsentence and gave Katniss a wide eyed look. "Oh…erm….well I guess you know anyway. I gave my mother's medicine to Gale to give to Peeta."

"Can I…can I ask why?" Katniss asked. She knew Gale would die before admitting that anything was going on with the stuffy mayor's daughter, but she was oddly curious about their connection. Had they simply reached an understanding? She didn't understand. Gale was almost as private as she was, so she knew she wouldn't get any answers from him. But an entire case of morphling? There weren't enough strawberries in Panem to make that a fair trade.

"Well," she sputtered nervously, wringing her hands, "I…Gale….I figured he wouldn't have come to me to ask my help unless he needed it. And when he told me what happened I…I had to help poor Peeta."

"I'm glad you did," Katniss sighed, shaking her head. The past few days would have taken a gruesome turn if not for Madge's donation.

She shrugged. "He was always such a nice boy. Very kind to me…kind to everyone really, despite that witchy mother of his," she muttered, "and I've known him since we were in diapers. Did you know his mother hoped he would marry me someday? Stupid woman."

"No, I didn't."

"Peeta and I have been acquaintances….friends really for years. We were never terribly close but I always kind of knew him and said hello whenever he made deliveries for the bakery. And….and I know you liked him," Madge added softly, her blue eyes flicking up to meet Katniss'.

Katniss felt her eyes go wide. She knew her friend had caught her staring in Peeta's direction more than once in the crowded lunchroom but she had no idea she had been that transparent. Humiliation bloomed through her veins as she wondered how many other people had noticed her secret infatuation with the bakery boy. "Wait, what?!"

Her friend snorted and pulled her into her lavish bedroom. The large, white canopy bed sat in the middle and was flanked with matching furniture that probably came straight from the Capitol. As extravagant as it all was, Katniss didn't feel out of place at the mayor's mansion; Madge never put much emphasis on her possessions. "Don't be coy. Katniss…I've seen you looking at him at lunch," she said softly.

"Madge, I-"

"It's alright. I'm glad the medicine went to Peeta. That's what I wanted."

"We had extra," Katniss admitted. "Do you want it returned?"

Madge shook her head. "I took an entire case, not just a vial. A case they won't think to miss. I don't think the nurse would believe someone had stolen that much. They lose track anyway at the rate we go through it. My mother is…not well. Besides….I'm sure your mother could use it for her patients?"

Katniss nodded. She felt like she was accepting a lot of charity these days and she didn't care for it. "I suppose she can. Thank you Madge. I won't forget this."

"It's fine, really," she nervously tittered. Her blue eyes narrowed and she squeezed Katniss' hands. "Tell me: did you go to the meeting last night? The one all the people are talking about?"

Katniss balked. "Wait, you knew about that?"

"I did. People have been talking. Even the maids, Katniss. This is bigger than you think."

Katniss had to sit down on bed to steady her jelly-like legs. Madge knew about the rebellion talk? What if the mayor found out? Would he tell the Capitol and squash it all? This was bigger than she thought indeed.

"It's almost five…..come on, I have to show you something. Your timing is impeccable."

"What?"

"Just come on!"

Katniss allowed herself to be pulled out of the bedroom and down the hall to a door at the end. Her friend looked both ways before slipping down to her knees and pulling a bobby pin out of her perfectly curled hair. Katniss' jaw dropped as Madge expertly unlocked the heavy door with only the help of the flimsy pin. Ushering her inside, she promptly flipped on the television in the corner. After punching a code into the side, the channel changed. Katniss' eyes widened – she thought there was only one channel – the Capitol's channel. Madge's family obviously had connections that most people didn't. She watched with piqued interest as an orange haired announcer came onto the screen with a grim expression.

"This is the channel only the district officials can see," she explained in a hushed voice. "You need to see this. It's the five p.m. broadcast so they should be updating everyone with the news."

Katniss frowned. "News about….what?"

"Shhh! Just listen."

Katniss turned her head back to the television screen before her and watched as the Capitol announcer cleared his throat nervously.

"We're hearing official reports now direct from District 11 that all supply trains in and out of the district are on hold until further notice. While the cause of the explosion at the train station is still under investigation, it is believed that an inner district group of rebels are to blame for the blast. Officials onsite are conducting an ongoing hunt for cause and information, however they are meeting extreme resistance from the locals. The lines leading to the main distribution hubs have been destroyed. Ruins now lie where the tracks once remained."

"Holy…oh my God," Katniss mumbled, covering her mouth.

Madge's gripped her hand. "Just listen."

The already frazzled looking Capitol announcer was handed a slip of paper off screen that made his face slacken in shock for a moment. "This….t-this just in….another train station in District Six has just suffered a massive explosion. I'm being told that all trains in and out of Six are being re-routed."

Katniss' jaw was hanging open as the camera panned to a desolate, smoldering scene labeled 'District Two'. The large stone buildings were absolute shambles after an apparent explosion. The camera zoomed in to show the words 'Justice Building' that had been etched onto a series of marble on the ground in jagged pieces. A Justice Building in pieces, she thought. The Justice Buildings in the all the districts were treated like shrines to the Capitol. In District 12, theirs was cleaned almost daily of coal dust and debris and redecorated yearly with materials from the Capitol. To see that one had been blown to bits made her stomach clench nervously. People were serious about this.

"They blew up their own district?" she whispered. "But District Two are all like…the Capitol's pets. Aren't they treated the best?"

Madge shook her head. "That's what they want us to believe. I heard my dad say once that they come to the schools and take all of the best children out when they're only ten. Ten. They cut them off from their families and send them to this training camp and they're never heard from again. They take children from their homes, Katniss. Without any warning they just take them."

Katniss imagined someone coming for Prim and her throat grew tight. "But what for?"

Madge stared at her. "Don't you ever wonder where we get Peace Keepers?"

Her hands trembled slightly as her head turned back to the television. More and more shots of uncontained fires and rubble flashed across the screen.

"They're cutting the Capitol off before they go in for the kill. Smart," Madge muttered beside her. "Now all they need to do is cut off Five."

Katniss turned to her with wide eyes. "Five is…Five is power, right?"

She nodded. "Once that's gone and maybe…maybe Three? Technology. Then they'll be sunk. I think then it will be time."

"Are these all happening at once?" she asked. Her mind was spinning.

"One every day. At least. This started a few days ago. Four is down, so is Two. Now Six and Eleven!" she said to herself. "Amazing. If One and Three go then they're really sunk. We're next. We've got to be."

"What do you mean?" Katniss asked, her hands starting to shake. This whole rebellion thing had gone from talk to rumor to full blown reality in the matter of a few days. She didn't know what to think. It was happening. "So…So Masonry, Fishing, Transportation and…Agriculture? And they're trying to shut down Power?"

"Mmmhm…Power and then what do you think is next? Coal."

"Without all of those the Capitol will be…"

"In trouble, you're right. That's the point! You've got to tell Haymitch. You need to confirm this to him so that he knows how to lead the rebels. Communication is going to be down for a few days I'd suspect. This channel is the only way for him to know that this is really happening Katniss. Only the mayors and town officials have access to it. My father would probably hang me for this but…listen to me," she said, gripping her shoulders. Katniss gulped as her once quiet, meek friend suddenly grew intense. "You need to get to Haymitch. Tell him what you just saw so that he can tell the others. This is important Katniss, I've been watching the news all week and you have to tell him what's going on."

"But…"

"No, don't think. I can't do it – someone would notice me leaving and going to the Hob to tell him. It would look suspicious if I went and did that. You know how to move without being seen, Katniss. You can do this. You have to do this."

"I….I can, yes," she agreed. She swallowed and her mouth and tongue suddenly felt like sandpaper. "What else does he need to know?"

Madge looked around the room nervously and wrung her hands together. "I guess that…I don't know! I just know that Haymitch needs to know. I think he's maybe in charge of Twelve as far as all this goes."

Katniss just shook her head. "I wouldn't have guessed. He's always falling around drunk. I guess what Gale said makes sense though."

"What did Gale say?" Madge asked. Katniss noticed the way her cheeks turned slightly pink.

"Just that…it makes sense that Haymitch was the one to be in charge of this because no one ever takes him seriously. Because he's this awful drunk that's always falling around and…you know how he is. Gale said no one would ever suspect him."

"He's right," she shrugged. "Well anyway just go and find Haymitch and tell him what you heard. That districts are rebelling and that the trains are almost all down. The track from eleven spans across most of Panem. If that's down in several places…"

"Then the Capitol is almost completely cut off," Katniss murmured to herself. Her eyes went a little wide as the television screen continued to show more and more shots of what was left of District Two and Eleven.

Brick buildings reduced to nothing but smoking rubble.

Train tracks that led to nothing but a gaping hole.

Grain silos flooded with water, spoiling everything inside.

Fields of grains set on fire.

Manufacturing plants a mass of smoke and ash.

Oil pump jacks on their sides, spewing fuel up into the air.

It was mass, organized chaos. Her stomach lurched as she thought about what this all meant. People would rather starve, burn and possibly die than have the Capitol consume their resources. The citizens of Panem would rather see their precious materials and food go to waste than to the Capitol. The rebellion was clearly happening whether she wanted it to or not.

Madge reached out and gripped her hand. "Someone's coming!"

Katniss' attention snapped back to the present. Footsteps echoed in the hallway as someone walked up the wooden staircase towards them.

"Hurry!"

Flipping off the television projector, they both looked around wildly to make sure nothing was out of place that would reveal their presence. Satisfied, the two girls scurried out of the room and into Madge's open door.

"That was close," she breathed, brushing her blonde hair out of her eyes. Katniss collapsed on the bed as Madge re-pinned her blonde curls. "This is big Katniss. You have to go to see Haymitch tonight."

She gulped. "What if the people of Twelve don't want to rebel?"

Madge shook her blonde head. "Not a chance, Katniss. They saw what happened in the square last week. People have been talking about that ever since it happened."

"What do you mean 'talking about it'?" she asked. "I mean-"

"-They saw you get caught for hunting. Something that shouldn't even be illegal. Then they saw a merchant boy take a whipping for you and it made them all realized that no one is safe from the Capitol's wrath. Not one of them went home from that feeling like this didn't affect them anymore. People realized last Saturday that this means something to all of us – no matter what part of the district you're from."

"Seriously?"

"I mean that. Even my dad knows about it. He's nervous, Katniss. He knows this is coming but….it needs to. This all happened because of you."

Katniss stared at her. Her hands began to sweat and shake as she wiped them on the bedspread. Was Madge right? Had this entire thing started because of her?

"The people of Twelve need this. They saw what happened to you and you're…you're the symbol of the rebellion now Katniss. You have to go tell Haymitch."

A shaky breath left Katniss' chest as she realized what she'd done. Her stubborn ways had made her not listen to Gale and hunt anyway and….from there the events had trickled into place, sparking the flame of the rebellion in her district. In a way, she was entirely to blame for this whole mess, or at least in her district.

"I'm scared," she whispered.

Madge walked over to her dresser and pulled a little satchel out of one of the drawers. Walking back to the bed, she sat down beside Katniss and pulled out something gold and shiny. "This belonged to my aunt, Katniss. She was killed by Peace Keepers when she was a teenager. She was…she was speaking out against the Capitol for the mistreatment of the people when they shot her. Right in the town square, in front of everyone."

Katniss looked down at the golden pin in her hands. "I…my mom told me about that once. I'm so sorry."

Madge wiped a single tear away from her pale cheek and nodded. "Do you know what it is?"

Slowly, she looked down at the object her friend had placed in her sweaty palm. The golden circle housed a faintly familiar looking bird with an arrow in its mouth. Her father had told her about the birds once before he died.

"It's…it's a Mockingjay. Didn't they…didn't the rebels use these in the Dark days?"

Madge licked her lips and sniffed, nodding. "I'm not supposed to have it. It's…it's a symbol of the rebellion from back then. It's been passed down in my family and...I want you to have it."

Katniss looked up. "What? Madge, no. I can't take this."

Her friend pushed her hand back and closed her fingers around it. "Nonsense. I want you to have it. I thought of you when I saw it the other day. The wild Mockingjay that no one counted on…it's like you. And the arrow, well….I don't have to explain that to you. But the rebels wore them as a symbol back then to let the others know they could be trusted. They weren't successful last time but…this time we can be."

"Madge…what if we're not?"

"Don't say that. Just…take this and wear it, okay? My mother used to tell me that if you wear this then nothing bad can happen to you. My aunt, she…she wasn't wearing this when she was killed and I always wondered….I thought, 'What if she'd had this on? Would it have saved her?' and…I just want you to have it."

Katniss ran her thumb over the shiny metal, staring at the golden bird with the arrow in its mouth until eyes burned. She was, in many ways, the Mockingjay.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

(Peeta)

He winced as Prim slowly applied more of the herbal balm to his stitches. It stung a little before it soothed, but he knew it was necessary to keep the sutures lubricated and to keep them from pulling and itching. He wasn't going to complain though – he was sitting upright at the kitchen table and not face down on it like a dead slug. He reminded himself of slimy things he had to sweep from the concrete steps of the bakery in the summer when they got too hot to move. He winced again and grit his teeth as he got used to the feeling. Sometimes it felt as though his welts reached all the way down to his bones.

"Is it nice to sit up?" Prim asked politely.

He nodded. "Yeah. Sure is. The first few days weren't too bad because I was so out of it but after that it was just torture not being able to move."

"You should be able to have these taken out in a few days." Prim sighed behind him and helped him pull on a loose shirt when she was finished. She moved to sit beside him at the table and Peeta noticed her smug grin.

"What's that look for?"

"Nothing," she shrugged. "I just…now that you're healed….are you going to kiss Katniss like you promised?"

Peeta clenched his jaw and bit back a grin to try to appear stern. "You little sneak. Eavesdropping?"

Prim shrugged and folded her arms on the table in front of her. "A bit. I came down for a drink of water and heard you guys…I think it's lovely," she sighed, twirling the end of one of her braids. She leaned on the table and gave Peeta a dreamy sigh. "She needs to be kissed. Like you said – a good kiss. That would be so romantic."

Peeta shifted uncomfortably in the chair as he glanced at the clock. Katniss had been gone for hours and it was dark outside and the winter wind was howling. Where on earth was she?

"Well….I'm not sure if she wants me to. And I don't know about you but I wouldn't want to do anything to Katniss that she didn't want herself. I think you and I both know she's capable of knocking me into next week if I did, and I'm already injured."

"I just think it's romantic."

"Are you a romantic?"

Prim nodded, the faraway expression still on her face. "I think so. I mean…I love it when you read a book and the two main characters finally like…find each other you know? It's the pairing you've always dreamed about but never knew to wish after. Then they're there and just…fighting for each other or trying to overcome whatever the major problem was. After everything they've been through how there's just this time, this serendipity where they finally come together and just have this 'aha!' moment where they can really connect. I think that's so magical. And then of course they share this earthshattering kiss," she grinned. Peeta watched as her blue, dreamy eyes finally cleared.

"You must…think about this a lot," Peeta surmised.

"I have a lot of time to read," she admitted. "Is it so bad that I want that for my sister? Or that I want you to give something that special to her?"

"No," he answered honestly. His cheeks began to heat up as he realized he was discussing this with Katniss' little sister. "Is it bad that I want to?"

Prim shared a little secret smile with him. "No."

Peeta coughed and shifted in the chair, wincing when he leaned too far forward. He still wasn't used to having his entire back stitched up. "So…but her and Gale aren't like…a thing, right?" He knew Katniss had denied it and so had his father, but he figured Prim probably had her own opinions about it as well.

"No," she scoffed lightly. "They're just friends."

"You're sure about that?"

"Positive," she said softly. "Gale is sweet on someone else."

"He is?"

Prim raised a golden eyebrow and bit back a smile. "Do merchant girls just normally give out cases of morphling to just anyone?"

"No," he chuckled, shaking his head. Prim shot him a coy look and tried not to giggle. Gale and Madge – he would have never guessed it. Gale was polite enough sure, but he always seemed to have a defensive air about himself when he came to trade. Peeta got the feeling Gale wasn't too impressed with people with fine things. The Mayor's daughter? Now That was a surprise.

The front door opened swiftly, creaking on the rusted hinges and making Peeta jump. Prim's face lit up as she realized it was Katniss.

"Katniss! Oh! You're frozen!" she quipped, rushing to the stove. She quickly poured her a cup of steaming tea and helped her sister get out of her coat. "Where were you?"

"Out, little duck. Just out," Katniss breathed heavily, her cheeks reddened and eyes bright. As she unwrapped the scarf from her head and shook her loose hair out, Peeta was certain she'd never looked more beautiful. Her silver eyes met his and she jumped a little to see him sitting upright at the table.

"I'll get you some dry socks," Prim muttered, scuttling away. Peeta heard her tromp up the steps above them, sounding more like a herd of cattle than a slight little girl. Katniss took her time unwrapping her thick clothes before moving over to where he sat. His eyes watched as Katniss sat down at the table and wrapped her hands around the steaming mug like it was a lifeline.

"Hey."

"You're up," she stated softly, her eyes flicking up to his.

Peeta watched as she reached up and corralled her wild locks with her hands, twisting them to the side of her neck as she sniffed. He could feel the cold radiating off of her as he sat still and tried not to wince. He wouldn't make it sitting up much longer, but he wanted to find out where she'd been. He knew it wasn't any of his business but…still.

"You alright?"

"You startled me," she explained, gripping the mug again. "It's nice to see you sitting up. I'm just not used to…to seeing you sitting at my kitchen table."

"I've been here almost a week," he replied, watching her face. She gave him a tight little smile and nodded.

"I know. I just….it's strange. But nice. It's nice to see you feeling better."

He watched her fidget where she sat, her pink cheeks slowly returning to a normal color as the warm stove radiated heat beside them. When her hand lifted up to sip the mug, he noticed it was shaking slightly. The bits of snow in her hair had melted by now, making the droplets of water stand out against the stubborn wisps of it that refused to lie down. Her eyes met his again, the silvery grey color making her look almost like he'd picture a wild wood nymph to look. She sighed slowly, her minty-tea breath blowing over him as he sat next to her at the table.

"Are you alright?"

Her shaky hand rose again and she took another long drag of mint tea. "No. But I'm…I'm really glad you appear to be," she admitted. Peeta watched her slowly put the mug down on the table and rest her hands on the worn, soft wood.

Slowly, carefully, he reached across and took her hand in his. She jumped at the contact but didn't pull back. Their eyes met and he felt like he could finally exhale.

He didn't like it when she was gone.

"Where ever you went...and I'm not going to ask because it's none of my business…I'm happy you're back safe."

"Safe…for now," she whispered, shooting him an apologetic glance. He squeezed her hands and felt his eyes widen when she turned hers over and squeezed his back. Warm jolts shot up his arms at her contact, warming him from the inside out as he held her hands tightly in his own. Katniss' grip was pleasantly strong for such a slight girl, but it only reassured him that she was a lot stronger than he gave her credit for.

"Do you want some tea?" she asked finally, her hands still in his. He did, but he didn't want her to get go of her grasp on him to give him some. She gave him a tight smile before releasing his hands and standing up to go to the stove. The old, cast iron pot steamed as she poured a glass for him and sat back down at the table. "My dad's recipe," she explained. They sat in silence for a while, sipping their tea as Peeta tried to not feel the void of her hands missing from his.

They had been quite only a few minutes when her stomach growled miserably. It was soft and barely loud enough to hear, but he still heard it because his own was doing the same. The bread his father had brought was long gone and he didn't know what else the Everdeens had. Complaining of hunger seemed inappropriate when Katniss was sitting across from him, her young face weary with worry and her stomach grumbling of hunger she was probably used to by now. A pain sliced through his heart as he wondered how many nights she had sat at that same table with nothing to eat, her stomach complaining. His made another unhappy gurgle that he winced and wished he could hide.

"I'm hungry too," she sighed, her grey eyes flicking over to the countertop where the bread had been. Peeta gave her a weary smile and shrugged the best he could.

"I'd make something if I…hey, wait a minute. I can make something."

"What do you mean?"

Peeta looked around the kitchen and scanned his mind for recipes. "What happened to that flour my dad brought? We could make some bread."

Katniss sat up straighter and her face instantly brightened. "We could. It's over here, let me get it. But are you well enough to make bread?"

"I'm well enough to lean on the counter and show you how to make bread," he chuckled. He stood up shakily, his hands gripping the back of one of the chairs until his knuckles turned white. He had only stood up to briefly while she was gone to use the bathroom and wash his face with a damp cloth. He stood up and leaned on the counter as he instructed her what to do.

"Now stir that bit of salt into the water…now add the yeast."

Katniss worked with unsure hands as Peeta leaned against the counter and watched her work. He was so focused on getting the recipe right that he almost didn't see her hands shaking as she measured out the flour. Wait…is she…is shy crying? He watched her closely, trying to be sly but observant at the same time. She sniffed softly, wiping her eyes quickly as she tried again.

"Katniss? What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she said, her voice barely audible. An awkward feeling settled over them as she refused to admit she was crying but she actually was for certain. Unsure of what else to do, he gave her more directions and hoped she would eventually cave and tell him what was the matter. He watched her closely as he leaned on the counter and instructed her to start kneading out the dough. He sprinkled the white flour over her hands, coating the mixture to make it less sticky. As the bread dough started to take shape, he realized her hands were slowing down and doing more shaking.

"Katniss…"

He wasn't prepared when she lifted her hands out of the dough and turned her crumpled face towards him. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she suddenly leaned against his chest and buried her face in his shirt collar. Her hot tears immediately soaked through the light fabric of the flimsy shirt he wore, making him realize that she was truly falling apart.

"Peeta…it's happening," she sniffed softly. Unsure, he wrapped an arm around her shoulders while keeping one hand firmly on the counter. His back was singing with pain but he wasn't about to move. Katniss sighed against the skin of his neck and hiccupped.

"What's…what's happening?" he finally asked after the shock wore off. He glanced down at her when she didn't make a move to lean away. He wanted to know why she was crying but the warmth of her body against his was a hundred times nicer than he would have ever imagined.

"The rebellion. I went….I told Haymitch that it's happening."

Peeta rested his chin on her head and gripped the countertop to keep from toppling over. Was she serious? Was it really starting? He wouldn't have guessed things would fall into place this quickly. It had only been a few days since the town had seen him get whipped. Wasn't that what had spurred them into action?

"I…I don't understand," he said softly, reaching up to stroke her hair. The loose, dark waves felt like silk beneath his fingers as he combed the wild strands down in a soothing motion. "So fast?"

She nodded against the front of his shirt. "I…I shouldn't tell you but…"

"It's okay. Say what you can."

Katniss sniffed again and lifted her head off his chest but didn't make an effort to move away from him. "Where's my mom?"

"Sleeping upstairs."

"Well…I went to Madge's house to thank her for the morphling and she…the television was on. Districts are rebelling Peeta. All at once. Madge told me to tell Haymitch that it was starting so I did and….I don't know what's going to happen."

"You mean…you mean Twelve is next? What are they going to do?"

Katniss wiped her eyes and couldn't seem to look at him. "If you were in charge of the rebellion for Twelve, what would you do?"

Peeta gulped. There was only one reason their miserable little district was important, and one reason alone. "I'd blow up the mines."

"When they retaliate-"

"-if they do-"

"When the Capitol retaliates, they're going to obliterate us Peeta. There won't be a District Twelve."

Peeta felt his heart leap into his throat, making it hard to breathe. "What do you mean?"

"I saw…the television….it had news reports from the Capitol. Districts are rebelling and…and blowing themselves up. They're cutting off the trains and spoiling the shipments and falling apart. They're cutting of the Capitol and…"

Peeta's mind whirred as he tried to picture what Katniss was describing. If that was the case, then the luxurious city they saw on the news would be without major necessities – food, technology, energy….it would be useless. Would the weakened city fall?

"They want to weaken it, don't they?"

She nodded, her slider face drawn and splotchy from crying. "Yes."

Peeta let his hand fall down to her back, rubbing tiny circles against her shirt. Fear rippled through him at the thought of fighting against the white-uniformed Peacekeepers and Thread….he gulped in anguish as uncertainty laced his thoughts. He continued rubbing comforting patterns on her back when he felt it. The bones in her back, mostly her shoulder blades jutting through the cotton material. Peeta paused his hand and tried not to be obvious as he glanced down at the 'v' neckline of her shirt. Her collar bone had always been visible in her tattered schools clothes, but this too-big shirt exposed the rigid lines of visible bones across her chest. Her cheeks were more sunken that usual and her hair although still soft had lost most of its luster.

If he didn't do something, Katniss would starve. He would starve.

"You're sure?"

Katniss' eyes moved slowly up to his. "I saw it Peeta. I saw the…the news only the mayor is supposed to see," she rattled quietly. "I saw the other districts rebelling and destroying just…everything. Everything was on fire or in piles of ash and…next is us. They needed to know for sure that the others had started and I saw it and so I told him. Haymitch knows that it's started. What are we going to do?"

He didn't know. Instead, he hugged her close and tried to be thankful that she had made it home safely after seeing something in the Undersee mansion that she could have been hanged for viewing. He was just glad she was back, safe and sound and in his arms. He hugged her against his chest again and didn't care that she maybe thought him hugging her was a little weird and out of place. She was back and that was all that mattered.

Katniss inhaled deeply as he released her, shamefully wiping away her tears.

"What?" he asked.

"I need to stop this. This …nonsense. I'm not this girl. Crying at the drop of a hat. What have you done to me?" she asked, in her voice cracking slightly. She gave him a flash of a weak smile before turning back to the forgotten bread dough on the counter.

"This will go to waste."

"I can finish it if you want. You'll have to put it in the oven, but why don't you let me show you?"

Katniss slid to the side and watched as he expertly kneaded the lumpy dough into something that resembled a loaf of bread. He covered it in a bowl and sat back down at the table to let it rise. They sipped their peppermint tea in a comfortable silence as they waited for the dough to rise.

Prim eventually slunk back into the kitchen, her blue eyes questioning for a moment. "Sorry, I was helping mom. Here are your dry socks," she offered. Peeta watched as Prim passed pair a pair of wool socks that had most likely seen better days. Katniss accepted them, slipping them on her feet and patting her sister on the back.

"Thanks little duck."

Peeta didn't miss the dirty look she shot her older sister before peeking into the covered bowl. "Is it weird that I love the smell of yeast?"

"No," Peeta chuckled, shaking his head. "I like it too. It's too strong in the bakery sometimes, but…here it's just right," he said, catching Katniss' eye. She looked away quickly, her olive cheeks turning slightly red. Here, I feel just right. Here with you, Katniss. He suspected Katniss didn't guess the tone of his thoughts as she looked quickly away and urged Prim to sit. Peeta sat upright at the table as the bread rose, trying to get used to the feeling of the stitches in his back. It was an entirely different feeling now that he was sitting up, but all he could seem to concentrate on was Katniss; the way her eyes kept flicking nervously around the tiny kitchen, she way she had picked her fingernails down to the quick, and the way she cleared her throat as a nervous habit.

Peeta showed Prim how to put the loaf in the oven and drizzle a bit of oil on the top to help it brown. He sat at the table with Katniss as Prim sat in front of the oven with her homework, soaking up the heat and the 'Bread smells' as she had dubbed it. She even surprised them when the loaf was finished, presenting a tiny ball of goat cheese via Lady. The animal was outside on the tiny back porch, huddled in a heap of blankets for the day, but Peeta guessed she would be making another appearance inside before the bitter cold night was through.

"I'm going to take some upstairs to mom. Goodnight," Prim finally sighed once her homework was done. Katniss patted her shoulder as she floated past, Peeta watching as she left the room. He felt a little better knowing all four of them would at least have one good meal in them for the day.

"Mom said you could sleep on the couch tonight."

"Instead of the table?"

Katniss nodded nervously, tucking her loose hair behind her ears. "If you promise to stay on your stomach. Do you want another snow coat before you go to sleep?"

"I'm alright," he sighed, looking over the stove to the living room. The Everdeens' small, wooden couch and threadbare cushions didn't look as inviting as he would like, but he would take it. Anything was better than their kitchen table.

He stood up with some help of the back of the chair, gripping it until he could stand straight. He followed Katniss into the next room in the open floor plan and toed off the heavy wool socks he'd been wearing. He turned to face her after she stoked the fire and added another thin log. Her grey eyes stared into his as she walked over to where he stood in front of the couch.

"Will you be alright?"

"Will you?" he asked.

She shrugged, still looking a little numb. "I'll be okay."

He sighed, his stomach twisting nervously. Nodding, he placed his hand on her shoulder and tried no to feel how bony it was. Instead, he felt the warmth that seemed to radiate from her and focus instead on that. He gently pulled her towards him and placed a lingering kiss on her temple. He felt her jump against his sensitive lips but ultimately allow it.

"I'm going to be better soon, okay? And…and I'd never let anything bad happen to you. I promise."

Katniss sighed and surprised him by resting her head on his shoulder. "Don't make promises you can't keep."


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 23

Katniss

Katniss sat at the table the next afternoon trying her best to ignore Peeta's flirtatious looks. He didn't really even have to try to look especially 'flirty' but he somehow did. He would sip his tea and subtly lick his bottom lip, tossing his head slightly to get his unkempt golden curls out of his eyes, thus making it hard for her to think straight. His broad shoulders rose and fell with each deep breath he took as he stared at the game board between them. She'd had an especially hard time trying to act busy that morning as he had sat at the table and used her father's old shaving kit to remove the stubble on his square jaw and throat. She'd been a little sad to see the scruff go, but didn't have any way to tell him that without sounding like a ninny.

Peeta's eyes rose up to meet hers as he gave her an expectant look. "Your turn."

She jumped a little and hurriedly slid her piece on the board, twisting her mouth into a grimace as she tried to look like she was concentrating, but was ultimately failing miserably. The promise he'd made to kiss her 'good' once he was healed lingered in the air like a dream. The quick, chaste kisses she'd given him while he was half out of it and nearly unconscious from the morphling were hardly enough to quell her curiosity about the entire thing, but each time she tried to picture another kiss her mind fell short. She simply didn't know enough to even have a simple daydream about what it would be like to really kiss him. What did Peeta have in mind when he said that? Or had he forgotten his slurred promise already? She knew she shouldn't be so concerned with something as silly and trivial as kissing when a full scale rebellion was in the works, but she couldn't help it.

She stared into her watery tea and tried to pinpoint just what about him made him so appealing.

Maybe it was the way his blonde lashes were so long they swept his cheeks when he blinked.

Maybe it was the subtle head toss he did to get his unruly golden curls to one side of his forehead.

Or maybe it was his calloused hands and bent pinky finger that had never been fixed.

She wasn't sure what it was about him, but he was definitely on her mind. It was silly really – with everything that was happening around them it was ridiculous for her to be caught up in something as trivial as a boy. She sighed and waited for him to make his move.

Rebellion or not, she was still a teenager. She sighed and sat up a little straighter, her mouth twisting into a firm line. Today was the last day she could miss school and still claim to be 'sick'. She'd been out a full week- much more and they ran the risk of peacekeepers coming to the door and demanding answers in regard to her whereabouts. Since that was the last thing she wanted, she'd agreed to go back to school the following Monday so that no more questions arose.

Peeta was sitting up at the table again, indulging her in a game of stones. It was an old game played on a checkered board the most people in the district just played with little round rocks or objects of the same color. Madge's family had a set made of smooth, black and white marble stones that she and Katniss used to use to play as children. Before he died, her father had managed to collect enough different colored river stones to make a decent set. When boredom and hunger were too much to bear, she and Prim usually played a few games in front of the stove during the winter. Playing with Peeta was a little different.

"Game," Peeta announced, jumping her last stone. Katniss made a face before taking her hand and brushing them all off the board. Peeta just looked at her with an unapologetic stare.

"You didn't let me win?"

"I have brothers," he shrugged. His crooked grin made her heart beat a little faster.

Her mother wandered in a few minutes later, her blonde hair disheveled and greasy but her eyes a little less foggy.

"Peeta," she greeted, shuffling to his side, "Can I check your stitches?"

"Of course," he muttered, sliding forward in the chair. Katniss turned her eyes down modestly as her mother lifted up the thin cotton shirt he wore, checking the wounds.

"They can come out tomorrow. We'll take them out and do one last snow coat, then you should be alright with daily balm," she nodded.

Peeta smiled politely and thanked her as Katniss poured her mother a cup of tea and sliced her another piece of Peeta's white bread from the night before. Her mother stood in the corner awkwardly for a few minutes chewing the bread and staring out the kitchen window. Katniss sighed and shook her head a little. Without anyone to heal it was like she'd fallen right back into the fog that had captured her after her husband's death. It seemed to settle over everything around her mother and turn it to gloom. In her mind Katniss often imagined a talon made of billowy black smoke that represented death and mourning and pain. She imagined it curling and twisting through the house like a menacing nightmare on the prowl, searching for its next victim.

In her mind, the black fog always ensnared her mother too easily.

Katniss blinked and instead watched the mint leaf float in her tea. Her mother wandered back up the steps, inevitably to fall back into bed and resurface in a few days. The late afternoon light streamed through the dirty glass window in the kitchen, but even that wasn't enough to make it seem like it was mid-afternoon. The sky above was clouded and full of dense clouds that promised more snow to come. She sighed and wished her stomach wasn't growling so loudly. It had been a long time since she'd been this hungry.

"Sorry," she shrugged when the noise made him look up.

"Maybe my dad will come back today. Bring us more flour. That would be nice," he said softly, closing the board and collecting the stones she'd strewn about. "It's silly but…I feel a bit useless when I don't have flour caked under my nails and in my palms."

"It's alright."

Peeta paused, chewing his bottom lip for a moment before frowning up at her. "No it's not. I need him to come back and pay your family for taking me in for now and…and I need to earn my keep. Especially right now."

She knew his heart was in the right place, but that didn't stop a surge of protective pride and self-preservation from swelling inside her chest. Just because she technically needed help didn't make it any easier to accept. It still felt like trying to swallow too much bread without any water. It felt wrong to just accept his help and charity without at least putting up a fight.

That was why she'd decided to do as Madge told her and go to Haymitch. She'd managed to tell him everything she saw with excruciating detail as he'd listened with rapt interest. As she walked home from the Hob afterward, she'd decided she and Prim might both die anyway from starving; she'd much rather die from trying to fight the Capitol. Bitterness had flavored her thoughts as she conjured up images in her memory of the ridiculously frivolous inhabitants of the great city. The flashes she'd seen of them during mandatory television reports showed her a breed of people that lived lavishly in comfort, careless gluttons and gorgers that had more than enough to sustain them. She'd finally taken Gale's advice and had gotten angry – angry enough to finally do something.

"We can't depend on him, Peeta. I realized that this….this…this rebellion has to happen. We have to win and make the Capitol fall. We can't live like this forever."

Peeta nodded, Katniss watching as his tongue wet his chapped lips. His pale skin was slightly flushed as he met her eyes and held her gaze.

"I know what you mean I suppose."

"Do you?"

"I wasn't sure it should happen until I listened to your sister worry about rationing food. She's not even…she's a child. She shouldn't have to worry about things like that. I'm sorry that life has-"

"Stop," she insisted, holding up her hand. "You're always welcome here until you pity me. Us. You can't do that here. Not in the Seam – we deal with what we have and don't complain. That's why we don't like a lot of Merchants – you always look at us with pity."

"Katniss," he started, but she cut him off.

"No, it's okay just….if you're going to stay here then you have to learn that. I don't want your pity, and neither would Prim."

He slid back in his chair and nodded. As scared as she was to finally go along with the idea of the rebellion, it still made her tremble. She felt like a dandelion after it had turned – when it was no longer a strong, bright flower but instead a simple ball of fuzzy seeds. She pictured the way a simple puff of air could make the seeds all scatter in different directions, making it explode into a thousand pieces. What was left was a pathetic little stem left to wither away just from one simple breath of air.

She suddenly felt very small and frail. Slipping her hand into her pocket, she thumbed the golden mockingjay pin Madge had given her the day before. It had become her reminder that this needed to happen – she just needed to be brave. The wheels were already in motion and all she needed to do now was just hold on.

She would survive this. She had to survive this.

She and Peeta both jumped as Gale barged in the door without knocking, letting the doorknob go smashing into the planks on the wall. He ushered in a second person before slamming it shut and racing to pull the curtain on the kitchen window.

Katniss stood up and shot him a look of distaste. "Hey what the-" She stopped midsentence as Haymitch Abernathy turned around. His blue eyes were unusually clear for it being late afternoon.

"So we meet again sweetheart. We need to talk."

Her stomach turned at the not-so-endearing term and she sat back down. Her bare foot kicked out the chair across from her and she gave him an expectant look as a shocked Peeta stared at her with a bewildered gaze.

"Sit. I don't want you in my house for long," she snapped.

Gale growled behind her, voicing his distaste. "He just wants to ask you about something Catnip. Hear him out."

"I'll hear him out, fine."

Gale pulled out the fourth chair and plopped himself down heavily, making the frail piece of furniture creak. He nodded at Peeta.

"You feeling any better Bread Boy?"

Peeta shifted in his chair and nodded. "Yeah, uh…I am. T-thank you."

Gale nodded. "We could use all the help we can get."

"Yeah, sure," Peeta agreed hesitantly. His eyes flicked to hers and he nodded.

"As charming as these pleasantries are, I'd like to get moving," Haymitch began, shifting his eyes to Peeta. He paused, frowning. "Hey….you're the kid they whipped last week, aren't you? That Merchant boy?"

Peeta grimaced and nodded. "I am."

Haymitch raised an eyebrow. "Good. I saw what happened."

Peeta's mouth twitched a little. "Um…T-Thank you, I guess?"

"Don't get upset. It was good for all them people to see that they aren't untouchable as they thought they were. Nothing I or anyone else could do to stop it boy;you know that as well as I do."

"I suppose," Peeta replied. Katniss noticed how short and clipped his voice had suddenly become. She was a little perplexed by his sudden attitude shift from amicable almost cold – did he want a rebellion or didn't he?

"Anyway. The reason I came here this afternoon wasn't to chit chat. First I wanted to thank you for coming to me yesterday. That information is going to be instrumental in the success of this whole thing."

Her throat grew dry. She was the Mockingjay now, using her voice to set this into motion.

"It's happening then?"

He nodded. "I can't disclose it, but…everything will happen the day after next."

"So soon?"

"We're right on time. These things have to be strategically planned and…we can't wait any longer. We can't wait to move our pieces into place."

"I see," she answered. Her voice was wavering without her permission and it angered her slightly. "What needs to be done next?"

Haymitch looked over at Gale, who would only shake his head. She watched her friend lower his eyes to the worn wood surface.

"What aren't telling me?"

Haymitch's eyes glinted. "This one don't bullshit, do she?" he asked Gale. He shook his head and looked away again.

"Things are tough. People are starvin', getting real desperate. Miners are working seven days a week. Even working on Sundays," he sighed, shaking his head. "Sunday is a bad day to work," he explained slowly.

Katniss felt her stomach sink to her feet at his words. He was telling her that something was going to happen on Sunday. Something that had to do with the miners. They're going to blow up the mines.

"But if they're working-"

"Now hold on. I'm not sendin' anyone with a half a lick of sense into those mines on Sunday. We've done all we can. People are desperate."

"What are you saying?" she asked slowly. The sinking feeling had increased tenfold.

"What I'm saying….is that we've tried to talk to them, but things are rough."

Peeta sat up in his chair and frowned. "They don't believe you, do they?" he snapped suddenly. "The miners. They want proof, don't they?"

Haymitch's blue eyes flicked over to him and he gave a short shake of his head.

"They need work so bad they can't go off rumors," Gale spoke up. "Times are rough and no man is going to turn down a day of work."

Katniss' eyes widened. "Even if the mines-"

Gale shook his head. "They need proof that this is all going down. It's only hearsay to them. I've tried, but….no one is going go off what I say."

"So what's your point?" Peeta asked. "So tell them what Katniss saw. Tell them that the districts are rebelling and that we need to be next, it's simple strategy-"

Gale held up his hand. "It ain't as simple as all that Bread Boy. These boys are starving. Been watching their wives starve, their kids starve for weeks now. If they lose a day's pay for not showing up for something they think isn't going to happen – a rumor – then that would be the one day's pay that might make them lose everything. Every piece of pay helps them make it another day. Every mouth in the Seam depends on those miners, alright? They want proof that this rebellion is going to happen if they're gonna stay out' the mines, alright? They need to know that this isn't just some old drunk rambling."

Peeta's eyes shifted to hers and she didn't have to guess he was piecing this together. "You can't ask her to do that-"

"It's up to her," Haymitch insisted. "What do you say sweetheart? You wanna go tell some miners what you saw on the mayor's television tomorrow night?"

Katniss' eyes widened. "You want me to admit what I saw?"

Peeta inhaled sharply and looked at Haymitch with a look of disgust. "You're serious?"

Haymitch cocked an eyebrow at her expectantly. "What do you say sweetheart? You in? Let's get this rebellion thing rollin'."

Peeta grunted and brought his fist down on the wooden table so hard it made all three of them jump. "She can't. Alright? She can't. If she gets caught saying what she saw on that television she could be hung for that."

Haymitch snorted. "And you got whipped. What's your point lover boy?"

Peeta gave the old man such a menacing look it made her stomach do another nervous flop. She watched as his nostrils flared and his strong arms flexed and his cheeks turned red and…

Oh.

An unfamiliar feeling coursed through her veins as she watched angry Peeta sitting at her kitchen table. He was normally so calm and gentle that this new demeanor was unexpected. She sort of….liked it.

"If she gets caught for telling the miners – not just anyone – what she saw on the mayor's forbidden television she'd be killed for it. No. She can't do that. What if she gets caught? Have you honestly considered that it's a reality that could very well happen? I would know firsthand that they aren't playing nice this time."

"And what if she doesn't?" Gale snapped. He looked over at Katniss and gave her an encouraging nod. "You can do this Catnip, I know you can."

"You're actually agreeing to this?" Peeta asked in disbelief.

"Let her make her own decision!" Gale answered.

"I will but-Katniss; you can't really be considering this? You do know what will happen to you if you get caught?"

She leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms. She could feel every pair of eyes in the room staring at her and she didn't know what to say. Perhaps at the moment it was best to say nothing at all.

"I need to think about it."

Haymitch leaned back in his chair with a grunt. "We'd need you to speak at the Hob on Saturday night. Tomorrow night we've convinced most of the miners to just come and hear us out. Every man we can keep out of those damn mines on Sunday is a victory sweetheart. We might not be able to save them all, but we can sure as well save a few of em."

Peeta gave an exasperate sigh. "Why the hell does it have to be her?!"

Gale leaned on the table and stared at him. "Because it does, alright? A bunch of Seam miners aren't gonna want to listen to anyone else. Especially some merchant kid, so don't get any ideas with that silver tongue of yours. But if someone of their own went up there and told them then…then maybe they'd believe them. I tried, Peeta. I did. If there was another way to do it I would but….we're running out of ideas. And time. "

Katniss watched Peeta nod slowly. He didn't look like he bought Gale's explanation.

"Just think on it tonight sweetheart. I'll hope to see you there tomorrow night."

Katniss sat at the table frozen, unable to move or think or even speak as Gale and Haymitch stood to leave.

"This is bigger than just us, alright?" Gale finally said, eying Peeta. "We need this to happen so that we can all be free someday."

The front door closed with a loud smack and they were left alone. Peeta turned to her slowly, his blue eyes searching hers.

"Katniss…please."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo while this story has *not* yet earned it's rating, several of my other stories are nominated in the Everlark Smut AWards! Tonight is the LAST night to vote, so I would appreciate it if you would head over and help me out! I'd love to win an award for some smut ; )


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 24

Katniss

She finally let out the breath it felt like she had been holding and stared at Peeta. He hung his head with an exasperated sigh and shook his head. It was the first time she'd ever seen him look so angry. It was new and she wasn't sure how to feel about her calm, sensitive baker boy all fired up and agitated. When he looked up her suddenly she saw a fire in his eyes that she'd never seen before. He leaned against the back of the chair and hung his head in exasperation.

"I can't let you do this."

She bit back a smirk. How endearing that he thought he could actually stop her.

"How do you know I'm going to?"

He lifted his head and stared at her. "Because believe it or not, this past week has let me know you," he paused, reaching across the table. He twisted their hands together so effortlessly it made her heart skip a beat. She would have chastised herself for acting so inane and childish but she was too busy staring into his bright, sky-blue eyes. "The real you. And I know that you didn't even have to think twice when Haymitch asked you to go and talk to those miners."

Katniss leaned back in her chair. Silver tongue indeed, she thought with a smirk. "Fine, you think you know me now," she stated calmly. His hand burned against hers. She watched him clench his perfect square jaw and it made her shift in her chair.

"I do."

She lifted her chin defiantly and kept her hand in his. "Then if you were me and you could save that many lives – what would you do? There are hundreds of miners Peeta. To you they're just laborers, but to me…they're friends, neighbors-"

"Neighbors that used to let two little girls starve without batting an eye?" he snapped suddenly. "Don't tell me they helped you when you were hungry?"

"Fine," she shrugged. "One of those miners is someone's dad. Or husband. I couldn't take away someone's dad Peeta. Not because I was afraid."

"Katniss," he began, "There's nothing wrong with having fear. There's no shame in admitting you're scared."

She exhaled sharply. "Then maybe you don't know me as well as you think you do Mellark."

After her heated exchange with Peeta, sleep didn't come easily.

She was irritated and full of questions as she rolled onto her side. Peeta might have gotten to know her that week, but her certainly didn't know her know her. Wrapping the blanket tighter around her body, she willed it to get warmer. She was tired of freezing, tired of being hungry, and tired of worrying so damn much. At this rate she'd be better off dead.

The rebellion needed to happen. End of story. So why did she still feel a pit of dread in her stomach at every mention of the word?

Prim had given up trying to sleep with her nights ago because of Katniss' tossing and turning and she missed her sister's warmth. The worn mattress on the beat up box spring was especially cold that night; she imagined she could feel the cold metal of each bedspring poking her in the back. She couldn't sleep and she wasn't even sure she wanted to. Each time she drifted off, she tried to will herself awake to avoid the bad dreams. Prim usually woke her when the nightmares got too bad. It wasn't unusual for her to have dreams about her father entering the mines only to have them collapse with an earth-shuddering boom before they crumbled into a giant sink hole in the ground. No, that was a common night terror. But now that her life had changed so much, it was like it was magnified. Too tired to fight it any longer, she felt herself slipping into a dreaded deep sleep. She wondered what waited for her in her dreams that night….

It happened quickly this time. The deep sleep didn't taunt her with pictures of pleasant things or even nothingness. No, it was like she slipped into the darkest corners of her mind right as her eyelids slid shut.

The blackness of her mind made her a prisoner in her sleep.

She kept seeing images of miners pouring into the mines while she stood outside and screamed soundlessly for them to please stop. She tried to get them to stop going in and warn them but her voice didn't seem to work right. Black, sooty smoke hung in the air of District 12, constricting her lungs and making them burn in protest as she begged them to listen to her.

They weren't even faceless; no, she recognized each one of them. Gale, Haymitch, her father…she realized with a strangled sob – Peeta.

But he didn't hear her. In he went, the obscure smoke swirling around him until he was gone into the blackness. Realizing it was hopeless; she turned and ran down the hilly terrain, stumbling miserably with fear. She turned around at just the exact moment in time to see the mines explode, sending piles of earth into the air. Rocks and pieces of coal rained form the black sky, hitting the ground around her in piles of smoky ash. The earth shook with explosions as the chain of hilly mountains overlooking District 12 gave an awful shudder and finally collapsed into the sink hole with an earsplitting crash.

"No!" she cried. "No!"

"NO!"

"Katniss!"

She awoke with a start, gasping for clean air as the blackness from the explosion in her dreams still seemed to linger in her lungs.

The bed. The chipping whitewash on the walls. The cracked window…

She wasn't outside the mines. The sky wasn't raining flaming ash. She sighed and looked over with another start. Peeta had slid into the bed beside her, his thick arm slung across her shaking her gently. She fell back against the pillow and tried to catch her breath as she stared at him.

"What are you doing here?" she whispered once she could speak.

He stared down at her in the darkness, his blonde curls illuminated from the window behind him. "I could hear you downstairs. You've been tossing and turning and then I could hear you crying…I'm surprised you didn't wake the whole house."

She swallowed and tried to form words as she became aware that Peeta had somehow hobbled up the steps and slid into her bed in the midst of her nightmare. His body was leaning halfway off the narrow mattress, but she could still feel his chest pressed up against her side. Traces of the warmth he must have absorbed from sleeping on the couch next to the stove was apparent. It seemed to seep through his shirt to her arm for a moment, effectively rendering her speechless.

"My m-mom is a heavy sleeper and…Prim is used to it," she managed to stammer. She was suddenly hyperaware that she was in a thin nightgown and a pair of holey wool socks. Pulling the blanket up a little, she realized that Peeta's arm he was using to shake her shoulder was still lying dangerously close to her chest. Glancing down, she realized she wasn't wearing a bra or any type of concealing garment other than her threadbare nightdress and her cheeks began to flame.

"Sorry," he muttered, pulling his arm away. "I just wanted to wake you up."

She nodded and tried to look nonchalant in the dark. The thought of Peeta slipping back downstairs into the darkness didn't make her particularly happy. He would be alone down there and she would be alone up here and it was just so cold….

The winter wind whipping around the corner of the house brought her back to reality. Was she honestly trying to justify asking Peeta to stay in her bed with her? Of all the inappropriate, awful thoughts she'd ever had, rationalizing this was one of the worst in her mind.

"Well…if you're alright, I should go," he said slowly, sitting up. He gripped the sheets and grunted softly as he tried to move without irritating his stitches that were due to be removed the next day. She watched him pause on the edge of the mattress, visibly debating something.

"Peeta?"

He turned to look over his shoulder, but his eyes were unable to meet hers. She felt his hand tremble slightly before he slid it over the worn mattress and grasped hers. She felt her heart jump inside her chest as he stared down at the bed and the small space between them as he wove his fingers with hers.

"What is it?" she asked softly, her voice still scratchy with sleep.

His eyes flicked down to hers in the dark and he shook his head slightly. "I don't know. I don't want to leave you."

Katniss blinked, turning her head up to the ceiling. "Why?"

He snorted softly, shaking his head again. "I don't know. It's stupid."

"Tell me?"

He heaved a sigh. "I…I feel like you're slipping away."

"Are you worried about me talking to the miners?"

He nodded. "Maybe. I'm just…I wanted this rebellion. Or I thought I did. I saw the way you lived and even…just everyone. I guess I'm just like every other person – I watch television and I see how things are for those Capitol people. I think…I think why do we have to live like this and they get to live like they do? Isn't that silly?"

"It's not silly," she insisted quietly.

"Well…I wanted this to end, that's the point. But then today when I realized what they wanted you to do and that…that it could put you in that much danger I…..I don't want it anymore."

"Peeta…"

"In fact, I'd do anything I could just to stop it."

She felt his hand tighten around hers. "This is bigger than us now though. I don't think we get to make that decision anymore."

"I guess," he shrugged. He looked down at her again and clenched his jaw. "What if something happens to you?"

"It won't."

"You don't know though. It's the uncertainty that's killing me."

"Why?" she asked.

He paused, sighing deeply as his shoulders slumped. He suddenly couldn't look at her. "Katniss…I've watched you for so long. Every day I just…I used to watch you walk home. I guess I….I feel like I just got you. What if something happens to you? What if you get ripped away before we even….before we even get to see? It's selfish but…"

"I…I feel the same way," she admitted, sitting up on her elbow. "If that makes you feel any better."

He sniffed and nodded, looking over to the frosty glass of the window. "I just wish we had a way to know what was going to happen."

"But we don't. There's no way to know what will happen in a few days and we have to accept that."

He was quiet a moment; so quiet she could hear the wind as it whipped around the corner of her room. He swallowed and looked back down at her. "Katniss…I'm scared."

She offered him a weak smile. "That makes two of us."

They gazed at each other in the darkness, the silence comfortable and their hands bursting with warmth where they were joined. She ached to know if he could make her feel that way all over and it almost felt silly – of course he could. Peeta might as well have been the sun.

"Stay," she whispered, her voice cracking.

He looked at her questioningly and she nodded in affirmation.

"You're sure?"

"Of course I am."

He slowly lowered himself on the thin mattress, shifting to his side to face her. With her free hand, she pulled up the blankets around them and sighed as his body lined up with hers, just inches apart. He was bigger and had twice as much mass as Prim, so she wasn't surprised when she soon felt the heat his body was giving off warm her legs under the blanket. It was nicer than she could have ever imagined. Her toes curled in appreciation as he settled onto the edge of her pillow and pulled their joined hands up between their bodies She mirrored his position on her side, their faces inches apart.

"I shouldn't be here," Peeta smirked and pulled the thin blanket up over their heads to create a tiny tent. Katniss inhaled greedily, trying to be quiet but also trying to savor the warm, flour and cinnamon scent that somehow still seemed to linger on his skin. Her eyes met his in the darkness and had to strain to focus on him.

"I wish I could stay here like this…with you."

"But we can't," she said softly, giving him a weak smile. "This is going to happen Peeta."

He smiled his crooked smile and nodded. "I know."

Katniss blinked slowly, trying to separate herself from this wonderful daydream – it didn't seem real, but it wasn't a nightmare either. She was just there, with Peeta, enjoying a stolen moment in her too-small bed and allowing herself a few butterflies over a crooked smile form her boy with the bread.

She knew she couldn't afford to think like this, but she couldn't help herself.

Opening her eyes, she saw him staring through the small, dark space between them. It was so small, yet so large. Peeta stared at her with wide, worried eyes as she sighed and tried to say something – anything – that would make this all alright.

She felt like she was standing in front of a firing squad with no hope for an appeal. There was nothing to say. They were staring down the barrel of a loaded gun, but it was something much much more dangerous than any gun. The rebellion was happening whether they were ready or not.

She felt the sudden need to brace herself. This needed to happen for the entire district – for any semblance of hope they had left.

It felt useless and farfetched to hope that she and Peeta were both left standing when the smoke of it all cleared.

If they were standing at all.

"Don't be afraid," she whispered slowly, lifting her free hand. She touched his face and watched as he blinked leisurely.

"Are you?"

She nodded slowly, trying not to smile. Admitting she was terrified seemed cowardly, but she felt like she could admit it to Peeta. Only Peeta.

"Nothing was ever accomplished with the absence of fear."

He watched her as she let her hand fall back down to the mattress. He squeezed her hand and stared at her.

"We need this Peeta."

He sighed, pulling their joined hands against this chest. Her stomach fluttered as his chapped lips skittered across her knuckles with their fleeting warmth.

"I wish I could see the bigger picture like you can but….but all I can see suddenly…..is you."


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

Peeta

His back hurt, but he was ignoring it. He was too busy enjoying the lingering traces of wildflowers as the scent wafted into his nose. It wasn't a new thing to imagine the floral, wild scent; it haunted his dreams too frequently lately. Instead of opening his eyes, he pushed his nose further into the pillow and inhaled as he tried to capture the last of the good dream he'd been having. He'd dreamt that he was in a dark cave with Katniss, only he wasn't afraid. It was a safe haven; a hideout. He realized that the cave definitely symbolized the untouchable bubble he'd hope to find in his waking hours, a place where he and Katniss couldn't be harmed by a rebellion. Somewhere away from the fighting and the violence that was soon to come. In his dream they were in the cave together, huddled so close their noses were touching. Their arms were woven around each other like they had done it a hundred times and they were just cocooned together, away from the world.

Peeta closed his eyes tighter and wished and wished for the dream to come back, but it didn't. He leaned further forward and was met with the wildflower scent again as it invaded his senses. It almost smelled like…

His eyes flew open. Almost immediately his heart was slamming against his chest. He twitched nervously as he realized he was on his side, curled around Katniss' slender frame.

He was in bed with her.

Fuck, he thought. What now? Did he slip out of bed without waking her? Could he even slip out unnoticed? What if her mother caught him? Some thanks for caring for him this past week – finding him in bed with her oldest daughter! Peeta's brow began to sweat and furrow as he tried to ignore the aching pain in his protesting back and instead focus on what to do. Katniss sighed against his arm that she was using for a pillow and arched her back in a deep sigh.

Suddenly, he became aware of an entirely different problem. His pounding heart skipped a beat as he realized she was asleep, flush against his body, and he was painfully hard as he lay there pressed against her bottom. His manhood was firmly wedged against the mindboggling heat of her night dress as the tell-tale prickles of desire that he couldn't control surged through his veins. The early morning sunlight shone through the window, catching the class and glimmering like a warning; wake up!

Peeta sucked in a breath as he gave himself a moment to just savor the shameful but mind-blowing feeling of his body pressed up against Katniss'. She was slight but round in just enough places that her body felt welcoming against his own as she breathed softly against her pillow. Her hair was strewn over the material, loose and freshly washed and smelling like the wildflowers that grew in the meadow in the summer. Lowering his face, he inhaled gently and reveled in the scent. For a girl that didn't have much of anything to begin with, she somehow put every wealthy merchant girl to shame in his eyes. She was flawlessly beautiful, amazingly fierce, and had a soft heart with a steely shell that he desperately wanted to penetrate.

He knew after this week that he did indeed love Katniss Everdeen.

But how did he get her to love him back?

Peeta groaned quietly against her hair and tried to calm himself from the flurry of thoughts that seemed to be assaulting his mind.

He wanted to be angry again. He wanted to want a fight.

But how could he want an ugly war when he risked losing the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen? Katniss sighed and arched her back in her sleep, making his already too alert body throb. She inhaled sweetly turned over, opening her eyes slightly. They widened silently, her face going slack as she sleepily realized he was still in her bed.

"Peeta?"

He blinked in response.

"What are you still doing here?"

He watched the flurry of emotions skitter across her face. Panic, dread, and even…a hint of a smile. She relaxed against his outstretched arm, her grey eyes growing suddenly calm.

"I couldn't leave. Not after the way…I heard you crying last night."

Her eyes rose up to meet his as she studied him. He felt his chest grow tight as the echoes of her panicked, frightened cries echoed in his ears. "I couldn't leave you alone to fight your nightmares by yourself."

Katniss smiled faintly again, nodding. "Thank you. But we have to get up. My mom might actually get out of bed today," she sighed rather miserably but didn't make a move to get out of the small bed. Instead she scooted closer to his chest, pulling the blankets up to their shoulders. He could feel her hands brush against the skin near his shirt collar, her nose burrowed into the space where his neck met his shoulder. Her warm, slow breaths tickled lightly against his skin, but he didn't mind. When her hips touched his and he was still semi hard, she lifted her head and gave him a challenging look.

"Sorry…um…morning occurrence," he mumbled shyly. She snorted a little and returned to the crook of his neck. He thought he felt her mouth brush against this collar bone, but he couldn't be sure. He lay with her, burrowed under the blankets until the sky turned bright and until Prim or her mother started to move around in the next room.

He stood carefully, wincing slightly as his stitches protested his movements, and watched as she lay on her side facing away from him. Her eyes stared forward at the wall as her words to him from the night before echoed in his mind.

Don't be afraid.

Fear was hanging over them like a dark cloud. Somehow though, he couldn't be sorry for the choices that brought him to her. The whipping, the rebellion, the fences being turned on…it had all brought him here and given him this gift – knowing Katniss. Finally knowing what it was like to see her smile and know what she was like with her walls torn down. He leaned down and placed a lingering kiss on the exposed side of her neck, pulling away when she turned over. Her piercing grey eyes met his as she pulled at the collar of his shirt and pulled him down next to her. Peeta sunk to his knees beside the bed and watched her face carefully.

"Why do you want me?" she whispered, her voice trembling slightly.

"What?"

"I can't give you anything Peeta. In a world full of so many terrible people who do terrible things – in a world so ugly….why do you want me?"

He smiled bitterly, shaking his head at her as he stood to leave. "If we live in a world so full of ugly and terrible things, then…I guess I don't see why we can't at least embrace the beautiful ones."

Peeta hissed softly as Mrs. Everdeen carefully pulled out another stitch. He was healed for the most part but still tender all over. Each time she removed from one of the tight little stitches it felt like he was itching from the inside out, followed by a sharp little twinge of pain. Another shudder rippled down his spine as he bit his knuckle and tried to remind himself to be a man. Katniss shifted across the table where she was leaning up against the cabinets. Their eyes met and he gave her a pointed look. She hadn't been able to come up with a retort to his last comment before leaving her bedroom that morning. He couldn't help it though – he had always been an optimist, despite the little twists and turns life had given him.

A grouchy mother.

A struggling bakery in a downhill district.

A crush on a girl he could never have.

His mouth twisted into a wry expression as he contemplated that last one. It didn't matter though – he planned on disowning his mother just as she had disowned him, and his district would either be leveled or free in a matter of days. The girl though…that was a work in progress. His eyes flicked back up to hers as he stared at her and tried to send her a message: I'm going to kiss you Katniss Everdeen. I'm going to kiss you hard and long and you're going to know that I need you and you're going to need me back.

She had to.

He had nothing left – no home to go to, only one parent, and a rebellion to fight in. Katniss was the only glimmering light ray of hope in the entire equation. He needed her to feel the same way he did. He thought she did, but he couldn't be sure and he knew he wouldn't be sure until she felt her lips on his for real.

He needed something real.

However, his plans had changed. He wasn't going to catch her off guard like he said he would. No, that just felt wrong given when he'd learned about her in the past week. They'd calmly regarded each other that morning as he'd helped her make some simple little griddle cakes on the cast iron skillet, the lack of words somehow comforting to him. He liked that for once in his life he didn't feel the need to fill the silence with awkward jabbering like he normally did. With her, it was just….simple.

"Are you alright?" Mrs. Everdeen's gently lilting voice floated into his ear. He gave her a curt nod and clasped his fists together as she removed another stitch. It didn't hurt as much as it felt unsettling. He could feel the muscles on the underside of his skin protesting as the little stitches were yanked from the healed area. She patted him with a damp cloth that instantly helped.

"We're almost done. You've healed up nicely in just one week – you're very lucky."

"It's all thanks to you," he added politely over his shoulder. He gave the kind woman standing behind him a little smile to let her know how much he appreciated her time and effort to keep him alive after his brutal whipping. However, he was ready to be free of the little stitches – they'd done nothing but hold him back. His eyes shifted back up to look at Katniss, who was now staring out the window.

"Prim is coming. She's running…please tell me-"

"Mrs. Green was due any day now. Prim saw her yesterday afternoon and told me the baby had dropped. It's fine," Mrs. Everdeen said quietly. Peeta watched as she wiped her hands on the towel beside his arms and moved quickly to remove the last few stitches. How a woman could go from completely out of it to able to deliver a baby was beyond him – it seemed as though the only thing spurring her on was her ability to heal others.

Maybe she realizes if she can't heal herself, she can heal others, he thought. Katniss gave a nervous sigh and sipped her tea again. Prim burst through the door seconds later, her cheeks pink with cold and her boots covered in snow.

"Mrs. Green is in labor! Her water broke mama, all over the floor!"

Katniss groaned and looked back to the sink as Prim giggled and rushed to the shelves behind them. The Everdeen kitchen had a small set of shelves off to the side full of glass jars, herbs hanging by their stems, and little mismatched tins of all sizes full of balms. Prim grabbed her mother's medical bag and began squirreling items into it just as Katniss' mother pulled the last stitch from his back. She quickly dabbed another coat of balm over the rows of crisscrossing scars before wiping her hands again. Peeta pulled down his shirt and let out a sigh of relief.

"You're all set, but don't do anything strenuous. You could still get an infection if you irritate it," she said sternly, patting his shoulder. "I'm off."

Katniss looked up from the sink, her face a little pale. "Be careful," she offered meekly. Peeta watched her turn and fumble with something on the counter before shoving it into her mother's hands. "Eat something. You could be there awhile."

Mrs. Everdeen accepted the hearty slice of the bread Peeta had baked with the last of their white flour that morning. "Twins. Its twins. It could take me all night," she said shakily. Peeta watched her place her pale, frail looking hand on her forehead and widen her eyes a bit. "I haven't delivered twins in years," she mumbled.

Prim grabbed her mother's hand and gave it a tug. "I bet one of the babies is crowning by now!"

Mrs. Everdeen shook her head as her youngest daughter shoved her coat at her. "Prim, if her water just broke there's no way a baby is crowning already. These things take time. You have a lot to learn," she sighed, giving her a few soft tongue clicks. Prim merely rolled her eyes, giving the two of them a happy little wave before flouncing back out the door with Mrs. Everdeen in tow, swinging the medical bag. Katniss stood at the sink watching them, her eyes following her mother and sister into the dreary afternoon. She looked…pensive.

"It's nice to have the stitches out," he sighed, standing up. Katniss turned her head to the side, giving him an apprehensive look. Peeta gave her a crooked smile and held up his hands at her panicky glance. Peeta knew his promise to really kiss her once he'd gotten his stitches out was apparently still fresh in her mind. He had to laugh at her apprehension.

"Would you relax? I'm not going to jump you."

She swallowed audibly in the quiet kitchen and shrugged. Her body was curled into the corner of the cabinets near the sink, her hands barely visible out of her shirt sleeves as she gripped her cup of tea. She was wearing his wool sweater again; it made him smile for real that time.

She gave him a slightly bewildered look as he stood a few feet away from her at the counter. He leaned against it a safe distance away and studied her side profile. He didn't get why more people didn't get how stunning he truly was, to be honest. This wasn't the first time he'd studied her like this; there were more times than he could count through the years. Watching her walk down the alley through the bakery window, seeing her two seats over and one seat up in mathematics class, walking down the crowded hallways at school….he'd always watched her. Wavy hair that was falling out of her braid, a straight nose that turned up ever so slightly at the end, and plump lips that were always a little chapped.

Yes, he'd always watched her.

"So your offer to kiss me doesn't still stand?" she asked quietly, an amused smirk decorating her face.

He shrugged, giving her a smirk right back. He'd realized the past few days that Katniss Everdeen was her own person – now more than ever he realized she wasn't like the silly girls from town. He wasn't going to win her over and really deserve the girl he loved by telling her what to do and just taking what he wanted from her. That would be like trapping a butterfly and making it live in a jar. It would get him nowhere to try to corral this girl and make her do what he wanted. Kissing her without her permission suddenly felt like going against everything he'd learned about her the past week. He would be violating the carefully constructed line of trust that he'd worked so hard to build with her. The only thing he could do and would do was go along with her and protect her the best he could. He'd decided while lying in bed with her that morning, curled into his chest that he'd do anything to protect his fragile, beautiful butterfly for as long as he could. "I said that when I was drugged. Before I knew you this well."

"Well?"

He flexed his back and listened as it gave a satisfying little crack. "I know better than to do something without you telling me to. I've learned that this week."

She gave him a weak little smile. "I can be nice."

"True," he sniffed, "But I've learned that you take what you want and no less. I'd be better trying to nail pudding to a tree than to tell you what to do, or…or what you should do. Or what you would want me to do, I guess."

"Pudding to a tree?"

"My dad says it a lot," he shrugged. "But do you know what I mean?"

"I suppose."

Peeta shook his head. "You're going to talk to those miners tonight," he half stated, half asked.

"I know," she sighed. She turned her head to look at him as she leaned against the counter. "Are you upset?"

"It doesn't matter," he replied calmly. "If it's what you want, then….I want it too."

"But you said-"

"-I know what I said. And I thought about it. I'm not going to tell you what to do or how you should think or feel. That's not how you operate, Katniss. You know it and I know it."

Her shoulders slumped slightly as she looked out the window. She gave him another weak smile. "You get me, Mellark."

"Starting to," he grinned. He turned away from the sink, meandering back to the table with the mismatched chairs. The dull, cloudy day was quickly drawing to a close. Soon Katniss would go to the Hob to speak to the miners about what she'd seen at the Mayor's mansion, and he would follow her like a guard dog. Or like the little lost puppy that he felt like. He pressed his lips together and leaned on the back of the chair to look at the napkin that was still on the table. The neat little stitches Mrs. Everdeen had cut out of his back were littered around it, the blue twine purple in places where his blood still stained it.

Yes, he'd learned a lot that week.

Katniss stared at him from across the table as she crossed her arms and leaned against the cabinets. The silence loomed between them, but not uncomfortably. Her grey eyes prodded at his soul as she stared at him with an unflinching fierceness that made his love for her double in size. Frail, starving and desperate, she still backed down for no one.

"I'm not the person to tell you what you should want, Katniss," he finally said softly. He stared back at her to silently convey that he honestly meant the words he was saying. "But if you tell me what it is that you do want then…I think I'd do anything I could to give it to you."

Her eyes blazed but she never looked away from him. "I want you to kiss me. Kiss me like you mean it."

He wasn't sure he heard her at first or if his desperate heart was making up words for his mind to follow. But no, she'd said it with such meaning that he knew it was true. Katniss' eyes smoldered as she leaned against the cabinets, giving away her feelings despite her guarded body language.

Peeta swallowed and wet his lips subconsciously, his hand gripping the back of the chair so hard it hurt. She nodded and confirmed her words

"Kiss me Peeta."

He crossed the room in three strides.

One step for each throb of his panicky, rejoicing heart.

Boom. Boom. Boom.

At the last second when the walls seemed to be closing in on him, he let his body be pulled to hers like a magnet. She collapsed into his arms like a rag doll and gave herself to him like he'd never dreamed a girl like her would. He wrapped one arm quickly around her back and the other went to her cheek. Wasting no time, he pulled her mouth to his in a desperate, clumsy, filled with need kiss. Her mouth instantly seemed to form to his, their lips aligning and melting together like honey. The fierce, unyielding girl in his arms transformed into a fragile being that suddenly needed him as much as he needed her. It might only be for a few seconds, but that was what he would take. She whimpered and he groaned as he pressed his mouth to hers, his relieved breaths blowing on her cheeks. They both gasped against each other's mouths as he held her to him and poured every ounce of utter devotion he felt towards her into this one kiss. Katniss relaxed in his grip, her hands steadying herself on his forearms as he backed her into the cabinets and kissed her again. He groaned in elation as she finally responded, brushing her own chapped lips against his with earnest.

He drew her bottom lip against his own and sucked it lightly, his hand still cradling her jaw. He coaxed it gently down, opening her mouth a little wider until he could slide his tongue through to friskily flick at her lip. She squeaked in surprise but didn't protest as he sought her tongue out with his and coaxed it out to play. Katniss tentatively touched her tongue to his and sighed against his lips. Peeta's hand slid from her jaw to her loose, messy braid and gently gripped the small of her back as he held her to him. Katniss kissed him again and again, each time with more fervor than the last.

He gave her one last calm, quenching peck, his mouth lingering languidly against hers. If their world came crashing down tomorrow, at the very least she would know how he felt. They broke apart just as a single tear rolled down her cheek.

"Peeta, I'm so scared."


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

Katniss

She wasn't sure what possessed her to ask him to kiss her, but she was glad she did it.

Well, she supposed she didn't as much ask him as demand it. Perhaps it was the impending rebellion and the possibility that they might not live to see another sunrise. Either way, Peeta didn't look too upset and he pulled away and wiped the tear from her cheek.

Her first kiss – first real kiss – with Peeta had been everything she'd never known she'd always wanted. She'd never had the time to hope that a boy as handsome as him would sweep her into his arms and just kiss her so wonderfully it would make her knees quake. She'd never been that type of girl. It had simply never occurred to her to want such things. But Peeta's kisses made her want to live to see another day – many days, in fact. The fact that it was all possibly coming to an abrupt end where one or both of them could lose their lives…well, it terrified her.

"I'm so scared," she whispered.

Peeta leaned forward, resting his forehead against hers. "You told me not to be afraid," he gently reminded her. "What happened to all that?"

She sighed, inching her face forward to brush the tip of her cold nose against his. "It was an act. You turned out to be more wonderful that I would have ever hoped for, that's what. I don't want to lose you now."

Her cheeks burned at her honest words, but she couldn't help it. It could all be over tomorrow and she would have never told Peeta how she felt.

"Who says you have to?"

Her shoulders slumped down in defeat. "Things never go this well for very long when it comes to me. Something always…crashes and burns."

Peeta stared back at her from a short distance until her eyeballs shuddered and fought not go lose focus. She closed them with a tired sigh, shaking her head. Peeta shifted in front of her, the floorboards creaking slightly under his weight as he leaned forward to cup her cheeks in his solid hands. The feeling of such strong, capable, potentially dangerous hands touching her cheekbones like she was a delicate flower made her smile faintly. The feather light pressure of his mouth on hers once again made her smile and kiss him back. His mouth molded against her in a way that made her suddenly understand the appeal of the slag heap. So this is what girls snuck off to do. As Peeta changed his angle and kissed her again, she felt a flutter in her abdomen that made her understand what else might appeal to the couples at the slag heap. A warm, tingling fire burned through her at his touch; this was the good kind of heat though. The kind of warmth that made her feel alive and not like she was just floating through life, hanging on by a thread.

If she died tomorrow, she would always have this.

As he pulled away, she leaned forward and refused to let their temporary sweet union cease. He let out a grunt of surprise as she blindly chased after his kisses, closing the gap between them again. Peeta laughed against her lips as they clumsily bumped front teeth. He inhaled deeply and lightly licked at her lip in response to her zealous enthusiasm.

"Do you find that you enjoy kissing me, Miss Everdeen?"

She ducked her head and blinked at the dirty floor. "Maybe," she mumbled, digging her toe through the hole in her sock. It was suddenly hard to look at him.

Peeta chuckled and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, pulling her against his chest. "It feels so right to finally get to hug you like this and…hold you," he admitted against her hair. Katniss felt her cheeks flame with another fiery blush as his words made her chest feel squishy. It was strange but…also strangely nice.

Maybe I didn't used to be 'that' type of girl…but maybe in some ways…I am a little bit. I am if it means I like him holding me like this. And his kisses. And his eyes.

She let her eyes droop closed for another moment to try to savor the feeling of Peeta's strong arms around her waist, his clean scent in her nose, and the feeling of his kisses fresh on her lips.

Her eyes lifted over his shoulder to the clock on the wall. She pulled back and leaned against the cabinets. "I've got to go soon."

Peeta nodded. "I know."

"Are you mad?'

He gave her a sad smile. "You'd go even if it did make me mad; we both know that."

"True," she muttered with a shrug.

"I can't stop you, but I can go and do what I can to protect you though. If you'll allow it," he added hopefully.

Katniss realized again just how much this boy seemed to understand her in the short span of a week. Most boys Peeta's age were considered full grown men and in a district where women were for the most part second class citizens, it was refreshing. Women were somewhat respected, but definitely not when it came to making important decisions.

"I'll allow it," she stated simply. Peeta raised an eyebrow and his mouth twisted into a strange little smirk but he said nothing for a few minutes as they stood there together. The clock on the wall's ticking hands were suddenly booming as they stood there together, Peeta's hands still on her waist. She rested hers on his forearms and wished again she could pause time.

But she couldn't.

"Are you sure your back is okay to go to the Hob?"

"It's fine. I'm practically healed," he reassured her. She gave him the best smile she could muster despite the nervous butterflies in her stomach and slid from his grasp. Peeta leaned against the counter and watched as she went for her coat and boots.

"Come on," she insisted, nodding to the door. "I have to go. You gonna be my protector or not?"

Peeta nodded. "I said I'd go with you. I meant it," he added quietly. He looked out the kitchen window with an unreadable gaze that worried her.

"What are you thinking?" The question seemed unfair to ask him since it was one she hated to answer herself, but she couldn't help it.

Peeta's mouth twisted slightly before he turned to look at her. "I...I was wondering what my mother was doing right now for some reason. Stupid, right?"

Her heart throbbed a little at the sound of the kind boy that has so willingly sacrificed himself for her safety insinuating that he was stupid.

"No," she said softly, gripping his hand. "She's still your mother."

His mouth twitched again as a flash of anger was evident in his eyes. "I wonder if she'll tell my brothers not to speak to me anymore when they see me in town. Not that they even care."

"Peeta, she probably already did. They probably couldn't come around to check on you because they knew it would get back to her. No one can keep a secret here. Everyone sees what everyone else does…especially in the Seam," she sighed.

Peeta looked down at her with a slightly hurt gaze. "I know that. But….they're my brothers, ya know? I at least expected them to come. I almost died," he muttered. "What if-"

Katniss reached up and touched the stubble on his jaw. "-Hey…don't do that. Don't play that game. You'll never know and it's pointless to try. You don't think I did that a million times when my dad…"

She trailed off, suddenly unable to look at him. The duty she needed to follow through on that night hit her especially hard when she pictured the gruesome memories of her own father's death she'd imagined over the years. If the miners weren't warned in time, there would be more deaths this time. Swallowing thickly, she realized that the blood would very much be on her hands if she did nothing to stop it. More fathers and brothers and husbands would die if she didn't muster more courage.

"We're not going to do that. We need to go and get this taken care of and hopefully keep people from dying that don't need to die," she stated simply. "We have to."

Peeta nodded. "You're even braver than I gave you credit for, Everdeen."

"Why, did you think I was a wimp before?" she asked with a little smile. She walked over to the living area, removing the knick knacks from the trunk they used as a coffee table of sorts. Inside were some of her father's old things that her mother couldn't bear to part with and Katniss wouldn't dare trade. She handed Peeta one of her father's old sweaters and his threadbare wool coat. She favored his leather hunting jacket, but on extra cold days she'd borrowed the wool item more than once when she was big enough. Peeta graciously accepted the items and eased into them, shaking his head when his wrists were exposed in the too-small garments.

"He was thinner than you…I mean…lean," she explained. She frowned and looked up at him in question. "And what did you mean earlier? 'Braver than you gave me credit for'? Was I some sort of sissy girl to you before all this?"

He chuckled. "Quite the contrary. Why do you think I never tried to talk to you? I was terrified you'd slit my throat or shoot me with one of your arrows if I made a move."

She snorted as she grabbed her hair and effortlessly twisted it into a loose braid. Peeta's eyes watched her as she tied a piece of rawhide around the end and smoothed her wispy flyaways behind her ears. "A move," she snorted under her breath. She looked up in time to see Peeta's pink tongue slip and wet his bottom lip. Her heart sped up a little as he swallowed and moved towards the door.

"Well….or just talking to you. You scared the crap out of me," he chuckled as he opened the front door. Katniss shot him a look and shook her head as she pulled the loosely knit scarf of Prim's around her neck. The frosty February air immediately hit her head on, the freezing temperatures making her lungs feel like they were full of ice within seconds. It was twilight; the sun had just dipped below the horizon of the mountains in the distance and the light was reflecting off the clouds in a rainbow hued sunset that looked out of place next to the drab surroundings of the Seam. She stepped with Peeta out onto the rickety front porch of her house and shoved her father's gloves at him.

Peeta gave her an incredulous look and gently shoved them back. "No. I'm not taking your gloves."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "I'm used to the cold; you're not. Just take them. We can't afford to have a rebellion on our hands and a sniffly Peeta. Then where would we be?"

Peeta gave her a concerned look until he realized she was only kidding. He shrugged and gingerly accepted them, slipping the oversized gloves onto his hands as they began to walk down the narrow, snowy path through the Seam. The glow from the setting sun gave the thick snow a bluish, glittery hue as they walked over the frozen terrain towards the Hob. The wind had finally died down, leaving the street through the Seam drifted and icy. They walked side by side together through the empty rows of houses that were sealed up tight to keep inhabitants warm.

Katniss pushed forward through the freezing twilight silently dreading what she was about to do. All it would take was one person to go to Thread and tattle on her; one Peacekeeper to get wind of this meeting and it would all be over. If she wasn't shot on the spot she would most likely be taken to the center of town and hung before every eye in the district. By repeating what she had seen in the Mayor's mansion she was setting herself up for a death sentence.

You might die anyway, her mind told her. Doubt began to weave its way into her mind as she realized she really might die anyway. But this wouldn't be quick like a gunshot or a hanging. No, she could also starve to death. She could sit and wait in the unending winter as the hunger and failure joined together in her stomach, gnawing away at every last shred of her dignity. She would watch her mother go first, and then maybe Prim as they died from hunger and malnourishment. She would be left alone with only the memories of the chances she didn't take and the unending hunger she would feel as she slowly starved to death.

She shook her head and tried to push the image from her mind as she placed one worn boot in front of the other. The packed, icy snow crunched beneath her feet as she pushed forward. Hadn't she and Gale decided long ago that being caught and killed immediately would be better than starving? That a quick bullet to the head would beat watching their loved ones slowly die before doing so themselves?

There was no other option. Either she saved the lives of a bunch of miners and gave her district hope or she would simply perish along with them in a forgotten, starving heap. Her mind made up, she quickened her pace. She suddenly wanted to just get this whole ordeal over with. The idea of hanging in the strange state of limbo they'd been in for the past few days was quickly growing maddening.

They walked in silence for a few more minutes until Peeta boldly reached down and grabbed her bare hand in his gloved one. Out of instinct she almost pulled it away, but the warmth of his covered hand was strangely comforting. She wasn't used to reaching out for physical contact to ease her distress, but Peeta seemed to be changing all that.

"Is this allowed?" he laughed, holding up their joined hands. She made a face and was glad for the temporary distraction.

"Yes, but only because it's warm," she sighed. Peeta, seemingly satisfied with that answer, tucked their joined hands into his large coat pocket and kept walking. He stopped when he Hob came into view. The rickety old warehouse was mostly dark, save for smoke from the chimney and a few veins of warm light seeping out through a few cracks in the walls. Katniss looked back at Peeta as he held her there for a moment.

"What is it?" she asked, pressing her chapped lips together. He stared down at her in the fading light, his gaze thoughtful.

"If we….if we live through this, what will that mean?"

She frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I mean: if we survive whatever is coming and manage to somehow come through on the other side, what's gonna happen? Say we bomb the mines on Sunday and on Monday the Capitol falls to dust. I…I guess I just want to know what will happen on Tuesday. Hypothetically."

She reached up with her fee hand to scratch her cold head. "Um…well I guess you can't go home, can you?"

He shook his head. "I can't and I won't. Not after what my mother did to me after I was whipped. I could have died and all she cared about was that it might make her look bad to come to the Seam to see me. Forget her."

Katniss sighed and looked back to the Hob. For someone who'd never been on his own, Peeta was certainly quick to dismiss his entire family. What did she want to happen if she lived to see next week? She wasn't sure.

"Well…you can stay with us. My mom already said that. Maybe you can…"

"I'll find work," he sighed. "Not baking, but people in town know me. They know I can work; my dad will help me find something. I can work and stay with you and help out but…I kinda mean with us. With this," he said, holding up their joined hands. He stared down at her expectantly, his breath still coming out in white clouds. Katniss blinked.

"I like you," she said quickly without thinking. Her cheeks burned at her words despite the cold. "A lot."

"You like me, huh?"

She couldn't meet his eyes, but she did manage to nod.

A slow smile spread across his mouth as he squeezed her hand. "I want to be together. I want you…every day. I don't want this to end when I'm healed and this is all over."

Katniss sighed and kicked at the snow with her boot. "We've known each other a week."

"No," he argued, "We've known each other since we were six. I've known you for twelve years. I've loved you this past week," he explained firmly.

Katniss' head shot up at his words. "What?"

Peeta swallowed again, his cheeks turning ruddy. "I've known you for years, but this past week I fell in love with you Katniss."

The icy air bit at the insides of her lungs as she inhaled a sharp breath. His words were a little timid but his tone was steady and his eyes were certain. She blinked against the cold and stared up at him.

"I…l l-love you," he stuttered without breaking her gaze. "I know I do."

She exhaled shakily and gripped his gloved hand. "You can't love me. I'm…broken."

Peeta gave her a bewildered stare.

"Peeta," she pleaded, her voice cracking. "I'm poor. I have a starving mother and sister and a house that's falling down around me. There's a rebellion at our doorstep and we're so weak from being hungry that we barely even have the energy to fight it. I have nothing to offer you and nothing to give and here you are…telling me you love me," she said with an exasperated sigh. The timing of the entire situation was so amazingly screwed up it almost made her laugh bitterly.

He could only nod hopefully.

A light feeling settled over her as she stared up at him. He looked like he was about to be a little sick, but was ultimately pleased with his confession. Why of all times does he have to tell me this now? We could die tomorrow and here he is confessing his love to me. I could be hanged tonight for doing what I'm about to do and he's telling me he loves me.

"I don't have anything to give back to you Peeta," she sighed.

"That's where you're wrong," he said in a cracked, desperate voice. "You have so much to give, Katniss Everdeen. So much to give that it makes my heart hurt to think about. If it mean getting whipped again just to spend another week with you like this last one I'd do it. I'm….I love you," he repeated firmly, a little louder. She blinked and swallowed roughly, her ridgid back aching and her bony shoulders slumped.

"I'm crazy to admit this, but…Peeta, I love you too."


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

Peeta

After Katniss blurted out the last words he'd ever expected her to say, she tightened her grip on his hand and pulled him towards the Hob. He gulped in surprise and gently jerked her arm back. He wasn't ready to end their conversation there.

"What?" she hissed, whirling back around. The end of her braid smacked her in the chin as she stared him down with the fierceness of what he pictured a mountain lion to have. He had to smile at the idea of comparing her to such an animal, but she had a tenacity that was unlike anything he'd ever seen before.

"Just…hold on," he chuckled, "We just told each other that we love each other."

"Don't remind me," she cringed awkwardly, refusing to meet his yes. He could tell his amusement with the situation was getting the best of her, but she was too remarkable not to laugh at.

She jerked him forward again before he pulled her back. "Will you just come on?"

Peeta dug his heels into the snow and shook his head as realization set in.

"Wait, you meant it….didn't you?"

She looked up at him with exasperation. She looked utterly less than thrilled that he was bringing up her confession from a few moments ago. "Of course I did Peeta…do I really say things I don't mean very often?"

"No," he admitted. He'd felt the beautiful warmth that he imagined only first love would bring and it was slowly creeping out of his veins as reality set back in. Katniss looked downright panicked that she had admitted she loved him. She didn't regret it, did she?

"Well," he started, "You look like you're about to be sick, so naturally that made me wonder if you really meant it."

Katniss yanked her hand from his, the cold seeping back into his hand that was no longer joined with hers. He watched with dread as she crossed her arms with chagrin and set her lips into a thin line. "I'm…I feel very vulnerable and that's now how I like to feel," she admitted, shifting her weight from foot to foot.

"Okayy…" he hummed slowly. "But other than that? I mean…you meant it, right?"

Katniss' eyes flicked up to meet his and immediately softened as his tones of doubt hung in the frigid air. "What?"

"You meant it…or do you want to take it back?"

She looked at him with shock. Her face suddenly softened as she stared up at him in the twilight. "N-no," she stuttered, "of course I don't. I wouldn't do that Peeta."

"Oh. Okay then," he sighed. "I was worried for a minute that you changed your mind."

"No, I didn't. I meant what I said. I promise," she sighed softly. Peeta felt a little more reassured as she gave him a crooked smile that finally reached her eyes. Without hesitating, he stepped forward and grabbed her cheeks with his hands. Katniss let out a surprised squeak as he gently held her face to his and pressed his frozen lips against hers. The warm, familiar heat he felt when he kissed her returned as he moved his lips eagerly, wedging hers with his. Katniss froze a moment before returning the gesture, her mouth tentatively moving with his. Even inexperienced and hesitant as she was, kissing her was ten times better than kissing anyone else, that much he knew. She breathed a shaky breath against his cheeks and pressed her mouth to his one last time before lowering herself back down and giving him a light shove.

"Not here," she hissed, looking around nervously. Peeta watched as she bit back a tiny smile and shook her head as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. His hands fell down to his sides as he looked around with disappointment. It was almost dark and there was no one around. It looked like they were in the middle of a ghost town. She grabbed his hand and pulled him roughly forward, her strength surprising him as he stumbled along behind her.

"Stay close to me," she muttered, pulling a piece of siding away from the building. She slipped inside, holding the piece of rotting plywood to the side as he squeezed himself in after her. The disappointment he felt quickly melted away as he realized they were in the Hob surrounded by people he had only briefly seen. He senses were assaulted as he took in the scenery he'd only seen briefly once or twice. The smell of unwashed bodies and Ripper's cheap liquor filled dry, cool air inside the abandoned warehouse, mixing with the fumes of a fire somewhere. A few random birds were fluttering about in the ceiling beams, chirping above the noise as the large group of miners talked amongst themselves. Katniss nodded to an older, raggedly looking woman who was standing behind a table selling something that looked fried and make his stomach turn to look at. The woman's eyes fell on Peeta and she froze a moment, her gaze unreadable.

He immediately realized why Katniss might be a tad self-conscious as they wove through the crowd of miners and Seam dwellers. While she would normally blend right in with her olive skin and dark hair, his blonde mop and pale skin made him stick out. He watched as she kept her face down, leading him through the mass of fidgety people as they murmured about the mines and the rumors of a rebellion. Every eye he passed turned to look at him with surprise as they wove their way along the side of the crowd.

Katniss stopped suddenly, making him almost collide with her back. He cleared his throat awkwardly and realized that Katniss had located Gale and Haymitch and was shifting nervously from foot to foot again as she waited for them to notice their arrival.

"You came," Gale greeted her. "Was worried you'd chickened out."

"No," Katniss insisted with an indignant huff.

His gray eyes looked up to Peeta. "And so did you. Good to see you, Bread Boy."

"Gale," Peeta nodded, his mouth twitching at the nickname. He didn't mind it – in fact, he didn't mind at all that Katniss' best friend had trusted him enough to even give him a nickname. Gale clapped him on the shoulder making him wince. His back felt better but far from healed.

"Sorry," Gale coughed, pulling his hand back. "You all healed?"

"Getting there," Peeta cringed. Haymitch slunk up behind them, coughing to announce his presence. He greeted them both with the same look of mild surprise that Gale had as Peeta turned to look out at the crowd. The supposedly empty warehouse on the edge of town was packed with people of all ages – not just miners. The quiet murmurings had become a dull roar as the minutes passed. The crowd was clearly ready the meeting started.

"When does this thing start?" he asked anxiously, looking around at the confused faces.

"Give 'em a few more minutes. Want everyone to hear this," Haymitch grumbled, shaking his greasy haired head. Peeta watched the old drunk access the crowd as he wobbled on unsteady legs towards the front of the Hob. A small, makeshift platform had been thrown together using some crates and a few pallets, the sides flanked with old rusty oil drums. One of the ceiling lamps had been rigged to shine directly where the platform was. He guessed that was where Katniss would stand to tell the miners what she had seen. Peeta said a silent little prayer that everything would turn out before turning his attention back to Gale.

"You're sure about this?"

The taller boy nodded. "Positive. I been down in the mines all day tellin' people to come and listen. I talked to Madge…erm, yeah, I talked to her and she said she would vouch for anyone who didn't believe Katniss. But they're more likely to believe a girl from the Seam, not some Mayor's daughter."

"I suppose you're right," Peeta mused.

"So how are you liking the Seam?" Gale asked a hint of jest in his voice as he elbowed him.

Peeta shook his head and shrugged. "Looks like I'm going to be spending more time there. Mom kicked me out I guess."

Gale's eye narrowed. "Figures. Never did care for your mother, no offense."

"No one does," Peeta shrugged. "But I think the Seam is just fine."

Gale nodded appreciatively, nudging him again. "That's….that's too bad about your ma. I'm sorry, even if she is an old witch. You'll be alright Bread boy. We'll get you some work once you're good as new again."

"That would be great," Peeta agreed. "I wasn't attached to town living anyhow," he admitted. "I don't think it matters where you're born."

Gale barked out a laugh and almost clapped him on the back again before remembering Peeta's injury. His large, calloused hand paused midair and instead gave his shoulder a brief touch. Peeta watched as Haymitch turned to Katniss and nodded.

"It's time sweetheart. Get on up there."

Peeta inhaled sharply as Katniss backed up a step, bumping her back into his chest. She was clearly intdimidated to at the thought of getting up in front of all those people. She turned around and gave him a wild eyed glance as he placed his hands on her shoulders.

"You can do this," he reassured her.

"What if I can't?" she hissed. Peeta focused in on her silvery grey eyes that were wide with panic and fought the urge to give her a calming kiss. Knowing better, he offered her a smile instead. Katniss let out a shaky, nervous breath.

"Go up there with her," Haymitch insisted, giving Peeta's arm a tug. Going up on front of all those people wasn't really something Peeta wanted to do either, but he wasn't about to leave Katniss defenseless. What if they didn't like what she had to say and did something violent? Mind made up, he nodded.

"Alright. They'll know I was the one that got whipped," he reasoned. Haymitch gave them both a nod and pulled them onto the makeshift platform. Immediately the miners stopped their chattering and Peeta was staring through the bright light of the industrial lamp above into the ruddy, coal dust covered faces of several hundred miners. More people lined the edges of the Hob; women, a few teenagers, and even a few blonde heads from the town. Peeta squinted at one blonde haired head as Haymitch gave them a brief introduction, but didn't have time to look any further.

"Quiet down. We're gonna get started. The information you take from here tonight is considered confidential. Please keep that in mind. Now….As many of you know, this boy was whipped in the town square last Sunday for helping out a friend that was trynna' feed her family. They whipped a town boy without a second thought."

Peeta's shoulders tightened as the miners chattered quietly amongst themselves for a moment at this information. Peeta realized that most of them probably had no idea he'd really been whipped – it was hearsay to them because they'd been in the mines when it happened. Only the townspeople had seen it firsthand. They turned their grey eyes back to the podium with rapt interest as Haymitch continued.

"Many of you don't believe that now is the time to strike. Many of you think that the idea of a rebellion against the Capitol is a waste of time and that we stand alone. Well," Haymitch barked with satisfaction, "I'm here tonight to tell you different."

Katniss shifted a little closer to Peeta's side as Haymitch stood in the front of the podium and narrowed his eyes out into the crowd. His voice was quiet and calculating when he spoke that time.

"If the legs of the bull are broken, then it's simply an angry mass with horns that can't go nowhere," he spoke. "It's useless. Without the minions, the legs, the muscle behind it, the Capitol ain't nothing."

"We want proof!" a voice rang out. The miners all nodded in agreement as Peeta swallowed the lump in his throat. It was now or never – Katniss needed to tell them what'd she'd seen.

"We have proof!" Peeta suddenly cried. Katniss looked at him with a bewildered glare as he stepped in front of Haymitch and stared them all down despite his queasy stomach. "We have proof," he repeated, "Right here."

He turned and gently pulled Katniss up to the front. She stared out at the crowded Hob with a quivering lip and steely eyes.

"Tell em girlie," Haymitch muttered.

Katniss cleared her throat. "I was at the Mayor's house. Just two days ago, on an errand. As I was waiting to finish my business there I noticed a television that was turned to a station for the Capitol and government officials. It wasn't anything…anything I was supposed to hear," she admitted. "But I heard it."

"What did it say?" A man in the front asked. "What did it say and don't you lie girl."

"I'm not lying," she snapped indignantly, jumping forward suddenly. Peeta's hand shot out to grasp her as the room fell silent again and a few eyes grew wide at her quick words. "I'm not lying," she repeated.

"Let her talk, then make up your mind," Haymitch snapped. "Go on."

Peeta heard Katniss gulp to herself before she continued.

"Um…I heard a lot. I heard the announcer say that all supply trains to Eleven were down because they blew up the tracks outside the District. No one there will help them with the investigation," she repeated in a business like tone. "And Six too. All the trains in six had to be rerouted because they blew up a train full of supplies."

"Who?" someone demanded. "Who is doing this?"

Haymitch quickly pushed to the front, stumbling slightly. "Rebels! Rebels is doin' this. You don't believe me."

"Right," she agreed. "The announcer said they suspected rebels. And in Two," she stuttered nervously, "in Two it's just shambles. They blew up the Justice Building in Two. And…and Four is down as well. If Power and Coal go down, they'll be trapped," Katniss finished. Peeta watched as she began nervously toying with the end of her braid. "I saw it with my own eyes. It's happening."

Haymitch turned to the crowd with a big 'I told you so' glance. Peeta inhaled deeply and placed his hand on her shoulder as the miners all began to talk at once.

"This is the time to strike," Haymitch repeated. Silence fell over the room as the old drunk with the suddenly clear eyes spoke again. "Now is the time to do what we need to do to cut of the legs of the bull. You heard the girl – Power goes next, then Coal. They'd be crippled without us and you all know it."

The group stared back at him with a blank, unsure look. Peeta could taste the distrust and unease in the crowded building, but what else could he do? They didn't look convinced. They looked desperate and starving and tired – not ready to fight. He could see the anxiety in their eyes as Haymitch tried to plead with them.

"We need to move now while the timing is right. If this all happens at once they will be powerless. We have proof that the other districts are moving and now is the time for Twelve to join. What do you say?"

Their eyes shifted around the room, every man looking at his neighbor. They didn't look the least bit convinced – only more worried. A large, hulking man Peeta guessed was a foreman made his way to the front of the crowd. He stopped just a few feet from them and stared at all three of them with an unflinching gaze. Peeta gulped at his sheer size as he stood eye to eye with Katniss on the raised podium.

"I don't need to tell you what could happen if we miss a day of work for nothing, do I girl?"

"No-no," she answered. He watched as she clenched her jaw and seemed to remember herself. Katniss squared her shoulders and lifted her chin and looked the man twice her size in the eye. "No. You don't. My Pa was a miner."

"Everdeen. I remember," he nodded. He gave her a little nod. "You look just like him."

"Thank you," she answered softly back. "I know what I saw – I'm not making it up. I wouldn't do that... But Haymitch is right – we need to do something now while we have time. I saw the TV – the districts are in shambles. We need chaos for this to work."

The steely-eyed man nodded firmly. "I believe you," he stated simply. He turned back to the group of miners and nodded.

"We need to take her word."

Peeta looked around the crowded room as the murmurs started up again, their quiet words echoing off the thin walls as they considered what the man has said. One by one they began nodding in agreement, their tired faces turning forward.

"Well that's it then," Haymitch said, clapping firmly. "The morning crew that goes down at six won't be the normal crew. It will be people from our team, strategically placing the explosives. Make sure everyone is out. The team will exit the mines and it will blow exactly ten minutes later."

"What about the Peacekeepers?" someone shouted from the back.

Haymitch shook his head. "We got people to take them; ambush them and keep them quiet. When the mines blow, that'll be it."

Peeta blinked through the bright light in his eyes, his hand still resting on Katinss' shoulder. What then? What happened after the mines blew? Surely the Capitol would retaliate, wouldn't it? Uncertainty burned through his veins as he followed Haymitch off the makeshift platform. Katniss breathed a sigh of relief as Peeta pulled her away from the prying eyes and behind a group of people.

She didn't hesitate to throw her arms around his middle. "That was so scary," she whispered against this shirt. Peeta rested his chin on top of her head and sighed, giving the walls a worried glance he didn't want her to see.

"I know."

Haymitch wandered over as the crowd began to move and swell, the men talking loudly amongst themselves as the dull roar resumed. "You did good sweetheart. Now we just gotta hope they take what you said to heart and stay outta the mines tomorrow."

"You swear it will work?" Katniss sighed miserably, shifting away from Peeta's grasp. She kept one hand hooked on his coat pocket as she gave Haymitch a worried glance.

"It'll work. We'll blow it to bits and then where will they be without their precious coal? Nowhere, that's where," he huffed. He gave her an approving nod before moving on to talk to more people along the sides of the warehouse. Peeta looked over at Katniss with worried eyes.

"What will they do without the mines?"

Haymitch shrugged. "We start a war. Fight for our freedom and then do whatever we can. You gonna be alright?"

"Eventually," she said weakly, her lips twitching upward slightly. Haymitch turned around to talk to more people and left them alone. Katniss sniffed and exhaled deeply. He wanted to pull her close and hold her against his chest and promise that everything would be okay, but he knew that wasn't what would make her feel better in that moment. Katniss wanted to be strong – that's what she did best. His hands twitched as his sides as he stood and waited for her to ask to leave. Looking up, he scanned the warehouse again and met another pair of blue eyes much like his own.

"Dad?"

His father pushed through the crowd, his blue eyes bright even from a distance. Katniss turned around and shared a smile with Peeta as his father cut through the people and over to where they stood. His father didn't hesitate to throw his arms around him and hug him tightly.

"Look at you," he whispered happily, pulling away. "My boy all healed."

Peeta watched as his father grinned at him and then Katniss, quickly taking her cheeks and pulling her to him to brush a kiss on top of her head. "You healed my boy. Thank you," he sighed. Peeta watched as Katniss turned a shade of violet and nodded.

"It was no problem."

"You're alive," he sighed in relief. His eyes suddenly turned sad. "I wish I could do more for you my boy, I really do."

"Dad…you've done plenty," he assured his father. "The food really helped," he admitted quietly. His dad nodded and squeezed his arms.

"I'm glad."

"So…wait, what are you doing here?"

His father looked at Katniss and then back at him. "I've been involved with this for years. Waiting. Anticipating the right time to get behind a cause that could free us. Waiting for the right time to fight. It's now, Peeta. Now is the time for us to rise up and fight. Earn back what's ours."

"I didn't…I didn't know you were doing this," Peeta admitted. "I would have…"

"You've done plenty. But now it's time for the rebellion to start so that you can have a new life. Both of you," he said, touching Katniss' cheek. Peeta watched her nod and smile softly.

"I want you two to be free; not trapped. I want you to travel and prosper and do anything you've ever want to do. And…you can't do that now. It's not allowed because a man in a room thousands of miles from here wants to oppress us for the good of a few. That's not the Panem I want to live in anymore," his father said quietly.

Peeta stared at his dad as the people bustled around them. He's never heard his father talk like this before- it was inspiring.

"Listen….no matter what happens, I want you to know how proud I am of you."

"Dad…."

"No, Peeta, I am. I'm sorry for what your mother did and how she treated you…I should have done more. But even with me being…cowardly at times, you…you've become a wonderful man. I want the best for you – you deserve it. That's why I'm behind this."

Peeta was speechless as his father gave his shoulder one last squeeze. "Take care of my boy until I see him next. You two do as you're told and stay out of harm's way. I'll see you when this is over, alright?"

They both managed to nod. His dad smiled and embraced him one last time. "We'll figure something for you after this is over. You're here to do something great, Peet. I just know it. I love you kid."

Peeta felt his voice cracking as he spoke, the emotion of the moment finally catching up to him.

The rebellion started in less than twelve hours and he suddenly had everything to lose.

"I love you too dad."


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 28

Katniss

They walked back to her house in the Seam after that, their boots crunching on the icy snow. Katniss slipped her hand into Peeta's and was thankful that the bright white snow reflected enough to show them the way through the darkness. The Seam didn't have the occasional streetlight that the town did, so what little light they had was useful.

Her mind whirled. Glancing behind them, she checked quickly to make sure they weren't being followed.

They weren't.

She turned around and gripped Peeta's hand as the realization that this might work settled over her. If they could destroy the mines tomorrow then District 12 would have done its part in the rebellion against the Capitol. It would no longer have the coal it needed to power anything. Well, they wouldn't have coal either, but she was certain they would work out the details of that later. When she thought about it, she realized she would rather starve than know her hard earned money and food and resources were going to the fat, spoiled pigs in the Capitol.

But more than that, she had done her part. As frightened and anxious as she still was, she at least knew that she had done all she could to ensure their part of the fight was off to the right start. At dawn the next morning the bombs would detonate, sending the mines of her district into chaos. They would be reduced to rubble and they would have no choice but to fight.

The rebellion had started.

Her thoughts shifted to Peeta's father. She had no idea he was a rebel, and a proud one at that. His words to his son had been so touching and meaningful that she'd felt it wrong to listen but she couldn't manage to tear herself away. Mr. Mellark sounded so much like her father – or was it just that he had spoken words she'd wished she could still hear from him? She wasn't sure. All she knew was that she would do anything she could to make sure Peeta's father made it out of this ordeal alive. A world like theirs needed more people like him.

As they got closer and closer to her house Katniss looked up at the sky with a questioning glance. The clear, cold night had shifted somehow, and the weather seemed suddenly ominous. A damp, slushy type of snow began to fall soon after, splashing to already accumulated snow with light plopping noises. She saw a rare flash of lightening before a burst of thunder in the distance that made Peeta jump a little.

They stepped onto the front porch of her house and she turned to look at him. "Thunder snow," she replied softly, gazing around the small porch's roof to look up at the sky. Another clap of muted thunder sounded in the sky, the snow muffling the otherwise loud sound. Peeta's eyes followed her gaze as she contemplated the possibly symbolic meaning of such a rare weather occurrence happening on the eve of the rebellion. She wasn't sure what a thunder snow meant.

"I thought it was…" he trailed off, his worried gaze not meeting hers. Bombs, she thought.

She sighed and reached over, taking his hand in hers. "I know."

Peeta's mouth twitched anxiously as he swallowed and turned to her. "Do you think my dad will be okay?"

The desire to tell the innocent boy before her that everything would be fine lingered on her lips. She wanted to reassure him that this would all be over tomorrow and they would live the happily ever after they'd been alluding to for days now, but she just couldn't believe it herself.

It wasn't that she didn't want to believe that good things good happen; it was just the simple fact that too much bad had happened to her and she couldn't.

"I think he's smart. Times like these that certainly helps. I think he'll be alright."

Peeta blinked and shook his head a little. "I'm just…I didn't know he…I didn't know he was a rebel. That's…amazing," he breathed.

"Yeah," she agreed with a little chuckle. "He's a good man, Peeta. Clever. Like you." Her eyes focused in on his strong, squared jaw and profile as he stared out at the snow. Every few seconds a splash of lightning would cover the cloudy sky, a roll of muted thunder following it. She wasn't sure what made thunder snows occur, but the strange instance was an interesting turn of events nonetheless. She turned forward so as not to be caught staring and twisted her lips together.

"You think so?"

She nodded. "You're….you're good," she sighed, shaking her head at how silly she sounded. She didn't have a way with words like he did. Her mouth never seemed to want to cooperate around him. He didn't seem to mind.

Peeta looked behind where they stood on the porch and raised a blonde eyebrow in the darkness. "Your mom and sister aren't back yet?"

Katniss glanced behind to where he was looking in the living room window and shrugged. "Babies take a long time to be born. Twins can take days," she murmured calmly. It wasn't unusual for her mother to be gone for two or three days when twins were involved. She would usually stick around after the birth, changing diapers and ensuring that the babies were breathing okay so that the mother could get some rest. It was usually a task she was greatly rewarded for in a monetary sense if the family could afford it.

Peeta nodded. "Do you want to go inside? It's…kinda cold."

Katniss smiled and unlocked the door, ushering Peeta inside. They'd been alone together before, but now as they entered the calm, dark house they felt really alone. A chill of uncertainty rolled down her spine and made goose bumps stand up under her jacket.

"I should add a log to the fire," he sighed. "Make myself useful."

"You're useful," she muttered, giving his elbow a light shove. She went to the dark kitchen and flipped on the small light over the stove and immediately set some water to boil for some tea. She walked to the shelf in the corner that housed stores of her mother's medical supplies, pulling out the herbal salve used to heal his gashes.

"Do you need more of this?" she asked, holding it up.

Peeta shrugged. "I wouldn't say no to it," he admitted after shrugging out of the too-small coat. She did the same, handing hers to him to put on the rickety coat rack near the door. He grabbed a blanket from the chair by the worn couch and gave her a crooked smile as he draped it over her shoulders.

"My fire making skills are lacking. It will take a minute before its warm."

"Need my help?" she asked.

"No," he insisted proudly, slowly bending over with a pained look. He struck the flint a few times before a tiny spark ignited and jumped into the pile of papers in the wood burning stove's belly. He blew on the kindling and soon a tiny funnel of smoke appeared. She stared at him as he babied the tiny spark until a small flame began to grow. It glowed a vibrant orange, the color reflecting off his pale skin and golden hair.

The kettle howling made her jump. Walking over to the stove, she poured the boiling water into two tin mugs and added a few bits of ginger root and peppermint and let it steep for a few minutes.

"Man make fire," Peeta muttered under his breath, adding a log to the stove. He peered through the opening and his face lit up with an accomplished grin as the log crackled once in response.

Katniss bit back a smile, walking over in the dim light to where he stood. "Take your shirt off," she ordered quietly, refusing to look him in the eye. He rose slowly, leaning on the lid of the stove for support. She could feel Peeta's smirk as he reached for the hem in a cocky manner. His shyness appeared to return as he pulled it over his head with a mild look of chagrin. Once over his head, he paused with the shirt hanging on his elbows and looked through his thick lashes at her. She stood inches in front of him, clutching the tin can of balm in her suddenly sweaty hands. There was suddenly a delicious tension between them that she didn't quite understand. Slowly, her eyes met hers.

"Suddenly shy, are we?"

"You've seen me naked, haven't you?"

She chewed the insides of her cheek, unsure of how to answer the question. "You were injured and sick, that doesn't count. I've seen lots of men naked."

Peeta raised an eyebrow.

She coughed nervously. "Um…injured miners mostly."

He quirked an eyebrow. "Much bigger than me?"

"Huge," she deadpanned. She read the look on his disappointed face and paused, suddenly confused. "Wait, what do you mean?"

Peeta smirked again and stared at her. "You know what I mean. You've….you cleaned me, didn't you? When I was out?"

She nodded demurely, a nervous little laugh escaping her. Was he anxious over the idea that she'd seen him naked? Did Peeta Mellark suddenly have shame?

"I cleaned you when you were out, yes. I told you."

Peeta gave her a questioning look, his façade of confidence and cockiness clearly slipping.

She raised an eyebrow in challenge and cleared her throat. If he wanted the truth, she'd give it to him. "I cleaned you front and back and helped my mother with your catheter Mellark," she mumbled. "Trust me, you have no secrets."

Peeta barked out a quiet laugh. "And you still admitted that you loved me? Quite a feat if I do say so myself."

She shrugged and blushed, looking away. "Do you want this salve or not?"

Peeta stared down at her again through his blonde lashes, the blue of his eyes visible even in the darkening light. He gave her a small nod and another playful sneer as he moved to stand behind him. Peeta stood up, leaning on the wooden table he'd been splayed over for a week while she'd cared for him.

Katniss followed his gaze to the worn word of her kitchen table, a small smile forming on her lips. She turned her attention back to the thick, raised scars that decorated his back in a series of cris crossing lines. The wounds had healed but were still raised and red and angry looking. He sighed and leaned into her touch as she moved the sticky balm over his back.

"You'll have scars," she breathed quietly, smearing more of it on.

He shrugged lightly and sighed. "I told you – I'm alright with scars. I earned them protecting the woman I love from harm. No better scars to have if you ask me."

Katniss' shoulders dropped. How could he just openly admit he loved her? He made it seem so easy! While she certainly returned the gentle baker's feelings she couldn't imagine being able to disclose them in such a blaze manner. Just the thought of letting the words slip from her tongue again made her cheeks heat up. Admitting she loved him made her weak; vulnerable. Neither of those were things she'd ever allowed herself to feel. The muscles of his back seemed to shudder under her touch.

Peeta turned around slowly, his eyes meeting hers. She'd seen him shirtless before, but this was…different. Her breaths didn't come as easily as she took him in; standing in front of her, broad and pale and naked from the waist up and just inches in front of her. She gulped and looked up at him as if in challenge.

"Do you mind my scars?"

"No," she replied quietly. "I have quite a few of my own, actually. Different ones…inside ones. Or at least it feels that way sometimes."

Slowly, Peeta reached for her hand. He grasped her fingers in his large ones and didn't look away as he held her gnarled knuckles up to his lips. "We're a perfect match then, aren't we?" he asked, his lips brushing up against her skin. The intimate action made a ball of pleasurable tension start to unfurl in her abdomen.

Without thinking, she slowly licked her lips. Peeta's eyes seemed to smolder as he watched her tongue wet the surface before retreating back into her mouth. Her lips suddenly burned with a quiet type of need she didn't quite understand.

"Whatever happens tomorrow….I just want you to know how I feel. If I die and you go on, I don't want you to doubt for a second the way I felt about you."

She blinked once, hating to cut off a split second of contact with his intense gaze. Her throat went dry as summer heat.

"I know."

She wanted to say something beautiful and meaningful back to him but she simply couldn't. Her stupid mouth wouldn't allow it. He seemed to understand that the words were harder for her to say. He gave her an understanding smile and nod. Instead of fretting anymore about what she needed to or couldn't say she leaned forward and pinned him against the table to place her lips to his. Peeta welcomed them, sliding his bare arms up her sides to cradle her face with his hands. His mouth welcomed hers as she timidly leaned in, molding her lips to his. He sighed into her mouth and gently pried it open with his tongue. She jumped slightly at the feeling, clenching her eyes and trying to be open to whatever he was doing.

She trusted Peeta. Nothing he had done so far had been unpleasant, so she had no reason not to trust him.

Slowly, she kissed him back and touched her tongue to his. She could feel the excitable moan that rumbled deep in his chest in answer to her touch. The thought that she could elicit such a noise from the shy baker made her abdomen twist again. She didn't even realize she had clenched her legs together to seek relief from the pressure until Peeta gently nudged them apart with his knee. Leaning forward on the table, he slowly ran his knee up the inseam of her pants until it settled in the apex between her thighs. In the back of her mind she prayed he couldn't feel the heat emanating from the area. Her body seemed to separate from her mind as Peeta's hands ran down her neck and down her sides. His fingers brushed the outline of her breasts, the simple touch making her shiver again and shift her hips forward. Her center caught on his knee, the temporary, fleeting friction resonating throughout her body. A jolt of pleasure shot through her limbs as she realized that his leg had un-purposefully made her feel god.

Very good.

She gulped and pulled away from his kisses, her gaze hesitant. Peeta's eyes slowly opened, his hand reaching up to trace her jaw. "It's alright," he whispered. His voice was as weak and ragged as she felt. "There's nothing to hide anymore."

Katniss felt herself coil again low in her belly, her body betraying her at the sound of his needy voice. She nodded, letting her eyes fall closed again. Peeta leaned up on the table, his mouth moving from hers to drag slowly up her cheek. He lightly kissed her eyelids and sighed into her hair. The bare skin of his chest and arms was a stark reminder that they were there, together, alone and completely free to do as they wished. She felt herself start to tremble.

"We can stop," he assured her.

Her eyes flew open. Was that what she wanted? The pleasure and electricity that seemed to be racing through her body didn't seem to think so.

"No," she heard herself say. A slew of thoughts raced through her mind as she realized that tonight might be her last chance to really live... Tonight might be her last chance to have any sort of normalcy before the rebellion settled over them like a looming cloud. It was fast approaching and there was nothing she could do about it that night but live.

"I don't want to stop," she said quietly, her eyes flicking up to meet his. Peeta licked his lips and stared at her.

"What do you want to do?"

She stared up at him in question. How could she possibly explain to him that she wanted to do everything and nothing all at the same time? That she simply just wanted to be with him? She couldn't find the words. Instead, she let her body do the communicating her senseless mouth could no longer do. She grabbed his shoulders and pulled him against her, her mouth on his and begging him to not question her.

But he was Peeta, so he did. He broke their passionate kiss and gently grasped her shoulders to pull her back.

"Wait wait…what does that mean?" he asked, referencing her aggressive kiss.

"I want you," she mumbled, feeling her face heat up. The words sounded stupid and forced coming from her lips but she meant them – didn't that count for something?

"Do you even mean that?"

Indignance shot through her. "Of course I do! Peeta…we could die tomorrow."

"That's not enough of a reason," he insisted. "What if we don't die and….and you regret it? That's one thing you can't take back."

"Fine. Then…I love you that's why," she mumbled again, tucking her hair behind her ears. She trailed her fingers down to her messy braid and looked up at Peeta. This was the one thing that would make her feel normal and alive while she still could. Even though she was terrible with words and the exact opposite of the charming eloquence that Peeta had, she still wanted him to know how much she cared for him. If it all ended tomorrow, then she would have that.

"I want to always have tonight," she explained. "With you."

He bobbed his head slowly in understanding, his eyes shifting to the floor. "You're sure?"

She fought a smile. "Strangely…yes. I want to Peeta. I….I want to experience this before I die."

"You're not going to die."

"You don't know that."

"But what-"

"Just…." She held her finger up to his lips and watched as he froze. His kind, light blue orbs stared into hers as she held her finger against his mouth and silently forbade him to speak. Peeta pressed his lips against her callused little finger, maneuvering the soft flesh of his mouth to place a kiss against her finger. His mouth broke into a giddy grin as she touched him, slowly letting it fall. She traced his bottom lip with the pad of her finger and silently wished she could memorize the way he smiled. She wanted to keep the memory of it with her to get her through the next few days.

"I want to. I…I….Well, what a difference a week can make," she sighed, looking up at him again. He nodded in agreement.

"What a difference."


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 29

Katniss

Her mind was made up. She would share this experience with Peeta before her world came crashing down. The world could end as she knew it tomorrow and the one thing that even made her feel remotely better was the idea that they would share this one single, solitary thing. Panic began to creep into her veins as she realized she had no idea how to proceed. Pulling her bottom lip between her teeth, she reached for the buttons on her shirt and began fumbling with them. Peeta's eyes lowered to watch, his tongue sneaking out to wet his lips again. When her shaky fingers began to be too much, he reached up and placed his hands over hers.

"Will you let me do that part?"

She nodded as he began unbuttoning the front of her shirt. Pushing it from her shoulders, he let it fall to the floor in a heap along with the thin blanket that he had placed there. She awkwardly kicked out of her boots and he followed suit, kicking his shoes over to the side of the kitchen cabinets with a thump. Katniss watched as he regarded her with a strange look.

"Will you not look so nervous? This is supposed to be…enjoyable," he said, a hopeful sound in his voice. She chewed her lip until she almost punctured the wound she'd managed to chew in it at the Hob. Had it really only been a week ago that she'd gone to the bakery to trade? Only a week since the whipping? It felt like ages.

"Sorry," she laughed softly. Even though she wanted this it was still new and scary.

Standing before him in her undershirt, she slowly pushed her worn cargo pants to the floor. She stepped out of them, quickly peeling off her socks. She was left in only her underwear and a camisole that didn't hide much of anything it was so worn and threadbare. Shifting from side to side, she suddenly wished she'd taken longer in the bath that morning. A faint flush rose in her cheeks as she thought about how exposed she was and how what she had planned would change everything. He leaned against the wooden kitchen table, the joints creaking slightly in protest.

"Don't," he whispered, letting his shirt slide the rest of the way down his arms. It was already halfway off from when she was applying the medicine to his scars, but now it was completely off. She blinked as she realized he was completely shirtless in front of her, his fingers already fumbling at his pants.

"Don't what?"

Peeta paused as he let out a deep sigh. His fingers stilled over the fastening on his pants as he looked up at her with a pleading glance.

"Over think this. Just…be with me," he pleaded, leaning forward. She had to smile; now that she'd put the thought of actually coupling in his head, he was as into it as she was. He leaned forward to rest his forehead against hers. "You can change your mind any minute, you know."

Peeta began peppering her neck with soft, delicate kisses, his face so close she could feel his eyelashes on her jaw. When his kissing turned to sucking and his hands rested on her hips, she began to feel herself relax. His palms were warm and his fingers were making goose bumps pop up where his fingers had lifted up her camisole on her hips. Instead of panicking that her bath hadn't been long enough she instead concentrated on the way his mouth felt as he kissed down to her clavicle. The feeling of his soft breaths against her skin made her toes curl against the wooden floor of the kitchen.

erShe

I don't think I'll be changing my mind about anything anytime soon," she managed to squeak. He brushed her braid to the side before stopping. She turned her head to see what he was doing as he picked up the end of it in his hand and twirled it.

"I love this braid," he hummed, giving her a wicked little grin, "but can we lose it?"

"What? Why?" she suddenly demanded, taking it from his fingertips. She moved her braided rope of hair into its familiar, comfortable place on her left shoulder and gave him a playful frown.

"No, I like it…. I just…I've always imagined what it would be like to…remove it," he chuckled. "I want to run my fingers through it and….see you with your hair down again."

Her head barely nodded as Peeta gently pulled the rawhide tie from the end, his fingers splaying it out against her shoulder. Her breaths grew slightly shaky as his gentle fingers tenderly unraveled the strands of her hair that were at this point practically trained into the woven braid. The feeling of his slightly calloused hands moving through the tendrils made her scalp tingle slightly as her hair was fanned out around her shoulders. Her eyes lifted to his as he stroked her hair into place, his hands lingering next to her ears. They framed her face and he gave her a bright smile. His expression was almost sheepish.

"I've always wanted to do that."

"Take my braid out?" she asked.

He nodded, his slightly hooded gaze slipping down to look at her in her camisole. The garment was her mother's; something leftover from her merchant days and so threadbare it was practically see through. The chill in the air and the arousal she suddenly felt as his eyes raked over her body appreciatively made her chest tighten. She didn't have to glance down to know that her nipples were clearly visible against the soft, worn fabric. Peeta didn't seem to mind it a bit as he stared down at her wish a pink face and his fingers twitching on her hips. His thumbs brushed her skin softly, tickling her slightly and reminding her that this was Peeta. There was nothing to be afraid of with him.

She reached out slowly, her fingers finding the button on his pants. She undid it, noting how difficult it was to push them down over the bulge in the front of his shorts. Peeta's hands slid down her face, her neck, her shoulders, and finally fell to his sides as he finally stepped out of them and kicked them to the side. They were left in only their underwear as he met her gaze again and gave her a lopsided smile.

"If you're sure…"

"I'm sure," she mumbled quietly.

Peeta reached over, his finger hooking the edge of her chin to tilt her face up to look at him. She expected to hear more questions and unease and just words but instead he only moved in and kissed her.

This kiss was different that the others; where those had been hungry and full of exploration this one was softer – sweeter. The sheer dose of feelings beneath it made her knees quake slightly. This kiss was full of promise and hope.

He broke away slowly, his blue eyes opening at a snail's pace. A flicker of a smile appeared on his lips before he leaned in and kissed her again. She wrapped her arms around his neck as his hands wove their way into her hair. She was quickly engrossed in him again. The light pulling and twisting of his fingers in her hair made her entire body tingle that time as his kisses grew more and more passionate. Before she realized it, they were on the floor in a heap of limbs beside the kitchen table. She landed on top of their pile of clothes, Peeta brushing one of his boots out of the way as he settled on top of her. Her legs parted almost instantly, his body settling between their valley. The fire in the nearby stove warmed their feet and made Peeta's skin burn against hers as he continued to kiss her. She opened her eyes as he stopped suddenly.

"Um…what do you want me to do?" he asked quietly, avoiding her eyes.

She frowned up at him, her pupils struggling to see clearly again. Peeta's mouth on her neck and mouth and ears had made everything go a little fuzzy.

"What do you m-mean?" she stammered. She'd never done this before so she had no idea what he was referring to. Her mind struggled to form coherent thoughts as she tried to determine what he wanted her to say. At this point she almost cursed the fact that she had no experience with this sort of thing.

"Um….er, with my…I mean when I…."

Her eyes widened with realization. He meant his seed. She twisted uncomfortably beneath him, her mind racing.

"I mean…I c-can pull out or-"

"No. Wait," she said hurriedly, pressing her hands against his bare shoulders. Peeta rolled off her with a confused look as she jumped up and promptly smacked her head on the edge of the wooden table.

"Shit," she cursed, hurrying to the corner. Peeta chuckled.

"Are you alright? What are you doing? You didn't have to run away," he teased.

Katniss glared over her shoulder at him as he lay in a pile of their clothes on the kitchen floor. He was halfway under the wooden table where he'd recovered for the past week. Of course it would be near that table, she thought as she began rummaging through her mother's medical shelves. Pushing aside the tins of ointments and herbs and balms, she quickly grew frustrated as the objects she desired weren't easy to find. Glancing up, she hooked her bare foot on the corner of the shelf and hoisted herself up to see what was on the top shelf. Bingo, she thought. When she found what she was looking for, she snatched one and jumped down from the shelf. Peeta met her gaze as she covered her breasts with her hands to keep them from jiggling out of the flimsy camisole she wore in lieu of a bra.

"I…sorry," she mumbled, walking awkwardly back to him. She crawled back under the table, rolling her eyes and laughing at the sheer ridiculousness that they were about to do it under a table and handed him the package.

Peeta's eyes widened. "A condom?"

She nodded.

"Where…why do you have these?"

"My mother," she snapped playfully, shoving it at him again. Peeta's fingers tightened around the package as he gaped at it again.

"Wha…."

"My mother gives them to women who…shouldn't have children for a while. Sometimes the birth or the pregnancy is too tough on their bodies and their husbands still want to…well…she just keeps some to give to them. So they don't get pregnant again so soon."

"They're illegal," Peeta murmured softly, his eyes scanning the package in his fingers.

Katniss could only nod. "But could you…use it?"

In a district that relied on scads of people to mine for its wealth, birth control was a taboo topic. The government urged them to reproduce at rapid rates with the understanding that more babies were a good thing. Birth control was illegal to make or sell so it was no shock that Peeta was this surprised.

"Of course," he sighed, moving to unwrap it. "Will you…tell me if I do it wrong?"

Nodding, Katniss glanced down at the prominent bulge that still made his undershorts tent up towards his belly. He was lying on the floor halfway under the table, his head propped up on one of her boots and his wadded up shirt. She moved out of the way as he pushed his shorts down his legs and eventually off. A flash of embarrassment shone in his eyes before she grabbed the discarded blanket from one of the chairs and draped it over them.

"In case we get cold," she muttered without looking at him. Peeta nodded. What she didn't want to say was that the blanket was just to cover them up while they did it under her kitchen table. Katniss chanced a sideways look at him as he unwrapped the sheepskin condom and carefully rolled it over his erection. She almost did a double take – of course she expected it to look different while aroused, but it didn't look anything like what it had the day she'd had to help with his catheter. She winced and swallowed back the horrid memory as he secured it around the base of his organ and looked over at her.

"It's not…bad," he admitted, chewing his lip. "Is this right?"

She nodded. She pulled off the camisole and awkwardly slid out of her undershorts and dropped them to the side. Peeta's eyes raked over her body in the dim light before he gave her a smile and looked away.

"It's okay," she said softly. If he needed reassuring, she would give it to him. However unsure and awkward this was, she still knew she wanted to share this experience with him above all else.

Peeta rolled over; pulling the blanket around is torso as he settled between her legs. Katniss jumped slightly as he bumped his erection against her thighs, the tip just barely grazing her between her legs. Peeta reached over her head and pulled his shirt and hers from the floor to ball them up.

"Lift up your head," he whispered. She obliged as he slid the balled up fabric under her head. She couldn't help but smile softly as he secured the blanket around their sides to give her a bit more modesty. The fact that he hadn't overlooked that in the moment touched her deeply.

"Thanks," she whispered. His bare skin was touching hers all over and a rush of anticipation and exhilaration washed over her. Peeta hovered over her, propped up on his elbows as he visibly debated whether or not he could settle his weight on top of her. She wrapped her hands gently around his lower back and pulled him a little closer.

He offered her a crooked smile as he bumped against her again. "Wow, we're naked," she blurted out suddenly.

"Would you like to not be naked for this? I heard it helps, but…."

She lightly smacked his shoulder and was silently thankful that Peeta wasn't taking this too seriously either and was probably as nervous as she was.

"Have you done this before?" she quietly asked once her chuckles had subsided. She had to know.

"No. You?"

"No. Just…checking," she muttered. She couldn't ignore that the main feeling pulsing through her veins in that moment was relief. Peeta hadn't done this either and that made her feel slightly more at ease to know she wasn't the only inexperienced party present.

"Katniss," he said softly, reaching down to touch her cheek. "It's only ever been you. You know that, right?"

"I…I do n-now," she admitted. Peeta slid closer to her and she could feel him pressed against her entrance. "Do you wish we were in a bed?"

"No. Here's fine," she babbled quickly, shaking her head.

"I just…pictured this differently is all."

She exhaled sharply. "You pictured this?"

Peeta looked away quickly and didn't answer. She reached up and touched his cheeks, hoping he couldn't feel her hands trembling. Peeta nodded, averting his eyes from hers as he reached down with one hand and slowly slid his fingers down her stomach.

"Is this okay?"

She could only bob her head once as the slightly rough pads of his fingers moved down through the curls below her pelvic bone to brush her center. She gasped and bit her lip to keep from crying out in surprise and….oh. It felt good to have someone's hands touch there besides her own. Peeta fumbled for a few moments, his fingers sliding in the wetness that had gathered there. A surge of pleasure slowly rippled from her core as he ran two fingers through her slick folds. His thumb hooked on the bundle of nerves above her entrance and she gasped.

"There…there," she whispered as her eyes fell shut. Peeta continued his movements, flicking his thumb against her as he slowly teased her with his first two fingers. He slid them in slowly and exhaled shakily.

"You're so…oh," he breathed, his voice trembling slightly. He quickly stopped his movements and leaned down on his elbows to line his body up with hers. "Can I-"

"Yes," she nodded vigorously. Peeta's hands had made her body entirely aware of what he was capable of and she was almost eager for more.

Peeta pressed himself against her body, her slick folds parting as he pushed the tip of himself into her. He leaned down closer to her, pressing his lips to hers in a soft kiss. He pushed a little further, her walls tightening against him as her body tried to stretch to accommodate him. She was suddenly surrounded by his arms and chest and neck as his weight settled further on top of her. In a strange way, it was comforting to be able to feel and see him this close. Her senses were in overload as she tried to stay relaxed and take in the moment they were sharing together. He exhaled as he pressed his hips against hers again, his mouth near her ear. She was so focused on the slight pinching feel that she almost didn't hear him.

"I'll take care of you," he whispered. Her eyes opened slightly as she tried to determine whether or not he'd actually said it or if her mind had imagined it.

She didn't have time to contemplate it long – with one last gentle push she felt her body give way and his hips were suddenly flush with hers. Peeta leaned over and kissed her again, this time with lips that were only halfway aware of what they were doing. She kissed him back feeling similarly as her body and brain tried to catch up. He was inside of her. She let out a labored breath as she realized how full and complete she suddenly felt. Her hands moved to his back to embrace him as he stilled on top of her. He seemed to sweetly sense she would need a minute

"You can…move," she finally whispered. Peeta nodded, kissing her again as he pulled back to look at her.

"I've pictured this a thousand times," he blurted out. She looked up at him in awe.

"You have?"

He nodded. "Nothing ever came close to this."

"You can't possibly mean…that," she said, his breath hitching as he filled her again. He pulled slowly out only to gently bury himself in her again.

"I mean it."

"Stop talking," she laughed, reaching up to touch his cheek. He nodded and gave her a sheepish smile before slowly sliding himself in and out of her.

In and out.

In…and out.

The stretching, pinching pain had subsided. She still felt sore, but the wetness from her arousal had definitely helped. Her shoulder blades and lower back ached from the hard floor, but that was soon forgotten as she arched her back up as a sharp stab of pleasure assaulted her senses. Peeta had hit a spot deep within her walls that made her toes suddenly curl under the threadbare blanket. The only sound was the crackling fire in the wood burning stove and the muted sound of the thunder and snow outside. Her sharp intake of breath seemed to echo in the quiet house.

"Oh…oh…" she heard herself cry out. Embarrassed, she pulled her lip between her teeth as Peeta continued to hit the spot again and again. His slow but purposeful movements sped up as her hands found his back again. His back. Her fingers could feel the scars from his whipping as she held him tightly against her, the balm she'd just applied sticking to her fingers. The raised, angry marks were something Peeta would carry with him for the rest of his life as a reminder of the punishment he'd endured to save her from her fate. She gently traced one as he moved over her, seeming to pour his every emotion into every thrust. This boy had offered himself up to protect her in the hope that she would accept him into her life. The thought of such a sacrifice wasn't lost on her – another surge of wetness formed between her thighs as Peeta moved his body with hers.

And could he ever move. There was no doubt in her mind that he'd thought of this more than once, for he seemed determined to please her. She was slowly figuring out that her inexperience was nothing; what her mind didn't know, her body was happy to discover.

Like the way their legs wound together effortlessly beneath the blanket, splaying her legs wider so that he could go deeper.

Or the way her back arched up in pleasure just enough for him to lower his head and lavish her breasts with attention.

The way his teeth brushing against her taut nipples made her center tighten and make them both moan.

The way his fingers could reach down as he moved to touch the spot that made her bite his lip in hers and groan into his mouth.

Or even the way Peeta thrust harder and deeper when she sucked on the sensitive skin just behind his ear.

It felt like hours and yet mere seconds as they moved together on the kitchen floor, discovering each other and making silent promises. Katniss felt her heart clench several time with the thought that this could be their last night together.

She discovered she had absolutely no regrets about doing this with Peeta.

She had happily given herself over to the boy that had willingly sacrificed himself for her and ultimately saved her life. Peeta was the reason she would live to see another day and Peeta was the one who had made her finally feel alive.

His thrusts soon become erratic and labored and she realized he was about to climax. She didn't know the details of what would happen, but she'd seen enough animals in the springtime to know the mechanics of it. Her eyes fixed on Peeta's face as he hovered above her, his lips parted in enjoyment as he bumped his hips with hers.

"Katniss…oh god, Katniss…" he mumbled, moving urgently against her. "Sorrysorrysorry," he babbled against her shoulder as he jerked his hips forward suddenly. Katniss jumped at the sharpness of his movements, noting that had this not been her first time that such a move would probably feel quite good. While the act itself had been pleasurable she couldn't deny that she would undoubtedly be sore in the morning. She felt her walls stretch further as he pulsed inside of her, the lambskin catching his seed and keeping it from entering her. She knew pregnancy wasn't always a result of intercourse, but it could happen. If she somehow didn't die tomorrow, she would at least know she wasn't about to bring a child into their district of misery.

Peeta stilled above her as he gasped for breath, his blue eyes hazy for a moment. Katniss wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close, his body relaxing on top of hers. He was heavy; solid with muscle and damp with sweat, but she didn't care. He rested on her chest and burrowed his nose behind her ear and gave a choppy exhale. She could feel his heart thrumming wildly against her breast, the sweaty skin sliding with hers. With a smile, she realized their hearts were frantically beating in time with each other. Her eyes stared up at the bottom of the kitchen table as Peeta pressed lazy kisses to her clammy skin.

In a few hours, their lives would change forever. But for now, she just wanted him near.


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 30

Peeta

He turned his head slightly to listen. Was she asleep? It had been at least an hour since….

He smiled up at the bottom of the kitchen table. The irony that they'd actually done it under the kitchen table was not lost on him. Katniss stirred on his shoulder and sighed, the wavy layers of her hair lightly tickling his arm. He was right though; her dark hair fanned out around her bare shoulders had been the most exquisite thing he'd ever laid eyes on. His fantasies in his room late at night didn't do her justice.

"Stop grinning. You'll look guilty," she mumbled against his skin, her raspy voice breaking the silence. Peeta rested his chin on the top of her head as they lay there, tangled together in a heap of cooling skin and the threadbare blanket. The hard floor was starting to hurt his back, but with a naked Katniss Everdeen curled against this body he wasn't about to protest or move. He wanted to say that way forever, in fact. Instead of moving, he stretched his bare feet in the direction of the wood burning stove and inhaled the scent of her hair.

He would never forget the way his name sounded on her lips while their bodies were connected. He knew then he could die happily knowing that sound as he did.

"I can't help it," he chuckled, resting his head back down on his boot. "Are you upset we did that?"

She lifted her head off his chest and stared at him, her gaze disbelieving. "No. Are you?"

"No," he answered quickly. "I Just…I know it can be different for guys, that's all."

It felt like the best thing in the world to me and I know it had to hurt you, he thought. I got pleasure and I'm sure you didn't. I wish we had more time to learn to love each other the right way, but we could die tomorrow, he wanted to say. But his words got stuck in his throat and he swallowed them down with regret. He didn't know how to fix anything for her and that gnawed at his insides worse than anything he'd ever felt.

"Was it different for you, then?"

He shook his head sheepishly. "I'm not most guys."

Katniss smiled at him slowly, the light returning to her eyes. "I know."

She sighed and rested her head back on his chest. "I don't regret it. At all. If anything it…it makes me sort of want more."

He cleared his throat and tried not to appear too eager. "I um…I could probably-"

She sat up like a dart, pulling the thin blanket over her chest as she gave him a wide eyed glare. "No! Not that, I-I meant….I meant just…that I don't want to die tomorrow. I don't want this to be over, I guess…." She trailed off, shaking her head. "It's silly. I shouldn't be thinking such…things."

"Just say it," he begged, reaching up to touch her shoulder. His eyes trained on her skin, a surge of satisfaction wound through him as he realized goose bumps were forming on her arms. It was really something to know his touch could have that effect on her. He smiled lazily as she clutched the blanket tighter around her torso as she tried not to hit her head again on the bottom of the table.

"I just….I like this. Being here and…what I meant to say is….oh….I'm terrible at this," she said, giving him an exasperated sigh.

"You're perfect," he muttered, still induced in his post-coital haze. He reached up, tracing her cheek with the back of his fingertips and sighed happily.

Katniss narrowed her eyes at him. "You're a sap."

"And I love you," he answered with a chuckle. "You're like a wildflower, you know? My wildflower."

She frowned at him in disgust and shook her head. "You're a sap and a terrible liar on top of that. Eeesh Mellark."

Peeta chuckled again and stroked her cheek. She didn't look like she liked the gentle touches but she wasn't shying away either. He wouldn't put it past Katniss to angrily knock his hand away if he was doing something she didn't care for. "I just…you're so beautiful. And rare. And wild. You're just…you."

Katniss snorted in the back of her throat and gave him another skeptical look. "Are you just saying that because I let you into my pants?"

Peeta growled playfully, leaning up to wrap his arms around her small body. She was strong, but he was stronger. He pulled her down onto his chest and smiled as the blanket fluttered down on top of them, their bare skin touching again in all the right places. A tiny smirk appeared on his face as Katniss' features softened slightly.

"Why can't you take a compliment?"

"Because I'm not worth complimenting."

"Yes, yes you are. Now let me love you the way you deserve. That includes letting me call you my wildflower….and letting me in your pants."

"I don't do pet names, regardless of who has been in whose pants," she sniffed with a laugh. Her stern demeanor was crumbling.

"Was it good for you?"

She stared down at him as she propped herself up on his chest. "It was. Was it good for you?"

He could only nod enthusiastically like a little kid would.

She smirked and let a little giggle slip. "It wasn't…bad. The way I'd heard it would be. So thank you."

Peeta raised an eyebrow. "Do Seam kids talk about the Slag Heap too?"

She nodded. "My friend…erm, a girl I know from the Hob said it could really hurt. I heard her say she bled."

Peeta's eyes widened slightly. The thought of Katniss actually bleeding as a result of their coupling had him slightly horrified. "You didn't-"

"No!" she said quickly. "I….no. You must have been extra….careful," she shrugged with a tiny smile.

Peeta rested his head against his boot, the achy feeling returning to his limbs as he rested on the floor. His back was healing up nicely, but he was almost sure spending an entire night on a hard, dirty floor was hardly what it needed. However, there was one more thing he wanted to try before breaking the bubble of their post coital bliss.

"Would you…can I try something?"

She met his gaze and nodded slowly, her movements unsure. "Yes…"

"Do you trust me?"

She gave him another crooked smile. "You know I do."

"Okay," he replied, slowly rolling out from beneath her. "Get on your back."

Katniss did as she was told, pulling the blanket over Peeta's hips as he shifted to hover over her. She rested her head on the small clump that was hit boot and balled up shirt, her hair fanning out across the makeshift pillow. He met her eyes and realized she was giving him a look of trepidation that he didn't quite understand.

"What?"

She shifted on the hard floor. "I can't…I mean I'm fine but I'm….sore."

Peeta gasped and shook his head. "No, I…I wasn't going to….I just wanted to try something."

"Try something?" she asked, lifting her head from his boot. "What…"

"Just...it won't hurt. I'm not going to….put anything there again," he offered meekly. "Is that okay?"

She frowned. "What are you going to do?"

"Just…trust me. It won't hurt," he repeated, sliding down her body. Katniss trembled beneath him, her thin limbs shaking a little. He rested his hand on her bare hip as the blanket formed a sort of tent around his shoulders. "Will you relax? Trust me."

She nodded, shyly averting her eyes and blushing as Peeta lowered himself under the blanket. He couldn't see much in the dim light, but he knew he could manage. He had to. His first attempt at sex with Katniss Everdeen, the girl of his dreams had been…good. Well, fantastic on her part. He was sure the image of seeing her arch her back up in pleasure and whisper his name wouldn't be something he would forget anytime soon. However, he hadn't forgotten the crass words of his older brothers in regards to sex. He failed to remember specifics now, but he could remember Bannock telling him to not bother coming home again if he couldn't get a girl off. Peeta smirked to himself before lowering himself to eyelevel with her crotch.

"Peeta? What are you…?"

Katniss' voice above the blanket made him look up. She held the fabric up with an skeptical look decorating her face. "What are you doing?" she demanded again.

"I want to…taste…you, "he replied in a choppy, unsure voice.

"You can't put your mouth….there. We just-"

"Would you just hold on? I'm not going to put my mouth there," he hissed in frustration. He knew she was worried he would put his mouth on her opening after they'd just had sex. No, he knew the place she'd probably enjoy him touching rested somewhere above where they'd been joined. Where, he wasn't sure, but what he lacked in experience he'd make up for with willingness to please. He bit back a laugh as he ran a finger up and down her still wet folds, the female anatomy making him a little nervous. He watched her questioning face from his place above her hips, waiting for her to react. When he ran his fingertip across a small bundle of fleshy skin above her entrance and she tensed up and gasped, he knew he had the spot. "I'm going to put my mouth here."

He lowered his mouth to her slippery skin, keeping his finger in place to memorize the location as his tongue took its place. Katniss' hips bucked up seemingly without her control as he took another tentative lick. It was interesting – the heady taste was sweet yet unique and undeniably her. It fit. He gave the soft skin (that felt unlike anything he'd ever touched before) another soft lick that made her moan up into the underside of the table.

"Is this okay?" he asked, his mouth brushing against her folds.

Katniss squeaked in response and he smiled. He gave the delicate nub another soft lick before using his hand to hold her skin out of the way. She gasped suddenly as he attached his mouth to it and closed his tongue at the sides, lightly sucking. She gasped again and his scalp tingled as she ran her short nails through his hair. He sucked again and she pulled. He felt a sudden sense of urgency to make her feel as good as he had just an hour before. Her mother could return with Prim any second and he wasn't going to let that happen until he'd pushed her over the edge.

He paused only long enough to smile. He didn't want to let up long.

Peeta took a deep breath and did his best to steady his frantically pounding heart as he rested against her hips. Katniss twisted and arched as he continued, her body starting to tremble. He paid attention to what made her gasp and sigh and what got no reaction at all. (Very little got him nothing, he realized). When Katniss started to shake and her legs locked up against his sides, he knew he'd done something right. When she grabbed his hair again and begged him in a tiny voice not to stop and to keep going and there! He knew he'd done something very right.

He licked her until she stopped shaking, stopping to wipe his mouth on the back of his hand before moving up her body. Katniss looked as boneless as he had felt earlier, a dizzy little smile on her face as she grasped her forehead and stared up at the underside of the table.

"My mother could walk in at any moment," she admitted softly.

Peeta turned his head to look over at her. "I thought about that too. Why didn't you stop me?"

Katniss smiled and Peeta didn't fish for any more of an answer. She'd liked it. Peeta stretched his arm out and gave her an expectant look which made her balk at first. He watched as she lifted her head and settled her loose hair against his arm with a sigh. Her hair felt different than he could have ever imagined – it was soft yet coarse, the wavy strands like a tough velvet against the sensitive skin of his arm. She settled into his side and he could feel her breath on the skin of his chest as they lay there together and stared up at the bottom of the table.

"We should get dressed."

"Yeah."

But neither moved.

"Is…is what we did okay?" he finally asked.

Katniss sighed. "It's fine. I…it was my idea really. I mean, I only regret it a little."

Wait, she regretted this?! Before he could ask, she continued.

"I mean…now I know what it's like to….well," she blushed. "I mean I guess it's what I was trying…and failing to say to you earlier. I'm…I'm not good with words like you are. But….now I know. And I don't want to give that up."

"You mean that?" he exhaled in disbelief.

She gave him a scowl that was so Katniss and shrugged. "I saw what it was like…this. Is it so wrong that I…that I would want to keep you?"

A slow smile stretched across his mouth. "No," he admitted.

Katniss shrugged again and gave him an embarrassed nod. "Well…"

Peeta shook his head and pulled her closer. "I want you to know that…I'd stay like this forever with you but I really don't want your mother to come home and find us like…this," he sighed. "Not much of a 'thank you' for healing me really. Finding my sorry butt naked on her kitchen floor after defiling her daughter…."

Katniss snorted against his arm and shook her head. "You didn't defile me. I asked you to….be with me," she insisted. "On my own terms."

"Yes," he agreed, chuckling slight, "Everything is on your terms, Katniss. I never thought any differently."

She rose up, pulling the blanket around her torso. Peeta's eyes travelled down her naked back, down to the slight curve of her bottom as she pulled on the flimsy camisole and his old wool sweater. She pulled on her underwear next, her hip bones jutting out of the fabric as she situated it into place. Peeta rose up with a grunt, brushing some dirt off his back and looking for his pants. Once they were dressed, he realized it was well past midnight. After straightening the table to look completely normal again, he wandered over to the little tin that held their coarse flour and peeked inside. The flour from his father was long gone and he internally yearned for more. He'd do anything do be able to cook her something as their stomachs gave a unanimous grumble.

"It's nearly two in the morning…why is my stomach growling?" Katniss muttered, setting the kettle to boil. Peeta glanced out of the curtains above the sink, noting that the snow was still coming down in heavy flakes. The lightning flashed somewhere in the distance, making him shudder.

"Not sure. You usually awake at two in the morning?"

"Not even this early to go hunting," she shrugged. He followed her with his eyes as she made her way to the cabinets on the other side of the room. "I have some meat I kinda cured…and a few sunflower seeds left. Will that hold you over til morning?"

He nodded and accepted the long piece of animal meat she handed him. The texture was coarse and chewy, but the sinewy meat had been cured with spices he couldn't quite place. The taste was satisfying and made his stomach stop rumbling.

"Don't even remember what animal this is," she snorted, removing the softly wailing kettle.

She was about to speak again when there was a knock at the door that made them both jump. Gale burst through it before either of them could move his eyes bright and blazing through the thick scarf that covered most of his chin and cheeks.

"Hey. You're up," he greeted, yanking the scarf down. Peeta watched as another figure followed him inside, shutting the door behind him. He was bundled the same way as Gale, a thick wool scarf wrapped around his head. Peeta meet the person's eyes and immediately recognized the blue orbs staring back at him. His jaw dropped as the person reached up and ripped off their hat and the scarf, a flurry of yellow pin curls falling out along with it. Gale looked to his side and grinned when he realized his accomplice's identity had been revealed.

"Hey Peet."

He sputtered on his tea. "Madge?"

She grinned and leaned into Gale's side in a strange way…almost…

He heard Katniss exhale sharply as Gale put his arm around her shoulders, rubbing his palm against her upper arm to warm her up. Peeta exchanged a questioning look with a clearly speechless Katniss. "Madge – what are you doing here?"

The girl shrugged and gave them a shaky smile. "Oh you know…"

"Had to get one person out of town, just in case," Gale answered quickly. "Didn't want to take my chances."

Madge gave them an awkward smile. "I….I wanted to be with Gale when mines…well, you know."

Katniss gave a little laugh, shaking her head in disbelief. Peeta nodded, awkwardly shuffling up to stand behind Katniss as she leaned heavily on the kitchen table, her eyes still moving between Gale and Madge. He placed a hand on her shoulder and let his fingers touch the familiar wool. "No, I…I get it Madge, I really do."

Gale's eyes flicked between the two of them for a moment, the steely gray color filled with an intense burn. "You two look…guilty," he sniffed, a slight twinkle forming in his eye.

"Gale," Katniss snapped in a warning tone. Peeta bit back a chuckle and squeezed her shoulder. Was it that obvious? Gale seemed to know right away, the look in his eye registering some faint knowledge of what had just transpired. Peeta knew he certainly felt a little different – he felt validated, manly….whole. Glancing to the side, he wondered how Katniss felt about the entire thing. He regretted they didn't have more time to actually talk about their feelings or - his thoughts were caught short by Gale's barking laughter.

"Just sayin'," Gale chortled. "No need to get all angry. It's your business. I just came to check up on things. Where's your mother?"

"At the Green's. Poor woman finally went into labor earlier today and they've been there ever since," Katniss answered gruffly.

Gale nodded in approval, his arm still draped around Madge's shoulders. His friend was bashfully looking up at Gale's profile as he spoke, a slight pink tint to her cheeks as she listened to Gale speak. "That's about as far from the mines as you can get. They should be fine."

"I know," Katniss replied quickly, annoyance lacing her tone. "So what are you doing here?"

Gale didn't seem a bit surprised at her snappy tone, Peeta noticed. He had to admit he felt a little silly ever assuming the two were romantically involved; after seeing them together so many times it was now apparent that their relationship was more that of a brother and sister. Definitely not lovers as he had originally feared.

"Just checking up on you. I….I got shot down when I asked to help blow the mines in a few hours," he admitted, his hand rubbing the back of his neck. "I just wanted to make sure you were all here and safe and….I duno. I feel partly responsible for dragging you into this and I just wanted to make sure you didn't have any regrets about anything. I really appreciate what you did earlier tonight Catnip."

Katniss shook her head, glancing over her shoulder to meet Peeta's gaze for a fleeting moment before looking away. Her voice was quiet but steady as she answered, and Peeta knew she wasn't just referring to Gale's question.

"No…no regrets. At all."


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 30

Peeta

He turned his head slightly to listen. Was she asleep? It had been at least an hour since….

He smiled up at the bottom of the kitchen table. The irony that they'd actually done it under the kitchen table was not lost on him. Katniss stirred on his shoulder and sighed, the wavy layers of her hair lightly tickling his arm. He was right though; her dark hair fanned out around her bare shoulders had been the most exquisite thing he'd ever laid eyes on. His fantasies in his room late at night didn't do her justice.

"Stop grinning. You'll look guilty," she mumbled against his skin, her raspy voice breaking the silence. Peeta rested his chin on the top of her head as they lay there, tangled together in a heap of cooling skin and the threadbare blanket. The hard floor was starting to hurt his back, but with a naked Katniss Everdeen curled against this body he wasn't about to protest or move. He wanted to say that way forever, in fact. Instead of moving, he stretched his bare feet in the direction of the wood burning stove and inhaled the scent of her hair.

He would never forget the way his name sounded on her lips while their bodies were connected. He knew then he could die happily knowing that sound as he did.

"I can't help it," he chuckled, resting his head back down on his boot. "Are you upset we did that?"

She lifted her head off his chest and stared at him, her gaze disbelieving. "No. Are you?"

"No," he answered quickly. "I Just…I know it can be different for guys, that's all."

It felt like the best thing in the world to me and I know it had to hurt you, he thought. I got pleasure and I'm sure you didn't. I wish we had more time to learn to love each other the right way, but we could die tomorrow, he wanted to say. But his words got stuck in his throat and he swallowed them down with regret. He didn't know how to fix anything for her and that gnawed at his insides worse than anything he'd ever felt.

"Was it different for you, then?"

He shook his head sheepishly. "I'm not most guys."

Katniss smiled at him slowly, the light returning to her eyes. "I know."

She sighed and rested her head back on his chest. "I don't regret it. At all. If anything it…it makes me sort of want more."

He cleared his throat and tried not to appear too eager. "I um…I could probably-"

She sat up like a dart, pulling the thin blanket over her chest as she gave him a wide eyed glare. "No! Not that, I-I meant….I meant just…that I don't want to die tomorrow. I don't want this to be over, I guess…." She trailed off, shaking her head. "It's silly. I shouldn't be thinking such…things."

"Just say it," he begged, reaching up to touch her shoulder. His eyes trained on her skin, a surge of satisfaction wound through him as he realized goose bumps were forming on her arms. It was really something to know his touch could have that effect on her. He smiled lazily as she clutched the blanket tighter around her torso as she tried not to hit her head again on the bottom of the table.

"I just….I like this. Being here and…what I meant to say is….oh….I'm terrible at this," she said, giving him an exasperated sigh.

"You're perfect," he muttered, still induced in his post-coital haze. He reached up, tracing her cheek with the back of his fingertips and sighed happily.

Katniss narrowed her eyes at him. "You're a sap."

"And I love you," he answered with a chuckle. "You're like a wildflower, you know? My wildflower."

She frowned at him in disgust and shook her head. "You're a sap and a terrible liar on top of that. Eeesh Mellark."

Peeta chuckled again and stroked her cheek. She didn't look like she liked the gentle touches but she wasn't shying away either. He wouldn't put it past Katniss to angrily knock his hand away if he was doing something she didn't care for. "I just…you're so beautiful. And rare. And wild. You're just…you."

Katniss snorted in the back of her throat and gave him another skeptical look. "Are you just saying that because I let you into my pants?"

Peeta growled playfully, leaning up to wrap his arms around her small body. She was strong, but he was stronger. He pulled her down onto his chest and smiled as the blanket fluttered down on top of them, their bare skin touching again in all the right places. A tiny smirk appeared on his face as Katniss' features softened slightly.

"Why can't you take a compliment?"

"Because I'm not worth complimenting."

"Yes, yes you are. Now let me love you the way you deserve. That includes letting me call you my wildflower….and letting me in your pants."

"I don't do pet names, regardless of who has been in whose pants," she sniffed with a laugh. Her stern demeanor was crumbling.

"Was it good for you?"

She stared down at him as she propped herself up on his chest. "It was. Was it good for you?"

He could only nod enthusiastically like a little kid would.

She smirked and let a little giggle slip. "It wasn't…bad. The way I'd heard it would be. So thank you."

Peeta raised an eyebrow. "Do Seam kids talk about the Slag Heap too?"

She nodded. "My friend…erm, a girl I know from the Hob said it could really hurt. I heard her say she bled."

Peeta's eyes widened slightly. The thought of Katniss actually bleeding as a result of their coupling had him slightly horrified. "You didn't-"

"No!" she said quickly. "I….no. You must have been extra….careful," she shrugged with a tiny smile.

Peeta rested his head against his boot, the achy feeling returning to his limbs as he rested on the floor. His back was healing up nicely, but he was almost sure spending an entire night on a hard, dirty floor was hardly what it needed. However, there was one more thing he wanted to try before breaking the bubble of their post coital bliss.

"Would you…can I try something?"

She met his gaze and nodded slowly, her movements unsure. "Yes…"

"Do you trust me?"

She gave him another crooked smile. "You know I do."

"Okay," he replied, slowly rolling out from beneath her. "Get on your back."

Katniss did as she was told, pulling the blanket over Peeta's hips as he shifted to hover over her. She rested her head on the small clump that was hit boot and balled up shirt, her hair fanning out across the makeshift pillow. He met her eyes and realized she was giving him a look of trepidation that he didn't quite understand.

"What?"

She shifted on the hard floor. "I can't…I mean I'm fine but I'm….sore."

Peeta gasped and shook his head. "No, I…I wasn't going to….I just wanted to try something."

"Try something?" she asked, lifting her head from his boot. "What…"

"Just...it won't hurt. I'm not going to….put anything there again," he offered meekly. "Is that okay?"

She frowned. "What are you going to do?"

"Just…trust me. It won't hurt," he repeated, sliding down her body. Katniss trembled beneath him, her thin limbs shaking a little. He rested his hand on her bare hip as the blanket formed a sort of tent around his shoulders. "Will you relax? Trust me."

She nodded, shyly averting her eyes and blushing as Peeta lowered himself under the blanket. He couldn't see much in the dim light, but he knew he could manage. He had to. His first attempt at sex with Katniss Everdeen, the girl of his dreams had been…good. Well, fantastic on her part. He was sure the image of seeing her arch her back up in pleasure and whisper his name wouldn't be something he would forget anytime soon. However, he hadn't forgotten the crass words of his older brothers in regards to sex. He failed to remember specifics now, but he could remember Bannock telling him to not bother coming home again if he couldn't get a girl off. Peeta smirked to himself before lowering himself to eyelevel with her crotch.

"Peeta? What are you…?"

Katniss' voice above the blanket made him look up. She held the fabric up with an skeptical look decorating her face. "What are you doing?" she demanded again.

"I want to…taste…you, "he replied in a choppy, unsure voice.

"You can't put your mouth….there. We just-"

"Would you just hold on? I'm not going to put my mouth there," he hissed in frustration. He knew she was worried he would put his mouth on her opening after they'd just had sex. No, he knew the place she'd probably enjoy him touching rested somewhere above where they'd been joined. Where, he wasn't sure, but what he lacked in experience he'd make up for with willingness to please. He bit back a laugh as he ran a finger up and down her still wet folds, the female anatomy making him a little nervous. He watched her questioning face from his place above her hips, waiting for her to react. When he ran his fingertip across a small bundle of fleshy skin above her entrance and she tensed up and gasped, he knew he had the spot. "I'm going to put my mouth here."

He lowered his mouth to her slippery skin, keeping his finger in place to memorize the location as his tongue took its place. Katniss' hips bucked up seemingly without her control as he took another tentative lick. It was interesting – the heady taste was sweet yet unique and undeniably her. It fit. He gave the soft skin (that felt unlike anything he'd ever touched before) another soft lick that made her moan up into the underside of the table.

"Is this okay?" he asked, his mouth brushing against her folds.

Katniss squeaked in response and he smiled. He gave the delicate nub another soft lick before using his hand to hold her skin out of the way. She gasped suddenly as he attached his mouth to it and closed his tongue at the sides, lightly sucking. She gasped again and his scalp tingled as she ran her short nails through his hair. He sucked again and she pulled. He felt a sudden sense of urgency to make her feel as good as he had just an hour before. Her mother could return with Prim any second and he wasn't going to let that happen until he'd pushed her over the edge.

He paused only long enough to smile. He didn't want to let up long.

Peeta took a deep breath and did his best to steady his frantically pounding heart as he rested against her hips. Katniss twisted and arched as he continued, her body starting to tremble. He paid attention to what made her gasp and sigh and what got no reaction at all. (Very little got him nothing, he realized). When Katniss started to shake and her legs locked up against his sides, he knew he'd done something right. When she grabbed his hair again and begged him in a tiny voice not to stop and to keep going and there! He knew he'd done something very right.

He licked her until she stopped shaking, stopping to wipe his mouth on the back of his hand before moving up her body. Katniss looked as boneless as he had felt earlier, a dizzy little smile on her face as she grasped her forehead and stared up at the underside of the table.

"My mother could walk in at any moment," she admitted softly.

Peeta turned his head to look over at her. "I thought about that too. Why didn't you stop me?"

Katniss smiled and Peeta didn't fish for any more of an answer. She'd liked it. Peeta stretched his arm out and gave her an expectant look which made her balk at first. He watched as she lifted her head and settled her loose hair against his arm with a sigh. Her hair felt different than he could have ever imagined – it was soft yet coarse, the wavy strands like a tough velvet against the sensitive skin of his arm. She settled into his side and he could feel her breath on the skin of his chest as they lay there together and stared up at the bottom of the table.

"We should get dressed."

"Yeah."

But neither moved.

"Is…is what we did okay?" he finally asked.

Katniss sighed. "It's fine. I…it was my idea really. I mean, I only regret it a little."

Wait, she regretted this?! Before he could ask, she continued.

"I mean…now I know what it's like to….well," she blushed. "I mean I guess it's what I was trying…and failing to say to you earlier. I'm…I'm not good with words like you are. But….now I know. And I don't want to give that up."

"You mean that?" he exhaled in disbelief.

She gave him a scowl that was so Katniss and shrugged. "I saw what it was like…this. Is it so wrong that I…that I would want to keep you?"

A slow smile stretched across his mouth. "No," he admitted.

Katniss shrugged again and gave him an embarrassed nod. "Well…"

Peeta shook his head and pulled her closer. "I want you to know that…I'd stay like this forever with you but I really don't want your mother to come home and find us like…this," he sighed. "Not much of a 'thank you' for healing me really. Finding my sorry butt naked on her kitchen floor after defiling her daughter…."

Katniss snorted against his arm and shook her head. "You didn't defile me. I asked you to….be with me," she insisted. "On my own terms."

"Yes," he agreed, chuckling slight, "Everything is on your terms, Katniss. I never thought any differently."

She rose up, pulling the blanket around her torso. Peeta's eyes travelled down her naked back, down to the slight curve of her bottom as she pulled on the flimsy camisole and his old wool sweater. She pulled on her underwear next, her hip bones jutting out of the fabric as she situated it into place. Peeta rose up with a grunt, brushing some dirt off his back and looking for his pants. Once they were dressed, he realized it was well past midnight. After straightening the table to look completely normal again, he wandered over to the little tin that held their coarse flour and peeked inside. The flour from his father was long gone and he internally yearned for more. He'd do anything do be able to cook her something as their stomachs gave a unanimous grumble.

"It's nearly two in the morning…why is my stomach growling?" Katniss muttered, setting the kettle to boil. Peeta glanced out of the curtains above the sink, noting that the snow was still coming down in heavy flakes. The lightning flashed somewhere in the distance, making him shudder.

"Not sure. You usually awake at two in the morning?"

"Not even this early to go hunting," she shrugged. He followed her with his eyes as she made her way to the cabinets on the other side of the room. "I have some meat I kinda cured…and a few sunflower seeds left. Will that hold you over til morning?"

He nodded and accepted the long piece of animal meat she handed him. The texture was coarse and chewy, but the sinewy meat had been cured with spices he couldn't quite place. The taste was satisfying and made his stomach stop rumbling.

"Don't even remember what animal this is," she snorted, removing the softly wailing kettle.

She was about to speak again when there was a knock at the door that made them both jump. Gale burst through it before either of them could move his eyes bright and blazing through the thick scarf that covered most of his chin and cheeks.

"Hey. You're up," he greeted, yanking the scarf down. Peeta watched as another figure followed him inside, shutting the door behind him. He was bundled the same way as Gale, a thick wool scarf wrapped around his head. Peeta meet the person's eyes and immediately recognized the blue orbs staring back at him. His jaw dropped as the person reached up and ripped off their hat and the scarf, a flurry of yellow pin curls falling out along with it. Gale looked to his side and grinned when he realized his accomplice's identity had been revealed.

"Hey Peet."

He sputtered on his tea. "Madge?"

She grinned and leaned into Gale's side in a strange way…almost…

He heard Katniss exhale sharply as Gale put his arm around her shoulders, rubbing his palm against her upper arm to warm her up. Peeta exchanged a questioning look with a clearly speechless Katniss. "Madge – what are you doing here?"

The girl shrugged and gave them a shaky smile. "Oh you know…"

"Had to get one person out of town, just in case," Gale answered quickly. "Didn't want to take my chances."

Madge gave them an awkward smile. "I….I wanted to be with Gale when mines…well, you know."

Katniss gave a little laugh, shaking her head in disbelief. Peeta nodded, awkwardly shuffling up to stand behind Katniss as she leaned heavily on the kitchen table, her eyes still moving between Gale and Madge. He placed a hand on her shoulder and let his fingers touch the familiar wool. "No, I…I get it Madge, I really do."

Gale's eyes flicked between the two of them for a moment, the steely gray color filled with an intense burn. "You two look…guilty," he sniffed, a slight twinkle forming in his eye.

"Gale," Katniss snapped in a warning tone. Peeta bit back a chuckle and squeezed her shoulder. Was it that obvious? Gale seemed to know right away, the look in his eye registering some faint knowledge of what had just transpired. Peeta knew he certainly felt a little different – he felt validated, manly….whole. Glancing to the side, he wondered how Katniss felt about the entire thing. He regretted they didn't have more time to actually talk about their feelings or - his thoughts were caught short by Gale's barking laughter.

"Just sayin'," Gale chortled. "No need to get all angry. It's your business. I just came to check up on things. Where's your mother?"

"At the Green's. Poor woman finally went into labor earlier today and they've been there ever since," Katniss answered gruffly.

Gale nodded in approval, his arm still draped around Madge's shoulders. His friend was bashfully looking up at Gale's profile as he spoke, a slight pink tint to her cheeks as she listened to Gale speak. "That's about as far from the mines as you can get. They should be fine."

"I know," Katniss replied quickly, annoyance lacing her tone. "So what are you doing here?"

Gale didn't seem a bit surprised at her snappy tone, Peeta noticed. He had to admit he felt a little silly ever assuming the two were romantically involved; after seeing them together so many times it was now apparent that their relationship was more that of a brother and sister. Definitely not lovers as he had originally feared.

"Just checking up on you. I….I got shot down when I asked to help blow the mines in a few hours," he admitted, his hand rubbing the back of his neck. "I just wanted to make sure you were all here and safe and….I duno. I feel partly responsible for dragging you into this and I just wanted to make sure you didn't have any regrets about anything. I really appreciate what you did earlier tonight Catnip."

Katniss shook her head, glancing over her shoulder to meet Peeta's gaze for a fleeting moment before looking away. Her voice was quiet but steady as she answered, and Peeta knew she wasn't just referring to Gale's question.

"No…no regrets. At all."


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 31

Katniss

She meant what she had said – she didn't have any regrets. About any of it. If she died tomorrow she'd know she'd done all that she could to make District 12 a better place and she'd given her heart and body to the boy with the bread that had once saved her life and given her hope.

She'd done all she could do and she didn't wish to take back any of it.

"So the miners," she said, clearing her throat. She wanted to steer the conversation away from anything relating to why she and Peeta possibly looked guilty. "Did you hear what any of them thought about…what I had to say to them?"

Gale gave her a proud grin. "I did. It helped to hear it from one of their own, ya know?"

Madge sighed and shook her head. "You were so brave to do that Katniss. Thank you," she said sincerely. Katniss nodded, shrugging awkwardly as she leaned back against Peeta's chest. She bumped the back of her head against his chin, but he didn't seem to mind as he squeezed her shoulder again. His warm breath tickled the back of her neck and made her hair stand up as she fought to keep a clear head.

Gale shifted across the table and gave her an appreciative nod. "I talked to them. They're gonna stay out, Katniss. Hearing that from you was what a lot of them needed to be convinced. They knew your dad and knew he was a good man, a good miner. They're banking on the idea that you're a lot like him. Which you are."

She felt her shoulders sag with relief. She wished she was half as good as her father was at anything. "Good. I'm glad I could…help."

Gale shrugged and glanced at the windows of the kitchen. "Couldn't have been easy to do that but I think you saved a lot of lives tonight. They'll know you were right someday…somehow."

"Hopefully they'll know at dawn when the mines blow," she sighed. "Do you think we'll get news of what's coming next?" Katniss asked, looking over at Madge. If the mines being blown up would give the rebels an upper hand, the last thing she wanted them to do was quickly lose it. They needed to anticipate what was coming so that they could finally fight back and win.

The blonde girl nodded. "Before I left I heard my father talking about how confused the Capitol is. With all the districts rebelling at once, they're realizing that communication is up between all of the rebels and that they're not as in control as they thought they were. They're shaken, that much I do know," she explained. "They had no idea people between the districts could communicate and that was a big blow. But I had to leave before I learned any more. Gale came to get me and…I snuck out."

Katniss balked. "So…your own father doesn't even know you're gone?"

Madge made a scoffing noise in the back of her throat. "My father won't even care once he finally does realize, Katniss. Besides…how can I side with a man who obviously supports the Capitol?"

"I guess you're right," Katniss admitted. "Are you okay with…everything?"

Gale squeezed Madge's shoulder. "I will be. Eventually. But for now I just wanted to get out of there. I couldn't stand being in that house when I know he's helping the Capitol. When the mines blow tomorrow I know he'll contact them with ideas on how to subdue to the district and I can't live with myself if I stood by and did nothing. People are dying, Katniss, and I'm tired of standing by and listening to it. People don't realize the things I have to hear…the horrible plans they make to keep people down and weak and hungry. Just because I haven't suffered the physical strains that most have doesn't mean I don't still feel the guilt of knowing its happening. I'm tired of standing by and being powerless. It's torture to listen to him helping a monster like Snow," she sneered.

Gale nodded. "If we don't find a solution then we're only part of the problem."

"That's right," Madge agreed. She looked over at Katniss with a pleading look. "My father isn't like your father was, Katniss. He's not….good. He's a puppet that will say and do anything to keep his own nose clean. He kisses up to Snow to save his own ass and make sure he doesn't live like the rest of the people in the district. He knows people are suffering and he doesn't do a damn thing about it. I can't stand by and watch that anymore. My father isn't a good person and I can finally admit it to myself. I needed to get out."

"I suppose so," Katniss agreed. She had a hard time imagining her own father doing such a thing; watching others suffer while he did nothing. Even when he hunted illegally he'd always save some meat for the few people he passed that were worse off than he was. Even with next to nothing to offer her father had been willing to help. Perhaps Madge was right – not all fathers were good.

Gale met her gaze and nodded. He knew what it was like to lose a father and his dad had been like hers – good, honest, hardworking. Their fathers had been the best of friends and he understood what it was like to lose someone so important and crucial. From the look on Gale's face he was having a difficult time imagining his own father in the way Madge had described and the pity for her was etched in his normally hard face.

"It's late," he finally said, touching her shoulder. "I can take you back to my house to sleep for a few hours."

Madge nodded. "I am tired. Listen, thank you again Katniss. And I'm glad to see you up Peeta. A week ago I…" she trailed off, shaking her head.

"I know," Peeta winced. "Where you there in the square when they…?"

She bobbed her head in a short manner and visibly bit back her cringe. "I was. Anyway, I'm glad the Everdeens got to you."

Peeta stepped forward around the table and pulled the blonde girl into a hug. "You're the reason I'm standing here Madgy," he said. Madge pushed him playfully away and swatted at his shoulder.

"You haven't called me Madgy since we were ten. Knock him into shape, Katniss."

Katniss blushed and nodded. "Will do. And Madge…thank you. Again. For the morphling," she said softly, reaching out. Peeta stepped back and took her hand in his, squeezing it lightly. She didn't want to picture what condition Peeta would be in that day if he hadn't gotten the morphling from the mayor's daughter. Would he even be alive? She shuddered at the thought of losing Peeta to a nasty infection. "We really needed it to save Peeta. I…I owe you. I wish there was I way I could pay you back."

The blonde girl wrinkled her nose. "No you don't – owe me, that is."

Katniss shifted awkwardly on her feet. She knew that no matter what the kind girl said she did in fact owe her for saving Peeta's life with the medicine. Even if the fences had been turned off and she would have been able to hunt there was no way she would have ever shot enough squirrels to pay for even one vial of the expensive Capitol drug.

"I mean….tell you what: if we live through this, then you go ahead and marry Mellark. Boy's been sweet on you for over a decade. It's the least you can do."

Katniss sputtered for a second, her heart speeding up. "I….erm, I'll think about that."

Peeta snorted beside her and shook his head. "Thanks Madge. Best marriage proposal ever."

Madge laughed and wrapped her scarf around her head again. "Doesn't make any difference. Either you're together or you're not, and I can tell by the dopey looks you two keep exchanging that you're together. Now just be together," she quipped. Stepping closer, she pulled Katniss close.

"Peeta was one of my good friends growing up, did you know that?"

Katniss met Peeta's smirk across the kitchen and chuckled. "I guess I did."

Madge rolled her eyes. "Well…I'm kinda crazy about your best friend, and you're crazy about mine. Would you mind if I stepped in for a while and…and maybe have him?"

Katniss laughed softly and shook her head in Gale's direction. "No, I think you can borrow him."

"Good." She waggled her blonde eyebrows at them one last time before wrapping the scarf tightly around her face. Gale only shook his head and ushered his mouthy companion out the door.

"Stay safe," he muttered. Before he turned to leave, he looked over his shoulder. "Hey. When the mine goes, just….listen for the siren."

"The siren?" she asked, exchanging a bewildered look with Peeta. "What do you mean?"

"Haymitch said they're gonna sound the siren should the Capitol retaliate. It's just a precautionary thing; I doubt they'll have it together enough to do any such thing. Just in case Catnip. Just listen for it. If you hear it then…take cover I guess."

She frowned as he shrugged one last time and slammed the front door behind him. Her throat was dry as she swallowed, a shudder running down her spine as she pictured what a Capitol retaliation might be like. She didn't like what she pictured.

Peeta's hand on her lower back made her jump.

"Hey," he said softly, his voice cracking with exhaustion. "Will you lay down with me?"

She took once last glance out the window at the black night before nodding slowly. That she could do. She followed Peeta over to the couch on the other side of the wood burning stove. She paused to grab the blanket off the floor and stoke the fire before shuffling tiredly over to the wooden couch with its lumpy cushions. Peeta flopped down making the structure creak in protest with his weight and opened his arms to her. Katniss draped the blanket over his torso and feet and wasted no time curling into his side. It was a tight fit, but all the more excuse to lie there with her leg over his and her arm draped easily across his stomach. She burrowed her face into the crook of his neck and sighed.

"How's your back?"

He cleared his throat. "I forgot about it actually. Weird," he hummed quietly, shifting slightly on the cushions. "Did you mean what you said earlier?"

"It's been a long day; I've said a lot of crazy things," she deadpanned.

"That you'd think about marrying me after this is over. Did you mean that?"

Katniss felt her heart stop beating in her chest. Of course she knew she loved Peeta, but was she willing to risk subjecting herself to the idea of marriage? In a district so poor and unstable where Peacekeepers punished and killed people on a whim, did she really want to risk having a husband to worry over? And possibly children? What if something happened to Peeta the way something had happened to her father – would the grief pull her under just as it had her mother?

She sighed and tried to keep calm. "Let's just…get through tomorrow, okay? If we're both alive after tomorrow then…we'll talk about it."

Peeta chuckled, his chest bouncing with the effort. "That's not a 'no'."

"No," she agreed. "But anything could happen."

"It will all work out," he sighed. "You'll see. And when this is over and the dust clears, you'll have no option but to marry me."

Katniss only smiled.

Boom.

Boom.

Her eyes flew open.

Boom.

She blinked as another muffled crash sounded in the distance. The ground shook slightly, making the house creak and a few pieces of dust and plaster come raining out of the ancient ceiling. Her eyes flew to the window; it was still dark out. It wasn't yet dawn and-

Boom.

Another blast. The ground shook harder this time and she realized what was happening.

The mines.

She lifted her head from Peeta's chest as the ground shook again. He opened his eyes, his sleep filled gaze meeting hers. She threw the blanket back, quickly untangling herself from Peeta's limbs and hurried to the window. It was too dark to see anything as her eyes trained on the mountains in the distance-

A bright blast of orange and white filled the skyline as another blast sounded. She gasped and felt her eyes go wide as the orange disappeared and the sound of breaking rocks could be heard in the distance. Peeta's hand on her shoulder made her jump.

"They did it," she whispered. Her eyes strained through the darkness to try to see something but the first morning light had yet to grace the horizon in the distance. Peeta's fingers tightened their grip on her and he slowly turned her to face him. His forehead moved closer until it was pressed against hers.

"It's starting."

They heard four or five more blasts before slowly separating and grabbing their coats from the rack by the door. Katniss held his hand as they stepped onto the front porch in the pre-dawn light and watched through the line of houses as another loud crack sounded. The shattering rocks popped and crackled against the winter sky and they could hear them tumbling down. Her heart leaped in her chest as she hoped her mother and Prim were somewhere safe. The house they were at was even further away from the mines than their own home, so she knew they would be safe. However, she knew her hands would continue to shake until both of them were safe at home.

She pulled him back inside after a few minutes, suddenly unsure of what to say. She set the kettle to boil again as he leaned over and absently poked at the fire before adding another log. They sat tiredly at the table sipping peppermint tea for almost half an hour without saying a word.

Peeta finally broke the silence. "I'm sure they're fine."

She had to smile; he knew her so well. "I know. They're safe where they are but-"

Her words were cut short as they heard footsteps on the front porch. A relieved breath shot from her lips as she jumped up and yanked the door open. Prim flew into her arms, the cold following her into the house. Her mother quietly closed the door and slipped past the embracing pair with a petrified look on her pale face.

"Prim!" Katniss gasped. "You're home…I was starting to get worried."

Prim shook her head and gave her sister a wide eyed gaze. "No, I told you –babies take time. What's happening? Katniss what's happening? What's that noise?!"

Katniss swallowed the lump in her throat and let her little sister go. Taking a deep breath, she went to her mother and gave her a tight but quick embrace. "They blew up the mines."

"Who?" her mother asked.

"Rebels," Katniss replied, shaking her head. She met Peeta's gaze over her shoulder and he gave her a nod. "Rebels did it. They blew the mines so that the Capitol won't have any coal. The other districts are rebelling too….at the same time. I…thought you should know."

Her mother let out a raspy breath of disbelief as she began twisting her knuckles. "You're sure?"

"Positive. I….it's a long story but yes. It's happening."

Her mother froze, a far off look gracing her features as Prim pulled off her coat and brushed the snow out of her braids. Katniss stood in front of her mother and watched as a flurry of emotions suddenly graced her features. It was painfully obvious that Mrs. Everdeen was suddenly being slammed with feelings she hadn't felt in years – Katniss couldn't remember the last time her mother looked as she did now.

"What is it?"

It took her mother a few moments to find her voice. "This is…this is what your father always dreamed of. He….he wanted the districts to rebel for so long and put an end to this but…I never dreamt it would actually happen."

"Well it did. I…I'll tell you more later, okay?"

Her mother was barely able to nod. "I…I'm sorry, I just…I can't believe this is happening."

"Well it is," she said. "Have you been up this whole time? You really need your rest."

I don't know what's going to happen today and you should be rested, she wanted to say. She wanted to scream for them all to run for the hills and hide forever but she knew that wasn't an option. With the fences on they were nothing but sitting ducks.

Her mother nodded absently and continued twisting her knuckles. Katniss realized she would give anything to know what she was thinking in that moment, but her she looked to exhausted and fragile to question.

"You should sleep, little duck," she called to Prim. Her little sister was standing with her nose pressed up against the glass of the kitchen window, her breath making a ring of moisture on the smooth surface. Her blue eyes were wide as she stared at the mines.

"They blew them up?" she asked.

Katniss shuffled over to stand next to her and nodded. "Yes. All of the districts are….there are uprisings. Do you know what that means?"

Prim nodded. "It means they're fighting back."

Katniss looked over her shoulder and met Peeta's gaze. He gave her a tight smile and nodded again, turning back to his tea. They were all clearly exhausted but running on pure adrenaline by now, but it would be pointless to fight it. How could she sleep when she was practically staring down the barrel of a loaded gun?

"Yes, that's right. They're fighting back."

Prim sucked her bottom lip into her mouth, chewing on the delicate skin as Katniss watched her.

"What is it?"

Prim paused. "Well…if we fight back, what's to say they won't retaliate?"

Katniss tried to swallow, but her throat was suddenly too dry. "We just need to hope that they don't. Maybe this will…maybe this will be enough."

She didn't need for Prim to speak another word to know that her sister didn't believe her hopeful words. She didn't even believe them herself.


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 32

Katniss

Time passed like molasses from the trees after that. The winter sun rose up in the sky almost an hour later, the hazy shade of grey it brought with it a mood dampening sight. The waiting felt like a weight on their shoulders.

"Can we at least go look? I feel like I have to look," Prim murmured finally. Forgoing coats, Katniss followed her sister back out onto the porch. Katniss braced herself for the view, but it did little good. They both gasped.

At one time the backdrop of their soot-covered, mountainous district had been lined with the ever familiar view of the mountains that held the mines. Now it was lined with rubble. Mile after mile of the hilly terrain had been demolished to nothing but piles of rocks and boulders. The proud mountains that once held the district's precious mines stood tall no more.

The lump in her throat seemed to be getting larger by the second.

She knew the Capitol would never stand for such a rebellious, terrible act against it but she had hoped they would at least fly under the radar for a few days. She hoped that the rebels' plan would make the Capitol panic and possibly re-think fighting the rebellion of the twelve districts. At the very least she had hoped that the organized chaos going on in the district would be enough to give them a few days to at least plan their next move.

But seeing the rubble and utter destruction the group of rebels had caused firsthand…she knew that such an act wouldn't go without retaliation. Prim had been right to worry. She felt her stomach begin to turn as people started to appear in the narrow streets of the Seam, their eyes all pointed in the direction of the skyline where the mines once loomed.

They were simply gone.

The confused murmurings of the people who didn't know what the rebels had planned began to chatter nervously, their soft voices rising with a steady rhythm. People began shouting words of panic, their drawn faces etched into her mind as she grabbed Prim's hand. Her sister squeezed it back, her own pale face slackened with shock.

"We need to get back inside," Katniss managed to whisper. She pulled her sister back into the house and slammed the door, shaking her head as the realization hit her. Talk was one thing but seeing the mines actually reduced to rubble made her back sweat and her hands shake. She suddenly couldn't stop her body's trembling response at the sheer sight of the rubble in the pale dawn light. She vaguely heard Prim leave the room in search of their mother.

Her hands shook and shook and became damp with more sweat and her breaths echoed in her ears until-

Warm, strong hands closed over hers. They squeezed her back to life, reminding her lungs to suck in a fresh breath of air and her eyes to focus. She took one deep breath, then another. Her eyes lifted to his. He squeezed her hands again, his lips falling forward until they met her temple. She exhaled loudly – or at least it felt loud- and let him press his mouth to her suddenly hot skin. She was cold from being outside but the feeling of his feverish lips against her cool skin somehow brought her out of her panicky haze and back down to earth.

"Katniss."

It was a statement, not a question. A statement meant to pull her out of the darkness.

"Katniss."

She looked up and swallowed the roughness in her throat, the dry feeling attacking her senses.

Peeta swallowed tightly. "They did it."

She nodded blankly and looked over her shoulder. Out the window she could still see the smoking piles of destruction. "They did it," she repeated.

Dawn turned into mid-morning, and mid-morning turned to early afternoon. They sat around the house trying to distract themselves with something that might take their minds off the still smoking pile of rubble in the background. However, each time anyone got up to do something they would glance out the window at the empty skyline of their district. Even hours later it still didn't seem possible that the mines were gone.

Katniss sat at the table and twisted her empty tea mug in her hands as Peeta played a game of stones with her sister. Katniss wasn't sure who was kinder: Prim for wanting Peeta to win or Peeta for letting her take all the good moves. Rolling her eyes, she tuned out their game and went to the back door to check on Lady. The goat was sitting on the back stoop, her legs tucked under her small body as she chewed on the bit of bread crusts Prim had tossed her earlier. She opened the door and clucked once, inviting the gaunt little animal inside. Lady bleated in appreciation as she clopped over the stoop, her tail twitching slightly. She watched as her mother hid a smile and folded over an old blanket beside the wood burning stove. It was rather ridiculous to let a goat into the house, but even Katniss felt it cruel to let the poor animal sit out in the cold, shaking and half starved to death. At least inside she would be warm. Katniss watched from the doorway as Peeta's eyes followed the happy animal as she curled into a ball by the fire. His eyes flicked over to hers and he gave her one of many reassuring nods. She returned it before moving to shut the door and latch it.

Her eyes fell on her mother's shelves of supplies that lined the corner of the kitchen and she felt her cheeks turn slightly pink before she could realize it. Hopefully her mother had been out of it for so long she wouldn't notice one of the homemade prophylactics was missing. Peeta gave her a questioning gaze from the table, but looked away when Prim prodded him to move.

"Your turn," she grinned.

Peeta's fingers were poised above a stone to move it across the board when they heard more footsteps on the porch. A fist rapped loudly against the outer planks, Gale's voice soon joining it.

"Katniss! Open up! Katniss, I-"

She rushed over and yanked the lock back before opening the door. Gale burst inside for the second time that morning, his eyes wild and dilated with fear. Her stomach sank to her feet as she pulled him further in and latched it back up again.

"What is it?"

Gale pressed his lips together and shook his head. "Haymitch…he….he got word from some guy…some friend t-that…"

"Gale," she pleaded, grabbing his forearms. She could feel the tense muscles beneath his shirt flexing tightly with stress. "Gale, calm down. Talk."

This wasn't good – Gale was always the cool, calm, reserved one. Nothing riled him like this unless it was serious. He swallowed and shook his head. "They're coming. They're sending out hovercrafts to bomb the town Katniss. It's what we feared they….they're coming."

Peeta's head jerked up suddenly, his blue eyes wide. "The town?"

"Wait, shhh," she said hurriedly, holding up her hand. She turned her attention back to Gale. "Gale, are you sure? You're positive the Capitol is sending hovercrafts? How does he know?"

"This guy Beetee…he…he knows Haymitch. They talk over secret wires between the districts. He's found a way to tap into the Capitol's militia channel and listen in on it. They're coming Katniss, they're coming to payback what we did!"

Peeta jumped up and rushed over to Gale's side, knocking the board game to the side. "Wait, Gale…You're sure? You're positive that they're on their way here?"

Gale nodded, his face drawn. "I'm sure. I was sitting right there with Haymitch when he got the message. I dropped Madge off at my house and went back to the Hob to talk to some people and Haymitch was there, listening in. Beetee told him he'd just intercepted the message. They'll be here by dusk."

Gale gave a hopeless sigh as he grabbed fistfuls of his hair in disgust and panic. Katniss watched as Peeta's face paled.

"We have to warn the town," he said slowly, shaking his head. "We…we have to do something! We have to tell them that this is coming, so that they can get out-"

"And how are you gonna do that?" Gale snapped. "How are you going to get into town and tell them all to get out when it's crawling with Peacekeepers? Don't you think a thousand people all filing out of the town might cause a few of them to notice? No way Mellark, they'll be executed on the spot. And then worse, the Capitol will know we're listening!"

Peeta gave gale an indignant look that was mixed with disgust. "I…I don't know but we have to at least try-"

"-Listen, we can't do anything. Do you know how many of them there are? They're everywhere, Peeta. We can't stop them. The Peacekeepers would have a fit and just shoot everyone; say it was disorderly conduct or some ridiculous shit like that. Don't deny it Mellark, you know they would."

"But," Katniss started, shaking her head. "We outnumber them, don't we? Can't we plan something and take them down?"

"No," Gale sighed miserably. "What's the one thing they have that we don't, huh? We don't have the weapons. We outnumber them three to one but they have guns, Katniss. Big guns. Guns meant for firing multiple rounds and taking out as many people as they can. You know Darius told me they wear bulletproof armor?"

"No," she sighed. "So even if we got guns from them they'd be hard to kill."

"Nearly impossible," Gale groaned. "We can't go racing into town and announce the Capitol is coming to bomb us. They'll shoot us dead before we even make it to the square."

"We have to do something, alright?" Peeta said quickly. "We have to at least warn them that they're about to be leveled by a Capitol strength bomb, we have to tell them-"

"Listen," Gale interjected, "If there was something we could do we would do it, alright? If I knew of a way to warn those people I would. Even through I'm not sure they would do the same for us."

"Hey," Peeta snapped his voice deep and firm. Katniss watched as he stepped up to Gale so that he was almost chest to chest with her friend. Gale was taller by at least half a foot but the fire in Peeta's icy blue eyes was ignited, a sure sign not to mess with him. His calloused hands were balled into steely fists at his sides as he stared up at Gale. She'd never seen him look so….fierce.

"Not all of those people would just let you die if the situation was reversed. I have nothing but respect for Seam people and I'm not the only person that feels that way, alright? People can't help where they're born and you need to think again if you want to hold that against them. Not all people are the same, alright? Ruthless and uncaring. We're not all like that and they deserve to at least have a chance to get out alive. Who are you to decide who dies or not?"

Gale's nostrils flared. "Listen, if there was a way to warn them and get them out of there I would but there isn't-"

"-Just stop!" Katniss finally yelled, wedging her hands between them. Using all of her strength she pushed them apart as her mother came hurrying into the room.

"What's this?" she asked.

"Just stop," Katniss repeated. "Stop. Enough. We aren't going to save lives by fighting, alright? Now….we need to think of a plan to warn them."

"What's going on?" her mother repeated. Prim dashed to her side as she looked at the three of them. "Something's happening?"

Gale hung his head in defeat as Katniss met her mother's gaze. "Gale said they intercepted a feed from the Capitol. They'll be here in a few hours to….to bomb the town."

Her mother's mouth fell open before she could cover it with her pale hand. "No," she gasped against her palm, shaking her head. Her eyes immediately grew damp with tears. Katniss knew she was thinking of her upbringing in the town and her childhood friends who still lived there. Any bomb dropped by the Capitol hovercrafts would positively pulverize anything in its reach. "They can't. Katniss is right; we….we have to warn them."

Gale snorted. "If you want to walk into that town that's crawling with armed Peacekeepers and shout that there's a bomb coming, you be my guest. But they'll take anyone down that they have to. They probably don't even know it's coming themselves – just following orders," Gale shrugged.

Peeta made a noise of disgust. "So you're fine just letting hundreds of innocent people die? Just like that? That's not even fair, that's…that's a lot of blood to have on your hands, Hawthorne," Peeta spat suddenly. "How is that fair? Can you live with that? Knowing that you did that?"

She knew that was the wrong thing for Peeta to say. Katniss grabbed the front of Gale's shirt as he lunged forward with blazing eyes. "You want to hear fair, Bread boy? I'll give you fair. For years now, ever since the Dark Days you town folk have been lettin' Seam people die with no help. Nothing. People here have been nothing but a bother to you folks. In the Seam…these people don't even get the fast death of a bullet in the head. No, these people here been dyin' a different way. Not even fast deaths – slow ones. Starvation, disease, neglect of fancy medicines. Working on wages that barely keep you alive. You think that's fair? You've all been living your cushy lives for decades now without so much as giving a stinking shit about what us Seam people have to do to survive. You ever think of that? Now do you see why I'm not exactly runnin' head first into that firing squad to sound the alarm?"

Peeta stepped back and was quiet a moment as Katniss stared at him, silently begging him not to goad Gale on any further. She released Gale's shirt when she was sure he wasn't going to throw Peeta onto the floor and beat him senseless. Although she wasn't sure who would win in a fight between them – she'd never seen Peeta look as aggressive as he did in that moment.

"I can't control who to save – fine," Peeta relented. "But do two wrongs make a right? Certainly not, especially in this case. You think people from town wouldn't have helped you if they had the means?" he asked in a calmer voice. "We're not all the same, Gale. You know that or I wouldn't be standing here with you right now. If I felt the same way half of them do, I wouldn't be living here without my family and practically begging a Seam girl to marry me," Peeta sputtered. "When will you see that we're not all the same?"

Katniss' eyes grew wide at his words and she ignored the incredulous look of shock from her mother and the squeak from Prim. She hadn't been ready to fill them in on the whole 'marriage' idea yet. Thanks Peeta, she thought.

"I just think it's a pretty shitty thing to do to not at least try to help these people if you can. To at least try to warn some of them to get out or at least get further away from the town. Even if you only told ten people out of a thousand that would be ten people that would live to see tomorrow."

Gale shook his head. "That's not a death sentence I'm willing to give myself. If you go to town to warn those folks of what's coming, you'll be caught before you even reach the first house."

Katniss stared at the floor in front of her, her heart twisting in her chest as she thought about Peeta's home in the top of the bakery. His mother, his brothers, his father….she clenched her eyes shut as she pictured his sweet, caring father's face. Her imagination got the better of her as she imagined a bomb dropping from a Capitol hovercraft. The square would be silent for a few seconds before the tiny device exploded with a crack into a million little pieces, the force from the blast leveling everything in sight. In her mind, the rubble was coated in red. She swallowed the lump in her throat and felt her pulse throbbing in her ears.

She had to do something, but what?

Gale stomped out of the house soon after, shaking his head at Peeta's words. She sat on the floor with Peeta beside her as the afternoon light streamed through the kitchen windows. It was getting later and the silence outside seemed to loom over their heads. She stared forward into the open door of the little iron wood burning stove, her eyes burning slightly from the bright light. She blinked as Peeta sniffed beside her. Looking over, she saw a single tear fall out of the corner of his eye.

"I'm sorry," he sniffled again, wiping it away with an embarrassed motion. He took a shaky breath and shook his head. "Men shouldn't cry."

She shifted on the hard floor as he swatted his hand across the other side of his face. She didn't blame him for crying; of course he was upset. His entire family was in town right now, probably in the middle of a busy day at the bakery not expecting to be blown to bits in a matter of hours. How would she feel if her mother, Prim, and even her father were there? Peeta was handling it much better than she certainly would have.

"Sometimes it's alright to be weak," she reminded him. He turned to look at her, offering a timid smile. "Someone very smart told me that."

He sniffed again and batted another tear away. "Right."

Reaching over, she pulled his head to hers. He leaned into the crook of her neck, the hot trails of moisture where his tears has been touching her skin. She blinked and looked away from the fire. "It's alright. Don't you remember telling me that everything would alright?"

He nodded against her neck, his face hidden in her hair. Her eyes flashed up to where her mother stood at the kitchen counter in the next room, her pale hands working on cutting up some herbs from her stores. Unlike before, her mother held her gaze for a few moments before looking back at her hands. Katniss sighed and stroked Peeta's tousled hair away from his eyes.

"My family is going to die," he whispered. "How can I live with that? I know they're going to die and I can't possibly save them from it. How?"

She held him against her body for a few more minutes trying to offer him comfort. What else could she do? Something came to mind but…she knew he wouldn't like it. The answer to it all burned in the back of her mind and she debated whether or not to even say it. No regrets, she told herself. She couldn't live with herself if she at least didn't try.

"I could…try," she offered meekly as Peeta sat up again. His blue eyes were hazy with tears and worry as he stared at her.

"What?"

She gulped. "I could try. I could sneak into town easier than….easier than you. I could try to get them out, I could warn them-"

"No," he said firmly. "You can't do that. It's too dangerous. No, Katniss, you can't!"

"But Peeta, I'm-"

"No, you can't," he insisted. "It's way too dangerous, you heard what Gale said!"

"You wouldn't even be willing to let me at least go to town and see if-"

"-NO," he repeated, shaking his head. He grabbed her gently by the shoulders and looked her square in the eye. "I can't lose you. If I lose you, then what else will I have?"

She nodded and swallowed, gently shaking him off. "I won't go. Never mind, forget I said anything," she said. Figuring it was hopeless to try to convince him otherwise, she patted his back and stood up, her joints protesting from sitting still for so long. Her mother watched her walk into the kitchen on the other side of the stove, heading for the shelf with the herbs in the corner.

"What are you doin'?" she asked, walking up behind her.

Katniss' eyes scanned the nearly bare shelf of herbs and dried plants that lined the little area off to the side. Her mother's hands expertly reached up to the medicine jars and untwisted the lid to add more to it. If they weren't already running low of something, they were out of it; herbs, food, spices, balms, medicines….everything was gone or close to being gone.

"Making tea. Or trying to."

Katniss' mother looked over her shoulder at Peeta, who was still sitting miserably in front of the stove across the room. "His whole family is gonna die, aren't they?"

Katniss could barely nod as she reached for the tin of dried ginger root. She was trying to think of anything she could to add to some hot water to hopefully soothe him; ginger usually helped her. "Yes," she said softly, her voice cracking slightly. She could barely stand the thought of Peeta's father in town, the sweet man unaware that anything was amiss.

Beside her, her mother exhaled a shaky breath her thin hand reaching out to gasp the shelf in front of her for support. "They….he….no. He can't die."

She frowned. "Who?"

"You have to do somethin', Katniss," her mother said, ignoring her question.

"What?" she whispered. "What can I do?"

Her mother gulped and looked over at Peeta again, shaking her head and muttering to herself in a slightly deranged fashion. Shaking her head again, she reached up onto the top shelf and pulled down a tiny vial. "You…why don't you make him some tea," she mumbled, stuffing the tiny vial into Katniss' palm. Her mother curled Katniss' fingers around the vial to keep in concealed before shuffling past her, still muttering under her breath.

Confused, Katniss looked down at what her mother had stuffed into her hand. It was a tiny vial of clear liquid, the sticky substance sticking to the inside of the glass as she turned it over in her palm. Glancing up, she made sure Peeta wasn't paying attention as she examined it further. Twisting off the tin topper, she turned her back to the kitchen and took a sniff. The familiar, sicky sweet scent clung to the insides of her nose and made her stomach turn. She knew what her mother had given her to give to Peeta. She knew that smell anywhere.

Sleep syrup.


	35. Chapter 35

Portions of this text taken from 'The Hunger Games' - No Copyright infringement intended.

Chapter 33

Katniss  
The tin spoon clanked against the sides of the mug as she stirred it, her insides churning just like the tea. She had poured the entire vial of liquid into the cup and tried to mask the sicky sweet syrup's taste with the last bit of wild berry extract in their possession. Her mother sometimes used the juices of the wild raspberries and blackberries Katniss brought home in the summer to dry and mix with herbal medicines to give them a better taste. Katniss silently hoped it would do its job and mask the revealing taste of the sleep syrup she was going to try to trick him into drinking. The problem with sleep syrup was the telltale taste – mostly everyone had gotten a dose of the medicine at one time or another. It was cheap, easy to obtain, and those that consumed it were promised at least twelve hours of peaceful, comfortable sleep. One or two vials were a cheap way to nurse someone who was suffering through a bad bout of pneumonia or whooping cough. It wouldn't have been strong enough to help Peeta after his lashings, but it was strong enough to help him now. The vial alone would hopefully give her enough time to sneak out of the house and do her best to get Peeta's family out alive.

Of course if the Capitol decided to retaliate on the Seam that would be another story and a whole new set of problems.

She shook her head and stirred the tea a few more times. There wasn't time to think like that. She had a job to do, and an important one at that and she needed a clear head if she was going to succeed. After all he'd done for her; it was the least she could do.

Peeta finally stood from his place in front of the fire, shuffling his sock-covered feet until he made his way to the kitchen table. He sat with a dejected thump, his elbows on the table and his chin on his hands. It was almost a comical sight. Peeta had the burly, stocky body of a man, his limbs taught and strong and his arms and chest sporadically dotted with dark blonde hair that only a man would have, and yet he had the wild hair and childish pout on his face that only a little boy could muster. The stubble on his jaw and the calluses on his hands didn't quite match the way his eyebrows furrowed together like he was a child that had been denied dessert. She knew he was conflicted about what to do and how to help save his family.

"Can I maybe get some of that? Please?" he asked in a pitiful voice, looking over at the tea she was stirring.

Katniss bit back a smile. "I was making it for you, so yes," she replied softly. Her mother glanced at her over her shoulder, her pale blue eyes focused in on the tea as she washed a few dishes in the sink. Katniss avoided her gaze for she knew she was a bad liar and didn't want to make Peeta suspicious. It felt awful to deceive kind, sweet Peeta, but what other choice did she have? Time was ticking and she was running out of options. She had to at least warn the Mellarks to get out of town.

Peeta accepted the mug with a gentle smile, holding it up to her in thanks. He gave it a sniff and nodded. "Berry?"

Katniss felt a surge of guilt and worried that her face would get hot and deceive her. "Wild berry, yes. I found a new patch last summer and mother dried them out for medicines and tea."

She clenched her hands at her sides, quickly realizing that they were starting to tremble. It would help if she could be busy….She grabbed the grinder from the kitchen counter and began sprinkling little bits of grain into it to mash up for bread. They had enough tesserae grain for maybe two or three more loaves; those would only last a few days with four people.

He looked up at her and sighed dejectedly, his boyish looks returning. "I'm sorry I snapped at you earlier. I….I know you were just trying to help me Katniss. I didn't mean it. I was just upset because I don't want to put you in danger. I won't talk to you like that again, ever. I promise."

She groaned internally and gave him a tight smile. Of course he would be saying something so endearingly sweet and kind before she deceivingly knocked him out with sleep syrup and went against his wishes. It figured that he would say something that would make her doubt her actions and feel like a horrible person in general.

"I know you didn't. Just…drink your tea, its fine."

"It's just that…"

She held her breath as Peeta babbled, waiting for him to take a sip.

"…not much upsets me. The only thing that makes me really angry is the idea of someone putting you in danger. That's why I got upset; I can't bear the thought of you getting hurt any more than you already have. I just wanted to protect you again if I could."

"I know," she said, unable to lift her eyes from the floor.

"The thought of you going into town and getting hurt made me lash out. I'm sorry."

She looked up as Peeta put his lips to the mug and took a long pull, swallowing without hesitation.

One, she thought. She stared at his throat as the liquid moved down, watching with trepidation as he followed it with another sip.

Two.

He frowned before sipping it again.

That's three, she thought. One more sip and he should be out.

Her mother clanked a dish in the sink, her hands removing the plates from the soapy water to put them in the dish rack. Wiping her hands on the rag beside her, she turned around and offered Peeta a short smile.

"Do you like it?" she asked.

"It's very sweet. You really know how to make tea Katniss."

She nodded as nonchalantly as she could, looking away to avoid meeting his eyes. She busied herself with trying to mash the grain, a task she normally balked at. Today though, she'd mashed it into a fine powder as she watched Peeta take a fourth sip out of the corner of her eye. She looked over and noticed her mother was watching as well.

"Yes, um…they're sugar berries. Mother made jam from them when I found them by a stream last summer. Haven't you ever had them before?"

Peeta took a fifth sip and shook his head, still frowning.

Five, she thought.

"No," he said with a perplexed look. "But they taste familiar…do they grow near town?"

She shook her head and looked away again as her stomach sank. She'd hoped he wouldn't guess it before he was knocked out, but Peeta wasn't stupid. "No. These grow alongside a stream in the woods. You can't get them in the market; they only grow in the wild."

Okay, she thought. Not a complete lie. She'd stumbled across the strange berries last summer while wading for crawfish in a small stream. She'd picked a basket of the blackberry-raspberry hybrid and brought it back to look up in her father's old plant book. They'd checked out alright and they'd been using them ever since in anything they could think of.

Peeta nodded, taking another sip.

Six.

"They must be sugary, this taste so sweet," he began to slur. "Sweet like…syrup," he muttered, giving a little shrug of his shoulders. "Syrup…"

He took another sip and let it linger in his mouth before swallowing, visibly trying to decipher the taste. Katniss felt her stomach twist and clench. The pieces were starting to click into place in his mind. He still had a mouthful he had yet to swallow as he looked up at her. Realizing the truth, he slammed the cup down onto the table so quick she heard it crack. He pursed his lips to prepare to spit it out; Mrs. Everdeen, however, was quicker. She was behind him in an instant, her wiry healer's hands clamping his mouth shut. Her fingers pinched his nose closed and held his jaw in place as Katniss reached over the table and grabbed his hands to keep him from pushing her mother away. Her mother held him in place hard, forcing him to swallow instead of spit. When they noticed his eyes go hazy and his throat bob, her mother quickly released him and slunk over to stand beside Katniss. Peeta's hazy gaze met hers and he opened his mouth. As the syrup did its work and the realization set in, she knew from the look in Peeta's eyes that what she had done would not be something he would easily forgive.

"I can't believe you-"

He didn't finish. Katniss' mother reached across the table and yanked the cracked mug away just before Peeta's head hit the table with a hard clunking noise. His heavy breath echoed in the quiet kitchen just as Prim walked in. Her sister's eyes darted around the room and finally rested on Peeta's unconscious form that was now slumped over on the table.

"Oh my God," Katniss muttered. This wasn't good.

"What did you do?!" Prim squawked in horror.

Katniss bit back the bile that threatened to lunge up her throat at the sight of Peeta unconscious on her table again. Her mother shook her head and grabbed her shoulders. "No," she hissed suddenly. "I know what you're thinking, Katniss. Don't do this to yourself. You did what you had to do. We can't have him waking up anytime soon and chasing you into town. That's the last thing we need."

"What have I done?" Katniss sputtered.

Her pulse boomed in her eardrums and her face grew hot as it became difficult to see. She grasped her hair by the roots and pulled, trying to get herself together. If she was really going to pull off a stunt this big she would need to focus. But that seemed impossible as the panic of the situation settled in and threatened to strangle her from the inside out. A sudden blast of cold water hit her in the face, making her open her eyes in shock. Her mother stood before her with an empty cup and blazing blue eyes that were clearer than they'd been in years. Determination suddenly seeped from her pores as she stared at her daughter with purpose.

Katniss sputtered and wiped her eyes. "What-"

"Not now. Come on. You gotta get to town," she stated firmly, shaking her blonde head. Katniss nodded, shaking the bits of frigid water out of her eyes. Prim sputtered beside them as she flew to Peeta's side. She pried his eyes open with her fingertips and gave them a bewildered stare.

"What…" she picked up the cracked mug and sniffed it, her blue eyes instantly going wide as she realized what Katniss had spiked the cup with. "You drugged him?"

Katniss shook her head to avoid her sister's scathing gaze. She hurriedly rushed to the door and pulled on her boots.

"You drugged Peeta?" Prim repeated.

Katniss felt her stomach clench in disgust for what she'd just done. "I did what I had to do Prim; he can't leave the house and come after me. It's too dangerous."

Prim continued to sputter with wide eyes. "But...but...you drugged him with a vial of sleep syrup! What on earth for?"

Katniss pulled on her hunting jacket and scarf, tucking her long braid against her shoulder. She pulled on her gloves and looked up at her sister. As sick as she felt at the thought of what she had done she knew that it was something she had to do. "I'm going to town to warn his family. I have to save them Prim – he saved me, now I have to save them."

The cold air hit her like a warning slap in the face. She pulled her coat tighter around her body, already feeling naked sneaking out into the cold without her hunting bag. As she made her way through one of the Seam's back alleys she scanned the streets for witnesses or worse – Peacekeepers. They usually didn't frequent the Seam, but she figured her streak of bad luck wasn't likely to end now.

Satisfied it was safe; she dashed across the path and behind another row of houses. Scuffling through the icy snow, she winced as it began to blow against her face. The soft snowflakes that had fallen the night before were long gone; in their place were the icy little daggers than now fell from the sky. She pulled her scarf around her mouth and slunk over the path and towards the west end of the district – towards town. The afternoon sun was setting behind the greyish clouds, giving the entire Seam a ghoulish look. A foul mood seemed to have settled over the district as she made her way closer and closer to the square. The trek was twice as long as she remembered.

She paused behind the first brick building- the white apothecary that she was sometimes able to use to trade for things for her mother. Her mind calculated the paths to the other side of the town to the bakery and then back to the Seam. There simply was no good way to get from one side to the other with four large people with her. Not concealed and safely, anyway.

Peeta's brothers were all bigger than he was; hulking boys with pale skin and bright blonde hair. His mother was even somewhat tall, but Mr. Mellark was the biggest. And the slowest. Katniss had watched him clunk around the back of the bakery before, his large feet and round legs making him like a bull in a china shop. She'd been thankful several times that she didn't have to take someone like Mr. Mellark out into the woods. But now, she realized, she'd have to do something much harder – she'd have to sneak him and his entire family out of the town.

Her gloved fingers gripped the brick building as she peered around the corner and into the town. A few people moved about still, glancing in the direction of the mines and still shaking their heads in disbelief. Katniss pressed her lips together and struggled to think clearly as she tried to formulate a plan that would get Peeta's family out alive without people seeing. Her eye caught movement towards the street and her stomach sank. Two uniformed Peacekeepers moved through the street, their white body suits blending almost perfectly with the snow. The accidental camouflage almost made her miss them all together had it not been for the large, shiny black automatic weapons grasped in their gloved hands. She ducked behind the building and tried to catch her breath as her chest began to tighten in panic. How on earth was she going to get out of this?

Another movement caught her eye.

Something from above.

Her heart froze in her chest as she stared up at the sky, holding onto the side of the building for dear life.

The white hovercrafts sunk though the clouds, their Capitol seals just barely visible. There wasn't one, two, or even five. Her panicked eyes counted twenty. She gasped for breath and watched as parachutes began falling form the sky, their dark packages nearly invisible against the gloomy backdrop. A strangled cry left her mouth as they floated down through the snowy haze, their white parachutes making them bob slightly in the wind.

"Oh my God, Oh my God," she gasped, still holding her chest. Her legs didn't want to cooperate; she could barely catch her breath. Flight was essential, especially now. Bombs were dropping silently from the sky, ready to detonate at first contact. Panic surged through her and made her body finally jump into motion. She had to get out of there and fast. She made her way back down the path towards the Seam, the labored breaths ringing in her ears as her legs struggled in the cold air. It didn't even feel like she was in her own body anymore – this was too much of a terrifying ordeal.

She went hurdling over a nearby fence into an empty pasture, her feet sluggishly churning beneath her as she clumsily made her way over to the stone wall on the other side. It wasn't the safest option, but it would have to do for now. Her fingers slipped against the rocks as she threw herself over the wall, landing hard on her right side. Pain throbbed up her body but she ignored it as the adrenaline surged through her. Her hands flew to cover her ears as she curled herself into a ball and waited for the first blast.

Everything around her went perfectly silent.

Then….

The sound of one powerful bomb after another filled the air as the town was blown to bits.


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 34

Katniss

BOOM.

BOOM.

BOOM.

The ground shook violently as the blasts sounded, so loud it made her eardrums sing with pain. She heard herself cry out as the force of the explosions sounded, one after another after another. They kept coming. Tears seeped from her tightly closed eyes as her awful brain tried to picture what was happening.

She didn't have to imagine much – her nightmares were finally coming to life. Again and again the bombs exploded, more and more blasts joining each other in a chorus of horrendously loud bangs. Her ears began to throb as she clamped her hands tighter around them. It felt like years.

Eventually, they slowed. Opening her eyes, she peered over the stone wall that had protected her from the blasts and saw the hovercrafts rise back up into the snowy clouds over the smoking ruins that used to be the town. It was destroyed and their mission was finished; they were leaving.

It was over.

Slowly, she lifted herself over the wall, slinking quietly away but ready to jump behind it at any second. It was how Buttercup moved if they accidently slammed the front door – he would go flying for cover, only creeping out with wild eyes when he thought it might be safe again. Her eyes were slow to focus through the smoke and snow, but she could see which direction the town was in. As more and more things came into view through the hazy air, the more she wished they wouldn't.

The buildings along the outer lines of the town were still standing, but barely. Walls were ripped off, piles of bricks littered the streets, and the snow lining them was full of ash, debris, and smoking embers. Wall studs stood up in the air with no walls; roofs were completely blown off, and fires still burned from the places where there had been explosions.

She crept closer to the edge of the line of houses, most of them pulverized to little more than rubble. She made the mistake of looking inside one of them and seeing red everywhere. Her legs paused behind every few houses as she walked, unsure if she should stop to help or not. It didn't seem right to ignore people and move toward the bakery, but what else could she do? Katniss felt her stomach churn miserably as she stared forward into the alley and pressed forward. The closer and closer she got town, the more horrible things became. The survivors from the blasts were now in the streets, their panicked cries echoing in the growing twilight. Their cries for help and despair made her ears feel like they were bleeding as she tried to inconspicuously make her way toward the Mellark Bakery without being seen.

She ducked behind trash cans, slid along what was left of buildings, and finally made it to the square where the bakery sat. Her eyes widened as she realized the square had been hit the hardest; the Justice Building was no more than a pile of marble, the Capitol Flag with the official Seal ripped to shreds on the steps. Beside it, the mayor's mansion resembled little more than a heap of red bricks. Madge had been smart to leave when she had. Her eyes moved to the bakery and she inhaled a choppy breath of relief. The bakery stood, for the most part. The glass windows had been blow out, the white bricks charred and singed from the blast. The roof had caved in, but it was still standing.

Now all she had to do was get there.

Quickly cataloging her options, she realized she basically only had two.

One, she could risk running across the square and being seen. It would cut her travel time into a third, but it was also risky. She had no idea who was watching.

Two, she could use the alleys that she knew like the back of her hand to wind her way around. It was longer, but the cover of the dark back road would offer her some added safety.

There's no time. Peeta's father is there and he doesn't know what's coming.

She was about to take her chances and dart across the square's courtyard when a pair of Peacekeepers came into view. They were obviously worse for wear and one was bleeding from the arm, but they were otherwise alive. Her eyes followed a man as he exited one of the buildings they passed, waving his arms frantically. She couldn't hear what they were saying, so she watched. The battered man grabbed the sleeves of one of the uniformed officers, motioning wildly towards his house. The Peacekeeper shook his head, pulling away from the man with a grimace of disgust. There was more yelling and grabbing and the man was finally pushed to the ground. The first Peacekeeper stepped on his chest, and the second didn't hesitate to put a bullet into his head. The man stilled on the ground and they kept walking.

Katniss gasped in shock, her eyes wide as a horrified, strangled squeak left her mouth. Her hands shook wildly as she realized they had just killed a man without hesitating. A merchant. They wouldn't hesitate to put a bullet in her brain if they found her there. Without thinking, she turned back towards the alley and ran. She needed to get to the bakery and see if any of Peeta's family was alive and then she needed to get out. This was no place to be.

Her legs moved faster and faster as she hurdled over rubble, dashed around buildings, and watched for white uniforms. The back of the bakery was in sight when another blast sounded. The deafening crack seemed to come out of nowhere.

She felt herself being blow backward into the air. Then, everything went black.

The impact of hitting the brick building behind her knocked the wind out of her and made everything go dark.

When she finally came to, she realized she was on her back. Pain sliced through her upper left arm and forehead as her eyes slowly opened to see the black night sky above her. Panicked, she tried to sit up, not noticing the buzzing in her left ear. How much time had passed?! When she left the house it was just past supper. Her eyes darted around the sky for the moon, but the snowy clouds had yet to part.

"Ow," she cried, slamming a hand over her arm. Sitting all the way up, she realized her arm wasn't the only problem. Her head felt fuzzy and her heart leaped into her throat as she realized she couldn't hear a single thing out of her left ear except for a terrifying buzz. Her entire head felt lopsided as she lifted her hand to swipe at that side of her face. It came away soaked in blood.

Her labored breaths echoed in her head as she wiped her bloody hand off in the snow beside her. Animal blood had never particularly bothered her, but this did. Sitting up further, she winced and looked down. A small, three inch cut in her coat revealed a gash of the same size, dried blood crusted around it. Further examination made her realize she also had a deep cut on the left side of her forehead that was still oozing with scarlet liquid. Crawling to her knees, she realized she was behind a few over turned, mangled trash cans in the alley. Broken glass and bits of singed wood and bring were scattered all around her. Reaching down, she grabbed a fistful of clean-looking snow and held it to her forehead to try to stop the bleeding as she looked around the alleyway in confusion. She'd been running away from the Peacekeepers who had just shot that man, she realized. Then….

Another bomb, she realized. It must not have gone off right away when it touched the ground the first time, thus delaying its response. She shook her head and swiped at her ear again. It was ringing and buzzing and completely devoid of any sound. She looked around quickly, her brain moving slowly at first. She wasn't exactly out in the open, but that didn't mean danger couldn't still be near. Katniss inhaled a deep breath and tried to stay focused.

She couldn't hear out of her left ear, and her right was ringing badly. Her arm hurt, but was clotting up. Her head was still bleeding, but the cut didn't appear to be deep. It would need a few stitches and was probably a concussion, but she'd seen worse. It was dark out – she'd left hours before. Where was everyone?

Her stomach sank as she realized a probable answer to that question. They were most likely dead or close to it. Raising herself onto all fours, her limbs wobbled momentarily before they steadied themselves. Staying focused was key or she would never get out of there. Peeta would be out for at least twelve hours, so that meant she had until at least dawn to get back. Realizing she had no idea what time it was, determination set in again. She fumbled to rise up on two feet, staggering a few times and falling back into the icy snow bank. Her arm throbbed as she landed on it again, her ear buzzing wildly as she toppled over into the snow like a lame deer. Vomit rose up in her throat as she shuddered through the pain, sitting up and taking a deep breath. The cold, icy air bit at her lungs as she focused her eyes on the path before her.

Determination seared through her veins as she stood on wobbly legs, trying her best to ignore the ringing in her ears. Putting one foot in front of the other, she took a few shaky steps towards the bakery. It was at least a quarter mile away; she knew her trek would not be any easy feat.

She moved steadily through the rubble, turning her head every few feet to her left. A hunter at heart, she wasn't used to not being able to hear out of both ears. She relied so heavily on her hearing for protection and awareness of her surroundings that it was unbelievably odd to not be able to hear out of her left side. Her neck began to ache from turning her head so often, but it was nothing compared to the gash in her arm. It wasn't clear what had sliced through her jacket and cut her so badly – glass? Shrapnel?

Pushing the thought from her mind, she walked on. The dark sky was cloudy and empty as she hobbled along, the hairs on the back of her neck sticking up as she pictured the horrible things that could fall from the clouds at any instant. Hovercrafts were practically silent until they were directly above you; the whirring noise seemed to sneak up out of nowhere. The Capitol favored the dreaded machines especially for that reason.

By the time the bakery came into view, she was certain her fingers were halfway frostbitten and her wounds had been frozen shut. Her chest clenched at the sight of the whitewashed pile of bricks that lay in the place of Peeta's former home. Glass littered alley along with chunks of still smoldering rubble. The wiry apple trees in the backyard had been reduced to spindly looking stumps after having most of their branches blow off. Her eyes lingered on the spot at the base of the third tree where she'd been huddled that rainy afternoon.

The afternoon the boy with the bread had changed everything by giving her a shred of hope.

Now was no time to be weak – she had a chance to give him some hope and she would do just that if it was the last thing she ever did.

With a wheezing breath, she trekked through the piles of white bricks and glass before finding the door. She grasped the handle of the back entrance as a wave of nausea washed over her. She could find anything in the bakery; dead bodies, blood….Blinking, she took a deep breath and pushed against the wooden door with all her might. Her good ear caught the sound of moving rubble.

That was good.

She backed up and took a few gasping breaths, rubbing her wounded arm as it stung miserably. Katniss inhaled a deep breath and threw her right side against the door with as much force as she could possibly manage. It slowly slid open and made her topple forward onto a pile of bricks inside the door with a loud crash. She groaned and rubbed her gloved hands against her sides, wincing as a few pieces of broken glass slid from them. If she ever made it home she'd be a real mess to deal with.

Looking around, she realized that the bakery was for the most part still standing. The windows had been blow out by the force of the explosion and the wall next to the ovens had toppled over, but it was still there. She wobbled her way through what used to be the kitchen, her palms digging into the worn wooden counter for help as her still buzzing left ear continued to throw her off. Her neck craned to the left, making sure she wasn't missing anything in her new blind spot. Would she ever be able to hunt again? Or would it slowly heal?

She was about to hobble through the swinging door to the front of the bakery when a splash of red caught her eye.

Bannock.

Her stomach turned as she realized a mop of golden blonde hair was on the floor, his face turned away and his neck at a strange angle. The blonde hairs on the back of his neck were matted with blood and the sizeable heap of red-speckled rubble around him made it clear the first Mellark she'd spotted didn't make it.

Katniss took a deep breath, hunching over to slide two fingers to his neck as her mother had taught her to do once. The skin beneath her fingers was cold and still, showing no signs of life. Her throat started to close up and she shakily stood back up and tried to stop her hands from shaking. Turning around, she gripped the counter and took a few deep breaths to try to steady herself.

Peeta's brother was dead.

She swallowed the hardness in her throat and wobbled slightly, trying to get a grip on the situation before she walked into the front of the bakery. There was three Mellarks left, she realized. She could walk out there and see all three of them dead. Then she would hobble back to the Seam and have to tell Peeta that he was alone in the world and his family was gone. Or, she could be a coward and not even have the bravery needed to look. Her stomach turned again as she glanced at the door leading to the front of the bakery.

She couldn't go home without at least knowing. She had to be able to tell Peeta the truth about what had happened.

With a deep breath, she pushed through the door with some effort. It swung open into the front room and she was instantly sick. Her throat began to burn as she retched and coughed, the bitter taste of bile returning to her mouth. She bent over the floor as the smell hit her, her reeling mind struggling to realize what it was. It was blood – human blood – and burning flesh. Her eyes scanned the room before she bent over and heaved again, shaking her head as the bile crept up her throat.

Peeta's family was dead. There was no doubt about that. The front of the bakery had been completely blown to pieces; glass was everywhere, followed by concrete and brick. The comforting smell of breads and pastries long gone; over it, the stench of death.

Shaking her head, she took one last look around the scene. She couldn't be sure, but what she was seeing had to be the remains of the remaining three Mellarks. Any shred of hope she still had slid from her grasp as she turned and shuffled back from where she came, unable to look at the scene before her any longer. Her arms folded around her queasy middle, she moved towards the back door that she'd exited a hundred times when she heard it.

A groan.

A pain filled, pitiful groan.

Eyes wide, she turned. It came from behind the ovens. Over the piles of rubble she went, carefully avoiding the jagged shards of glass. A fine layer of flour covered the entire scene, making her heart clench. The Mellarks had clearly just been in the middle of a normal day, baking and selling their goods when their lives had ended. She sniffed and hobbled toward the large oven in the corner of the room, her eyes suddenly going wide.

There, nearly covered in rubble to his neck, was Mr. Mellark. Another uneven breath left her mouth as she realized he was still basically in once piece, his blonde head slumped to the side as it rested on a piece of concrete next to him. She slid closer, her boots cracking against the broken glass that littered the floor. She swallowed as she got closer, her chest clenching in fear. Was he dead?

As if to answer her question, Mr. Mellark's blue eyes flew open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, I didn't want to get too graphic there, but for anyone who didn't understand, Katniss found Bannock dead and saw the front room covered with blood. She assumed that the remaining Mellarks were dead, however, it was just the remains of Mrs. Mellark and Rye.
> 
> Sorry this took me so long! The weather here has been beautiful and I have been working like a madwoman in my garden all week to get everything planted and going. I apologize for the delay, but it was just too beautiful out to be inside. I hope you forgive me : )
> 
> Please review and let me know what you thought! Are you surprised? Or did you want Mr. Mellark to live?


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 35

Katniss

She flew to the corner where Mr. Mellark was buried, her ears still buzzing and her gait uneven. Forgetting her injuries, she pushed over piles of bricks and concrete to get to him. Her knees dug into the rocks and rubble covering the floor as she skidded to his side and fell to the floor. He was alive!

Almost as soon as it appeared, her hope began to fade as she got an up close look at just how buried Peeta's father was –up to his collar bone with only his boots sticking out. Her left arm began to burn at the thought of having to dig him out. How was she ever going to save him when she could barely move herself?

This is Peeta's father. His only family he has left. You have to Katniss. This isn't the toughest thing you've ever had to do.

She looked up at his hopeful blue eyes that were clouded with pain. He let out a raspy breath that she could barely hear before giving her a weak smile.

He looked so much like Peeta is made her heart thrum.

"You're alive," she said with a breath of relief. Her voice sounded muffled and funny against the buzzing, but she could at least hear him speak.

"Barely," he groaned. She watched him wince and try to move under the large pieces of concrete and bricks. His eyes moved over to the blown-out windows. "You need to get out of there."

"What? No," she shook her head. "I have to get you out."

She took her gloved hands and began carefully picking away at the shatter glass and bits of the bakery wall that had pinned him down. He was pretty buried – it would take a lot to uncover him.

"Katniss, you're injured," he said firmly, his serious eyes resting on the gash in her forehead.

She shrugged it off and kept digging. "I'm fine."

"What happened?"

Her hands stilled as she moved pieces of debris from the pile that rested on top of his body. "I…there was another bomb. It hadn't gone off yet. I thought they were over and done with, but when I ran past it…it went off. I can't really hear," she admitted, raising her hand to her left ear. The high pitched noise still echoed in her eardrums, the buzzing making her feel slightly dizzy. She'd forgotten about the severity of her injuries in her hunt to find survivors in the Mellark Bakery.

"I'll be fine."

"Your head…"

"Listen, I'm going to be okay. We just have to dig you out. Can you feel your fingers and toes? And move them?"

His gaze grew somber. "I know this is the end of the road for me."

"No," she said firmly. "Don't say that; just stop. Peeta is back in the Seam waiting for you. You have to stay with me – he'll die if I don't bring you home."

"Peeta will be just fine," he insisted. "He has you to take care of him now."

Katniss continued lifting chunks of rubble off his body as the cold settled over her bones once again. The sheer size of some of the rocks resting on top of Peeta's father looks so heavy it made her heart clench. Then again, the thought of leaving poor, sweet Mr. Mellark alive and alone in the bakery to die didn't make her feel much better either.

"I'm not enough," she finally said. "Peeta needs you. I'm not enough for him….especially not after what I did to come here to you."

He raised his eyebrows in question. She stared at him in the dim light, swallowing the lump in her throat. "He didn't want me to go."

"With good reason. How did you convince him to stay?"

"Sleep syrup. It was the only way he'd let me go," she said, tossing another rock off of him.

"He'll forgive you."

She sniffed suddenly, biting back the hot tears that threatened to fall. He sounded so sure that Peeta would forgive her. "No, I….you didn't see the look in his eyes before he….no, he won't forgive me. Not by a long shot," she finally said.

"Peeta is forgiving," he said with a labored breath. "He'll come around if you go home to him."

"I can't. Not without you," she insisted. Grabbing a splintered piece of wood, she kept it by her side to act as a lever. She dug through the rocks and debris, tossing as many to the side as she could.

He looked up at her in the dim light. "The others? Are the others out front?"

Katniss didn't reply, only giving him a curt nod. The images of Peeta's mother and siblings in their mangled states did little to settle her already churning stomach.

"Are they….alive?"

She looked at the poor baker with tears in her eyes. She couldn't find it in herself to shake her head 'no' or even utter the word. He understood from the fat tears that escaped and rolled down her cheeks. He nodded in understanding, his eyes losing some hope.

"Katniss…"

She kept digging.

"Katniss," he said, more firmly this time. "You need to get out of there. Who knows if they'll be back?"

"I can't," she said tearfully, sitting back on her heels. "I can't leave you here to die. I have to bring you home to Peeta."

He coughed slightly, wincing from the weight of the rocks. "I'm in bad shape. No telling what you're going to find under these rocks."

Katniss shook her head as she pictured going back go her house in the Seam empty handed. Telling Peeta that his father had been alive but that she'd had to leave him to die. No, she decided. There was no way she was going to do that.

"No," she stated, her eyes flicking up to meet his. She shook her head firmly and kept digging. She was to the bigger pieces now – these would be no easy feat. Her arm was already stinging wildly and starting to bleed again and her head was now throbbing she realized. What was she going to do? It was still dark; the sun would be rising soon. If Peeta's father was going to move as slow as she thought he was, she would need the cover of darkness to get him back to the Seam. Judging from what she'd seen in the center of town, the Peacekeepers were in no mood to deal with people. If they saw her dragging a merchant man back to the Seam they would surely ask questions.

Questions she didn't have answers to.

"Katniss…"

She looked up.

"You need to leave me and get home," he repeated. "Get somewhere safe before they come back and do more damage. I…don't suspect I'll make it through the night."

Katniss shook her head. "No. I'm not gonna leave you."

"I'm a lost cause."

"I'm NOT going to leave you. I'm not gonna do that."

Katniss reached up and quickly wiped the tear sliding down her cheek with the end of her sleeve. There was no way she was leaving him. Family was important to Peeta. The last time he'd seen his father was in the Hob the night before the bombings. Even he had noticed that their words had sounded like a goodbye. She couldn't bear the thought of those being their last words. That was no way to say goodbye – staring down the barrel of a loaded gun.

She dug and dug with her dirty gloves, pushing piles of rubble and bricks to the side. Before long, all she had left was the biggest piece. Glancing over her shoulder, she groaned. Out over the counter and through the blown out window, the sky was beginning to grow light.

"We have to hurry. Can you push on this at all?" she asked, motioning to the slab of concrete covering his legs. He nodded, his face paling and his lips pressing into a thin line. She grabbed the edge of the slab and tried to ignore the singing pain in her left arm. "Ready? One, two.."

They both let out a terrible grunt as the slab was pushed to the side. She let out a sigh of relief as Mr. Mellark's full body finally came into view. It wasn't a pretty sight, but it was at least in one piece. Her eyes focused in on the shard of glass sticking out of his thigh. Blood seeped from the wound and made her stomach turn. Animal blood was one thing; human blood was another. She looked away and tried to stay calm as she fought to think straight.

Peeta's father looked down at the gash in his leg. "Doesn't look good. I knew there was something sticking out of it….I…" he gasped in pain and let his head fall back against the wall. He rolled it from side to side and opened his eyes to stare at her.

"Its fine," she assured him, playing it off. She pretended to assess the wound and struggled to keep her voice calm and even though she had no idea how to fix a gash the size of the one on his leg. Honestly, she wasn't sure if her mother could either. "If I can get the glass out and make a tourniquet…you'll be fine."

He gave her a doubtful look. "Just pull it out. One step at a time," he sighed though gritted teeth. She watched him clench his strong, angled jaw in agony as she touched the shard of jagged glass in his thigh. His blond hair was matted with sweat and dirt and blood and sticking to his paled face as he tried to keep still.

"Okay. I'm gonna pull it out," she coaxed. Thinking ahead, she quickly removed the thin cord around her waist and wrapped it around his thigh above the gash. Tying it taught, she tried to keep her hands from shaking as her eyes tried to focus in the dim light. The pointed piece of glass had most likely come from the windows beside them being blown out from a bomb. It had lodged itself into his leg and created a gash that she was sure probably went down to his bone.

"I'm ready," he whispered.

"I'm gonna get this out and then we're gonna go back to my mom. She'll stich you up just fine. Good as new," she breathed. "One, two…"

The glass came from his leg with a sickening squishing noise. Blood spurted against her gloved hands making her cry out in surprise. Mr. Mellark cried out in anguish as she fumbled for a moment, trying to imagine what Prim would tell her to do.

Clot it, she thought. She grabbed the edge of his white apron and tore a great rip along the bottom. She pressed the strip into the wound before ripping off another piece to tie it taught. Peeta's father twisted against the rubble around him, his face as white as a sheet in the dim light. He groaned and gasped for air as she tied the white fabric around his leg and held her hands against it. Blood quickly seeped through the fabric and she had to bite back the bile that threatened to come up.

"Just hold this here….I need the rest of your apron," she said in a hurried voice. She heard herself whimper slightly as the bandage grew more and more damp. Mr. Mellark struggled to get his apron all the way off for a moment before shoving it at his leg. Together they pressed and pressed and held it steady. His eyes rose up to meet hers.

"I think…I think it stopped," she said finally. "You're gonna be okay. We did that part, now…now we just have to get you out of here."

Mr. Mellark gasped a few times before looking up at her. "Were you this way…when Peeta was sick?" he winced.

Katniss shrugged. "I guess I….did whatever I had to do."

He gave her a short nod. "No wonder my boy is still alive."

The sky was undeniably lighter as Mr. Mellark reached the bottom back step of the bakery. He groaned and tried not to lean on Katniss too much, but she could tell his leg was hurting. The bleeding had stopped thanks to her belt-turned-tourniquet, and his apron was serving as a makeshift wrapping. He hobbled against her right side as he pressed his lips together into a thin line as he stared at the alley before them. She didn't have to ask him to speak his thoughts; they were abundantly clear: It was a long walk back to the Seam and they would need to hurry. The sun would be rising in less than twenty minutes.

She sighed and tried not to wince as her arm stung. Her hearing was slowly returning in her left ear, and she could almost hear perfectly out of her right. "Think you can make it?"

He sighed as she hoisted his arm around her shoulder. "I might crush you."

She snorted. "Seam women are stronger than they look."

They shared a tiny laugh as she grunted and tried to get her footing. Mr. Mellark was built exactly like his son – not especially tall, but solidly stacked and heavy with muscle. "Ready?"

He gave her a short nod. Katniss watched as he turned and gave the mangled bakery one last look. She paused her movements and let him linger for a second to take in the damage. The wintery wind whipped through the alley as he stood there taking in what was left of his life: A shattered piece of mangled rubble that held the bodies of his murdered family. Katniss looked at the ground for a moment as she realized the man leaning on her had lost almost everything he held dear in a matter of a few seconds. They needed to hurry as much as they could to ensure their safety, but for some reason she couldn't make him leave just yet.

A solitary tear fell down his cheek.

She thought her heart might break. Here was this kind, giving man who was an older version of the man back home that she loved. He had just lost his home, his business, his wife, and two of his sons.

She spoke before she realized it. "You still have Peeta."

He turned to look at her. The liquid from the tear had cut through the dirt on his pale cheek, the track still wet. "What?"

Katniss gulped. "You still have Peeta. I'm sorry…I'm sorry I didn't get here sooner. To warn you. But…you still have Peeta back at my house. He'll be so happy to see you, he-"

He gave her a sad smile as he visibly fought more tears. "I know. You're right. We can go now. Go home to Peeta."

"Right," she agreed, sniffing back her own tears. He leaned lightly on her shoulder and they began to slowly trek back towards her house.

When the sun peeked over the horizon, her stomach fell. They were just at the border of the town and the Seam, right where Peacekeepers tended to patrol. She paused and looked around, giving her aching back a rest. Mr. Mellark shuffled on one leg as he tried not to lean on her. His leg had to be throbbing and he should be letting her help him more, however, she could tell he was trying the best he could to not put too much of his weight on her as they hobbled along.

He followed her gaze, his blue eyes filled with worry. "Do you see anything?"

Katniss listened. The District was eerily silent as the sun began to rise behind the clouds. "No."

He slowly limped forward with her, groaning every few feet. Her arm stung as the hole in her jacket let the cold winter wind blow against the open skin. Her head was throbbing so loud that she wasn't sure if it was due to her hearing loss or her head wound. Every few hundred feet she would look over at Peeta's father and see his sad blue eyes and unruly blonde hair and think of Peeta waiting for her at home.

It doesn't matter if he's still there, her mind told her. You drugged him. He won't want anything to do with you after this.

Drugging Peeta wasn't the best thing to do but she didn't regret it. Especially not after finding Mr. Mellark alive. Peeta could be as angry with her as he wanted to be. Seeing his father's blue eyes open under the rubble, the hopeful look he'd given her…it had been worth going to find him and dig him out. If Peeta didn't want her after this, he would at least have his father. The thought of the sweet man she'd grown to love living without a family for the rest of his life wasn't acceptable in her eyes.

She would make it home.

"Katniss…you need to rest," he panted beside her. "I can feel your shoulders shaking honey."

"No," she panted. "Sun is almost up. We're so close…I need to you get you to my mother."

Mr. Mellark snorted softly. "Think she can patch me up?"

Katniss watched him wince through his smile.

"I do," she sighed.

They continued to slowly hobble along – Peeta's father with his bandaged leg dragging and Katniss with her one good ear and her wounded arm. They slowly made their way into the Seam.

"I'm not sure she'll be able to fix me," he murmured as they turned down another alleyway. She looked over at him.

"Why not?"

He shuddered in agony as he tried to walk again. "It's deep. To the bone, prolly."

Katniss' words caught in her throat. He was right and very realistic about his wounds. She wasn't sure her mother would be able to fix such a horrible gash, but wasn't it at least worth trying?

"I guess I'm being punished for being a rebel."

"You tried to change the world we live in. How do you deserve to be punished like this?" she asked. "You're not. You're alive and ….and you're going to live to see other things. Better things."

He smirked and took a labored step, his boots crunching in the snow. "Like grandkids?"

Katniss balked and looked away quickly, gripping his hand on her shoulder. "Erm…"

Mr. Mellark let out a hoarse little laugh. "Peeta is my only hope now," he said sadly. "I sure did want some though."

"You're not old enough to be a grandpa," she muttered. "Come on. We're close now."

She continued to limp forward with Mr. Mellark leaning on her shoulder. The white ground seemed to go on forever in her view as the sun continued to rise. It was another cloudy day but the snow on the ground reflected enough light that she could soon see. Her house was in view when her vision began to swim. She panted and blinked a few times, trying to get herself to see straight. The cold air bit at the insides of her lungs as she tried to will herself to not think about the cold. They were so close.

Peeta's father paused "Katniss? Katniss? Are you alright?"

She gulped in a breath of the freezing winter air, trying her best to stay on two feet. Her knees shook slightly as she tried to nod, but that only made her dizzier. Her ears buzzed loud and louder until her vision went completely black. Her knees buckled and she hit the icy ground hard.


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 36

Peeta

He winced. His head hurt.

Peeta cracked open one eye. The all-too familiar bottom of the kitchen table was above him. What was he doing on the floor?

A chair beside him squeaked as Prim leaned over him, her lips moving as she ate. Her blonde hair was unbraided, hanging in wavy strands around her almost gaunt looking face.

"Oh," she said nervously. "You're awake."

It was more a statement than anything.

Peeta winced and put his hand to his forehead. There wasn't a goose egg there like the thought there would be, but the spot was tender. Prim gave him a soft look of understanding. "What….ow."

"You hit your head on the table."

Oh, he thought. Now he remembered. He remembered drinking the tea to calm down and then hitting his head on the table just as he passed out. A surge of anger rushed through him as he pieced it all together. The sweet, berry tea Katniss had convinced him to drink had been laced with sleep syrup. He didn't recognize the smell or taste of the drug right away and remembered drinking at least four or five times from the cup.

Stupid, he thought. Every kid in the district had gotten the nasty medicine at least once or twice in their lives and he had been an idiot not to realize that it was what was in the cup. He hadn't had it in years; their mother hadn't wanted to waste money on medicine for them unless they were really sick. He tilted his head backwards against the floor and looked up at the kitchen windows. Daylight was seeping through the warped glass window of the kitchen. He'd been out since evening of the day before.

She drugged me, he thought. She really drugged me and she lied to me to get me to drink that tea. Another flash of anger flashed through him before he could control it. Why had she lied to him like that? How could you lie to someone you claimed you loved? Unless she doesn't really love you.

"She drugged me and left, didn't she?" he asked.

She didn't answer right away, confirming it. Instead, Prim handed him a cloth packed with snow and motioned to his forehead a she chewed. Peeta frowned. "What are you eating?"

She sighed. "Snow. There so much of it I figured I might as well. I laced it with a ground up vanilla bean and some dried lavender. Want to try it?" she asked, holding out the bowl. Peeta shook his head as his stomach turned. The remnants of the syrup were still making him queasy.

"No thanks," he groaned, moving to sit up. The pounding in his head increased as he did so, but holding the snow to his head helped. He blinked his bleary eyes and looked around the quiet house. "Where is everyone?"

"Mother is trying to trade one of her dresses for supplies."

"Where's Katniss?" he asked, moving to stand. He needed to hear her say it. He leaned against the kitchen counter and glanced out the window. The mines were still smoldering in the background. He looked at Prim's nervous face. "She didn't drug me for no reason. Where did she go? To town? How long has she been gone?"

Prim nodded anxiously. "We….the town was bombed. While you were out, I…."

His eyes went wide. "It was? Holy shit, I…I can't believe she did this to me," he grumbled, shaking his head. "How could she drug me like that? Like I'm no more than a silly child she wants to go to sleep?

Prim gave him a sad look. "She said she had to go and save your family. She knew it meant a lot to you and that….and that she couldn't at least save them then…"

Katniss' little sister chewed her lip and gave the window facing the town a worried glance "She wanted to do this for you Peeta," she said quietly. "She owed you."

He clenched his fists and slammed it against the counter with a crack, making Prim jump. "Doesn't she get it? She doesn't owe me anything!" he hissed. "When will that woman get it through her head that I want…." He trailed off, shaking his head. "She doesn't owe me anything. I love her. You don't owe people you love," he said, lowering his voice. "You just don't."

He looked over at Prim, who was still cowering slightly from his outburst. "I'm sorry," he sighed. "I didn't mean to explode like that Prim. I'm sorry," he repeated. "I just…I would have never wanted to put her in danger just to save my family. Doesn't she get it? If I lose her and I've already lost most of them, then…I'll have nothing."

"Peeta, maybe this isn't about you. She wanted to pay you back for saving her that day in the square."

"But….she doesn't have to, don't you see? If she dies, then….Ulgh, I just can't even…"

Prim gave him a perplexed look from the chair. Peeta sighed. How could he explain it?

"Prim….all my life when things were bad…. I knew I had to keep fighting. For her."

Prim sighed. "Is this about the bread?"

"Wait, she told you about that? That time I threw her the bread?"

Prim's eyes fell to the floor. "She…once, yes. She told me. It was years later. I asked her what made her decided to go into the woods one day and start hunting. She said 'hope'. I asked her…where she got hope. She got this funny little smile and she said, 'bread'. It took me awhile to figure it out, but none of the bread we ever made was like that bread you tossed her. I figured that had to be it. Where else would she have gotten it? I know she didn't steal it like she said. And sometimes…she would watch you. And I'd watch her, watching you and I just figured you had something to do with it. Am I right?"

"I guess I didn't….realize it had that profound of an effect on her."

"Well…like I said. It was good bread and we needed it."

"You remember that?" he asked. Prim had to be quite young at the time, as he'd only been a boy himself.

Prim shrugged her boy shoulders. "If you hadn't eaten in as long as we had, then…you'd remember it to."

Peeta sighed. "I'm sorry I couldn't…didn't do more. I feel sorry about that every day."

"Don't," she reassured him. "Everyone knew your mother."

Peeta's face felt hot. "She's….I'm more like my dad. He wouldn't have cared if I tossed her that bread, but she did."

"So you get why she owes you?"

He shrugged. "A little. But when will she get over this? She still thinks about that bread I tossed her – I know she does. She's always talking about 'owing' me. I know that's what she means. But you get why I'm upset? What if she's hurt? I watched her too. Everyday. I swore that I would do whatever it took to save her. And if I gave up, who would save her? Who would be there to look after her, or toss her another loaf of bread? No one. I guess….as weird as it sounds Katniss was always my reason for living. Or fighting," he sighed.

Prim nodded in understanding, moving to stand next to him. "She's….she's Katniss, Peeta. I don' know that she would ever understand that she doesn't owe you for that. For the bread, for the whipping….for everything. You and I both know that's now how she operates."

"Sadly, I do. But I can't let her just go off into a town that's been bombed. What if she'd been hurt? I've to go-"

Prim let out a nervous whimper as she jumped up. "No! She made me swear she wouldn't let you go. It's too dangerous – besides Katniss is smart. She'll be fine."

"Then where is she?"

Prim twisted her thin hands in her lap as she shrugged. "I…I don't know, but she'll be back soon. Peeta, Katniss is-"

The front door opened, cutting her off. Gale helped Mrs. Everdeen over the threshold, stomping their boots of snow. Gale looked around the room, his grey eyes stormy. "Not back yet?"

"No," Prim sighed, staring down at the floor.

Gale grunted, placing the package from Mrs. Everdeen's hands on the counter. "I'll go look for her."

Peeta balked. "Am I the only one concerned that its daylight and she isn't back yet? How long has she been gone?" he asked. "When did the bombs come?"

Prim chewed her lip and shrugged. "Maybe seven? Last night? Then another around ten?"

"Shit," Peeta muttered, shaking his head. Gale shrugged his coat back on and calmly reached for the front door. "I'll go looking."

"I'm coming with you," Peeta quipped, going towards the coatrack. He pulled Katniss' father's coat off the hook by the door and was shrugging into it when Gale's hard hand flashed out to stop him.

"What are you doing?"

Peeta raised an eyebrow. He wasn't in the mood to fight with Gale today. "Um, going with you. Like I said."

Gale shook his head. "No. No, I can't have you to worry about too. You stay here and look after Mrs. E and Primmy. Just stay put, alright? I've got enough to worry about."

Prim scoffed from the other side of the kitchen, pushing away from the counter. "Gale, 'Primmy' will be just fine here without you. I'm not a kid anymore – I can stay put while you guys go look for Katniss and Peeta's family. That's what's important right now."

Gale narrowed his eyes at her. "No. I'm not just abandoning you here when all hell is probably about to break loose. What if something happened?"

Prim gave Gale a hard look that looked foreign on her kind face. "Deal with it. We'll be fine. Now you and Peeta go find Katniss. And stop treating me like an incompetent baby. We need to do something while we still can Gale."

"You're my kid sister," he finally sighed, slumping his shoulders. He trudged over to where she stood, reached into his pocket, and shoved a sheathed knife at her handle first. "Alright. This is Pa's hunting knife – he never went into the woods without it. I guess if it…if it kept him safe it'll keep you guys safe."

Peeta felt himself smile slightly as Gale leaned forward and pressed a brotherly kiss to the top of Prim's head before gently tousling her blonde head. Peeta realized that they were like family; the family he might not have. His throat felt rough as he shook his head at their antics before opening the front door. Gale paused beside him with a quizzical look.

"You're seriously going, aren't you?"

"Try to stop me," Peeta answered. His heart sped up slightly as he realized Gale was not the type of person to back down from a challenge and perhaps he shouldn't have dared the tall, lean Seam boy to 'try', but Gale only pressed his lips into a thin line.

"There could be anything out there. Peacekeepers, Bombs, hovercrafts. You're sure?"

Peeta swallowed and nodded. He was well aware of what could be out there waiting for him. He'd barely just gotten over his injuries – was he willing to go out and risk getting hurt again? The answer was obvious. "Katniss is out there."

Gale's stoic demeanor changed as a lopsided smile appeared on his soot-smeared face. "You're alright Bread Boy."

Peeta shook his head and motioned for the door. "Now that that's settled…can we go rescue her?"

Gale slapped his shoulder before yanking the front door back open. A blast of icy morning wind hit his face as he pulled the scarf Prim had shoved at him the last second against his mouth. The Seam was eerily quiet against a backdrop of a bitter cold dawn as he followed Gale away from the house.

"Which way would she use?"

"This way," Gale said, bending his face down to avoid the slam of frigid wind. They hurried through the deep snow, slipping on the frozen places where the path was turning to ice. They had only been walking for less than a minute when a moving mass up ahead caught his eye. His heart stopped.

"Dad!"

He pushed past Gale as he broke into a run. His father was at least a hundred feet in front of them, his pale face looking up with relief.

"Peeta!" he called. "Help!"

Peeta's legs churned faster and faster until he got close enough to slid to a halt in front of them. They were huddled in a heap next to an abandoned grain silo, the wind whipping around the side with fierce strength. Peeta's father grasped him quickly, motioning to the ground where Katniss was slumped.

"Get her inside," he instructed, his voice cracking. Peeta glanced down at the red snow that surrounded the pair. He spied his father's apron wrapped around his leg, the white material turning steadily red. "You're bleeding!"

Gale hurried up, panting wildly as he took in the scene. "Shit! What happened?"

Peeta's father rasped again. "She brought me back from the town. We were bombed. She just collapsed though – hurry!"

The wind whipped around them as Peeta fell to the snowy ground, his knees digging into the frozen ice. He gently turned Katniss over, brushing the snow away from her face. He inhaled sharply at the size of the gash on her forehead and noticed that her arm was bleeding badly as well.

"Blood loss," Gale sighed over the sound of the wind. "She'll be fine, just get her inside!"

Peeta quickly scooped Katniss up in his arms, struggling to stand up in the wind. Her head lolled backwards as he adjusted her against his chest.

She weighs less than most of the bags of flour I carry, he thought. Gale hitched an arm around his father's side and began quickly helping him back towards the house.

"We gotta hurry Bread Boy, no telling what's coming!" Gale hissed in a low voice. Peeta glance down at a limp Katniss in his arms and nodded.

"You got him?'

"Yeah, come on!"

They shuffled through the snow, Peeta carrying Katniss and Peeta's father leaning on Gale for support. Even though Katniss was lean and only of average height, his arms were still burning by the time he jogged up to the Everdeen's porch. Prim yanked the door open with wide eyes, jumping out of the way as Peeta hurried to the couch. He carefully laid Katniss down on the threadbare cushions, pulling the shabby blanket they'd used before to cover her body. Mrs. Everdeen instructed Gale to put Peeta's father on the kitchen table. He looked over his shoulder and watched as his father grimaced in pain, the wrappings around his leg becoming dark with more blood. Peeta gulped again and looked at Katniss. She was still out cold.

"Prim!" he called.

Prim's head shot up and she raced over from the kitchen. "I'm coming," she panted, rushing to his side. "My mom is going to take care of your dad, but I can stitch Katniss up. Can you help me get her out of her jacket? She'll kill me if I cut her out," Prim ordered.

Peeta nodded, lifting her up off the couch so that Prim could maneuver the jacket off. The cut on her forehead had stopped oozing blood, but the one on her arm seemed to be getting worse. Once she was stripped of her coat Prim rushed to the kitchen to the baggie of medical supplies. Peeta watched as her eyes flashed over Mr. Mellark as Gale hurriedly helped her cut his pants off to see his wound. There was such a flurry of activity as the healers of the house tried to get everything organized, yet Peeta still realized the look on Mrs. Everdeen's face was an anxious one. Would she be able to help him?

Prim dashed to her sister's side. "You'll need to hold her down. I'm going to clean and stich her arm and I can't have her waking up and thrashing around," Prim ordered quietly. "Can you do that?" she asked when he didn't answer right away.

"Hold her…um….o-ok," he stuttered nervously. He moved to the side so that Prim had room and rested his body across her stomach, gripping her skinny wrists in his fingers. Katniss didn't stir as Prim hurriedly cleaned her wounds with a bubbling liquid, gently patting each cut and gash dry. She started on her head first – that only required two stitches with her careful needle. When she moved to her arm, Peeta chanced another look over his shoulder. Mrs. Everdeen was bent over his father's leg, her face twisted into a grimace.

"Do you think he'll be okay?" Peeta asked. He gave Prim a guilty look. He hadn't even taken a moment to look at his father's wounds – all he cared about was getting Katniss stitched back up. He lowered his head in shame as he realized his fault, but he didn't know what to do. How could he chose between Katniss and his own father?

"He has a bad gash in his leg. I think maybe from some glass or metal from one of the bombs," Prim answered softly as she began to stich. Katniss flinched in her sleep, Peeta gripping her arms a little tighter. She groaned as Prim worked to quickly seal the wound shut, twisting slightly against her grasp.. Peeta wondered what could have flown against her arm to cut it like that – what his mind came up with he didn't like.

"Are you mad?"

He looked over at Prim, who was concentrating as she fastened a bandage over her sister's forehead.

Peeta looked down at the ground. "I don't know."

As relieved as he was to have her back, he still felt a sense of betrayal that she had tricked him and drugged him into staying.

He heard his father groan from the kitchen. Strangely, the sound was comforting. His father was still alive and Katniss had done that for him. She'd drugged him to hopefully save someone in his family. Could he really begrudge her of that?

Slowly, his mind went to a darker place. Had she only been able to drag his father back? Were the others still at the bakery? No, he thought. There was no way his father would agree to be the only one taken to safety – injured leg or not. For as awful as his mother was, his father was and always had been tied to her by an enormous sense of duty to be a good husband. Peeta knew this. His father would have never agreed to be the only one taken to the Seam. So what had happened to them? Did they run to safety? Did Katniss even find his father in the bakery, or was he someplace else? Dozens of questions he wasn't sure he wanted the answers to burned through his mind as he held Katniss' thin wrists.

Prim caught his eye and gave him a soft look. "Let me finish here and then I'll go help my mom. Maybe we can get some answers from your dad then," she whispered quietly. She paused her work to touch Peeta's arm, looking into his wide eyes with a gentle gaze. "It's going to be alright, Peeta."

He clenched his jaw to keep cry crying out in uncertainty and anguish, nodding as the unshed tears seemed to make his eyes and throat burn. He sniffed and turned his attention back to Katniss as Prim continued her work.

"There," she sighed, patting her sister's arm. She reached up with nimble little fingers and twisted a piece of Katniss' hair away from her face. "Let's let her rest. She probably did lose a lot of blood."

Peeta shook his head and tried not to choke over his own anxiety. "How are you…so calm?"

She shrugged, glancing over her shoulder at her mother in the kitchen. Peeta followed her gaze, watching as Mrs. Everdeen still hunched over his father's leg. Gale sat at his head, holding his shoulders as he thrashed slightly.

"Miners…get brought to us a lot. I grew up seeing them being carried into our house, covered in blood and burns and needing to be stitched up and….it never bothered me. I always wanted to help and that's never changed. I guess I'm more like my mother. Katniss is definitely like our father," she said with a little smile. "Come on. Let's go see what we can find out."

Peeta stood and followed Prim into the kitchen. It was the first time he'd really been able to see his father's wounds up close and it didn't look good.

Mr. Mellark was stripped down to his undershirt and shorts, lying on the kitchen table just as Peeta had. Gale was holding his shoulders down but struggling as a thin sheen of sweat had begun to cover his pale, brawny body. He looked clammy and washed out as Katniss' mother chewed her lip and continued cleaning the gash on his leg.

"Peeta, he'll be alright. We just have to get him cleaned up," Mrs. Everdeen murmured, straightening up. She met his father's wild, pain filled eyes and took his hand in hers. Peeta watched as she squeezed it tightly. "It'll be alright," she repeated, this time to Mr. Mellark.

His father wheezed in understanding. Peeta reached for his hand. "Dad…where are the others? Are they still alive? Rye? Bannock?"

He watched his father swallow, a trickle of sweat run down the side of his neck. Gale looked down at the floor as Mr. Mellark finally spoke.

"Peeta…" he wheezed, the breaths leaving his heaving chest. "They're gone."


	39. Chapter 39

Chapter 37

Peeta

Peeta held his father's wide eye gaze. His heart pounded against his ribcage and echoed in his ears as he struggled to put meaning to the words his father had just uttered through his pain.

They're gone.

Gone as in….somewhere else? Someplace safe? Or just gone completely? It couldn't be. Not all three of them – they had to be somewhere else. It couldn't be real. No, maybe he had made up his father's words completely. Maybe this was just a dream, a nightmare, a figment of his imagination. They couldn't be gone. This couldn't be real.

He blinked as a hand lightly touched his arm. Jerking his head to the side, he met Prim's affirming gaze. With that one look full of pity and sorrow she was able to wordlessly confirm what he feared the most.

It was real.

He sucked in a breath as he realized his lungs were burning form not breathing. Looking back down at the table to his father, he swallowed the lump in his throat.

"Gone?"

His father rasped in pain, barely able to nod his head.

"Peeta," Mrs. Everdeen spoke, "I need to give him some medicine so that I can stitch up his wound. He'll be out for a while."

Peeta's eyes fell to the table, scanning his father's side. The bloodied apron tied around his leg had been hiding a gash that made his knees weaken.

"Peeta…I need to treat your father now," Mrs. Everdeen repeated. "Please. I might be able to help him but I'll need to act fast to do it. You won't want to watch."

Peeta nodded as another gasp of pain slipped from his father's lips. That was all the confirmation he needed anyway – he wasn't sure he wanted to know any of the details of what happened. His stomach turned as he let Prim slip an arm around his waist. She hugged his side and gently pulled him away from the table.

"Mrs. E is gonna clean you up," he heard Gale murmur from his spot at Mr. Mellark's shoulders.

"I know," he heard his father pant.

"Let's go into the living room. Do you want some tea?" Prim offered meekly. Somewhere in the back of his mind he realized she was only trying to be nice and keep him calm but he didn't want to be calm. He wanted to scream and cry out in anguish and fear and sadness and just feel. Instead another invisible blanket of numbness started to wash over him as he tried to put one foot in front of the other. He fought to sort all of the jumbled emotions that felt like they were crashing through his insides.

His family was gone.

He paused at the threshold that separated the open area between the living room and the kitchen where his father lay. Mrs. Everdeen clicked the side of the syringe with her fingertip and turned to his father to take his hand. She murmured something so quietly that he couldn't hear, but the words seemed to ease his father's pain. He closed his eyes as she slowly slid the needle into his arm and pushed down on the plunger. A few seconds later, his body went limp.

"I'm fine Prim, I….you can go help your mother. She probably needs it," he heard himself say. His heart was still drumming in his ears. Prim nodded, patting his arm before turning on her heel and heading back to the kitchen. Peeta glanced out the window nearest to him. The mountains still smoldered in the background, but there was smoke coming from the direction of town. He wondered if his family's bakery was still burning. Would he even be able to find their bodies to bury them?

The vomit coiled in his stomach and crept up his throat before he realized it. Peeta reeled around, heading for the backdoor of the kitchen as quickly as his feet would take him, his heavy footfalls making the kitchen floor shake as he careened past the others. He heard Gale jump up and let the chair he was sitting in bang against the floor as he barreled out the door after him.

"Peeta!" he called.

He made it to the meager woodpile before staggering a few times and promptly vomiting up several days' worth of stale Seam bread and tea. He coughed as the bitter bile burned his throat and turned his mouth sour, the frozen snow dipping where it hit. Gale thumped him on the back a few times so hard he thought he would vomit more.

"You alright?

It took him a minute to register Gale's words. He spit into the snow and nodded, sniffing back the hot tears that threatened to pour from his eyes. He braced his hands on his knees and shook his head.

"Gone," he muttered.

Gale shifted in the snow beside him, clearly uncomfortable. "Do you want to….talk about it?"

Peeta stood up straight, his eyes immediately turning towards the smoky sky in the direction of town. Gale's question hung in the air as he let his imagination run wild with thoughts of bombs and fires and hovercrafts. The images he mind created of his family's last moments on earth clouded his vision and he felt himself sway.

"My family is….dead," he stuttered, ripping his hand through his messy hair. The cold air bit at his skin but at least it was something.

Gale was silent.

Peeta looked back at the sky, the sudden feeling of rage flowing through his veins. He let out an anguished growl and turned in a circle as he fisted his hair with both hands. People, dozens of innocent people had probably been killed in the blast – he realized that the Capitol would leave no one alive if they could make an example. They would rather kill them off and forget about the Districts rather than even have them slowly decay on their own. A rage he'd never known he possessed began to boil in his bones, making his limbs quake with energy. He felt so out of control…..

Peeta walked over to the small shed in the corner of the yard and saw red as he shoved his bare fist through the boards. Gale jumped slightly and rushed to his side.

"Hey…."

The pain barely registered as he backed away from the small wooden structure and grit his teeth. If the Capitol wanted a war, they would get a war. He didn't believe in violence at all before the past week; then again, he'd never gained and lost this much in a week either. It was the price he was paying to feel alive, he realized.

"I want to kill them all."

Gale shifted beside him. "Who?"

Peeta looked up. "Them. The Capitol. Every single one of them. The war is on," he babbled, shaking his head.

Gale heaved a sigh and jammed his hands in his pockets. Peeta realized how cold it was, but he simply didn't care. He was finally angry enough to want to do something.

"So you're gonna wage war against the Capitol?"

Peeta scoffed. "Yes. I'll do whatever it takes to bring them down. It's on, you know? They starved Katniss….took her father away with their mines….blew my family to-," he stopped midsentence, choking back a sob. He held his hand over his eyes and tried to push it back, but the agony seeped through.

Gale reached over and thumped him on the back. "Come on man. We're gonna get them for this, but not today. If we're gonna do it, we have to have a plan in motion and do it right. If we go in angry we'll just be easy targets and it would have all been for nothing. Do you want that?"

Peeta sniffed, wiping the hot tears away from his eyes. "You know I don't."

Gale gave him a hard look. "Then let me officially welcome you to the rebellion, Mellark."

After his outburst he allowed Gale to coax him back into the house. He'd grabbed a handful of snow and stuck it in an extra handkerchief, holding it to his throbbing hand. In hindsight shoving his fist through a pile of rotting boards probably wasn't the brightest thing to do, but he didn't care now. The taller boy followed him to the living room where he sat in the chair by the couch and Peeta sat on the floor next to a sleeping Katniss. He leaned on the pillow and let his eyes roam over her still form. Even out cold she looked angry…but beautiful, he thought.

Gale twisted his hands and licked his lips. "You and your pa gonna be alright?"

Peeta glanced at the kitchen where Katniss' mother and Prim were still working on his father's wound. He was happy that the morphling was being put to good use again. Gale's question suddenly registered with him. The bakery had been bombed. His home was destroyed. What would he do for work? Where would he live if he made it through everything?

"I….I don't know," he admitted, shaking his head. "We lived above the bakery and….baking is all I know how to do."

Gale gave him a wry smile. "I'm in the same boat. Minin' is all I know. Well….and hunting."

Peeta looked up at Gale, chewing his lip. "If we live through this, maybe we could make a living hunting and trapping. If we win the woods wouldn't be off limits anymore I gather."

Peeta chuckled darkly. "I'm not really talented with the stealth. I'm so loud and clumsy I'd scare away any game that came within a ten mile radius of me."

"Katniss tell you that? That sounds like something she would say."

Peeta gave him a lopsided smile and nodded.

Gale shrugged. "So maybe you set traps for furs or fish."

"Baking is all I know. It's all I've ever wanted to do. And now….now I'd be willing to be that place is little more than a pile of rubble," he sighed. Pain sliced through his heart at the thought of his beloved, sweet smelling bakery and home turned into a charred pile of rubble that was stained with the blood of his family. He bit back another fresh set of tears and looked at his lap. He knew it wasn't very manly to cry, but what else could he do?

Gale shifted on the chair. "We'll get them back for this. I feel…I feel like we can't lose this one, ya know? They've been beating all of down – twelve stinking districts worth of people – for how many years? Since the Dark Days?"

Peeta gave him a skeptical look. "So?"

"So," Gale continued, "So I think that means people are angry. They're ready for a fight because they know now that it'd be worth it. They know that they can fight back and that other people are in on it. It had to count for something that it all happened at once. Imagine breaking all the different bones in your body – each district is a different bone that you'd break: Your arm, a leg, maybe your back, an ankle."

Peeta shrugged. "So you'd still be alive."

"But would you be ready for a fight?"

"I guess not," he admitted. "But the Capitol still has control of everything. It still rules over everything, even if we are the 'arms and legs' of it."

Gale nodded, shrugging. "I see your point. I guess all we can do now is hope."

Peeta watched through the open space leading to the kitchen. He could see Mrs. Everdeen bent over his father's leg, carefully stitching it up. She would pause every few stitches, her blonde eyebrows furrowed with worry as she looked up at his father's face. She would let her eyes linger there for a few moments before her expression would soften and she would return to work. Peeta stared at Katniss' mother as she worked, her pale face drawn and serious as she quietly narrated her work to a wide eyed Prim. Leaning back against the couch, he stretched his legs out in front of him, sitting with Gale in comfortable silence as the day wore on.

Gale finally sat up, stretching his back until it cracked noisily. "I should get back. The others might be worried and I told Haymitch I would come by his place to see if there was any news."

"How is he getting all of this information?" Peeta asked. "I thought of that the other day and forgot to ask you."

Gale smirked and stood. "You know those tests we take in year eight?"

"Aptitude? Sure."

"Well, Haymitch scored well. Really well. He and this other girl….Madge's aunt- both did a great job. Well, when they both turned sixteen they were taken to the Capitol to be trained for some special government jobs. Apparently once a year they used to select one boy and one girl to go there and train and become some sort of liaison to the districts. I don't know the whole story, but Haymitch made friends there on the inside. These friends were all people who thought the Capitol was a sick, corrupt joke. I guess they formed a sort of pack with Madge's aunt Maysilee and had a wild plan to overthrow the whole place," Gale explained.

"So what happened?"

Gale shrugged. "Well, someone in the group betrayed them. Turned them in to Snow and I think several of them were executed as examples while the rest were sent home to 'spread the word', if you will, about what happens to Capitol Traitors. One person returned back to each district, one didn't. And Haymitch and Maysilee were friends. It was especially tough because….well, Madge swears they had a thing going on. She never knew her aunt but from what her mother told her the girl fell in love with Haymitch right away when they were chosen for the program. It was a big taboo I'd imagine; a merchant girl falling for a Seam boy. Didn't matter though – only one of them came home in the end."

He swallowed the lump in his throat. "Haymitch."

"Yup."

Peeta felt a little ill. He knew the people in the Capitol were corrupt and sick, but that was the cruelest thing he'd ever heard of. How could Haymitch face that poor girl's family? Did he ever wish he had been the one that had been executed? How did he live with that?

"Guess now I know why he drinks," Peeta muttered, his fingers tugging on the frayed edges of the rug in front of the couch. His bottom was starting to hurt from sitting on the hard ground for so long, but he wasn't about to leave Katniss' side. She'd never left his, after all.

"Guess so," Gale mused. "I can't say that I blame him. He drinks at night to ease the pain and during the day when he's halfway sober I guess he plots against them. Hell of a revenge plan I tell ya."

"So…but how does he communicate with all of these people? How do they know?"

"I wondered that for a long time too. I mean…it's no secret we'd go out in the woods, but we never worried about it because we never saw a soul. I'd suspected for years that the old drunk was talking to people on the outside but I never figured out quite how. I thought they maybe had messengers that travelled between the districts but…I never saw a sign of anyone out there in the woods, cept for me and Katniss."

"How then?"

Gale leaned back in the armchair. "This program Haymitch was in was designed to make them experts at something – a talent I guess. He always talks about how smart these kids were – some of them smarter that their damn handlers in the Capitol. I'd be willing to bet one of those guys had something to do with how he's gotten all his information."

Peeta mulled this new information over in his head for a few minutes. This new version of Haymitch he now knew was a little mind boggling – he'd always been the staggering drunk on the edge of town that smelled like white liquor and looked like he'd been to hell in back. I guess now I know that he has, Peeta thought with a slight grimace. His fingers tugged and tugged on the worn pieces of carpet, the rough fabric piling in a little heap at his fingertips as his mind tried to process the day. It was actually nice talking to Gale. He'd been slightly intimidated by the older boy his entire life, not to mention extremely jealous that Gale always seemed to be hanging around her. However, he realized Gale was just a product of his upbringing; tough, realistic, and passionate.

His eyes moved back to the kitchen as he watched Mrs. Everdeen continue her work on his father.

His father had told him once that he'd been in love with Katniss' mother a long time ago. But do you ever really stop loving someone? You might fall out of love with them, but do you ever forget those feelings? His father's marriage to his mother had clearly been one of duty and convenience. While he never doubted his father's loyalty, he could still remember the way his tone had changed when he asked after the little girl with the arrows. Had his father secretly been pining after the fair haired healer all these years? Perhaps he still loved her even now, Peeta thought. Mrs. Everdeen straightened up, wiping the sweat from her brow as stretched her back. Her wiry hands were soaked in his father's blood as she worked on the nasty gash in his thigh. Did she still love him too?

Peeta wondered how awful it must be to have the blood of a loved one literally soaking your hands. He licked his parched lips and turned back to Gale.

"So how did he do it? Communicate with the others?"

Gale swallowed, shrugging his lanky arms. "Dunno. For a drunk he certainly doesn't have loose lips. Never told me anything."

Peeta frowned. "But I wonder how he….he was so confident that now was the time to strike."

"I guess he figured if we all rebelled at once, the Capitol couldn't fight back. Too many fires to fight I suppose."

"I just hate to think about what's coming next."

"Me too, Bread boy. Me too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many of you commented last time that you enjoyed Peeta and Gale's friendship - I do too, so I hope you enjoyed this little chapter that was a bit centered around their bromance. I feel so bad for making Gale such an awful troll in NIOF that I think I try extra hard to make him a badass in this fic.
> 
> Thoughts? Thanks for reading guys! Oh and please review : )
> 
> Remember, I'm on Twitter (Twilightcakes) and Tumblr! Links are on my profile page and I'm always around to talk updates, sneek peeks, and questions! Don't be shy : )


	40. Chapter 40

Chapter 38

Peeta

Gale left soon after to go back to his own home. While Madge didn't care for her father or his choices in life, losing him still wasn't easy for her and Peeta could tell that Gale was a little torn between his new love and his best friend. After Peeta assured him he would look after Katniss, he'd promised to be back in the morning with any news he could find. Peeta remained on the floor in front of the couch, his eyes slowly moving between his father on the kitchen table and Katniss on the cushions behind him.

He watched as Mrs. Everdeen finally sealed the fresh bandage against his father's leg. It was a deep cut from what he could gather from her quiet murmurings to Prim; nearly to the bone. The thought of it made him feel ill again, but he simply bit back the bile and tried to be strong as he watched Katniss' mother work. She caught him staring and offered a soft, reassuring smile and a nod. Peeta felt his heart grow a tiny bit lighter – his father would live, she seemed to say.

She turned to start washing her hands in the sink, Prim joining her soon after. Once they were clean, Katniss' mother took a cold cloth and began gently wiping away at the rest of his father's unconscious form. The way she touched him was so….

Peeta pressed his lips together and swallowed the hard spot in his throat. His mother was dead, so there was no reason Mrs. Everdeen couldn't care after his father. She'd been a widow herself for the better part of a decade. He surmised that the only reason her soft touches were okay was because his mother was gone. Dead. Blown up. The finality of it all came crashing down on him for the fourth or fifth time that afternoon. He pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his head in his arms. It all happened in stages, actually. For an hour or so he was numb, unfeeling to the world around him. Then he would move to aware, the thoughts and details of it all coming back to him. Finally, it would all be so real and painful and just suffocating it made him long for the numbness again.

The day dragged slowly by. In the late afternoon, a knock on the door startled him out of his thoughts about his mother and brothers he would never see again. He lifted his head up as Prim peeked through the little hole in the door covered by a piece of deer hide. She inhaled sharply before flinging the door open and ushering in a woman he didn't know.

"Why didn't you come sooner?" Mrs. Everdeen gasped. She gently laid his father's hand that she'd been holding back down on his stomach before jumping up to see who had arrived.

"I didn't know if you….I don't have anything," the woman blubbered. Peeta watched as Prim ushered her into the kitchen, peeling away her coat. Her shoulder was wrapped in a piece of old cloth, but he could easily see the blood seeping through.

"Of course, of course, shhhh," Mrs. Everdeen shushed her. "When did this happen?"

"It…it won't stop bleeding. I…I was near town last night and I caught a bit of shrapnel….I'm worried it's going to get infected, I…"

"Prim, hand me the tonic…yes….now sit down. We'll get it cleaned and sewed up."

"Will you have to use a needle?" the woman worried.

"It will only hurt a bit, I promise. We need to keep the infection out, you were right to come, Ida."

Peeta watched as Katniss' mother calmed the blubbering injured woman, sitting her down at the table next to his father's unconscious body and pulling back the layers of cloth on top of her wound. He had to look away as she cleaned it and quickly began stitching it up as fast as her nimble fingers would allow.

"Prim," he heard her say, "Put the square on the door."

Prim nodded and rushed off to the closet, producing a small yellow piece of fabric. Peeta watched as she opened the door, pinned it in place, and closed it again. He was confused at first, but as soon as the knocks began sounding at the door he understood. The yellow fabric was a sign that Mrs. Everdeen was in business – healing business. People came – and not just Seam people. A few pale faced, blonde haired people he recognized from town even showed up. He frowned as realized these were the same people that wouldn't give Katniss a second look had she been the one injured or sick. He felt slightly indignant as he sat in front of the couch and stewed over it, but Mrs. Everdeen turned no one away. When she ran out of bandages, she had Prim start boiling rags to sanitize them. Everyone who saw the yellow flag and came to her door received treatment, the kind woman accepting anything they had to offer in the form of payment; most of the time it wasn't much.

A coin here, a few pieces of firewood, maybe a ball of twine. But she never said no.

Katniss stirred on the couch behind him, making him turn around. He grunted as he rolled over onto his knees to hover protectively over her as she blinked her eyes and groaned.

"Katniss? Are you alright? Katniss…"

She blinked again and he watched her eyes slowly focus on his face in the dim light of the living room. She winced. "What happened?"

Peeta sighed. "I found you and my dad in the snow. Gale and I carried you both back here. Your mother thinks you lost a lot of blood and passed out from exhaustion. You were coming back from town with him and you just….you didn't make it," he replied, his throat growing slightly tight. He let his eyes roam over her pale, drawn face. She looked exhausted and hungry but alive. That was what was most important.

Katniss inhaled slowly, raising her hand up to the bandaged gash on her forehead. "Is he alive?" she winced, her fingers touching the white gauze.

He nodded, glancing over his shoulder towards the kitchen. "He is. Your mom….she helped him. She worked on him all day. She stayed with him."

Katniss groaned and blinked slowly. "That cut on his leg-"

"-She fixed it. He's resting on the table now."

Her lips quirked slightly. "You Mellark boys and that table…"

Peeta snorted. "Right. Well…he's going to make it she thinks. Lucky we still had some morphling left; he was in pretty nasty shape…" he trailed off, still hovering over her. He sat back on his heels and leaned against the couch as Katniss' eyes followed him.

"I'm sorry," she finally said, breaking the silence.

Peeta didn't need to ask for what. He exhaled softly, watching as her worried eyes flicked up to the ceiling. Unshed tears shimmered against her grey orbs in the dim light and he felt his chest grow tight. He was still angry that she'd drugged him and lied to him to get him to drink the tea, but he knew she'd done it for the right reasons. Without Katniss, his father would still be bleeding out in what was left of the bakery, left in the freezing cold to die. Without Katniss' efforts, he would be completely alone in the world with no family at all. Because of her, he at least still had his dad. He stared at the floor and fought to not think of what it would be like for them all to be completely gone.

Her head tilted to look at him. "Are you really so mad you can't even look at me?"

Peeta looked up at her and watched as a tear slid down her cheek and onto the pillow. She hiccupped turned her eyes away from his.

"I'm not mad," he stated, "I was angry when I woke up and found out that you'd lied, but…I'm not angry anymore."

"You're not?"

"No. That pretty much disappeared when I went outside with Gale to look for you and I saw you collapsed in the snow with my dad. I realized then that you'd gone to do something selfless and…how could I still be angry about that?" he said, shrugging at her. He offered her a soft smile before rolling forward back onto his knees. The cushions bowed as he leaned on them, scooting closer to her face. "When I realized that you'd gone and put yourself in danger I…I lost it. I was upset because…because I thought for sure that I'd lost you. And I know….I know we've been saying all week that we might die tomorrow or next week or in a few hours for that matter…but when the time came and I thought you could be dead I just lost it all over again."

Katniss pressed her lips together and blinked as another fat tear rolled down her cheek. "Peeta-"

"No, just…let me finish. I thought I'd lost you and because you'd gone to do something to help me; do you realize if that would have happened I would have….I couldn't live with myself?" he asked in a demanding tone. He leaned closer to her as he lightly squeezed her shoulder with his closest hand. Even half starved, pale from sickness and bleeding from the head she was still breathtaking. During her time unconscious he'd sickly pictured what she would look like had her timing not been as good as it was – what if a bomb had gone off while she was in the bakery?

"Peeta, I owed you. Not only that, I wanted to-"

"Katniss, you don't owe the people you love. Especially when they love you back."

Her lip quivered miserably as she stared up at him. "You still….l-love me?"

He could barely nod before the pull between them became too much to bear. Coupled with the absence of her lips against his the past twenty four hours, he knew he couldn't stand this distance between them any longer. Her white lie had hurt, but he couldn't ignore her motivation behind it. Katniss let out a tiny squeak as Peeta kissed her, his lips pressed firmly against hers. He could feel the surprise rolling off of her; perhaps she hadn't expected him to forgive her so easily? He hadn't expected to forgive her so easily, that was for certain. However, seeing his father alive and breathing after the bombing had substantially quelled the anger he felt for her betrayal. He knew it wasn't healthy to suppress his resentment towards her for tricking him, but he couldn't help it. Katniss was alive and well and he was kissing her again finally. For a split second, all was right with the world.

Peeta kissed her deeply, moving his lips against hers as she began to respond. Sucking her bottom lip into his mouth, he gently took her cheeks in his hands and took it further, forgetting the people in the next room. He kissed her with all his might, pouring every ounce of love and devotion he could muster into the kiss. She obliged, opening her mouth and sighing against his lips as he welcomed her home with kisses. Thank you, he thought. Thank you for saving him.

He pulled away, suddenly remembering that her mother was within earshot and could easily view them from the kitchen along with the handful of people she and Prim were working to treat. He swallowed and stared down at Katniss as she gave him a bewildered look from the pillow.

"We'd better stop," he whispered, his breath already ragged. His body was quick to betray him as he realized he was already hard and digging into the front of the couch he was crouched in front of. Peeta let his forehead fall down against hers as he sighed deeply. "I almost died when I thought you'd been hurt."

Katniss licked her lips and shook her head slightly. "But I didn't. I had to go, Peeta. Please understand that. I had to do that for you. For him."

He lifted his forehead from hers. "Why though?"

Katniss shrugged, shaking her head. "He….he means so much to you, but also to me. He was one of the few townspeople that were kind to me. He didn't look at me like I was…trash when I came to trade. He looked me in the eye and spoke to me like I was human. That…that always meant the world to me. And this place….this place needs more people like him. Kind…and…good. He's so good Peeta. Just like you," she whispered, reaching her hand up. His cheek tingled where her calloused, wiry fingers touched his jaw.

"Katniss…"

"I couldn't bear the thought of this world losing a man like that. I know you're still angry with me for doing it, but…I'd do it again," she admitted.

He felt himself start to smile. "You would?"

She nodded. "In a heartbeat."

Peeta stayed by Katniss' side for the rest of the day. They heard no news and Gale didn't return. Eventually people stopped coming to the Everdeen's for medical care and they were all able to relax. Peeta tried to make himself useful by carrying in pots full of snow to boil over the stove so that they could all have a bath in the tiny mud-room off the kitchen. It had been a rough couple of days and when Prim suggested hot baths he'd quickly agreed. First went Prim, then her mother. Peeta changed the water again for Katniss, slowly walking beside her as she hobbled slowly to the little room where a steaming bath waited for her. She had smiled when she saw the little bottle of soapy liquid on the stool beside the basin.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing, just…Prim left her lavender shampoo for me," she sighed, shaking her head to herself. "That little…."

Peeta laughed. Once she was settled and he was certain she wasn't going to fall over, he left her to her own devices to doze on the couch until he was finally able to take his turn. After getting the fresh water to the right temperature, he slowly sunk into the metal sides of the washbasin. The nearly scalding water felt good against his skin. He felt like he'd been cold for years.

He dunked his head and held his breath as he scrubbed it with the harsh lye soap, his back aching in protest. He was mostly healed from his whipping, but this was the first time he'd had a real bath since then. The hot water made his scars itch as he leaned back, pushing his too-long hair away from his eyes. His father was still resting on the table, knocked out from the morphling. Mrs. Everdeen had assured him with a tight smile that his temperature was stable for now, even though there was a chance for infection down the rocky road to recovery.

Peeta leaned back against the side of the tub, reveling in the warm, soapy water as he thought about the events of the day. He realized with a chagrined thought that he was a little pleased he'd finally been able to play the partial hero for once for Katniss instead of the other way around. The gallant side of him was happy he'd found her and actually been the one to carry her to safety instead of Gale. It was a ridiculous notion and he realized it; Gale and Katniss were just friends. But, he couldn't help be feel a little envious and lacking compared to the tall, dark and handsome best friend of his love interest. It was difficult to not be jealous – at least a little.

Satisfied that he was clean and refreshed, he stood and let the water drip off of him as he dried himself off. Once he was dressed, he opened the door to the small room of the kitchen and jumped as he realized Mrs. Everdeen was still at the table beside his father. Peeta felt himself smile faintly at her sleeping form; she was leaning on her elbow, her eyes drooped shut as she propped her chin up on her palm. His father's chest rose and fell steadily under the thick quilt that covered him, and they looked too peaceful to interrupt. The squeaking floorboard beneath his clumsy foot had other plans.

She awoke with a start. "Peeta," she sighed. "Did you get a bath?"

"Yes ma'am," he answered. "How is he? I didn't mean to wake you."

Katniss' mother sleepily shifted her gaze to his father's face. She smiled weakly and rubbed his arm over the quilt. "Temperature is still down. He just needs to rest now and let his body try to heal it. We'll let him wake up in the morning and see how he feels. You should get some sleep."

"So should you," he chuckled softly.

"I took Katniss up to her room while you were in the bath. Why don't you go on up?" she suggested. Her voice was soft and sleepy and Peeta wondered if she understood what she'd just said to him. Did she know that he'd already spent a night in Katniss' bed? Did she care? He didn't want to risk it.

"Um….I can take the couch."

She leaned back in the chair as the clock on the wall ticked noisily, staring at him with sleep-foggy eyes. "I think we're past all that aren't we Peeta?"

He shifted slightly. "I'm not sure what you mean."

She watched him carefully, a wry smile finally appearing on her lips as she reached up and brushed a piece of his father's hair out of his eyes. "You're a good boy," she sighed. "Just like your father. I see so much of him in you."

Peeta wasn't sure what to say, so he remained silent.

"I….I hope she ends up with you. You're just what she needs."

He nodded. "I…I want her to. Be with me, that is. But it's up to her."

Mrs. Everdeen nodded. "I know. Everything is. Katniss doesn't do what she doesn't want to do – her father was the same way. Maybe," she sighed, "Maybe I would have been better off with a man like your father. But….we follow our hearts I suppose."

Peeta chewed his lip and nodded. "He told me about you. When I was little. He…told me you married a coal miner instead but that he'd always loved you," he admitted softly. "But even then I…I was happy that you hadn't. Because then I wouldn't have Katniss."

They smiled at each other. "I was six," he shrugged. "Do you think….do you think if Katniss follows her heart she'll end up with me?"

Mrs. Everdeen blinked slowly as she offered him a knowing smile. "I think if you keep doing what you're doing….she'll find her way back to you. She is and always will be…her father's daughter. Wild, free, yet passionate about those she loves."

Peeta nodded, thinking of the way Katniss' voice sounded the few times she'd said she loved him. It had been a quiet voice but a firm, steady one. He knew she meant it.

"Why don't you get some sleep? Who knows what tomorrow will bring."

He swallowed. "You're letting me go upstairs with her?"

"Prim is sleeping in my bed. But yes…I am. I'm not afraid to send you up there with her because I know you love her Peeta."

He sighed. "I'm that transparent, am I?"

She answered him with a smile. Peeta nodded at her before making his way out of the kitchen. He winced as his heavy footsteps seemed to echo on the stairs as he made his way down the short hallway to Katniss' room that she shared with Prim. The door creaked softly as he pulled it open, his nose automatically picking up the familiar traces of lavender that lingered in the air. Katniss was propped up in the bed by the window, her chin on her chest with a worn book open on her breast. Lowering himself down onto the mattress, he picked it up and examined it as she stirred. The cover was worn with use and covered with spatters of dirt and wear, but the title was still embossed on the front.

"Pride and Prejudice," he muttered.

"It's from before the dark days," she said softly, making him jump. She watched him place it carefully on the table beside the bed. "My dad gave it to me before he died. He traded it for me at the Hob one day. I've read it a hundred times," she sighed. "What are you doing up here?"

"Your mom said it was okay. Prim is asleep in her room and she's….still with him."

"How is he?" she asked raspily.

"Sleeping. She's taking care of him. I think he'll be alright."

"She knows you're up here?"

He nodded.

Katniss held the blanket up for him in an inviting manner, motioning for him to join her. Peeta shrugged out of his shirt and reached for the button on his pants. "Do you mind? I sleep in my underwear, but….I don't have to-"

"It's fine. I mean we-" she cut herself off, chewing her bottom lip with a smile. She looked away and reached to turn off the light.

"So modest," he sighed unfastening his pants once the room was cloaked in near-darkness. He slid into the soft sheets and paused in surprise as Katniss rolled over to be closer to him. She didn't hesitate to place her arm over his bare chest and rest her head above his heart. He stayed completely still, staring up at the ceiling as he happily accepted her touch. It felt so good to just hold her after everything that had happened. It made her feel real.

"I'm sorry," she finally whispered.

"I know," he replied.

"I….I love you. That's why I did it."

"I know," he repeated. He smiled softly into the darkness before drifting off to sleep.


	41. *Bonus Chapter*

*Bonus*

Gale

His feet felt like lead as he made his way back through the Seam through the snow. It was so cold. He'd just left Katniss' house and was making the short trip across an alley and down two lanes to where his own home was. He'd wanted to say with Katniss until he was sure she was going to be alright, but Peeta had assured him he would look after her until she woke up.

Peeta will take care of her, he told himself.

His lips twitched into a half-smile as he thought of Katniss, so tough and stubborn. She'd flip if she knew how the two nearly grown men were doting over her unconscious form. His best friend had grown into a strong, fierce woman without him really realizing it. It already felt like ages ago when they were skinning pelts in his basement and she'd insisted on going to trade despite his warnings about Thread. Oh Katniss, he thought. The things you put into motion without even realizing it. How could that feel like it was ages ago when their first few hunting excursions felt like they'd just taken place last week? He thought as he walked, picturing the scraggly little girl he'd found in the woods that day so many years ago. They'd been starving and desperate and both felt completely abandoned by the rest of the world. They'd both been so stubborn not to show weakness and actually like each other but their hunger and sense of duty had overruled that. They'd been a team for years now; hunting together, struggling together and starving together…

He'd grown strangely protective over Katniss Everdeen over the years. But they were friends. His mother had hinted for years that she thought they'd end up together, but he'd never really believed her. He'd gruffly shrugged it off until she'd given up hope. It wasn't that he didn't love Katniss; he did. But their love was a love of friendship and survival. Not need.

Not the need he felt when he thought of what was waiting for him at home.

He bit back another smile as he remembered the look on Katniss' face when he'd brought Madge into her kitchen the day before. He could tell she understood right away and even felt foolish not to have realized it before, but it was true. Katniss would always be his first love in a way; he still felt a duty to protect her and tell her when she was being too stubborn. It felt odd to leave her now, but he could tell by the dopey eyed look in Bread Boy's eyes that he'd probably throw himself in front of a cargo train before letting something happen to her. Wasn't that what he should want for his best friend?

Katniss had been the only girl he'd bothered talking to for much of his early teen years. She wasn't silly like all the others – giggling, tossing her hair, worrying about what the other girls were wearing. She just didn't care. His friendship with her has eventually become as easy as breathing. So now to see her so torn up over the baker's son was odd. She seemed emotional. Open. Raw. Exposed. He'd made a point to get to know Peeta the past week, and he was finding that he didn't mind him. He'd never been as bothered by Peeta as he had some of the other Merchant kids; at least Mellark didn't walk around with his nose in the air or talk down to them when they came to the bakery to trade. He seemed flustered if anything.

Now Gale understood.

He'd been flustered because of her.

Peeta was in love with Katniss….and, the more time Gale spent with his friend, the more he realized she was in love with him, even if she wouldn't admit it.

And now that the rebellion had started things were so up in the air that it was hard to tell what was real and what wasn't.

He shook his head as he made his way up the frozen steps. A light was on in the front room, which surprised him until he realized it wasn't really that late. The darkness of winter seemed unending. After hitting his boots on the doorway to ride them of snow, he stepped into the tiny house and was met with the warmth from the fireplace from the small room on the front of the house.

He blinked as he shrugged out of his coat, watching as her blonde head tipped down to read the words on the page in front of her. The light color of her hair and the paleness of her skin was a stark contrast to the olive skin and nearly black hair of the little girl sitting in her lap on the floor. She looked up in surprise with her wide brown eyes – a rarity in District 12 – and offered him a shaky smile. He walked over to where they sat in front of the fire and practically fell down beside them in an exhausted heap.

"What are you two doing?"

"Reading," Posy answered. She looked up at him with tired eyes. "Madge brought books," she stated, running her tiny hand over the cover of the book in Madge's lap.

"Why don't you go read it in bed?"

She frowned at him, furrowing her small eyebrows together. "I can't read."

Gale mirrored her look. "Sound it out. Be a big girl."

His sister gave him a look of trepidation.

"That's how you learn, Posy. Go on."

He bit back a smile as his little sister rose to her feet and reluctantly took the book from Madge. With one last sour look, she turned and headed up the steps to her room. He turned to her. "You brought books?"

She shrugged. "I took a few things before I left. Your mom is next door with that elderly couple - I think she took them tea."

Gale leaned back on the rug, his arm brushing hers. It was strange really; he hadn't expected the blonde mayor's daughter to be anyone of substance or interest. In fact, he'd been downright indignant with Katniss when she began sitting with her at lunch during school.

"Yeah, she looks after them sometimes."

"And…Katniss?"

"We found her and the baker. He's healing with her mother now. His family…..they're dead. I can't even…. I hung around to make sure everything as alright." He turned to her. "I'm….sorry I was gone so long."

She nodded. "I knew you'd want to make sure they were alright. I'm glad I was here to help with Posy," she stated quietly.

And he was too. For some reason his brothers and mother were guarded but still friendly with Madge, almost as if they couldn't believe she was there. Posy was the only one who had welcomed her with opens arms.

"How are you…feeling?" he asked.

She shrugged. "Numb."

"That seems to be common nowadays," he sighed. He wasn't much to discuss feelings, but he knew he should try to at least offer an ear to her, especially after that last day's events. She'd packed up a bag of meager belongings and left her entire life behind. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She glanced over her shoulder at him, giving him another shrug. "It's done. It's over. My mother was delirious with pain from her headaches all the time and didn't want to live. The maids had to stop her from overdosing on Capitol drugs and she wasn't herself anymore. I don't think I even knew her. Everyone whispered that she wasn't the same since Maysi was murdered. So I don't even think I got to know the real her," she sighed, leaning forward. Gale watched her place her head on her arms and tuck her knees under them as she turned forward to stare into the fire. "I'd like to think they're finally together in heaven now."

He nodded. "That's a nice thing to think about."

She gave a bitter little laugh, shaking her head. It was strange to see her blonde hair flat against her head and not springy with those ridiculous curls she'd worn for years. "And my dad….huh," she huffed. "I watched him murder people for years."

"Murder?"

"Seeing it and not stopping it is just as bad," she muttered. She unfolded her legs and turned on the rug to look at him. "He took that cushy mayor job and he could have changed things. Little things, but still….he could have made it better. Instead he stood by and did nothing while people died all around him. That's murder in my eyes."

He sat still and watched her speak, her brown eyes full of hurt and anger. He didn't understand her feelings about her family, but his family was from a different world as far as he was concerned.

"He took the money and the big house and never said a word about it. Awful things have happened for years and he knew they were wrong. He did nothing to stop it. I never told anyone this….but I failed my assessments on purpose."

He looked up. "You didn't want to go to the Capitol though."

"No," she spat. "How could I? They train people there Gale. They train them to do awful things and advise the districts on how to twist their people to get every resource they can out of them. They wanted to train me to become just like him," she hissed softly, shaking her head. Gale watched as she twisted her hands in her lap and sighed. Her pale skin showed the purple bags beneath her eyes, her face drawn with worry and a frown. Slowly, he reached over and brushed her limp blonde hair away from her face. She sighed, leaning into his touch as her brown eyes slowly closed. "I didn't want the same fate as Maysi. I caught him trying to fix the scores; he wanted me to end up like him so badly he tried to pay off the school. Something tells me I'd rather come home in a pine box like my aunt did then end up with him. So I guess when you think about it….I really had nothing to lose."

She was quiet again, just staring sadly at the fire.

"You're brave," he finally said, breaking the silence. He slid his hand down her face, gently touching the soft skin of her neck. He went further down until his calloused hands touched the cotton of her soft shirt, the pieces of his rough skin snagging on the fabric slightly. His lips turned upward into a smile as he place his hand over the left side of her chest. "You're strong here," he said, placing light pressure over her heart. "You're not like them. You want change, Madgy. And we're going to get it."

She stared at him with wide eyes, blinking slowly. He removed his hand and awkwardly placed it back in his lap. "At least I think so."

He swallowed roughly and stared forward at the fire. He could feel her eyes watching him as she slid closer. "What will happen then?"

Looking over, he watched her face as a fat tear rolled down her cheek. "I pretend to be strong but I'm not. It's fear that drives me to do most things. Even then my hands shake and I-" she broke off, wiping her eye. "I'm so afraid of what is going to happen Gale."

"If we're bombed again?" he asked. "Let them come. If we die then we know we did everything we could."

Another tear slid down her cheek as she turned to stare at the fire. "Even if we live…what happens then?"

Gale raised his eyebrows as he finally understood what Madge was referring to. If they lived through the rebellion and the war that was nearly on their doorstep, what would happen to her? She'd left her home the day before without so much as a second glance at the life she was leaving. He knew it had given her nothing but misery to watch her father run a struggling district and do nothing to ease the suffering of others. Fed up and with nowhere to go, she'd practically begged Gale to take her away from it all. They'd been more than friends for months; a stolen kiss here or there, a lingering glance when they saw each other in town. But now…now she was there. With him, with nowhere to go. Her home was gone and her family was dead. She was practically a penniless orphan in a district that was on the brink of falling apart. He suddenly understood the underlying terror that seemed to linger in her soft brown eyes. It wasn't fear of being killed; it was fear of living and having no place in the world to call her own.

He swallowed. "Madge….I…I'm not the best at this but…"

She turned to look at him, her pale skin glowing in the firelight. Her gaze turned slightly hopeful as she wiped away another tear and looked at him.

"Madge, I'll take care of you. If we live through this, I'll….you'll be fine. I'll figure out a way."

Madge sniffed and looked back at the fire. "Gale…you can hardly take care of yourself and the family you have. How will you take care of me too?"

He shook his head and exhaled sharply. "Will you just listen to me? I want to help you Madge. I mean I….I love you and I want you to be okay. Everything around us is falling apart and is not okay and…I just want you. I want to take care of you and help you and….aaaargh," he finished. The frustration was welled up inside of him so deeply that it felt like the floodgates were opening. Madge was different from Katniss; she was stubborn in a way that was entirely her own; it drove him wild. "Just agree to let me help you, damn it," he half laughed, half growled. "I want to take care of you."

"Gale….I just want us to be realistic. I can't just….I can't depend on you to rescue me every time."

"That's not true!" he offered firmly. He softened when he saw the fire in her eyes. "That's not true," he said softer. "You gave me that morphling when I needed it. And you paid me way too much for the turkey. And the strawberries."

She cracked a smile. "I wanted to help you because….I liked you. I was always drawn to the rugged coal miner that came to my back door with trades," she sighed. "I know you want to help, but how can you?"

Gale licked his lips as he thought, shaking his head slightly. He couldn't believe what he was about to do, but given the circumstances, it seemed like the best thing to do. He'd lost his father; she'd lost both of her parents. He had nothing, she had nothing.

But they had each other.

"Marry me."


	42. Chapter 42

Chapter 39

Katniss

Was this a dream? It felt like one. But a rare, warm, good dream, not like the terrible nightmares that seemed to make a regular appearance.

Her eyes opened a crack and she immediately winced and cursed herself for breaking the sleep-like trance. She tried to close her eyes and will herself back to the cozy place in the sunny meadow where she felt warmth on her skin and food in her stomach and the weight of Peeta's embrace.

But it was gone.

Halfway.

Turning her head, she blinked as the pre-dawn sunlight came through the frosted window by the bed, illuminating the planes of Peeta's pale face in a silvery light. He looked more peaceful than he had in days; his mouth slightly open, a heavy breath drawing in his chest every few seconds. His eyelids fluttered slightly and Katniss found herself wondering if he was having a dream like the one she'd just woken from. His arm tightened around her, holding onto her even in sleep. She inhaled softly and stretched, stirring in his warm, strong grasp. Turning her head on the pillow, she watched as he slowly awoke along with her. His irises were muted in the dim light, the light color suddenly more brown than blue as they watched each other in silence. They both seemed to realize it was yet another calm before the storm.

Peeta gave her a slow, sleepy smile that she tried to memorize for the darker days to come.

He blinked. "Hi."

She felt herself smile.

"Are you really here? Did we live another day?" she finally asked, her voice cracking slightly.

Peeta nodded. "We did. The war never happened. The Peacekeepers went home to the Capitol. It was just a dream," he answered back, his voice heavy with sleep. He turned on his side as the room began to grow steadily brighter, the grey light of dawn slipping away outside the window. He rested his messy blonde head on her pillow, his face just inches from hers. She smiled faintly as her eyes began to go out of focus.

"That's a good dream," she whispered.

Peeta gulped softly, nodding against the downy pillow. "Well….I did have one though."

Her lips parted as she watched him stare across the short space. "What do you dream about?"

He was silent a moment as he blinked slowly. Time stood still in her mind as she watched his angled jaw slowly clench nervously as he tried to find the words.

"There was a fire," he began. She tensed against his side, making him shake his head. She had the wrong idea. It wasn't that type of dream. "In a little fireplace. And…. then I dreamt of bread. Fresh, white bread. The good kind."

She hummed quietly as she pictured it. Her stomach was so empty but Peeta's soft voice seemed to fill it up with his imaginary white bread that he spoke of. "And then what?"

He licked his lips. "And I broke off a piece and held it to the fire. I burned my fingertips….but I didn't mind."

She shook her head against the pillow. "You wouldn't mind burning your fingers for toast."

"It wasn't toasted for me…it was toasted for you."

"I was there?" she laughed softly. "Was I eating toast?"

Peeta gave her a shaky smile. "Yeah. We both were."

A shaky breath left her mouth as she realized what he was talking about. A toasting.

The air didn't seem to want to come back into her lungs. Before she could think any longer, they heard the chairs moving in the kitchen below them. Peeta watched her with wide eyes as he waited to see if she would piece together what his dream was about. Instead, she threw back her side of the blankets and stood up, pulling her mother's old robe around her shoulders. Their world was falling apart and she couldn't think about a toasting now.

"I should…get dressed," she whispered quickly, refusing to meet his eyes. For a slow start to the morning her heart was certainly racing now, she thought. Peeta sat up in her bed and gave her a pleading look as she fumbled through her drawers for some clean clothes, pretending not to see him silently beg her to stay. A strange feeling settled over the room as she willed her scattered brain to focus and just find some damn pants.

"Katniss…" he called quietly. "It was just a dream. I'm sorry."

She slammed the drawer closed with more force than she meant to, rattling the already broken mirror in its frame. "It's okay."

"Katniss."

She threw a look over her shoulder at him and almost forgot how to speak. There he was; bare chested and pale, his muscular legs tangled up in her covers, the morning light streaming through his shiny blond. His jaw was clenched in uncertainty, the angle catching the light and making the stubble on his cheeks and chin shine a little. Peeta was disheveled but the most enticing sight she'd ever seen. He looked utterly shattered that she brushed off his talk of dreams and toasting and was forcing herself to face the day, but she couldn't help it – running away was sure as hell a lot easier than staying and daydreaming about something that might not ever happen.

And Katniss Everdeen knew better than to tempt and tease herself. She turned back around and continued to rummage through her drawers. Of course an handsome boy like Peeta would be in her bed talking about marrying her and their future on the brink of a world war – that was just her luck. She wanted to cry at the unfairness of it all.

"I don't know what you want, Peeta," she sighed. "I…I can't talk about this now."

After finally finding a clean pair of underwear and trousers, she straightened up and turned to face him. Her fingers clutched at the front of her robe, holding it shut even though the kind eyes across the room had lovingly gazed upon every inch of her just days before. Even now, his eyes seemed to look straight through her to the core. It delighted and terrified her.

"Don't go yet," he sighed, giving her another pleading look. "Please."

"I have to," she insisted. "We need to figure out what news there is. I'll see you downstairs."

She closed the door without another glance, hurrying to her mother's room to change. Her clothes were cold as she yanked and pulled them onto her body, pretending not to notice the way they hung off of her frame more than usual. As much as she wanted to go back into the warm bed with Peeta and shut out the world for another few hours, which was impossible. There couldn't be talk of love and toastings at a time like this. They needed to face the reality of their situation that day, and the reality was grim.

There was no more food; they were all slowly starving.

More than once she'd heard Peeta's stomach grumbling in protest to the lack of sustenance it was receiving the past week and a half. He wasn't used to the gnawing hunger like she was; he didn't complain but she could see the discomfort in his eyes when his body begged loudly for food it wouldn't get. She was used to the pain of hunger; Peeta wasn't. The horrible part of it was that there was nothing she could do to help him in the dead of winter with the fences on. Nothing could grow and there was nothing to hunt.

They needed to do something, and fast. She only hoped Gale would have news. If he didn't, then…then she decided she had no problems going to the Hob herself to demand answers. She'd done enough waiting – either they were all going to die quickly from war or slowly from hunger.

Personally, she'd had enough of hunger and opted for the quicker choice.

Once she was downstairs, she made her way to the kitchen where she could already hear hushed voices. Pausing in the doorway, she watched as her mother bent over Mr. Mellark helping him sip a steaming cup of tea. He was sitting at the table, upright and normal. His normally rosy cheeks were pale and clammy and he looked like he'd been to hell and back, but he was awake. They both sensed her presence and looked up.

"Good morning," her mother greeted, her blue eyes scanning over her.

"Morning," Katniss muttered, suddenly caught off guard. In her hurry to get away from Peeta and his talk of dream and toastings she'd forgotten that her mother knew she'd been in the same bed as him last night. Chewing the inside of her lip, she awkwardly shuffled over to the still-warm tea kettle to pour herself a cup. Leaning back against the oven, she watched Prim in the next room – her little sister was dutifully cleaning bandages and wraps in the basin on the back porch. Prim's blonde head looked up and she offered Katniss a weak smile.

She looked hungry.

Katniss' mind was made up.

"I'm going to the Hob today. I need news," she sighed. Mr. Mellark and her mother both looked at her with surprise.

Peeta's father let out a somewhat ragged breath. "Is that…safe?"

She raised an eyebrow. "I've been there once or twice," she quipped, raising her eyes to meet her mother's. "Do you have anything….left?" she asked hopefully.

Her mother knew was she was referring to. Katniss watched her blue eyes scan the room, darting nervously from shelf to shelf. Most of the few valuables they'd owned had been hastily hocked or traded after her father's death; very little remained. The things that they still had were things that were so valuable they were unthinkable to trade; wedding rings, his pipe, his bow…they were things that they couldn't afford to trade. Her mother turned back to her with a hopeless look.

"I don't…"

She trailed off as Peeta walked into the kitchen, his worn khaki pants slightly wrinkled and the wool sweater covering his chest. He was patting his unruly hair into place as he walked in, giving everyone a nod. His eyes fell on his father and he jumped.

"Dad….you're up!"

Mr. Mellark gave his son his signature smile, nodding. "I am. Looks like I'm on the road to recovery," he added, giving Mrs. Everdeen a glance. Katniss felt her stomach do a flip. Was her mother falling for the sweet baker as she healed him? Her heart was suddenly filled to the brim with mixed feelings. She could understand why her mother was instantly attracted to Peeta's father; after all, he was kind and smiley and they had been friends for years. She realized with a bit of chagrin that she'd done the same thing and fallen for Peeta as she healed him. But what about her father? He'd been dead for years but she still thought it strange to see her mother smiling at someone else in that way.

She knew what that look was; she'd accused herself of it a lot lately.

Peeta hurried to his father's side, his arms wrapping around his neck in a tight hug. She watched as his father placed a kiss on Peeta's cheek and patted his hair as if he was five years old. Instead of grimacing as most boys would have, Peeta pulled away with a bright smile.

"I…I'm glad you're here. I…" Peeta choked, shaking his head. "I'm glad."

Mr. Mellark stared up at his youngest and now only son with watery eyes of his own. "I am too, son. I am too."

Peeta straightened up and look at Katniss and then her mother. "So what now?

"I'm up and we owe the Everdeens quite a bit for saving both our tails," his father said pointedly to his son. Katniss looked over at Peeta, who was giving her a slightly worried look. His blue eyes met his father's and he nodded.

"I would agree," Peeta answered firmly.

The chair where Mr. Mellark sat creaked slightly as beckoned Prim from the washroom. "Prim," he said kindly, "Did you happen to see anything in the pockets of my clothes?"

Prim nodded in understanding, shuffling to his side with something metal and shiny in her hand. Katniss watched as she dropped the items into Mr. Mellark's waiting palm and he gave her a kind smile. "Thank you my dear."

He nodded at Peeta, who stepped forward as he urged his son back over to his side. His hand grabbed Peeta's wrist, holding it hand out palm up. He dropped six coins into it along with a small gold pocket watch. It was caked with flour and needed a polish from all the scratches, but she instantly recognized the watch. She'd seen the item hanging form his apron more than once and noted its fine gold. And now he was giving it to Peeta? Was he still afraid he was going to die, she wondered?

"It might not be much, but…it might fetch a price. Take it to the Hob and see what you can get."

Peeta swallowed roughly, his cheeks reddening. "Dad….this?"

Mr. Mellark nodded. "It's just an object, Peeta. Times like these…that watch means nothing. We need to stay alive. We need to fight."

Katniss watched Peeta nod, his large hand closing around the items. He glanced over his shoulder at Katniss. "Will this get a fair price at the Hob?"

She nodded slowly as her stomach sank with understanding. This object, this rare family heirloom was being handed to Peeta to try to buy them some food. It was repayment. Peeta would never own what was likely a very sentimental object in their family, and it made her heart throb in her chest.

"Metal always does…especially gold," she admitted. Her mind instantly went to the golden pin sitting upstairs on her dresser -the bird pin Madge had given her. If Peeta was trading his watch, then…she'd trade that pin. It was only fair that she give up something important to her as well. She hadn't had the pin as long as Mr. Mellark had the watch, but it felt like the right sacrifice to make.

Peeta's hand closed around the items and he nodded. "You're sure?"

His father nodded, shifting on the chair with a wince. His gnarled fingers that were covered in burn scars from years of working with the ovens suddenly moved to pinch the gold band of his left hand off as well. "Metal does well, you say?"

Katniss felt her mouth go dry as Mr. Mellark held out his gold wedding band. His wife had barely been dead a day. Peeta's mouth fell open slightly as his father shoved the metal band in his hand as well. "Take it. It will buy food…and I don't need it anymore."

Peeta nodded as the kitchen fell eerily silent. Her mother leaned back against the kitchen cabinets and stared at the floor with wide, blank eyes. The magnitude of what Peeta's father was doing suddenly hit them like a ton of bricks. Just as Peeta had, his father was now denouncing his old life. It was obvious that Mr. Mellark had come to grips with that this was the end of his previous life in the bakery with his family. Those days were over and the bakery was now a haunted pile of smoking ruins. He was smart enough to know was never going back, Katniss realized.

Katniss watched with a sinking heart as Peeta inhaled through his nose and nodded solemnly. It was as if he knew this was a turning point and needed to be strong – just as she had once. The memories of feeling hopeless and hungry and desperate after her father died returned. She could remember it like it was yesterday – she'd been so scared but so determined to make it that she'd given up feeling sorry for herself. That was the day she'd decided to do something about what was happening and fight back, pushing her old, comfortable life with her father away. Was that how Peeta felt now, in this instant? It looked as if he'd made up his mind to accept things as they were.

She watched his jaw clench as he dropped the items carefully in his pants. They clinked as they settled into the bottom of his pockets, his head turning to look at her. He was silent a moment, the muscles in his sculpted jaw flexing as he chewed the insides of his mouth. Shaking his head slightly, he blinked slowly and took a deep, resolved breath. Katniss gripped the back of the chair she stood behind and waited to see what he was going to say.

"You said Gale promised he would go and talk to Haymitch today. I need to get to the Hob," he sighed. "We need supplies. Are you ready to go?"

His voice was hard; he was fighting a slew of emotions that much was for certain. His blue eyes were suddenly steely as he walked towards the door.

"I…need to go upstairs and get something. I'll only be a minute," she mumbled, avoiding his eyes. Her feet were clumsy and loud as she walked swiftly from the room and hurried up the steps. The golden pin she grabbed off of her dresser seemed to burn her fingertips as she grabbed it and shoved it deep into her pants pocket. She walked down the steps and found Peeta waiting for her with her coat in his hands.

They bundled up wordlessly as things slowly went back to normal in the kitchen behind them. She could hear her mother rummaging around in the cabinets and Prim go back to doing the laundry.

"Be careful," Prim said, pausing in the doorway to the back room. Her strong, brave little sister suddenly looked scared and it wasn't like Prim to be frightened when things got rough.

The walk to the Hob was quiet. Peeta trudged through the snow, his shaggy blonde hair hanging down in his eyes as he walked and she followed. Something had snapped in him and she could feel it; now the only thing to do was to wait for him to break his silence. He seemed to calm and collected in the kitchen as his father had handed him the items to trade, but she was starting to wonder if Peeta was only keeping it together for his father's benefit.

Suddenly, he stopped. She watched him shake his head in disbelief and sputter a few times before actually getting words out.

"This…this doesn't feel real," he breathed, licking his lips.

Katniss paused, frowning. "What doesn't?"

He looked around the empty street of the Seam; his cheeks flushed pink against the white backdrop of the cold winter around them. "All of it. You. Me. My dad…the town, the bakery, my…my mother."

Katniss remained silent; she'd been in his shoes before. When you'd lost everything and nothing felt like it should – not even your own skin. She knew what it was like to realize that nothing was ever going to be the same and he was describing it perfectly – it didn't feel real.

Peeta looked up at her suddenly, his eyes cloudy with unshed tears. "I…I have my father's wedding ring in my pocket. The town is gone…and my family is dead," he finally babbled, licking his lips. "I…feel dizzy."

"Do you want to sit down?" she asked, looking around nervously. They were in the open, standing in the street – not the best place for him to be having a panic attack. Grabbing his arm, she led him over to the side of the road, ducking behind a dilapidated shed. "Peeta," she said quietly, reaching her hands up. She cupped his cheeks and made him look at her. "Peeta."

He looked down at her with wide eyes. "This doesn't feel real. Katniss….how could all of this be happening?"

She gulped back her own set of tears as a droplet of moisture slid down his ruddy cheek. His breath had turned to puffs of white air as he stood there in front of her, gasping slightly with glassy eyes. "This is real. And I'm so…so sorry," she whispered. Her thumb swiped his tear away and she stared up at him firmly. "I'm sorry Peeta."

He sniffed and blinked slowly, his hands covering hers. "My family is dead. Real?"

Katniss felt her stomach sink. If he had to ask, then that was a bad sign. She could hardly form the words. "Real, Peeta. But…your father is alive."

He didn't seem to hear her. "The bakery is gone?"

"Real," she sighed sadly. She felt as if she was witnessing the sweetest, kindest heart in all of Panem breaking before her very eyes. Peeta struggled to inhale, his hands trembling against hers.

"I'm going to trade his wedding ring."

"Real."

"We might not live to see tomorrow."

Katniss gulped, shaking her head. She didn't want to say the word but she could sense that his ears needed to hear it to believe it.

"Real."


	43. Chapter 43

Chapter 40

Peeta

His watch and the ring felt like lead in his pocket as he took in a deep breath of the frigid air. Katniss' hands trembled against his cheeks as she held his face, her thumbs wiping away his nearly frozen tears. They stung against his skin and reminded him that he was alive. For a moment, he was caught off guard at the weight of it all.

"Real," she answered in a shaky voice.

He swallowed, nodding in understanding. The whites of her eyes stared back at him; he was scaring her. Somewhere in the frenzied, muddle cloud of his mind he realized he was frightening her with his words. He couldn't do that now – he had to be strong. He had to be strong for his father, for Mrs. Everdeen and Prim, for the rebellion.

He needed to be strong, if anything, for Katniss.

She'd been his rock for days now; constantly pushing him forward into the necessary unknown, acting as a protector and bravely sacrificing her life to go and save his father. He couldn't fold for her now, not when she needed him to be so tough.

Peeta blinked against the stark white backdrop of the snow, licking his lips to try to steady himself as she lowered her hands. Her wide eyes watched him as if he was a cornered animal about to strike and he hated himself for frightening her at a time like this. Pushing his pain down, he tried to temporarily forget the faces of the dead….Rye, Bannock, his mother….and focus on the present. The need to collapse into himself and fade into a fog of despair and grief was overwhelming but he would not give into it. That would be letting them win before the battle had even begun.

He made himself try to smile, but the act felt foreign. "I'm okay. I'm…I'm sorry. I had a moment there," he choked.

Katniss stared up at him, nodding slowly in understanding.

"I think….you're allowed a moment in times like these," she finally stated. She wet her lips, her saliva seeming to freeze on the tender skin almost as soon as she did it. "Do you want to keep going?"

He bobbed his head and wiped the last bit of frozen moisture from the corners of his eyes.

"Yes. We should go."

Looking down, he noticed Katniss hold out a bare hand for him to hold. Slipping his glove back on, he circled her hand with his and offered her another shaky smile. "Do you want my gloves?" he asked.

"No," she answered, "They're too big. Just keep my hand warm, okay? Can you do that?"

The smile came easier now as she started up at him with hopeful grey eyes. The answer was simple; it was one he could handle.

This he could do.

That was a start.

"Yes."

He gripped her small hand in his, the warmth from her palm seeping through the rawhide gloves. Katniss led him out from behind the shed where he'd had his panic attack, carefully looking to make sure the coast was clear. He wasn't sure what she was looking for; it wasn't a crime to walk in the Seam, but perhaps she was worried about Peacekeepers following them to the illegal warehouse.

A short walk later, he realized they had nothing to worry about after all; the first thing he saw when entering the warm building was a swarm of miners with familiar looking guns standing guard over the shackled prisoners. Their white uniforms stuck out against the drab colors of the Hob. They sat in a clump in the center of the warehouse as their armed guards lingered over them with untrusting glares and death grips on the confiscated weapons. All the air left his lungs as he realized what was happening; the miners were holding the Peacekeepers as prisoners.

Katniss jerked his hand forward and she lurched into a trot, only to slide to stop suddenly in front of Haymitch Abernathy. The greasy haired drunk gave them an amused look as she stepped closer to him than Peeta would think comfortable or pleasant. The hairs on his neck stood up as a few people around them stopped to watch the interaction with apprehensive eyes.

"Are you insane or just plain stupid?" she spat, gesturing to the miners. Haymitch answered her question with a unsurprised, smug grin.

"Good morning to you too, Sweetheart," he seemed to purr, his clouded grey eyes sweeping over the two of them. He raised a small flash to his lips as he met Peeta's gaze. "Boy."

Peeta nodded to the Peacekeepers as Haymitch lowered the small bottle. A wave of cheap grain liquor floated through the chilled air, stinging Peeta's nostrils. "What's all this?"

Haymitch fastened the screw top of the flask and grimaced as he swallowed the cheap alcohol.

"Miners went out last night and…made sure there wouldn't be any complications."

Katniss reeled beside him. "So that means taking all of the Peacekeepers in the district hostage? Haymitch…if…when Snow finds out, he'll kill us all for sure now. He'll send his army and hovercrafts and whatever else he has here and he'll kill us all for doing this. He'll drop a bomb that will level the whole district next time, not just bits and pieces of the town," she hissed.

Peeta felt himself wince at the image her words created. "Sorry," she muttered up at him. Katniss turned her attention back to Haymitch as people continued about their business in the Hob, acting as if it was a normal day. A few would cast a worried glance at the hostages huddled in the center of the hot building, but would ultimately keep walking. The smell of stew brewing somewhere in the area made his hollow stomach go into a fit of twisting hunger. Pushing it aside, he turned back to Haymitch.

"The Mockingjay is a spitfire today," Haymitch muttered. "Your little speech other night inspired them, Sweetheart. They wanted to do something to help. Don't be surprised that your words moved people. They were already heading in the right direction; you just gave them the push they needed s'all."

Katniss blanched visibly, dropping Peeta's hand to jab the tip of her finger into Haymitch's chest. "You're not honestly blaming this on me, are you? This push?"

Haymitch shrugged. "They needed a push in the right direction and they wre already willing. You told them what they needed to know I guess," he hipcupped, brushing his sleeve against his mouth with a shrug, "And you gave it to them. Just like I knew you would."

Peeta felt himself tense as he watched Katniss put two and two together. "You used me," she hissed. "You used me as a pawn to talk these innocent people into dying for your stupid rebellion."

Haymitch frowned down at her as if she was nothing more than an angry kitten attacking his shoelaces. "I used you to tell the truth. You really gonna stay mad about that? Fine. I thought you were smart, Mockingjay."

Katniss' finger was digging into the old drunk's chest even harder the next time Peeta could look up. "Listen, you old drunk. I did not inspire this damn rebellion, so quit with the Mockingjay shit. I'm not the one that's responsible for this," she added in a panicked voice. Peeta watched her worried eyes shift around the Hob. People glanced at her questioningly as they walked by, as if they were waiting for her to do something else. Katniss ignored them, hissing angrily at the town drunk instead.

"I was not the person that started this. I did what you asked me to do and told them what I saw at the mayor's house; that's it. So enough with the Mockingjay."

"Fine, fine," he slurred. "You made your point. What do you want with me?"

Katniss rolled her eyes in annoyance. "Have you seen Gale? I need to talk to him."

Haymitch nodded. "Boy came to talk to me earlier. Wants in on this."

"Of course he does," Katniss muttered with an annoyed growl. "So what happens next? We sit here and wait for death?"

"No," Haymitch snapped. He looked up at Peeta. "Demanding, this one, ain't she?"

Peeta swallowed and looked away as the older man gave an amused chuckle.

"I've got something in the works."

"It'd better be good if you're signing a death sentence like the one you've got going!" she hissed, motioning to the hostages. A few of the miners gripping guns were watching their heated exchange and Peeta wasn't sure what to think.

"Just relax and sit tight. We're not sitting ducks in this, alright? We've got allies that you haven't even dreamed about."

Peeta frowned, turning back to Haymitch with interest. "Allies? Like more rebels?"

He couldn't imagine a piddly little district like theirs having much in the way of allies. Communication between the districts was rare and forbidden unless it was between government officials. Peeta knew there were other rebels from what Gale had told him, but certainly not enough to actually fight back. And certainly not enough to win.

"We're not going to take this lying down. We've got allies who are getting organized as we speak."

Katniss heaved an impatient sigh. "You aren't making any sense. There is no one else, Haymitch. And we can't afford to wait like this to see what they're going to do. We're sitting ducks and the Capitol is going to crush us!"

She turned on her heel and roughly yanked Peeta's hand in the opposite direction. Peeta caught one last glimpse of the old drunk's little smile before following her into the crowd.

"We're dead meat," she muttered, shaking her head as she led him through the throngs of people. Peeta avoided their sorrow-filled eyes, unsure if they knew his home had been leveled or not. He didn't trust himself to talk openly about it with anyone other than Katniss; it wouldn't be a show of manliness and strength if he let his tears flow freely in the Hob.

"We don't know that," Peeta answered, leaning closer as Katniss led him towards the vendors. "His information proved useful before. Maybe he knows what he's talking about."

She sighed, shaking her head. "Taking the Peacekeepers hostage and stealing their weapons only makes us that much bigger of a target for Snow. He was angry before…now he'll be lethal."

He knew Katniss had a point, but…Haymitch had to know something. Glancing over his shoulder, he watched as Haymitch spoke to one of the newly-armed miners, talking animatedly and waving his arms. Ever since he'd learned the story of how Haymitch had lost everything to the Capitol Peeta couldn't help but believe that the district's residing drunk was more than what met the eye. His sometimes bleary Seam eyes held a quiet determination that he didn't think maybe everyone saw. It wasn't the first time Peeta had considered that perhaps the hopeless drunk routine was a ruse to cover something else entirely.

Katniss turned to him, stopping suddenly in front of a booth. "You're sure?"

The watch and ring suddenly felt heavy again as he realized what she was asking. "Yes. I'm sure. They're just…things," he choked out with some difficulty.

Katniss reached up, giving his cheek a too-brief but loving touch as her mood seemed to take a complete turn. Her grey eyes were hard as she nodded. "If you're sure."

Stepping up to the rickety looking table, he discreetly shoved the items into Katniss' sweaty palm and waited as she seemed to size up the woman across the counter. The older, rounder woman with a dirtied handkerchief holding back her hair gave them both a hard look.

"Well?" she asked expectantly.

Katniss smacked the gold wedding band on the wooden surface and narrowed her eyes. Peeta gulped.

"What'll you give me for solid gold?"

The woman opened her nearly toothless mouth, running her tongue across her dried, chapped lips as her knobby fingers picked up his father's wedding band. She turned it over in her palm, weighing it against her skin. Glancing up at Katniss she gave a nonchalant shrug.

"Maybe ten coins."

Katniss made a scoffing sound. "You and I both know gold is worth at least twice that."

The woman wrinkled her nose and muttered an expletive under her breath. "Things ain't worth what they used to be worth," she replied in a warbled voice. Peeta watched her shift against the table and glare at the girl beside him. He stepped a little closer to Katniss side and tried not to let his anxiousness show.

"Fine then, don't take it. What about this?" she asked, holding out the pocket watch. Peeta felt his throat tighten. He had so many memories of his father holding that watch; it had been a wedding present from his grandfather to his father. It was a fine token that had been in their family for years. It was worth a lot, but that wasn't why Peeta loved it. The shiny, worn gold watch had been a staple in his father's daily wear for as long as he could remember. A fuzzy memory of being pulled onto his father's lap as a child came back to him as he watched the woman turn it over in her hands. His father would ask Peeta to rub the flour off the surface of it and tell him what the time was. His throat tightened again as he realized that would never happen again. He would never hold his own son in his lap and ask him to read him the time, just as his father had.

The angry coil of hunger in his stomach reminded him that this wasn't the time to be nostalgic.

This was the time to push emotion aside and be strong, he reminded himself.

Her eyes flicked up to Katniss', then to his. "This yours, boy?"

Katniss looked over at him, and he nodded. "Yes."

The greasy looking woman in front of him nodded once. "Seventy."

His heart sank.

Katniss wasn't one to give up easily. "That's an insult."

"Fine, fine….I'll give you a hundred coins for the ring and the watch, plus a bowl of stew."

"A hundred and twenty five."

"One twenty."

"One twenty five….and a bowl each."

"You got some nerve, girl. I don't need this watch as much as you need them coins."

Katniss' hand streaked out faster than lightning to grab the watch out of the woman's palm. "Fine then. We'll walk."

Peeta opened his mouth to speak in protest but her iron squeeze shut him up as she turned on her heel and yanked him away. His ears were ringing and his heart was pounding so loud he almost didn't hear the woman's response.

"One thirty and a bowl each!"

Katniss stopped, turning back around. Her hard glare slowly turned upward into a smile as she led him back to the counter. "Thanks Sae."

Peeta watched as his father's items were handed across the counter, settling into the woman's chubby, dirt-caked palm. She counted out a hundred and thirty silver coins, fastening them in a rawhide pouch and slipping it across the counter along with two steaming bowls of whatever it was she had cooking in a cast iron pot behind her. Katniss passed him the pouch, pausing to think before hurriedly jamming her hand inside his coat. Peeta raised his eyebrows until he felt the heavy weight of the coins settle into his breast pocket. Would people steal from him here, he wondered?

"What kind of-"

"Don't ask," Katniss muttered as he accepted his bowl with a questioning look. He could see pieces of meat floating towards the surface. While his mind questioned what it was, his stomach did not. The warm liquid slid easily down his throat, calming his aching insides with a warming full-ness he hadn't felt in days. After returning the bowls, Katniss wiped her mouth on her sleeve and turned back to the woman she'd called 'Sae'.

"Quite a deal," Sae nodded. "Where you been?"

"Fences are on," Katniss shrugged. "Nothing to hunt."

Peeta leaned on the counter as Sae gave Katniss a knowing look. "You been busy doing other things I see. The miners are calling you the Mockingjay. The little rebel that became a thorn in the Capitol's side," she chuckled. "Bet Snow would pay a pretty penny for the head of the girl that inspired the miners to blow his precious coal mines to bits. That'll take years for them to sort out."

Katniss bristled briefly before reaching into her pocket. "Enough. What'll you give me for this?" she asked, holding out the pin. The Mockingjay emblem shone brightly in her palm as she held it out. Sae took a glance at the pin and shook her head.

"Nothing. I won't take it. That's yours," she insisted.

"Not if I want to trade it."

"I won't take it."

"Katniss," Peeta pleaded. "No. Don't give that up."

She turned to him with blazing eyes. "So you can give up what you traded but I can't give this up? Peeta, I-"

"You don't owe me a thing," he said, grabbing her extended hand. Katniss watched as he curled her fingers back around the golden pin, sealing it from view. "I don't need a watch and a ring. This…this is the symbol of everything. You need to keep this."

"Listen to him," Sae echoed.

Katniss tossed the grisly looking woman a scowl before turning back to Peeta. "But I could get something for it. When this is over, you'll need to rebuild."

Peeta shook his head. "Do your really think this will ever end?"

Katniss shrugged. "I…I hope we just need enough food to get us through whatever this is. This rebellion, or….I think if we can do that, then we'll be alright. Surely whatever generators are keeping the fences on can't run forever without coal. I mean…how much do you think they could have stored?"

"Months' worth," he admitted. "We don't know how much food we'll need. This," he said, patting his pocket, "Is to get us through whatever we survive to see. I'm not worried about rebuilding. I'm…I'm not even sure I can…" he trailed off, shaking his head as the hot sting of tears returned. He couldn't cry here; he wouldn't. Not in front of these people who had spent their entire lives going without. He'd only been in their situation for a matter of days when most of the people around him in the Hob had been there for years – decades, even. He had to show his strength.

"I'm not sure I'll even want to bake. Too many…it would be too hard," he finally sighed. "Just…let's get some food and get back. I'm sure they're hungry back at home."

Katniss nodded, her steely gaze softening. "Home," she repeated softly. "Alright."

They finished their bowls of stew, Peeta watching as Katniss slid the Mockingjay pin back into her pocket. Sae gave her a nod of approval as they returned the bowls and made their way through the illegal market. He glanced at the imprisoned Peacekeepers several more times, his stomach jumping each time one of them made eye contact.

Katniss led him around the Hob, showing him which rickety tables and counters to go to and which to avoid. She helped him barter with the owners, demonstrating how to stand his ground and have the sense to walk before making a bad deal. He could almost see the worry that had been permanently etched into her smooth face ceasing slightly with the more food they were able to secure into his satchel.

They still had plenty of coins left, but Katniss seemed satisfied. "We can go now."

Peeta gave her a skeptical look as he palmed his chest where the coins were kept under his coat. "I still have money."

Katniss flashed him a determined look as a group of people shoved past them. "Keep some. You never know what could happen."

He stepped to the side, gently pulling her sleeve. "This past week you've been convinced we were all going to die in a matter of days. What changed?"

She looked away, shrugging. "After seeing what they did to your dad, I…I want to fight, Peeta. I want to remember why I was so angry in the first place. I'm not giving up – I've never given up. Things have been horrible for me before and now I just…I can't let them win. Um…this morning when you were telling me…"

"…about my dream?"

He thought of the timid words he'd uttered that morning, his mind still drowsy with sleep. He'd confided in her about the toasting dream he'd had, cringing when she'd run off like a frightened animal. At the time it had been forward and silly, but now…now as he looked at the questioning look in her eyes he couldn't help but wonder if she thought of similar things.

"Yes. I…I want to be alive to at least have the choice. If we fight, we die quickly. And we might even win. If we starve slowly…it will be awful," she finished quietly, shaking her head. "You made me want to fight again."


	44. Chapter 44

Chapter 43

Peeta

"You made me want to fight again."

His eyebrows rose voluntarily as he stood in the middle of the bustling Hob with Katniss. He'd never been a particularly mean or competitive person, nor was he one of outstanding courage. Nothing about him was inspiring. He was only recently inspired to join after slamming his fist into a woodshed upon hearing his family was murdered. Katniss had always been a little more level headed about the whole thing. What could he have said or done that made her want to join a rebellion?

"I did?"

She nodded shyly, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear as an older woman shoved past her to get to the soup cart.

"Yes. I mean…what you talked about this morning…"

"A toasting?" he offered meekly. Katniss' eyes went wide, her hand batting his away as he reached for it.

"Shhhh! You can't say…just don't say that too loud. I have enough problems with this whole 'Mockingjay' thing as it is," she lightly teased. He didn't miss the flash of a bright smile as she watched a few of the grubby passerby's give them an odd look for being a Seam girl and a town boy together in the middle of the illegal warehouse. "I just…it wasn't…bad."

"I'm sorry I brought it up," he answered honestly, chewing on his chapped lip. "I just thought you should know that I…think of those things. Especially these past few days."

He lowered his voice, stepping closer to her amidst the bustling crowd. "I think about having those things with you, Katniss."

Peeta watched her cheeks heat up, the rosy color making her normally sharp features seem somehow more feminine. Had he said too much? He usually did, although he normally wasn't sure when he was being too honest until it was too late and he'd already embarrassed himself. He had a way of blurting out the truth, every emotion, every feeling before thinking sometimes and that was exactly what had happened that morning when he'd told her about his dream of having a toasting with her. He'd been drowsy with sleep; fresh from a dream where he'd given bread to the girl he'd dreamt about being with for years. He'd toasted bread he'd made from the finest flour with his own two hands and had fed it to her in front of a fireplace. It was the best dream he'd ever had; was it wrong to have told her about that?

Every time he blinked he could see the panic that had reflected in her eyes that morning when he'd blurted it out without thinking.

"Peeta…I just…you told me that. It was so…personal," she admitted, her hoarse voice uneven.

"I don't care," he assured her, sensing her embarrassment at the honest words. He could tell she was embarrassed enough for him just for telling her what his dream was about in the first place.

"Peeta-"

"I don't care if you know what I dream about. Right now dreams are all I have. And you. If you'll have me."

Katniss' mouth dropped open slightly, a slight frown forming across her olive forehead. "But…"

"What?" he gently prodded. He pulled her further off the main path of shoppers, scanning her still-pink cheeks for clues about something, anything she was feeling in that moment.

"I don't know why you would want to have me. I don't have anything, Peeta. You deserve more than-"

He cut her off, gently placing his fingers across her rosy lips. They'd been over this a thousand times already and he'd explain it a thousand more if that's what it took to get it through her head.

"True," he admitted, "But neither do I. Separately, we don't have anything. But…I figure if we at least make a go of it together, then at least we have something. We'd have each other. And that's not nothing," he added somewhat lamely. "That's…that's something. To me it would be."

She offered him a weak smile. "Do you really feel that way?"

Peeta gave her a crooked grin, staring at her pale eyes. "Do I ever tend to hold back what I'm feeling?" he asked wryly.

"No," she admitted, wiping her nose on her sleeve. She sniffed, breaking the trance of his gaze. "I never thought of it that way I guess."

Peeta slowly slid his hands forward as they stood facing each other, grasping her hands in his. "Do you think you could?"

A long beat passed before she licked her lips and glanced up at him. "I think so, yes."

He smiled for what felt like the first time in months. She answering grin she gave him felt like spring air after the longest winter he'd ever known.

She sobered momentarily, shaking her head. "But we have to get through this first."

Peeta snorted, dropping her hands as she effectively ruined the romantic moment that he'd so desperately needed. He didn't mind; she wouldn't be her if she hadn't ruined it.

"Right," he agreed. "So, fight a war, survive a rebellion, don't starve, and come out on the other side alive. Got it. Not a problem," he deadpanned.

She swatted at him, seeming as glad for the temporary lift in his mood as he was. Even though the ring and the watch were gone, he somehow felt a little better. Instead they had food – supplies that would save them from starving in the tiny Seam house. At least they'd gotten something for the gold.

He lifted the bags of supplies in his arms as they wove through the Hob, trying to get a better grip on it. Maybe that night Katniss would let him bake some bread for her if he asked? They hadn't gotten the white bread making flour he usually used, but he was certain he could make something up that would be comparable. Would she like it? He winced as he thought about telling her of the toasting dream, and then babbling about his hopes and fantasies for the future. Sometimes he wanted to kick himself for talking too much. It was a habit he unfortunately hadn't grown out of by getting older, something his mother never used to let him forget. But she's gone now, a voice in his head reminded him. A cloud of darkness seemed to have settled over his thoughts as he realized when this was all over – if it ever was – he still had to deal with the fact that almost his entire family was dead. The bakery was gone and his brothers and mother were probably blown to pieces in the bombing. An unfamiliar pain sliced through his heart as he thought about how his father must be feeling right now. Had he said everything he ever needed to say to Peeta's mother? Was he left with doubts, with lingering words left unsaid? Peeta twisted his mouth into a slight grimace as he followed Katniss, feeling less sorry he'd told her about his dream that morning. He regretted it and didn't – if something happened to him he was at least glad she would know without a doubt how he felt about her.

He had no more secrets.

His heartbeat increased when he realized Katniss was heading towards the group of Peacekeepers being held in the center of the Hob. Gale was there, talking to a few others miners as they held the shiny, confiscated guns. The Peacekeepers were bound to the support beams of the old building in groups, their feet shackled together with mismatched items; a rusted pair of handcuffs here, a worn zip line there. Peeta hoped the miners were paying attention; the last thing they needed was for one of them to get out and start even more trouble.

"There you are," Katniss snapped, walking up to Gale. Peeta followed behind, standing dutifully behind her as she dug a finger into Gale's worn lapel. "What are you thinking?"

Gale's grey eyes bulged slightly with surprise. "What's with you?"

Katniss huffed, throwing up her arms. "I have to hear from Haymitch that you want in on all of this. Since when is taking a bunch of Peacekeepers hostage going to help any of us in the long run?"

Gale shrugged, avoiding her gaze. Peeta watched with an amused look as she easily put the tall man on edge.

"Would you quit poking at me like that? Jeez, Catnip….I wanted to do my part. Can't have them running around helping the Capitol obliterate all of us."

Katniss huffed. "Your pride is going to get us all killed. I hope you know that."

Gale's grey eyes flashed with a sudden anger that made Peeta's stomach clench. "Hey, we both agreed a long time ago that we'd rather die from a bullet than from starving. I'm just doing my part, you soon so will you. Haymitch got word from the rebels that the generators running the fences are going to run out of power by the end of the week."

Peeta's stomach dropped, his heart instantly pounding. Katniss blanched, her face going slack. Gale grinned. "Didn't realize that, did ya? Yeah, well…not much anyone can do about it now. Turns out nothing runs without coal or power, and Snow seems to be without those two items as of recently," he replied proudly, his voice bordering on smug. "I was going to come to your house today to tell you the good news, but…"

Peeta watched as Katniss reached out, deftly pummeling Gale in the shoulder with her fist in disbelief. "Shut up."

Gale scowled in response, covering his arm. "It's true."

"This isn't just some shaky rumor you heard over that stupid rebel communication line, is it? Do you honestly still believe that exists?"

Gale smirked.

His gaze shifted to Peeta, an awkwardness settling between them. The last time they'd spoken things had been tense; Gale had seen him vomit from the news of losing his family before shoving his fist through the wall of a shed. To say that the other man had seen him in a vulnerable state was putting it lightly.

"You still on board, bread boy?"

Peeta nodded, meeting Gale's eyes. "Yeah. I'm doing this."

"Good," Gale said. His gaze shifted back to Katniss. "Because as crazy as that old drunk is, I do believe him. I think he's got something worked out and I'm gonna support him until it does. You do whatever you gotta do to survive, Katniss, but I'm gonna fight this."

She growled in frustration, turning to face Peeta. "Do you think it's possible that Haymitch can communicate with other rebels? Do you really think we're in this position?"

"Do you think he's lying?"

She shrugged, watching over his shoulder as Gale turned back around to watch the Peacekeepers at their feet. "I'm not sure what to think anymore to be honest. He's right though…without the districts, what is the Capitol at all?"

Peeta shrugged. "A bunch of freaky face people who don't have any skills or resources I guess."

She sighed, nodding with him. "Right. Well…in that case I see his point. I just…I hate that he used me to make it."

"Do you regret telling the miners what you saw on the TV at Madge's house?"

"No," she admitted. "Not if it means the mines are gone and there's no more coal for Snow. And not if it kept them safe from the bomb. I'm glad I told them, I just…I want to believe that the other rebels are out there but it's hard."

Peeta nodded. "It's hard to trust what you can't see. But…do you trust me?"

"Of course I do," she answered quickly. "You know that."

"Well, you can't see how I feel about you. I have no physical, tangible proof of it. But you know it's there."

Katniss smirked. "That's a little different Peeta and you know it."

He chuckled, shrugging slightly. "I tried."

Their laughter was cut short as a voice interrupted them from the floor.

"You won't be laughing soon, boy."

Peeta stopped, turning to look in the direction of the voice. It made the hairs on his arm stand on end and his blood run cold. His heart began to pound as he slowly turned to look at the white-uniformed man sitting ten feet away, shackled on the floor to a beam. He cold, hard eyes glared at Peeta and Katniss where they stood.

Thread.

A hiss escaped his mouth before he realized it, his heart beginning to pound in his chest. That voice still lashed at him just as his whip had several weeks ago. Gale stopped speaking to the man beside him, the three of them turning to face Thread where he sat. Peeta held his breath, stupidly waiting for the monster to speak. He looked like he'd been roughed up a little; his face was peppered with bruises and he had a split lip, his white uniform covered in coal dust and dirt smudges. He glared up at them from the dirty floor of the Hob with the same dark, menacing stare.

"What did you say?" Katniss snapped. Several people around them stopped talking and watched, their attention turned to the confrontation that was clearly about to go down. Peeta felt his throat grow tight.

"Laugh while you can," he repeated. "This rebellion is a fool's game. We're standing on our graves, girl, just you wait and see. An uprising like this doesn't go unpunished. The Capitol will obliterate us all," he snarled, his voice low and calculating.

"I'd like to see you try to stop us," she hissed back.

The Hob was quiet now.

"I don't have to anything but sit here and watch Snow strike back at you with the force of a thousand bombs. If you thought the meager tide he unleashed on the town hurt, wait until he reacts at full force."

"Bit hard to do if he doesn't have legs to stand on," Gale interjected, stepping forward. "Capitol can't do much without the districts; I'm surprised you haven't figured that out Thread. We're the legs and the backbone of Panem, and we're tired of supporting a tyrant. This ends now."

Thread let out a horrible snicker. "Who is going to stop him? A bunch of Seam trash?"

Katniss opened her mouth to retort, but quickly closed it and shook her head. "No," she sighed. "You're not even worth a dignified answer. You're the trash, Thread, and you always have been. How does it feel to be a worthless puppet?"

Peeta felt too sick to smile, even at her clever comment. All he could see was Thread's gaze on him as he walked to the podium to take Katniss' place at the whipping post. The horrible man had clearly enjoyed nearly lashing the life out of him. He'd treated it like it was sport. Peeta suddenly felt like he might vomit again as all eyes settled on them.

"Come on, we're leaving," she said, grabbing Peeta's hand. He followed beside her, ignoring the curious stares of the Seam people all around him.

"How's the back?" he heard Thread call. "At least you're probably faring better than the rest of the family, eh boy?"

Peeta stopped in his tracks, jarring Katniss to a halt. His face grew hot and heart was pounding in his ears as he realized Thread was taunting him about his dead family.

Katniss turned around, her face unreadable. She touched his face briefly, her eyes hard. "You are the strongest person I know," she said softly before pushing past him. She marched through the speechless crowd, up to Gale, and yanked the long gun from his grasp. In one smooth motion almost too quick to see, she flicked off the safety, cocked it, and lined the long barrel up between Thread's eyes.

Not a sound could be heard except for one: the short, panicked breaths of a man whose life was on the line.

Peeta watched with an open mouth as a bead of sweat ran down Thread's temple, his lips turning into a sneer. He seemed to have realized that his life was in the hands of the girl he'd almost viciously whipped. Peeta watched her face, wondering if she would do it. The menacing stare she was giving Thread clearly told him she could and would.

Katniss stood perfectly still, the long barrel of the gun pressed into his forehead in a silent threat, her eyes unyielding.

"Say one more word while you're here and I will end you," she said quietly. The world seemed to freeze in that moment, making Peeta forget how to breathe. She stared at Thread with a hard glare, watching with visible satisfaction as he struggled to maintain himself with the gun so close to ending his life.

A dark part of him wished she would pull the trigger.

An ever darker part of him wanted to be the one to do it.

A sadistic part of him wanted to put as many bullets in his gut as he'd been given in lashings that day.

But he wouldn't. She might, but he wouldn't.

But could she live with herself if she killed him? If she murdered Thread, his blood would be on her hands forever, Peeta thought. As much as he wanted to see a despicable man such as Thread removed from their world, he knew Katniss was not the person to do it.

"Katniss…" Peeta finally found his voice. "Don't."

She looked away from Thread, her eyes incredulous.

"What? Peeta…"

"No," he shook his head.

"Why shouldn't I? Why shouldn't I end him right now for what he did to you? For what he was going to do to me?" she asked, her voice shaking. Peeta watched in the dim, sooty air of the Hob as silent tears formed in her silver eyes. Her voice dropped to a shaky whisper. "He almost killed you. For protecting me."

Peeta had no retort. He swallowed the lump in his throat. "You can't…you can't do it. Then you'd be just like him. Katniss…please."

The world seemed to freeze. Katniss stared at him, his eyes silently pleading with her to just put the gun down.

She nodded after a few seconds, lowering the gun with a shaky nod. Everyone around him relaxed, a few worried whispers floating through the crowd of Seam people. Gale held out his hand to silently ask for the gun back as Katniss wiped her eyes on her sleeve. She was no murderer; that he was certain.

"Didn't think you could do it."

Peeta winced as he realized Thread had spoken again.

She snorted, pausing to shake her head.

"No, but I can do this," she replied, swiftly turning back around. Peeta watched as she swung the gun around with ease, Thread's eye widening. She proficiently cracking him between the eyes with the metal stock of the gun with a sickening crack, knocking him out cold. His head rolled to the side, a reddish bruise quickly forming around the goose egg on his face. She had done what he could not, he realized.

She handed the gun back to Gale, giving him a look that said 'sorry' before turning back to Peeta. "I need to leave."


	45. Chapter 45

Chapter 44

Katniss

Her hands shook slightly as they left the Hob. Her breaths seemed to echo in her ears, which were still ringing with rage. Her cheeks felt flushed and hot against the icy wind and she felt like her insides were going to erupt and make her skin burst. The realization of what she'd almost done back there fell on her like a ton of bricks.

She'd almost killed a man.

She'd almost killed Thread.

The Head Peacekeeper. If word of her part in this rebellion got out – the whipping, her re-telling what she'd seen on the Mayor's television, and almost murdering a Peacekeeper, she'd be the first one in the ground. They'd make an example out of her. They'd make her pay.

She gulped as they walked, her feet barely stumbling through the dingy snow. She wasn't a murderer, was she?

Or perhaps she was. She'd been seconds away from putting the barrel of the gun against his forehead and not hesitating the way she had. A slight flick of her finger against the shiny trigger would have sent a bullet into his skull and rendered him unable to utter another poisonous word ever again. A subtle movement, a split decision was all it would have taken to send the manic monster that was their Head Peacekeeper back against the post he was tied to, his body slumped lifelessly. Katniss could almost imagine the smell of blood in the air of the Hob. She'd never smelled the cloying stench of human death before witnessing the bombing in the town, and she didn't think she would ever forget it.

She could have been the cause of it. With just a flick of her finger.

Peeta's warm hand slid into hers as they walked, bringing her back to the present. His fingers squeezed against hers as if to say, 'but you didn't do it'. He seemed to read her thoughts. The warmth from his hand seemed to help her forget about the stench of death that seemed to linger in her nose. In her grief-riddled fog, Peeta's touch felt like life.

It was enough to chase the memory of death from her nose, that was for sure.

Katniss swallowed the hard lump in her throat. It had been quiet when they left the Hob; so quiet she could have heard a pin drop. Apparently she wasn't the only one who thought she was capable of pulling that trigger. The questioning looks in people's eyes told her that. Would this crazy Seam girl murder a man in cold blood?

She'd never forget the looks on the people's faces as she passed; half looked like they were horrified, the other half looked like they'd wished she actually done it.

"That wasn't you."

She glanced over at Peeta as they walked through the slushy street. "What?"

"That wasn't you in there. With the…gun," he winced at the word. "That was your anger. That wasn't who you are, Katniss."

She bit her lip. Maybe he was right; she wasn't a killer. The thought made her sick, honestly. She couldn't remember wanting to actually kill Thread, but she could easily remember the rage his taunting words to Peeta had made her feel. That alone would have been enough to push her over the edge. Was that what war was all about, she wondered? Was it possible that wars weren't spurred by the need to kill, but the inability to push rage away? She felt so wronged for so many things in her life that she'd been trying to suppress. Life wasn't fair; that was a hard lesson to learn. But had she ever really accepted it? The Capitol forced her father into the mines to his death, kept food from them, and punished people like Peeta for being decent. The Capitol had starved her sister, her mother, Gale's family, and sent her to bed with a raw hunger in her stomach more nights than she could count. The rage she felt for that alone was enough motivation to do something crazy and desperate without thinking.

"I….I know. You're right. I didn't want to kill him," she admitted, the words sounding foreign to her somehow.

If it came down to it, could she kill someone to keep Peeta safe?

Peeta stopped walking. His clear eyes locked on hers, his own grief seeming to fall away as he worried about her.

"You alright?"

Yes, she decided. She could kill someone to keep Peeta safe. The decision not to kill Thread had been a hard one; the decision to keep Peeta safe was the easiest thing she'd ever done.

She paused, worrying her lip harder between her teeth. "Yeah…I mean…it's been a weird day."

"Tell me about it," he sighed. "So what now?"

Katniss glanced sideways at him as he shifted the bags of supplies on his hip as they walked.

"Can I help you carry those?"

"Nah," he smiled, pushing her hand away. "I got it. But really – what now? You heard what Gale said."

"I know what he said. He's a big boy. He can handle himself."

Peeta clearly didn't buy it.

"Katniss…he's your best friend. It's okay to show concern for him."

"Listen…I'll fight if the Capitol comes to my front door, but I'm not going to run off and provoke them. You don't poke the bear."

He shrugged, squinting slightly in the dim sunlight. "I thought they kinda were at our front door," he sighed softly.

Regret washed over her. How could she have been so callous? It had only been a handful of days since the Capitol had bombed his home and destroyed his life in a matter of seconds.

"Peeta, I didn't mean…."

Words failed her when she needed them most.

"It's alright, Katniss. I know you didn't mean it like that, but I thought we'd both already agreed to fight?"

She exhaled, the sound hissing through her teeth as she jerkily pushed a piece of hair behind her ear.

"Yeah, well…that was before I almost blew someone's head off. My apologies," she snapped. "Coming face to face with that can sort of change your perspective."

They were silent for a few minutes as they walked along the outskirts of the dreadfully quiet Seam. The frozen, dingy snow crunched at their feet as they walked, providing some background noise to her thoughts. Snapping at Peeta wouldn't fix things, but her mind was still reeling too much from the Hob to think properly.

Peeta finally broke the silence.

"I'm sorry about earlier. About freaking out and losing it. I didn't mean-"

"Peeta….you saw what I did back there, right? What I…almost did? It's fine. I mean it's not fine, it's far from it actually, but…we're both entitled to have a freak out I guess is what I'm trying to say."

Hot tears threatened to spill out over her cheeks, but she refused them the satisfaction.

"Right," he agreed. He glanced in the direction of the Hob, then back at her. "But the bottom line, Katniss….is that you almost did it. You didn't do it."

He flashed her an all-too brief smile.

"Do you know a shorter way back to your house?"

Katniss gave him a shaky smile to help her fight the tears.

"Wuss."

"You're calling me a wuss for being cold?" he chuckled, his eyebrows rising.

"Maybe."

"Hey now, I'm pretty sure I'm freezing off parts of my body I know you've expressed an appreciation for in the past, and frankly I'd like to use them again in the future. I'm sure you would agree?"

This time it was her turn to raise her eyebrows. "Fine," she replied, tightening her grip on his hand. "We can cut through the junkyard."

She pulled him off the worn tracks of the main road, instead following the worn dirt path that cut between the houses. Somewhere in the distance a dog barked. Peeta squeezed her hand and gripped their supplies with the other. Trying not to smile at his apprehension, she carefully stepped over the dilapidated barbwire fence that separated a few barren yards from the junkyard. The steel coils of wire were lying in rusted heaps about a foot off the ground, doing little to keep residents out of the metal graveyard that served as the backdrop for part of the Seam.

"Is this…safe?" he asked, glancing around.

Katniss smiled, shaking her head. Town kids had always been warned to stay out of the junkyard for fear they'd fall and scratch themselves on a piece of rusted metal. Seam kids, however, were often encouraged by their parents to scour the hillside littered with the rusted-out frames of cars and trucks for any scrap metal that could be traded. It wasn't the safest place she'd ever gone, but it certainly wasn't the most dangerous. Far worse things lingered in the deep woods outside the fence than in the heap of mangled metal covering the little hillside.

"Not really," she laughed softly, glancing over her shoulder at him. "Just don't fall and get a scrape. Lots of rust."

Katniss did her best to push aside thoughts of almost killing Thread as they wound through the path used by the half-wild dogs that lived there. Years ago she was certain whoever owned the land had used a few specially trained dogs to guard the scraps from scavengers, but now they were just mixed breeds that lived there and dug through people's trash on the outskirts of the Seam.

Peeta's grip on her hand tightened when a square-faced dog poked his head out of a car frame and gave an inquisitive little growl.

Katniss' mouth twitched in amusement. Giving a short little hiss through her teeth, his ears drooped slightly in submission. The animal's head cocked to the side in question, but he remained perched on the seat of the window-less car.

"See?" she asked. "Harmless."

They wound further up the gently sloping hill, Peeta pausing occasionally to gawk at the old fashioned, often stripped-bare cars. Only the Mayor and people from the Capitol had cars – in their district, anyway. Their breaths came out in gentle puffs of air as they trudged along. When they reached the crest of the little hill, Katniss looked up. Her stomach sank. She didn't realize it until it was too late.

From their elevated spot in the junkyard, they could see all the way down to the crumbled bits of what was left of the town square. Katniss felt the breath leave her lungs as her eyes immediately settled onto the pile of white bricks that used to be the Mellark Bakery. Pulling at his hand, she tried to get him to keep moving.

Peeta pulled back, his heels digging into the slushy snow at his feet. She watched his profile. His jaw clenched and his crystalline blue eyes grew watery for a moment.

"Holy shit."

"Peeta…we should get going."

"That's all that's left," he muttered softly, his voice tinged with disbelief.

Not knowing what else to do, she nodded slowly. "I'm….I didn't mean to bring you-"

And she hadn't. She mostly used the junkyard paths to cut her trip home from the Hob in half. Rarely did she stop to admire the view.

"No," he cut her off, "It's…fine."

His voice sounded like he was being strangled. Katniss cursed herself; just when they were recovering from one catastrophe she had to carelessly throw poor, gentle Peeta into another.

"I probably won't even get to bury them," he sniffed, shaking his head. He looked at her, a lone tear sliding out of the crease his squinted eyes created.

Katniss chewed on her lip, glancing at the rubble in the distance. Smoke still rose in errant clouds from the ruins, holding the reminder of utter destruction in their wake. The town square of District Twelve had never been anything special, but it was still difficult to look at. How many of the dead bodies down there had been his friends? He was a popular, well liked boy in school. Surely he knew almost everyone buried in the rubble. She couldn't begin to imagine how Peeta felt viewing such a scene.

"When your dad…died," he started, "How long did it take you to get over it?"

She licked her lips, the chilly air sticking to the saliva. "Honestly?"

He nodded.

Katniss glanced back at him and shrugged. "Never. But it gets a little easier every day. But sometimes….I go backwards. Some days it's not easy at all, and others….you can push it to the back of your mind. But it's always there," she admitted, her voice cracking with emotion. The emotional wounds from the day of the explosion that killed her father would never go away. She knew that. A million questions she wanted to ask bounced around on the tip of her tongue, but she knew she could never ask them. She wanted to know what he would do after this, if they were alive. Would kind, sweet Peeta miss his horrible mother? The woman who had called her Seam trash and slapped a healer that was helping her son? Or would he miss his brothers and the way they used to roughhouse in the bakery when they thought she wasn't peering through the back window before a trade? Would his father ever be able to return to the bakery and rebuild it around the ghosts of his wife and two of his sons?

Turning her head, she gazed at the desecration below. The events of the past few weeks blurred through her mind. Already the day of his whipping felt like years ago, yet she could still taste the sugar crystals lining the little pink and red cookie he'd given her. They'd both shocked and comforted her in a time when her world was starting to turn upside down. She wanted to give him his own version of comfort right then, but she had nothing to give.

"I don't know what's going to happen, Peeta. But….you should know that I really do love you," she managed to say, squeezing his hand. "I know that doesn't fix anything, but-"

He shrugged, cutting her off. "No, actually, you're wrong. It fixes most things right now."

She thought he was maybe being darkly sarcastic until the sad yet sincere smile stretched across his face. He sniffed, wiped away the last tear, and turned to trek down the other side of the hill.

"Come on. Let's go home."

Home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Peeta refers to the Seam as 'home' now. Cue the feels...
> 
> Only a few chapters left of this! Big action coming next time around, so hold on to your hats!
> 
> Questions or comments? You can find me on Tumblr at Twilight Cakes. Happy to answer them!
> 
> Thank you for reading and please let me know what you thought : )


	46. Chapter 46

Chapter 45

Peeta

The warmth from the wood burning stove burned against his cheeks as he walked into the Everdeen home. Going from the extreme cold to the roasting heat of the kitchen always made his skin tingle like needles were poking it. The small house was quiet as he gently laid the supplies they'd gotten on the table. His stomach grumbled quietly, but that was in the back of his mind for the moment. The image of the war-torn town had taken over his thoughts for the time being. Every time he closed his eyes to blink, he saw it. She hadn't meant for him to see it, but that certainly didn't erase the haunting images from his thoughts.

"Thank you," Katniss said, breaking the quiet. Peeta turned, his eyes searching hers. He saw her turning something over between her fingers in her coat pocket. Slowly, she pulled out the circular gold pin.

"For what?"

The gold pin was a sharp contrast with her olive skin. Her hands were dry cracked from the cold, but still somehow managed to look perfect to him. She turned it over in her fingers again, and he imagined the feeling of the smooth, worn metal against his skin. The missing weight of the pocket watch from his hand seemed to make his throat close up. He followed her eyes down to the pin in her hand and sighed.

"For not making me trade this."

He shrugged. "It's a symbol of something. Pity to let it go now."

"But I still could have traded it."

He shook his head, gently pulling the soft bag of flour from the satchel.

"No, Katniss. We couldn't give that up. You're the Mockingjay. You heard Gale and Haymitch. We need a symbol. Besides….by the end of the week we won't need it. You can hunt when the coal running the fences runs out, and I can make these supplies last a week, two if I'm careful."

Katniss' eyes flicked up to his. Realization blossomed in her silvery orbs.

Peeta felt his lips turn up into a sad smile. "You weren't the only one who ever had to make food last, Katniss."

He shrugged out of his coat, hanging it near the door. Glancing over the gap in the wall where the wood burning stove was, he noticed his father sleeping on the couch, his chin tucked to his chest. Prim was stretched out on the floor on other side of the wood burning stove, the mangy orange cat purring loudly on her chest. The white haired goat was daintily curled up beside them in a heap of old blankets, looking more than happy to have been allowed inside.

"Where's your mom?"

"Peeta….we were still talking about the pin," Katniss argued quietly, her eyes glancing into the living room. Lowering her voice to keep from disturbing them, she gave him a hard look before glancing down at the table.

"Here's a note. She went to check on the babies she helped last week. Back before dinner," Katniss read. Peeta watched her set the paper back down onto the wooden table – the table that held so many memories for him. He could feel the raised scars from his lashing against the shirt he wore.

"Still, I-"

He turned, silencing her guilt-laced words with his fingertips. "Stop," he pleaded, his voice a hoarse whisper. Leaning forward, he rested his forehead against hers. The weight of the day felt like the entire world on his shoulders, and right then he couldn't take it anymore. He felt like he was drowning in a sea of horrible reality and grief of it all. He needed a lifeline in the mess of things. Peeta blinked slowly, his eyes focusing on hers. Suddenly, he felt like he had one.

"I don't want to talk about it anymore."

His words hung in the air of the warm kitchen. The silence was only cut by the soft snores of his father and Prim's light breaths.

"We shouldn't have to handle this much," he sighed miserably, shaking his head against hers.

Katniss shrugged. "But we do, and we are."

"Are we?"

"You tell me."

Instead of filling the quiet with more words, he pressed his lips against hers. Katniss responded with a surprised squeak, but opened her mouth to welcome his tongue. Peeta swirled his with hers, parting her mouth wider so that he could taste her. It felt like forever since he'd kissed her like this, even if he knew in the back of his mind that it had probably only been a day. The events that had transpired over the past few weeks felt like months. Years. But he belonged with her now.

He was hers and she was his, and there was a war on their doorstep. Those were the facts; the things he knew.

He pushed her through the kitchen, his hands fumbling with hers. Confused, she broke their kiss and looked over her shoulder as he pushed her backwards through the kitchen and around the corner to the storage room. The tiny vials and jars lining the shelves clinked together as he pushed her backside into the shelf. Katniss seemed surprised at his sudden burst of passion, and honestly, so was he. It occurred to him as he dragged his lips down to suckle at her neck that he was only looking for a distraction from the nightmare, if only for a minute. He groaned as she slid backwards onto the ledge of the tiny corner table, parting her legs. It creaked with her weight, but Katniss didn't seem to care, or notice.

Peeta lunged forward again, seizing her mouth with his own. The sudden intense need he felt for her seemed to simmer up inside of him, burning his insides and twisting his gut. It seemed like he'd been cold for years now, and she was the only way he could find warmth. His hands slid up her sides and along her neck, pausing to hold her jaw in place as his mouth lovingly attacked hers. Katniss answered with her own set of roaming hands. Her nails scraped against the sensitive skin against the back of his neck, scratching his scalp as she wove her fingers into his shaggy hair. The way her fingers pulled at the roots of his hair stung enough to make him feel alive for the first time in days. He kissed her harder, molding his mouth to hers as his tongue tasted her. She tasted like the dried mint leaves she was always chewing, mixed with the thyme from the stew at the Hob. Peeta groaned again. His eyes flew open as Katniss roughly pulled his face away from hers. His eyes were wide with panic. Had he frightened her? Been too rough?

"Shhh…" she chided him, her grey eyes bright. "They're in the other room."

Peeta nodded, feeling shameful that he'd just short of attacked her with his amorous assault of sorts. If anything the past few weeks had only deepened his obsession for her. He'd gotten a taste when they'd been together under the table, but the clenching of his heart and the aching in his groin told him he wished for it again. He'd been hasty and handsy with her; neither he was proud of. But how could he control himself when he needed her so much? She'd proved to him earlier that she'd kill for him. While the thought of a life ending sickened him, it was quite another to realize that she'd been willing to do that to protect him. No one had ever made that much of a stand for him. Katniss had shown him that she was his lifeline, his rock – something he could really count on. The intenseness of it all was dizzying. He let his fingers dive into hair, weaving into her loose locks to anchor himself to the present. He kissed her deeply, savoring the feeling of the connection he felt when they were touching.

Katniss was the only thing keeping him grounded and halfway sane, he realized.

"I love you," he wheezed, breaking his lips from hers. She eyed him closely, his vision growing blurry at her closeness. Her silvery orbs darkened in the dim room.

"I love you," she echoed. Her voice was raspy but firm. She meant it.

"We have to be quiet," she whispered urgently, settling further on the rickety table. Peeta gave her a bewildered look.

"What?"

"Can you do this quietly?" she panted. He watched her chest rise and fall with her labored breaths. Her halfway unbuttoned Henley shirt showed the tops of her breasts as they heaved up and down. He wet his lips and nodded.

"They're right there though."

Katniss' eyes moved up to meet his. A glint of something mischievous shone back at him. Leaning forward, she brushed her lips against the outside of his ear. "Then be really…really quiet," she whispered slowly. Her mouth caught on the shell of his ear with each word, the action causing a spark of need to ricochet through his insides. It bounced off of every surface until it ended in his pants. He shifted against the inside of her leg, his hands falling to grip her thighs. She was balanced on the edge of the tiny table; her legs parted with him nestled between them where he stood. He shifted his weight from foot to foot.

Katniss reached forward and grabbed his face. "We need this right now," she said softly, her voice rough.

"I wasn't…I didn't mean to be so rough…"

"No, Peeta, no. You weren't. Just….we need this. Just love me right now. We'll figure everything else out in the morning. Just love me."

She pulled his lips to hers, finishing her words with a firm kiss. She kissed him again and again, each time gentler than the last. When she pulled her lips from this the final time, he nodded.

"Okay," he replied, nodding.

She flashed him a nervous smile before her fingers went to the button on his pants. He wiggled his hips enough to get them down enough to expose himself, and nearly choked on his own spit as she did the same. He'd tried to be a gentleman the last time they'd done this, but he was slightly more unhinged this time. The light from the kitchen poured into the storage room, casting a sliver across Katniss as she sat on the table in front of him. He pressed his lips together in anticipation, raking his eyes over the dark curls between her legs. Katniss turned at the waist to reach for something on the shelf behind her, the worn short riding up. A pang of something that felt like anger crept up on him as her protruding hip bones poked against her skin. Before growing this close to her, he hadn't realized just how frail and lean she'd become over the past winter. He'd always thought of the girl with the bow as a strong, invincible character in his mind, but seeing her exposed like this reminded him that she was human. She was human and she could feel things – things like pain and hunger. He vowed to himself never to let her feel that way again when this was all over.

If they survived it.

She fumbled momentarily, the soft clinks of the glass jars lining the shelves bringing him back to the present. Whipping back around, she shoved another lambskin packet into his fingers. Realizing that it was indeed happening a second time, he ignored his fumbling fingers and slid the strange feeling contraption over himself. Before he knew it, she had scooted to the edge of the table and hooked the leg free of her pants around his.

Reaching down, he gently tested her readiness with his fingers. Katniss jumped in surprise, her eyes flying open. Peeta leaned forward, brushing his lips against her temple. A bead of sweat had formed there, and he found himself kissing it away before he could think.

"Does this hurt?"

Katniss shook her head back and forth, her eyes avoiding his. She bit her bottom lip and groaned softly. "No, feels good. But hurry, we don't have much time. I want to…"

He grunted, pulling his fingers away. "Want to what?"

She made a shaky noise in the back of her throat as he pushed himself between her legs, the warmth and slippery feeling greeting him even through the awkward sheepskin barrier.

"Ulgh…feel you," she wheezed, her fingers clutching around his shoulders. Peeta could barely feel her fingertips slipping under his shirt, her jagged nails drawing blood against his skin as he sunk himself into her. No, and if he felt it he certainly didn't mind it.

He felt alive.

Katniss exhaled shakily as he began a steady, slow rhythm. He was already teetering on the edge just from the sight of her in the dim storeroom, propped on the edge of a table, bare and ready. His teeth nearly tore through his lower lip as he tried to fight the urge to cry out. Katniss clutched him against her, their clothing clad chests pressed together. The chilled air sneaking through the crack in the backdoor made his lower half feel very exposed, but he couldn't worry about that now. Nor could he worry about the fact that Prim and his father were napping two rooms over. Instead, he buried his face in her neck and tried to forget everything but her.

"You can go faster," she whispered, nodding slightly. "You're not….Ulgh…hurting me."

But she seemed so frail to him. Peeta bobbed his head, his member throbbing slightly as he tried to control himself. This was all threatening to end so soon and he felt like they'd just gotten started. But they were in a hurry, so he couldn't complain. Katniss clutched her arms around his shoulders, drawing herself further off the end of the table and more into his grip. He cupped her bare backside in one hand and steadied his thrusts by gripping the other arm around her back. Her muscles clenched around him as he moved, their joining making the little bottles and tins rattle softly behind them.

"Oh…Peeta…." She rasped, nodding slightly. He watched her eyes fall closed. Could she possibly be enjoying this as much as he was?

Tilting his head down, he snuck a glance at the place where they were joined. That was a mistake. The sight of his body firmly sliding into hers and disappearing was more….more than he could have anticipated. His pants around his ankles hindered much of his movement, but he tried his best anyway. Katniss gripped him with her hands and leg and body as she began to tremble. His thighs began to burn and his stomach twisted as he fought to maintain control and not let this end. This couldn't end, he pleaded with himself, not now.

Katniss clutched at his neck and shoulders, pulling herself closer to him. Her quiet, ragged breaths grew spaced as if she was holding her breath. He ignored the tired feeling in his wobbly legs and kept pushing the need to explode inside of her down. Pulling back, he met her gaze and understood the desperate look to her eyes. She was chasing her finish and he knew it. Reaching down, he paused long enough to focus the pad of his thumb at the apex of their joined bodies. Katniss whimpered into his neck, her hot breath making him shudder and sloppily kiss her earlobe. He knew the feeling she was experiencing; so close to coming yet there was something stopping it. He often had that problem growing up in a house with two brothers and two parents who had a knack for not stopping to knock before barging through the door. The worry of being caught never overpowered the need for release, but the lingering fear in the back of his mind made it harder to concentrate and actually get there. It was the sweetest, most terrifying torture he'd ever felt. And Katniss was feeling it now.

Swallowing his fear, he glanced over his shoulder towards the kitchen to make sure no one was watching them. The quiet stillness greeted him. Peeta removed his thumb from her delicate nub, wiping some of the slickness on the edge of his shirt. He returned it to her clit with more friction and was met with a shuddering mewl from Katniss as she came.

"Oh!" her strangled moan was cut off as she lowered her face to his neck. Peeta felt her teeth start to sink into his skin as her inner muscles clenched and writhed against him. Even through the awkward barrier of the sheepskin condom she felt exquisite. He followed seconds later, his body tumbling over the edge at the first thought.

His legs felt as unsteady as a newborn calf and his arm had a Charlie horse from holding her weight against the table, but he didn't care. Peeta rested his chin on her shoulder, lazily pushing his hand up the back of her shirt to stroke the damp skin. A bead of sweat rolled down her spine onto his fingers as he stared behind her at the jars and bottles of the store room. Licking his lip, he pressed two fingers to the place where she'd stifled her moans against his skin.

"I'm sorry," she offered hoarsely, pulling down her shirt.

"Don't be," he mumbled, shaking his head. He glanced over his shoulder into the kitchen again, a new nervousness settling over him. "We should clean up."

Katniss nodded. Peeta pulled out, a short gasp of air leaving his lungs. He already missed the warmth of her. His eyes flicked up to hers as she handed him a rag from one of the shelves to use to clean himself up. Once they were both dressed, he followed her to the doorway of the small storage room. Katniss turned back to him, clasping her hand in his. She didn't say anything for a moment; she only stood there, her bright eyes scanning him up and down. Leaning in, she rested her forehead against the crook in his neck.

"Thank you," she muttered against his still-flushed skin.

She pulled away and he couldn't hide the surprised look on his face. "You're thanking me?" he asked in disbelief.

Katniss nodded. "I am."


	47. Chapter 47

Chapter 46

Peeta

The familiar smell of baking bread wafted into his nose, warming him. An already baked loaf of bread sat in a tin on top of the wood burning stove, and another was nearly finished in the oven. Peeta wiped the flour from his hands, the bits of dough falling from the crevices of his skin into the metal sink. It was a good to feel that again. Comforting and familiar.

The temperature had risen outside while everyone napped and he baked; the melting snow was dripping off the roof onto the muddy ground below it. Steam rose from the soggy earth, and the constant dripping sound was strangely comforting. Maybe spring would arrive just yet.

His skin still stung a little where Katniss' nails had lightly scraped him earlier. Peeta felt his lips turn upward into a smile as he let himself bask in the memory of it. That was one injury he didn't mind a bit.

"I take it all went well then? No one gave you any trouble?"

Peeta looked up from his little trance. His father was sitting at the kitchen table with some tea, his bad leg propped up on the stool beside him. He knew his father had been worried to send him to the Hob, but that idea only made Peeta smirk. He'd been more than safe with Katniss.

"No. No trouble."

After their storage room tryst, Katniss had given him an almost shy smile before slipping from the room. While she'd napped on the floor by the stove with Prim, he'd taken it upon himself to start baking. He planned on making dinner that night with what was left of Prim's goat cheese and some dried herbs. Melted onto fresh bread and paired with some cured meat, it wouldn't be a half bad supper. Then again, they were all at the point where just about anything wouldn't have been a half bad supper. He was just starting the second loaf when his father had tip-toed into the kitchen to talk about his day.

"When will her mom be back?"

"Went to see the neighbor she helped a few days ago. Wanted to make sure those babies were alright. Said she'd been gone a few hours," his father sighed. His calloused fingertips drummed on the table for a moment.

Peeta picked up a towel, moving the hot tin of baked bread from the stove to the countertop. Glancing over his shoulder, he noticed the far-off look in his father's eyes when he talked about Mrs. Everdeen. It was obvious there was something there.

"Okay. Just wondering," he sniffed, brushing more flour off his hands. "You hungry?"

His father glanced over at him. "Oh….erm, yes."

Peeta frowned slightly, but understood. Hunger was usually at the front of everyone's mind in District 12 – that much wasn't new. However, he understood that even hunger could take a backseat when one was worried about another person. In his case, it was Katniss. He had been easy to ignore the loosening pant waist and constant clench of hunger in his belly when he was too busy worrying about her. He supposed that wasn't too different for his dad.

He turned around to lean on the counter. "I got a lot of money today. It went well. Katniss is a good barterer."

"Nothing about her told me she wouldn't be," his father chuckled softly, shaking his head. Peeta noticed his hands go to twist the wedding band that was no longer there. Realizing his mistake, his father noticeably grimaced. A pang of pain sliced through Peeta's heart. Turning back around, he began carefully slicing the warm loaf.

"You keep that money. When this is over, you can use it to start over."

"Not sure there will be anything to start over for," Peeta sighed. "Not even sure what I'd want to do with it."

His father cleared his throat. "You erm…wouldn't have to bake. Not to keep me happy, anyway. Use it to start over. Start your life. Don't think you have to be a baker."

Peeta sniffed, straightening the pieces of bread he'd just cut. He gave his father an appreciative glance over his shoulder.

"Thanks, but….I think baking is the only thing I can do."

His father was quiet for a moment.

"Just be sure that…whatever you do you…you don't have any regrets, son."

Peeta turned around, leaning on the counter. "What do you mean?" he asked, even though it was obvious. It was impossible to miss the way his father looked at Katniss' mother. The longing glances, the tentative smiles, the way his voice changed when he talked to her or about her. It was obvious that the only regret he has was the woman who had sewn up his leg. Did he even miss the woman who had been blown to pieces in the bakery?

"I just want you to know-"

"-Dad, look….it's alright. You don't have to-"

His father grimaced, shaking his head again as if he was trying to shoo away whatever unpleasant thing he was thinking. Peeta was certain he knew what his father was thinking. His brothers were dead, and so was his mother. The mother that yelled at him, hit him, humiliated him all those years. His father didn't have to say what he was struggling over. It was clear enough.

How could they mourn someone and at the same time be relieved that they were gone?

"I think….I should have done things differently. In my life, that is."

"But…"

His father held up his hand. "Not to say that I'm not pleased with you and…and your brothers," he sighed sadly. "You boys are….and were…the light of my life. Best thing I ever did was you kids."

He paused a moment, his cheeks growing slowly ruddy with emotion. His jaw clenched and unclenched as he fought a sudden onslaught of something. Peeta watched, his hands tightening against the wooden countertop. In the living room, Katniss and Prim still napped in front of the fire, oblivious to all of this. Peeta wondered if Katniss really had any idea how his father felt about her mother.

"I never told her. How I felt," he muttered softly. "Wouldn't have mattered. She was over the moon for Everdeen, always was. Didn't stand a chance."

Peeta glanced at his father. "I know the feeling."

They exchanged wry smiles. "Yes, you do. But you made a move. You changed your fate. Paid dearly for it, but…you did it. You did what I couldn't do, son."

Peeta winced at the mention of the painful memory that had changed his fate with Katniss; he had scars from it that he would carry the rest of his life. But in moments like the one they'd shared just an hour ago in her mother's storage room, he knew it was completely worth it. If he died tomorrow at the hands of the Capitol, he would at least die knowing that he'd lived.

"It wasn't easy. I paid for it," Peeta replied darkly. He started arranging the cut pieces of bread on a metal tray, spreading goat cheese over it with a dull knife. The creamy substance started to melt almost instantly against the still-warm bread. His insides felt like they were being stabbed with hunger as he prepared the food.

"You did. When I heart you'd been whipped, I thought for sure it was some stunt. Maybe the Peace Keepers were using you to set some sort of example. Some sort of show to let everyone know that not even the town folks were safe from it all. But then your mother came home fuming….I heard her mutter something about Katniss and I knew. I almost knew what had happened."

Peeta bit back a smile. "You did?"

His father shrugged. "Didn't take much for me to figure it out, that's for sure. I'd seen the way you looked at her. Recognized it when she came into the bakery. I may have….looked at someone similarly over the years. It's not hard to see it when it's a look you know yourself."

"Right," Peeta sighed. "Well I guess I was just tired of standing by. I had to do something to show her I was….alive. In the same district as her. I didn't think she even cared who I was before that and I just…went a little nuts I guess. I don't even remember having to think about going up to that podium," he shrugged. "I sound like a fool."

"No," his father sighed. "Just a man in love. You did what you had to do, and now…."

"Now what?"

"Now we have to wait and see I guess. I'm sorry son. I don't mean to unload on you. Especially after the past few days."

"It's alright. But….why did you stay with her? I know you didn't love her."

His father straightened in his chair, brushing a hand through his hair. It was speckled with more grey that Peeta remembered.

"I wouldn't say that. I loved her for…for what she gave me. She gave me you. She gave me support. She drove me to push myself, my business. She kept our family running. Your mother, she…she didn't do it the best way all the time, but I have to give her credit."

Peeta was silent. The only thing he could think of was the memory of being drugged on the table that stood two feet from him now, and the sound of his wretched mother slapping kind Mrs. Everdeen across the face. He was reluctant to give her any sort of credit. Why in the midst of all this could he only see her wickedness? He was supposed to be mourning the woman that had tortured him physically and emotionally for years. Instead, he could feel the relief slowly but steadily bubbling up in his chest.

"We owe her, Peeta. She's gone now, but…she was my wife, and your mother and she did the best she could with what I gave her. Whatever little that was, I suppose….." he was silent a moment, shaking his head. "Son, she stayed with a man who could only give her half of his heart."

Peeta stared at the man in front of him; half crippled his heart exposed and raw and his blue eyes full of tears. Whatever happened next, he thought, he hoped his father came out on the other side with Katniss' Mother. Perhaps she could heal broken hearts as well as she could heal whipping wounds and leg gashes.

A loud, rapping knock on the door broke the silence, making them jump. Peeta moved to the door, exchanging a perplexed look with his father. Katniss stirred on the living room floor. Peeta held up a hand as she stood. He cautiously opened the door.

Gale stared back at him.

"Gale?"

His lanky frame pushed past him and over the threshold.

"Gale, what is it?" Katniss asked, standing up. She sleepily rubbed her eyes and flashed him a look of annoyance as he eyed the three of them.

"Tomorrow, be at the Hob at dawn. It's starting."

"What? Gale, what's starting?" Katniss asked. She looked at Peeta. He shrugged back, telling her he was as clueless as she was.

"What starts?" he asked.

Gale smirked. "We learn to fight."


	48. Chapter 48

Chapter 47

Katniss

"Tomorrow, be at the Hob at dawn. It's starting."

"What? Gale, what's starting?" Katniss asked. She looked at Peeta. He shrugged back, telling her he was as clueless as she was.

"What starts?" he asked.

Gale smirked. "We learn to fight."

She was awake at first light the next morning.

Lying there, breathing.

Waiting.

Planning.

Hoping.

Could they really be trained to fight? The lot of them – a handful of angry townspeople that were left, a half-starved population of the Seam, and a few hardened miners? It didn't seem like much to start with, but what choice did they have? Gale was convinced they had a fighting chance of striking back at the Capitol should they invade.

Peeta was still asleep. They'd fallen asleep in front of the wood burning stove in the living room. Gale had stayed until the wee hours of the morning, elaborating on what Haymitch had told him. Her best friend got excited easily when it came to things like rebellions and fighting back and uprisings. Each time he told the story of how Haymitch had let him listen in on the communications with the rebels outside of the districts, his voice got more and more animated. Her mother had pulled the curtains closed around midnight, blacking the light of their kitchen candles out from any prying eyes.

Katniss shook her head at Gale's romantic notion of war. The Capitol wouldn't invade Twelve with angry fists and men wanting to fight fair, hand to hand combat. He hadn't been there that day in town to witness the destruction that the Capitol could bring with its hovercrafts and bombs and fancy weapons. No, their payback would be harsh and swift and terrible. But Gale wouldn't listen, she knew. They were all beyond reason.

Her joints were stiff but ready.

She glanced over at Peeta, who was on his back beside her. The silvery morning light that managed to creep through the holes in the shabby living room curtains made his skin look paler than ever next to her own. Even in the dead of winter, her Seam skin held its normal glow.

As if he could feel her eyes on him, his lids slowly fluttered open. He greeted her with an almost dreamy smile, like he couldn't believe he was waking up beside her. It made her forget how to breathe for a second before he stretched and his face became somber. She heard a few joints pop and snap in protest.

"Good morning."

She gave him a silent smile. They watched each other for a moment, enjoying the silence of the early morning. All too soon reality would strike.

"Does your back still hurt? Where you got whipped?"

He shook his head.

"No. Feels like a million years ago."

She tried not to let him see her shudder. It sure didn't feel like a million years ago that she was piecing the ripped slivers of flesh back into place on his back.

"We need to get ready."

Peeta paused, his blue eyes pleading for one more minute. She obliged him, silently wishing they had more time for moments like these. Would they even survive another day to have them? She didn't know.

They dressed quietly, layering on as many holey socks and knit shirts and threadbare thermal pieces of clothes she'd been able to find. Peeta's father hobbled downstairs as Peeta was lightly toasting a few pieces of bread leftover from dinner the night before. Katniss watched as he held the iron tongs into the wood burning stove, holding them at just the right angle to lightly brown the bread. He did it with a practiced touch, only allowing the crusts to get the faintest brown and the center a honeyed golden color. She never had the patience to properly toast bread – she usually just jammed it into the flame too quickly, burning it. Prim usually had to scrape the black off with a butter knife.

"You want some toast?"

He held the tongs in her direction, offering a piece of the fluffy white bread he'd baked for them. They didn't have anything fancy like butter or cheese to melt on top of it, but she certainly wasn't complaining. Lightly brown toast was better than nothing but peppermint leaves and dandelion tea any day. Reaching out, she gingerly pulled the perfectly toasted bread from the tongs and ripped off a piece. She suppressed a moan as the warm heat from the flames made the yeasty bread practically melt on her tongue. The crust was rough, but settled into her stomach and chased away any lingering hunger pains. As she finished the last of it, she dared herself to think of a time and place where she had as much to eat as she'd like – she was certain she could probably eat for several days and never get full.

"Here," Mr. Mellark offered. "I traded a half a loaf of bread with the old folks next door last night. They weren't going to drink this anyway," he sighed, handing her a tin mug.

The familiar smell of coffee wafted up over the lid. Her eyebrows rose in surprise.

"Coffee?"

He nodded. "I erm….your mother said she missed it, so I thought I'd…." he trailed off, giving her a hopeful shrug. She sipped the drink, more to be polite than anything else. She'd never had coffee before, but the aroma mixed with the bitter taste wasn't altogether unappealing. She offered Peeta's father a grateful smile before handing the cup to Peeta to share. He took a happy gulp, dropping a thick piece of toast onto a plate. Katniss wrinkled her nose.

"Isn't it bitter to you too?"

"Bakers live by coffee," he explained quietly. "Think she'd want some?"

He motioned to Prim, who was bent over the kitchen table still fast asleep. She had a meager pile of herbs in front of her that'd she'd obviously fallen asleep separating. Preparing to heal the wounded, Katniss realized. She swallowed thickly as she realized her little sister, tiny Prim – was even preparing herself for the horrible war that was soon to ensue.

She leaned over, ruffling Prim's long hair. It was a rat's nest of snarls that morning, but that would soon be the last of the little girl's problems. Soon she would have wounded people to help try to heal with her meager supplies of herbs and tinctures that were left over from the long winter.

Katniss fastened her coat buttons and secured a hat over her ears. It didn't seem fair. The Capitol had endless supplies of guns and ammunition and medicines so extravagant they could heal the wounded almost immediately – she'd seen documentaries at school highlighting the wondrousness of the Capitol and its modern medicine.

She was ready to leave when Peeta pulled her off to the side in the living room. Before she could protest, he was fastening the golden mockingjay pin to the inside of her coat lapel.

"Peeta..."

"No one can see it here," he said quietly, his thick fingers struggling slightly to clip the fastener. "But it's a symbol. You should wear it."

"I hate it," she grumbled, shaking her head.

"No, you hate that Haymitch calls you 'Mockingjay' when he wants to stir up the rebels and use you for his cause," he replied softly, a faint smile appearing on his lips. Her heart stuttered as his blue eyes stared back at her through his shaggy hair.

"But that's not why I'm pinning it on you. It's to remind you today that…that you are your own symbol, not what that old drunk calls you. You're just like the mockingjay, Katniss."

She smirked.

"And how's that?"

Peeta finished fastening it and carefully tucked it inside her coat, invisible to the eye.

"You're small but determined. Something the Capitol didn't see coming or expect, and….you're rare. You're a survivor in the midst of a war. The Capitol isn't going to expect you to survive whatever it has planned, but you will. Just like mockingjay. They left them out in the woods to die off, but they didn't. And that's just like you. Because you're going to survive this Katniss. We both are."

She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. What could she say to such a beautiful sentiment? She didn't feel like a mockingjay in any sense of the word, but she didn't have it in her to argue with Peeta's heartfelt words about her. How could he be so utterly positive and say something so poignant when they were practically staring down the barrel of a loaded gun?

They mumbled goodbyes to Peeta's father before stepping out into the cold air. It was slightly warmer than the days before and the sun was finally shining, however, it did nothing to improve her mood.

"What's wrong?" Peeta asked, bumping her arm through her thick coat.

She gave him a slightly incredulous look.

"You mean besides impending war and our imminent deaths?"

She'd meant it as sarcasm, but Peeta seemed to find the absurdity in her question. He chuckled.

"Yeah, sure."

She shrugged, suddenly struggling to put one foot in front of the other. It all just suddenly seemed too hopeless. The despair of her realization threatened to suffocate her. It was suddenly hard to even breathe. She licked her chapped lips and tried to explain herself to Peeta.

"You remember that story from when we were kids? About the rabbit and the turtle? When they race?"

"You mean the tortoise and the hare?"

Leave it to Peeta to be articulate at a time like this.

"Same thing."

"Yeah, I remember. Why?"

She blew out what felt like her last breath of warm air. It made a cloud in front of her face.

"That's how I feel. Like we're the slowest, most unequipped thing in a race against the Capitol. They have every advantage. They're rich, they're advanced, they're-"

"-Don't you remember how that ends?"

"I know how it ends, Peeta, I was just using those particular animals as an example. Fine, a bear and a turtle. Who would win?"

He shrugged again. "You're forgetting the moral of the story. It's a fable about cleverness and deception. The tortoise takes on a bully when he's finally had enough. The hare lost because he was overconfident and cocky. If that's how this will play out then…I'm alright with that."

"You think of District Twelve as being the target of a bully?"

They turned the corner towards the Hob. Both of them were starting to warm up and the walking came easier as they neared the sight of their training.

"No," Peeta answered, shaking his head. "I think all of Panem is tired of being the target of a bully. And yes, I think the Capitol is overconfident and not taking us seriously. Panem has had more than enough time to be picked on and left hungry. I think this is exactly like that little fable."

She decided right away that she didn't care for Peeta with a gun in his hands.

If she'd been another girl in another time or perhaps in another place, she would have been able to appreciate the way he looked with a gun; all masculine and sweaty and almost feral. She stood watching as he took his turn running through the small obstacle course a few of the townspeople had built behind the Hob for them to practice in. Peeta was sweating profusely despite the chill in the spring air, his hair sticking up every which way and his face smeared with dirt. His sleeves were pushed up to his elbows revealing the muscular sinews of his forearms. The shirt he wore belonged to her father and was almost too small- it stretched cross his back and shoulders as he ran and ducked around the makeshift course. They rarely fired the guns they'd stolen from the Peacekeepers for fear they would run out of ammunition. The storage sheds the Peacekeepers used to store all of the ammunition were still locked and every attempt to break through the heavy steel doors had bene unsuccessful so far. From what she could tell though, Peeta was a decent shot.

He just didn't look like her Peeta with a gun in his hands.

He belonged in the kitchen at her house, his hands submerged in bread dough. He should smell like flour and yeast and cinnamon instead of ammunition and gunpowder. Hands like Peea's didn't look right being used for destruction.

Beside her, Madge shifted uncomfortably. Katniss looked over at her.

"You alright?"

The blonde girl nodded.

"Yeah, just…still getting used to this. I feel strange holding this. I still feel like one of them is going to break out of their chains and come and shoot us all."

Katniss shuddered at the mental picture. She feared the same. Before the whipping, she would have almost said she had nothing left to lose. She had Prim and her mother she knew, but what good was that if she couldn't even feed them? But now…now she had food. And hope. And Peeta.

She had more to lose than she could bear.

"No other option though, right?"

They'd been practicing for almost six hours so far – after being handed Peacekeeper guns that morning, Haymitch had directed a lesson on how to assemble the Peacekeeper guns. She hoped that was something he'd learned from being in the Capitol, but wasn't sure of anything anymore. From there it was target practice on some old hay bales. Then the makeshift obstacle course to practice running through it with long sticks. When they'd managed to do that without jabbing themselves or each other, they'd been handed the real guns to run with.

She glanced down at the gun in her hands. It wasn't like the disassembled ones she'd seen sold in the Hob. Those were all bits and pieces of steely looking metal and brown, intricately caved wood. Of course they were completely illegal to own or trade whole, so she'd only seen a few in her lifetime.

The Peacekeeper guns were different. The smooth white plastic and silver titanium made them very light and seem almost breakable. Of course they weren't; everything the Capitol had was sleek, practically indestructible and amazingly efficient. No wonder they made shooting people look so easy, she thought as she held up her gun to examine it.

Her mind went back to the day she'd witnessed two Peacekeepers executing a man in the town square. The alien looking white clad officer had lifted the gun, much like the one in her hands to the man's head and pulled the trigger without even a hesitation.

Looking at the gun in her hands, she wondered how many people it had been used to murder.

The sound of a blast echoed though the landscape, making everyone jump and then pause. She heard a few whoops of joy before realizing that the miners must have finally figured out how to create an explosive device strong enough to blow open the doors of the Peacekeepers' ammunition shed.

Peeta caught her eye from across the small field and waved his fist in the air in a signal of a small victory. She smiled, nodding back at him.

Haymitch's rough grunt tore her from her thoughts.

"Hey. Girl. Come over here."

She was annoyed he was calling her 'girl' after everything, but she wasn't in the mood to fight him. No, she was saving all the fight she had. At least he hadn't called her Mockingjay again.

He ambled over to her. He somehow pulled off a temperament that was a cross between half drunk and extremely capable – she wasn't sure if he was going to fight her or fall over and pass out cold.

He was walking towards her, his boots sliding as he navigated the slippery terrain of mud and slush. It wasn't clear if the mud splattered up the front of his worn cargo pants was due to a drunken fall or a run through the obstacle course. But she wasn't focused on Haymitch's muddy pants.

Instead she was focused on what he was carrying strapped to his side.

He stopped in front of her and unhooked the thick, nylon looking strap from his shoulder. It was shaped like a bow and arrow but was unlike anything she'd ever seen.

"Know anyone who might know how to use this thing, sweetheart?"

Katniss balked, her eyes growing wide. She looked around to see if any of the miscellaneous mish mash of townspeople and Seam folk were listening to his words. It was a casual betrayal at best, really. Anyone who had ever been to the Hob knew she hunted. That wasn't a secret. But what was a secret was how she hunted. Her father's bow that she kept hidden in the woods was a colossal secret. Having an unauthorized, unregistered weapon in District Twelve was a crime far more punishable than poaching on Capitol land. She'd never worried though; her hunting brought in furs and meat to trade, and lots of it. Everyone loved her fat squirrels she was notorious for bringing in for trades at the Hob.

But no one ever asked her how she got them.

They knew to not ask questions. No one brought it up at the Hob – they were just glad to have something so worthy to trade their wares for. Katniss had provided food for each one of the vendors at one point or another, and her business was good for the illegal market.

Seam people knew to leave well enough alone. No one talked about it.

She glanced around, still wary. Any trust she had for Haymitch was long gone. Satisfied that the crowd of trainees was more interested in the obstacle course or loading up on the newly acquired ammunition, she followed when Haymitch motioned to her.

"What is that?" she asked bluntly, nodding to the weapon.

Haymitch thrust it into her hands this time instead of offering it.

"Bow. Although I'd wager it's a pinch more dangerous than the one you're used to using," he replied, giving her a wink. His eyes were clearer than usual today.

"What makes you think I know how to use this?"

He gave her a skeptical look before reaching over and unlocking the trigger.

"I seen you bring in those kills to the Hob. Squirrels, rabbits, geese, pheasant…." He hummed to himself shaking his head. "Now how do you suppose you got all those animals out there in the woods?"

Katniss made a face. "I talked them into giving up," she replied snidely, gripping the bow in her right hand. She plucked at the string with her free hand, testing the tautness of it. It was far stronger and harder to pull than her father's bow – even with a new string on it that she invested in every spring it didn't come close to being that strong.

"I got news, Sweetheart: your hunting is the worse kept secret in the Seam. Just about everyone hopes you done nailed a dozen of them fat squirrels every time you set foot in the Hob."

She frowned up at him.

"You've eaten one of the squirrels I've shot?"

He shrugged. "Even a drunk's gotta eat."

It was none of his damn business how she got all of her game to trade. As intrigued as she was with the shiny Capitol bow, she was also more than slightly perturbed that the old drunk would dare bring it up.

She absently plucked the bow and watched as Peeta finished running through the obstacle course. At the very end, he ducked behind a bale of hay, crouching down. Peeking around the side, he fired the Peacekeeper gun and hit the target. She raised an eyebrow. Peeta wasn't a bad shot. Once finished, he jogged over to her side. He was sweating despite the cold and his hair was pushed up into every direction.

"Hey," he greeted brightly, wiping his damp forehead with his arm. "What's that for?"

Haymitch grunted out an answer before she could speak.

"Just hopin' I could get your girl here to show me how this fancy Capitol bow works. She's not sure she can hit the targets though…"

Much to her chagrin, Peeta took the bait.

"Oh I know she can! My dad used to buy her squirrels from her – said she was the only person he'd ever seen that could hit them straight through the eyes. Better shot than any man in the district. Least that's what he said…."

Peeta finally noticed the daggers she was glaring at him. Several people nearby had stopped to hear his words of praise for her shooting, and now a crowd of them was actively gawking and not doing much to hide their eavesdropping. Her shoulders slumped as Peeta looked around with a wince. Haymitch beamed with amusement before raising his eyebrows.

"You gonna show us how it's done then, Sweetheart?"

Katniss fumed silently. She'd never wanted to haul off and smack someone as much as she wanted to Haymitch. And Peeta. But damn that boy couldn't take a hint, she thought. By that time most of the people training in the muddy yard were watching her. Gale stood off to the side, smirking as she walked a safe distance from the crowd. It didn't matter – they parted easily, everyone eying the fancy Capitol bow that had been found in the storage with the rest of the ammunition. Her stomach roiled beneath her coat as she walked to the edge of the practice area that was lined with the gun targets. The pieces of plywood were ragged with bullet holes and already looked like they were nearly ready to fall over with wear. But that didn't matter. She wasn't just aiming for those.

All chatter had died down while she loaded an arrow into place. It felt strange and foreign; the bow was light and so was the arrow – both felt awkwardly out of place next to the strength she had to put forth to pull back the string. She let the first arrow sail through the air, the piercing whistle it left in its wake a satisfying sound. It hit one of the far targets – a little to the left, but still decent. She fired a few more arrows, growing steadily aware of the attention she was drawing to herself but no longer caring.

If she was perhaps going to die in several days when the Capitol was going to retaliate, shouldn't she at least be able to fight back, for whatever it was worth?

As she pulled back another arrow in the high tech bow, she realized that the reason she despised Haymitch so much was because he had used her to get what he wanted. He'd gotten the miners riled up, he'd gotten the mines blown to smithereens, and he'd gotten the war against the Capitol that had stolen his love and self of sense worth.

So what was she getting out of this?

She began to get used to the feeling of the bow in her hands – the arrows were flying easier now. They hit the center of the target almost each time. The bow began to feel like her old one – like an extension of her arm. Again and again she fired, each arrow representing something new to her. Each one became a weapon to fight back for something she loved. With each swish of the bow releasing and the whistle of the arrow flying through the air she pictured it as a reason for her fighting.

Her mother.

Swish!

Prim.

Swish!

Gale.

Swish!

Peeta.

Swish!

She loaded the last arrow against the string. Her arms were beginning to ache with all the muscles she was using to operate it, but she didn't care. She wanted to make this last one count. Changing her aim at the last moment, she fired past the targets, past the Hob, and into the field behind it. The arrow hit the dilapidated old Peacekeeper vehicle that had been dumped years ago in the middle of the barren space. The arrow lodged itself into the door of the rusted out vehicle with a dull thump.

She glanced over her shoulder at Haymitch, who was still watching her with rapt attention. Her message was clear.

If she was going to fight, she was going to fight for her future and her right to live – not for Haymitch and his cause. The last arrow was for herself.


	49. Chapter 49

Chapter 48

Peeta

He glanced down at the cool metal in his palm. The gun was at his side with the safety on, but it still felt very much alive and ready for action. He'd never held a gun before yesterday – he'd never thought he'd need it for one moment in his simple little life.

That was the joke, really – the gun was ready for action, but he was not.

But now, here he was: trained (somewhat), armed, and ready to go to battle and join the rebellion against the Capitol. It didn't seem quite right.

He wanted to fight, don't be mistaken. But even after two whole days of nonstop training and drills and preparation he still felt utterly lost. The drive to fight for what he wanted was there but the know-how was missing. Oh well, he thought, I don't have time to worry about that now.

Leaning in, he rested his elbow on the old barrel he was crowded around with Haymitch and Gale. They were listening in on Capitol radio, waiting for some sort of hint or clue as to what losses the city had suffered due to the uprisings in the other districts. Haymitch claimed any information would help them when push came to shove. Peeta wasn't entirely certain what that meant, but he was willing to lend an ear to the old radio.

It seemed useless. The Capitol was still running its normal drivel; a frivolous string of propaganda promoting the President and the union of Panem. It also ran fluffy news reports about shortages of supplies from the districts. Peeta snorted as the news reporter droned on and on with her funny Capitol accent (full of 'Oh Dear's!' and 'How dreadful!'s) about how there was a shortage of a certain type fresh fish and pineapple. Oh, and their strawberry supplies were low and that the citizens needed to 'have care' when ordering supplies of such things for consumption at social gatherings.

Pineapples? He thought with disgust. Who on earth worried about a shortage in Pineapples? It was a tart fruit he'd used once or twice from a can to decorate a cake at the bakery. He couldn't imagine a shortage of the silly food being important, much less making the news.

"We'll give 'em something to whine about," Gale muttered under his breath. "We'll give 'em hell."

Peeta rolled his eyes. They just seemed like whiny, spoiled children to him in the Capitol – nothing less. They had no idea the damage they caused and at what cost.

"Fish and fruit. Those come from Four," Haymitch muttered. "Good for them."

People were immersed in training and preparation for war. The Hob was bustling with people as they traded for food, weapons, and took their shifts guarding the Peacekeepers.

The announcer switched to a pre-recorded speech from one of President Snow's associates re-telling the stories of the horrible war from the dark days. Gale flipped off the old radio with a grunt. "So they still have power, obviously."

"But for how much longer?" Peeta asked. "You said it yourself it was only a matter of time before the generators running the power to them ran out of fuel. I mean, imagine how much energy is used there. Not just used, wasted. Gale, they're worried about running low on strawberries and pineapples. You think those people don't waste?"

Gale shrugged, his face unreadable. "Maybe, but that's a moot point while we wait. Once the fences are off, then…"

"Then you and Katniss can hunt. And get food to everyone, lift their spirits," Haymitch interjected. He straightened up with a grimace, reaching into his coat pocket for the clear bottle that was always there. Peeta watched him take a short pull from the bottle and wipe his lips on his coat sleeve.

"Once the power is off, that also will leave them vulnerable. The systems guarding their military base and the main part of the Capitol will be down. They'll be defenseless –they'll never see it coming."

Peeta frowned. "See what coming?"

Haymitch ignored his question. "Come here," he motioned to Peeta.

Peeta followed, exchanging a confused look with Gale before obeying the older man. They wound their way around empty carts and booths in the Hob, Peeta trying to look less wide-eyed and innocent and more deserving of the gun he had strapped to his back. Battle training was interesting. He'd never held a weapon before and knew how clueless he looked. But he didn't want to be so helpless and soft anymore – he wanted to be liked Katniss: cunning, tough, and driven. Ever since Haymitch had given her that bow she'd changed somehow. She didn't look just ready for war….she looked hungry for it. Seeing her hit the targets with precision with that determined look on her face….she really was the Mockingjay, he realized. He'd always known she had fight in her. Now he truly believed it.

"Got something for your girl," Haymitch grunted.

"What's that?"

Haymitch glanced over his shoulder warily, his only slightly glassy eyes scanning the area around them. Peeta followed his gaze, although he didn't notice anything out of the ordinary. People were bustling about the Hob, talking excitedly about the rebellion and their training. People were just happy to have hope again. They weren't paying the two of them any attention.

"Found them last night digging through the Peacekeeper supplies. I'm pretty sure they go with that fancy bow she's got. Where is she?"

"Training," Peeta answered. It just so happened that his girlfriend was the only person in town besides a Peacekeeper who had decent aim – she was spending every free second she could that day helping the remaining people of the district learn to shoot their weapons with even the slightest bit of accuracy.

Peeta glanced around as Haymitch led him to the back of the Hob, stopping at a locker with a padlock on it. Haymitch twisted the rusty dial, opening the metal locker with a grinding noise. Peeta watched the door swing open with a metallic groan. Haymitch reached in, fumbled around for a moment, and handed Peeta a quiver full of arrows. He took them and immediately noticed the feathers on the ends of these were different – they were red instead of the normal black ones Katniss had been using for practice.

"Give these to her later tonight. These aren't used for practice," Haymitch replied.

"What are they?" Peeta asked, turning them over in his hands. They looked like regular arrows, but he had a feeling regular arrows weren't kept in a locked box.

"Special arrows. For her to use…. in case."

Peeta looked at Haymitch blankly. "In case of what?"

The older man groaned and yanked them back from Peeta's grasp. "You see the red tips? That means they're explosives. She fires them and whatever she hits gets blown to bits. She fires one of these at something and it'll shake the ground so hard they'd feel it in Thirteen. So like I said…these ain't for practicin'. You hear?"

Peeta could only nod. He was now handling explosives? And Thirteen? There was no one in Thirteen to feel any sort of blast…..was there? Thirteen had been blown up and nuked by the Capitol ages ago. Nothing else existed but the obliterated crust of the earth, or so they'd been told. Did Haymitch know something else that they didn't? He hurried away from Haymitch. He didn't want any more questions answered.

He took a shift that afternoon guarding the Peacekeepers with Gale. The taller, slightly older boy stood beside him as they maintained their position a safe distance away from the chained up prisoners in their white uniforms. The back part of the Hob where they were being kept chained to their posts reeked of body stench and urine, making Peeta's stomach turn. Once a day the area was washed out with soapy water and the windows were opened, but not much else was being done to make the remaining living Peacekeepers very comfortable. Greasy Sae, as Katniss affectionately called her, was walking around with a thin stew and ladling it into their mouths.

"Not sure why we're keepin' them alive," Gale muttered beside him. "And feeding them decent food to boot."

"Guess they're just trying to be somewhat civil," Peeta reasoned, digging at the dirty floor of the Hob with the toe of his boot. The doors of the Hob were open that day, letting a fresh breeze of air into the dank warehouse. It wasn't warm by any means, but the frigid cold was finally letting up and giving them a break from the snow and ice. Everything was steadily melting, creating a mucky mixture of half-melted ice and mud. It wasn't ideal, but days were slowly getting longer and it was a good twenty degrees above freezing temperatures so Peeta wasn't complaining. A few steady days with warmer temperatures and three solid meals a day had made him feel a thousand times better in a short span of time. His breakfast of bread and cheese and steel cut oats sat heavy in his stomach, reminding him once again how it felt to be strong and well-fed. Now if only they could get past the fences and into the woods….

"More than they ever did for us. Hell, we'd all be under gravestones right about now if the damn Peacekeepers had their way. Not even that –they'd have us buried in a pile of rubble. Never saw any of them helping us out."

Peeta winced. The image of his mother and brothers buried in the still smoldering piles of rubble that were the town made him shudder. Their bodies were probably still there, half buried with rock and ash. No one would have moved them, or better, buried them yet. They were just there, waiting – dead. He shifted his weight and gripped his gun. "Yeah, but…don't you think we're better than they are?"

Gale glanced at him, then back at the Peacekeepers.

Peeta continued. "They're animals," he muttered, his eyes resting on Thread in particular. The man that had punished him that day was tied to post, his head hanging low as he either slept or rested his eyes. He was the picture of sheer misery. Peeta tried not to let himself react at the memories that came with the face of that man. He could still feel the phantom stings of the whip across his back, peeling the flesh away with every crack. "They're trained to be terrible human beings, and they've succeeded. But we're better than that. We're just trying to survive and live our lives. We're not murderers like they are."

Peeta looked over at Gale, who shook his head. "About the thing I said about the rubble…I didn't even think. Leave it to me to say something-"

"-It's fine," Peeta cut him off. "Don't….it's fine," he repeated. He watched Greasy Sae finish up, hobbling away from the prisoners. Gale nodded to her solemnly.

"I wish they were here," Peeta sighed. "My brothers."

Gale's eyebrows rose slightly. "Would they fight? You think?"

Peeta nodded. "They would. Not just Seam folk hated the Capitol, Gale."

Gale smirked. "I know. I guess I just can't imagine more people 'sides you from town bein'…..well…alright. Decent. I guess I held a grudge."

"Gee, thanks," Peeta chuckled.

They were quiet for a moment, both of them staring forward at the prisoners. Gale shifted his weight a few times and finally spoke.

"You think…when this is all over…you'll stay here?"

"Where would I go?"

Gale shrugged again. "Not sure what else is out there, s'all. If we didn't have Peacekeepers and boundaries and fences….would you leave?"

Peeta glanced over his shoulder through the open doors, his eyes landing on Katniss. She was standing in the sunlight with Madge and a few other women, watching as a shifty looking miner showed them how to wield a knife. She looked fierce…and ready. And beautiful.

"I….I think I'll be going wherever she wants to go," he muttered, watching as Katniss gingerly accepted the knife. He looked back at Gale and tried not to let the heat he felt rise to his cheeks. "I'd follow her anywhere. Do anything for her. Not even a rebellion will change that."

Gale chuckled. "She can have that effect on someone, yes. Catnip was never one to do anything halfway. I knew as soon as I peeled your ass off that whipping post you were in for it. Not many people would step up to take that."

Peeta shrugged his shoulders, digging his toe in the dirt again. "Seems like nothing now. I'd do it again for her. I love her," he stated simply.

Gale's eyes twinkled. "I can tell."

"What?" Peeta asked in confusion.

He heard Gale snicker as he gestured to his neck. "She must feel the same way."

Peeta's free hand touched his neck, confused at what Gale was getting at. His fingertip traced the tender skin on his neck that was partially covered with his coat collar but still partially visible. It was where Katniss had bitten his neck in the throes of passion the week before. Heat rose to his cheeks as he remembered their hurried, passionate tryst in her mother's storage closet. His pulse quickened and he felt his tongue get stuck in his throat as Gale began chuckling again.

"Nice," Gale laughed.

Peeta clenched his jaw and shook his head, trying to both rein in his embarrassment and fight laughter.

"Sunk her teeth into ya did she? Wow…" Gale chuckled.

Peeta let out the breath he'd been holding as the laughter he'd been biting back rose in his throat and burst forth. He chuckled right along with Gale, realizing that it felt good to laugh again about something as trivial and stupid as a bite mark on his neck.

He was still chuckling to himself when the projectors in the Hob came whirring to life, bringing with them the all-too familiar sound of the Capitol's obnoxious anthem. It blasted through the dingy warehouse, the white and golden colors of the Capitol's seal emblazoned on the wall as the anthem drew to a close. People crowded around, brushing past him to get a good look at what the newscast would bring – it had been days since they'd had what used to be considered 'mandatory viewing' from the leader of Panem, so they were anxious to hear what the message would be. Peeta glanced at Gale as the two of them stood their guard and watched as the crowd of people gathered in front of the screen. What message was the Capitol going to give them now?

Peeta didn't have to wait long for his answer. President Snow's face flickered onto the screen, a gasp of disgust and a few choice words could be heard from the crowd of people. Peeta scanned the faces of viewers until he saw Katniss standing in the front row, her grey eyes trained on the President.

"People of Panem," he began, his deep timbre vibrating through the warehouse, "I come to you today with a message regarding the fragile state of our beloved nation."

His snake-like eyes focused harder, his over-puffed lips pursing slightly. "There has been talk recently that threatens the very nature of our carefully constructed peace," he continued. "Threats have been made against the diplomatic status of our being in the great nation of Panem. Threats to overthrow and challenge the laws that keep us in a state of functioning amity, and I am here today to dispel the idea that such a thing could happen."

Peeta watched as the President leaned forward in his patterned chair, his elbows touching the shiny desk top. He looked smug and in complete control at first, but as he spoke, Peeta couldn't help but wonder if he was imagining things. Could he see the whites of Snow's eyes? Was that his hands trembling slightly with rage? Or was that just him? Peeta wasn't sure.

"Let me be clear: the criminals responsible for attempting to poison and disobey the laws of this nation will be held fully responsible for their actions as corrupt war criminals. Action will be taken against them, and it will be swift and unforgiving. Anyone caught aiding any attempts to overthrow the Capitol and the government therein shall be given no mercy. Fight, and you shall be dealt the swift hammer of justice. This is a warning to citizens of the districts: comply with the law or you will be sorry-"

Suddenly, the screen popped off. Blank. Silence.

Peeta glanced at the others in the crowd – they were just as confused as he was. His eyes caught Katniss'. She looked startled and determined at the same time.

The machine running the broadcast whirred once before sputtering into silence, followed by the few neon lights hanging from the ceiling. The gentle buzz of electricity that they often heard but chose to ignore came to a halt as the Hob was unexpectedly cloaked in stillness.

Haymitch appeared behind them, making Gale and Peeta turn.

"What does this mean?" Gale asked urgently, gripping his gun. Peeta did the same, looking to Haymitch, who seemed smugly hopeful.

"It means, gentlemen…that the power is out. It means step one is complete."


	50. Chapter 50

Chapter 49

Katniss

Her heartbeat was erratic beneath her father's coat as she buttoned it once and slid her gloves into her pocket. It was getting warmer, but she might need them if she was going to be gone for long. Running her hand along the line of her braid, she nervously twisted it around to the front of her shoulder and gave the leather tie holding it in a tug for good measure. Her bow-string was taught, her boots were on and fastened, and the sun would rise any minute now.

A thrill shot through her as she glanced at herself in the mirror. She snuck a little smile.

She was going back into the woods today.

Peeta was the only one awake. He smiled at her over his shoulder as he finished wrapping a few pieces of bread and goat cheese into a handkerchief. It wasn't much, but it would suffice. They had some food again but there was no telling what could happen yet, so they were still rationing what they could in case things took a turn for the worse. President Snow knew the power was off and the mines had been destroyed – surely he was planning a retaliation, she figured. She pictured him in his pristine office in the Capital, plotting with his evil snake eyes and puffy red lips. She shuddered as she checked her laces again. He was cornered now, with few resources now that the rebellion was in full swing in more distracts than just theirs. They were winning, but she knew what happened to things when they were cornered – they lashed out in any way possible. Self-preservation and desperation made anything, many or beast – crazy.

Peeta shuffled over to her, tucking the food into her pocket. She turned to look at him, their faces inches apart. Her heart sped up.

"If you're gone long. You might want breakfast," he reasoned. He was close enough she could smell his soap and see that a faint nick on his chin from a fresh shave. Katniss felt her lip curl up slightly as she fought a smile. They were on the brink of war and fighting in a rebellion, yet here was Peeta – freshly washed and shaved and packing her breakfast. His fingers lingered on her coat pocket for a moment. He finally used it to pull her against him, pressing a sweet kiss to her temple.

"It's not much, but…I never want you to be hungry again."

His words made her heart clench in her chest. He hadn't lived her Seam-life very long, but it was enough for him to realize the hunger she'd felt, that Prim and her mother had felt for years. He gazed at her meaningfully and she knew that his short time with them was enough for him to understand what most of her life had been like – a life of hunger.

"Now go hunt," he smiled softly, squeezing her elbow.

She nodded in thanks, reaching around to snap the pocket closed. Nervous, excited energy was surging through her at the thought of going back to the forest to hunt. They'd trained for the rest of the day after the power had gone off, determined to make the most of what day light they had left. They'd returned home the night before to rest and eat a dinner of slightly old potatoes and a hearty loaf of wheat and herb bread Mr. Mellark had baked. It was funny, really – they'd barely noticed the absence of power. So little of what they had in the Seam relied on electricity that it was barely noticeable to have it shut off.

"I wish I could help you," he sighed, lowering her gaze to hers. She felt her stomach do a flip as she stared up at his unruly hair. He usually combed it down with clean water after they ate breakfast, but today it was still mussed and sticking up.

"You can. Feed Gale and Madge and make sure Prim gets a nap today…she's been so tired lately."

"She's worried. She's preparing," Peeta reasoned.

Katniss sighed, glancing out the window towards the town. "She feels like she should have done more to help the people in town when the bombs…" she trailed off. "I think she's wanted to be a healer since she was old enough to know what it was. She feels like she'd failed people by being so limited."

"She has no supplies," Peeta muttered. "How can she heal with nothing?"

She shrugged. "She can't. But if I get lucky enough today in the woods, maybe I can trade to get her some supplies."

Peeta squeezed her arm again, his blue eyes bright. "You're finally going back into the woods…I feel like I should say something really clever and poignant right now," he admitted with a laugh. "But I'm coming up blank."

She smiled. "I'm just happy to be going back into the woods. Maybe the animals will have forgotten I used to hunt them I the first place and give up easily."

"It would be nice to have some squirrels. Or a rabbit. Or a turkey…or…anything, really," he chuckled. "I'm getting hungry just thinking about it."

"I need to go," she laughed. "I'll be back before noon."

"Okay. I'll tell Gale to meet you out there when he's done?"

She nodded. "Just tell him to not scare any game away or I'll end up shooting him."

Peeta followed her to the front door, lingering behind her as she secured her coat again and pulled her scarf up around her neck. She turned, offering him one last smile.

He reached down, gently pulling her face to his in a brief goodbye kiss. She let her mouth linger against his for a moment longer than was necessary, but today was a good day and she was in a good mood for once.

Peeta pulled away, his eyes slightly hazy. "Shoot straight, Katniss."

"I will," she grinned. Before he could distract her any further, she turned and left.

She hurried along the fence for a good half mile, checking it every few hundred feet by pausing to listen for the tell-tale buzzing of electricity. The fences had been on for so long this year she had no trouble listening for the thrumming noise of the high voltage running through the wires. Slowing to a halt, she smiled again. Silence.

The fences were indeed finally off. Glancing around, she found a downed tree and easily snapped off a few dead branches. The limbs were sturdy enough to pry the loose wires of the fence open into a lopsided circle that she could easily fit through should the electricity be somehow turned back on. She doubted it would happen, but the last thing she wanted was to be stuck on the wrong side of the fence.

Satisfied she had safeguarded her return, she ducked through the opening and found herself in the place she'd been dreaming of being all winter – in the woods.

The only sound were her shaky breaths as she surveyed the vast, hilly terrain of District Twelve. The glow of the approaching dawn was casting just enough light over the landscape to let her eyes see the outlines of the trees. It was dark, but not for long. After only seeing the inside of the fence all winter, the expanse of bleak woods before her was insurmountably large. The trees were still bare, their grey branches awaiting the warmth of the springtime sun. They seemed to stretch out before her for an infinite amount of space. There was no breeze – the chilly wind seemed to have taken a day off to give her a respite and help her hunt.

Hope surged within her as she re-slung her game bag over her shoulder and continued her trek towards the forest. She guessed she wouldn't have to go far – the animals had been given months to forget she would be hunting them. She caught herself glancing over her shoulder several times to be sure she wasn't being followed. Old habits die hard, she thought. More than once while she had hunted she'd feared being tracked down and shot by a Peacekeeper for breaking the law and passing through the fence. Her boots made squishing sounds as she trekked towards the tree line. Once she was far enough away from the fence, she huddled down next to a fallen tree near a brook and waited. The water was cold and freshly melted; animals would be coming to drink soon.

Katniss waited. The light began to filter through the trees as the sun rose, changing the landscape. Instead of a slightly daunting, dark forest, she found herself in the middle of a picturesque sunrise. As she watched the gentle rays of sunlight sneak through the trees, she tried to slow her mind down to think about the past few days. It felt like years since Peeta had taken her place at the whipping post. He'd practically been a stranger to her. Now she felt like he was he was her other half. Not that she didn't want to be – she owed Peeta the world and she would willingly try to give it to him. He had no one left after the bombings, save for his father. His mother and brothers were gone. How would she have felt if Prim had died right along with her father? Her heart clenched inside her chest at the thought.

Her eyes shifted towards the town. She couldn't see any of the buildings, but smoke was starting to rise up from the chimneys in the Seam. The Hob was probably starting to bustle with activity by then – people training and learning to fight the best they could. Blind rage at the Capitol would only get them so far. Gale came to mind. Her best friend was so angry and determined. She hoped that when the fighting was over and if they survived he would forget about his anger and instead use his determination to build a better life. Madge had admitted to her just the day before that Gale had asked her to marry him and she'd said yes. Katniss had been surprised but happy for them – she'd given a breathlessly happy Madge an awkward hug after she'd spilled her news in a rushed whisper between training exercises. Madge was good for Gale, she reasoned – she would help him move on and work towards better things.

In her daze of thoughts she almost missed the rustling of bare branches above her head. Looking up, she caught sight of two squirrels chasing each other through the tree tops just above where she was sitting.

"Yes," she whispered triumphantly, raising her bow. The arrow slipped easily into place as she lined up her shot. Her eyes focused in on the path of the small animals as she lined up her arrow to make it fly.

She was just about to take her shot when she stopped. Movement in the sky made her pause.

A hovercraft.

The breath she inhaled was shaky and stilted. Her eyes grew wide as she realized it was a hovercraft – no, two hovercrafts.

The arrow fell to the mud as her trembling hands lost the power to move.

"No…no!" she gasped, hurdling to her feet. Hovercrafts from the Capitol, she thought. They moved at a steady pace above her, the hum of their engines becoming clearer.

She crouched against the tree, waiting for it to pass far enough so that she could run after it without being seen. Through the woods she ran, trying her best to keep close to the large trees for cover. The hovercrafts were back – they were going to be bombed again, she realized. The dead sapling branches snapped and whipped across her body as she ran through the trees after the planes. She felt a branch whip her neck, slicing a raw cut into the flesh – it didn't matter. She kept running.

She didn't even bother being quiet now. There was no use trying to hide – they were far enough ahead that she could see where they were headed.

Straight to town.

Katniss reached the edge of the tree line, giving her a clear view from the hill overlooking the town. Below, what was left of District Twelve was sitting unguarded and unprepared on what they thought was a normal, sleepy morning.

Her hands dug into the bark of a tree as she watched the two planes draw closer and closer to the town. Drawing in another ragged breath, she could no longer fight the tears. Her scream rang out across the barren landscape.

"Noooo!"


	51. Chapter 51

Chapter 49

Peeta

Peeta glanced in the direction of the woods as he walked, smiling to himself. The only thing he could see was the gentle slope of the hillside and all the barren trees, but it wasn't difficult to picture her out there – quiet, poised, and cunningly planning her hunt. He hoped Katniss was out there right now shooting every squirrel she could find out of the trees. His father used to buy her squirrels from her and they would coat the meat in ground up wafers and fry them up. The meat was tender and fatty, never ripe or gamey tasting. His mouth watered at the thought. It would be nice to settled down to a quiet dinner of fried squirrel and buttery wheat bread that night. Glancing around the streets of the Seam, he realized there were more than a few hungry looking faces they could also help feed as well. He wasn't the only one who had just endured a long, hungry winter.

He kept his pace with Gale, who was joining him on the way to the Hob that morning. Peeta had originally been anxious about spending time with the taller, older boy without the company of Katniss, but he found that he actually enjoyed Gale's company. His wry, witty sense of humor and passionate stances on an array of topics made him an interesting person to converse with, even if it was often limited. Gale could say a lot with very few words.

"You're meeting her out there then?" he asked Gale.

The older boy gave him a nod. "Haymitch told me to come see him this morning though. Must have had something important to go over. I'll meet up with her mid-morning," he guessed.

Peeta nodded. "Will she be alright? Out there? Um…alone?"

Gale smirked, but bobbed his head assuredly. "Catnip can take care of herself. That's something you'll have to get used to, Bread Boy."

It was Peeta's turn to smirk. "I sent her with a meal in case she got hungry, but…part of me was still worried she'd get trapped by some animal and she could maybe get up a tree to be safe. She uh…she told me she was good at climbing trees?" he asked, more than stated.

Gale chuckled and bobbed his head again. "She is. I've seen her shimmy up a tree to outfox something more than once."

"What's out there? That she would have to run from?"

Gale shot him a skeptical look. "Sure you wanna talk about that?"

Peeta paused, his gait faltering. In all honesty, he really didn't want to know what all was beyond the fence. It would only make him worry, and it wasn't as if he could ever ask Katniss to not go into the woods. He figured he was better of not knowing many of the details. He trusted her to take care of herself in that environment. "She can climb though?"

"Yah."

"Then no, I guess."

"Yeah, that's what I thought," Gale sighed, returning to a brisk walk. Peeta ignored the little jab and kept his pace with Gale.

"So when's the toasting?" he asked. Madge had shared their good news with him the day before, barely able to hide her nervous smile. He could have guessed what his friend had to tell him, but she was excited to share the news all the same. With the way things had been going the past few months, he wasn't one to begrudge someone of good news to share.

Gale simpered. "Soon as this war's over. Figure she won't want to waste any time."

"You're probably right. Girls like planning those sorts of things. Well…" he thought of Katniss and the way she seemed to abhor anything remotely girlish. "…most girls do, anyway."

"Most girls…cept for Katniss, right?"

Peeta just chortled.

"So when's your toasting, Baker Boy?"

Peeta gave Gale a friendly shove, both of them chuckling. Never in a million years would Peeta have guessed he'd be sharing jokes and ribbings with the mysterious Seam boy with whom it seemed he had nothing in common. Honestly Peeta thought there had been something between Gale and Katniss before he'd known them both so well. He wouldn't have ever guessed that their relationship was that of a brother and sister instead of lovers. But here they were – he had Katniss, Gale had Madge, and they were all friends.

It was more than he could have ever hoped for.

They walked together in comfortable silence towards the Hob, their boots making squelching noises in the mud. The day was growing warmer than they'd expected, and the rapidly melting snow was making for a rather muddy landscape. Not that Peeta minded – the warm air gave him hope that their winter of war and misery would soon be over and spring would come again to District Twelve.

As they approached the Hob, Peeta saw Madge come running towards them through the groups of people running through their training exercises. Her hair was wild and untamed as she made her way towards them.

"What is it?" Gale asked.

"Haymitch. He wants to see you. Both of you," she panted, pointing towards the main doors. Peeta glanced at Gale, who frowned at him.

"He knew we were on our way, what's the hurry?"

Peeta frowned in the direction of the main metal doors to the building. "I don't know. But I have a feeling its news."

He stared down at the device in front of Haymitch, watching as it buzzed and clicked. Gale shifted next to him, waiting for Haymitch to look up. The older man was huddled around the strange machine, his blue eyes abnormally bright as he listened to the series of clicks. They were in the back room of the Hob, tucked inside an old storage closet where they'd found Haymitch. People were bustling around outside the door, but inside it was muffled against the sound of the clicking machine.

"What is that?" Gale muttered.

Peeta stared down at the coils and copper wire, surveying the instrument. "It's…a crystal radio. I read about it in an old book my dad had. They used them in the dark days to communicate without electricity."

Gale scowled at Haymitch as he listened intently, motioning for them to keep quiet. "How can it work without electricity? That doesn't seem right."

Peeta shrugged. "I didn't read that much about it. My dad caught me with the book and took it away. Said it was dangerous to have," Peeta whispered back. Books, magazines, or anything from the period from before the Capital was running Panem were strictly forbidden and against the law to own, and always had been. Peeta knew the book his father kept tucked away in the back of the bakery's office was taboo to have and even more risky to be caught reading. But he was almost certain that the metal device in front of them was just that – a radio used to transmit messages without the use of electricity. But why did Haymitch have one?

Haymitch finally looked up, his eyes bright and clear. He stared blankly forward, his hands shaking as he flipped a switch on the side of the radio. Pushing back his chair, he stood up and finally shifted his eyes to look at Gale and Peeta.

"What is it?"

"They bombed them."

Peeta felt his heart sputter inside his chest. "What? Bombed who?"

"Who was bombed?" Gale demanded. "Haymitch! Talk to me. Who was bombed?"

"Snow. They blew him and the city to smithereens…" Haymitch muttered. "He's gone. The bastard is finally dead."

Peeta looked over at Gale. He watched the color drain from Gale's normally stoic face as the news Haymitch was repeating finally sunk in. The Capitol had been bombed and he'd heard about it over the radio. But every district was without power, Peeta realized. He didn't know much about warfare, but to attack something the size and magnitude of the Capitol would take more than a few stolen Peacekeeper guns. It took power, planning, and weapons. Who had done it?

"But who could have done that? None of the districts have that kind of…anything," he finally said.

Haymitch waved him off and kept tinkering with the foreign object on the desk in front of them. Peeta frowned. The Capitol was in a mountainous region of Panem, the high, rocky terrain surrounding the city making it practically impossible to penetrate or attack. When the dark days had ended, the Capital got first pick of what area of Panem to claim, and it had chosen wisely. It had never been overthrown or even threatened for that matter. Who would dare try to attack a city that was practically guarded by impenetrable mountains? It was unheard of and it was impossible to think that someone possessed that type of fire power.

Then he heard it.

Faint at first, but the quiet morning allowed him to hear the telltale whirring of the hovercrafts before anything. It was strange, really – the abnormally large, hovering planes made almost no noise until they were close, but the whirring engines that kept them in the air made the tin top of the Hob vibrate with air. He'd seen the mayor returning from the Capital several times in a hovercraft – they'd make a big show of it in years past, delivering their mayor home from the yearly district meetings in the Capitol. The hovercrafts would land in the square, just in front of the Justice building. Their whirring engines would make the ground shake as the giant propellers spun and churned to make a smooth landing in the center of the town.

…and that was what he was hearing now.

He looked to Gale, who was already heading out the door towards the mucky pasture where they'd been training with the Peacekeeper guns.

"Gale, wait!" he called, but the older boy was already gone.

Haymitch motioned him forward as if to say 'what are you waiting for!?' and Peeta hurried out the door. The murmuring crowd inside the Hob slowly filtered outside, people unsure of what was happening. Their eyes were frightened – they were worried they were being bombed like the town. Peeta gently pushed his way past skinny children and lean miners, carefully navigating to the front of the herd. Gale had pushed past everyone and was standing in the middle of the training area outside the old building as the sky darkened with not one, not two, but three hovercrafts. His throat constricted as he watched the aircrafts make their way towards the field behind the Hob. Is this what his parents had seen coming towards them that day before the bombs dropped? He felt his insides clench and his hands start to tremble as he waited for them to lower.

They couldn't be Capitol planes, he realized. Haymitch nudged him as he walked past, his normally cloudy eyes alive and sparkling. The wind from the planes blew at Peeta's hair as he followed him towards the meadow. Dozens of people followed, the curious chatter fading into the background against the whirring engines.

The hovercrafts slowly started descending to the ground, their engines slowing as they began sinking lower and lower. Peeta focused on the closest one, trying to discern where on earth it had come from. This hovercraft wasn't the Capitol's silvery metal that was so reflective it was almost invisible – it was instead a metal color, the steely gray rusted in places. Instead of the tell-tale insignia of the Capitol on the underside of the wings, he realized there were instead the almost-crude looking letters, XIII, painted in a bold black print.

"Shit," Gale muttered, "Shit, shit, shit."

"It's not a Capitol aircraft," Peeta realized aloud. He grabbed Gale's arm and shook him. "Look! Up there. Those letters."

"They're…"

"It says 'thirteen'," Peeta mused, his jaw falling slack. "It's Thirteen. Not the Capitol."

The three hovercrafts continued to lower towards the ground as crowd stared up at the sky with slackened jaws, Peeta's included.

Then he heard it.

It was faint, but it was her.

The wailing screams, the hoarse cries – Katniss. He could hear her strangled voice over the engines before he spotted her. She came barreling through the trees on the other side of the meadow, her hair flying out behind her as she ran. Haymitch stopped in his tracks, motioning for Peeta to do the same.

"Katniss," Peeta breathed. "Haymitch, she's running. She doesn't realize they're not from the Capitol."

Haymitch turned his attention to Katniss, who was still charging across the meadow at full speed.

"What is she…shit," he muttered, darting forward. He took off in a run towards Katniss, Peeta and Gale hot on his trail. She was still nearly half a mile away on the other side of the meadow, but he could tell what she was thinking. Katniss clearly thought they were Capitol planes. His heart began to pound as she stopped, yanking one of her arrows from the pack strapped to her back. Peeta knew enough to realize she wasn't planning on using one of her normal hunting arrows to shoot at the hovercrafts.

She was going to use explosive ones.

"Katniss!" he called. "Stop!"

"Katniss no!" Gale hollered, his long legs propelling him forward. Katniss paused in her running only long enough to fire an arrow indiscriminately towards the sky. Peeta slid to a halt beside Gale and Haymitch, watching in horror as the arrow clipped the wing of one of the hovercrafts as it lowered to the ground. A massive blast sounded as the wing was blown clear off. Peeta could hear the engines choke and sputter as the plane struggled to stay afloat.

"Stop her before she does it again!" Haymitch growled, shoving Gale forward. Peeta waved his arms in the air as fast as he could as Gale's long legs drove him across the meadow.

"Katniss, stop!"

The first plane landed, then the second. The third plane that had been struck was still wavering and bobbing in the air as it made a rough and shaky landing on the muddy ground. It made an awful crash as it finally settled onto the earth, but it still landed in one piece, Peeta realized with some relief.

"Stop!" Gale thundered, finally reaching Katniss. Peeta watched as she slowed her gait to a confused walk and lowered her bow. Over the distance, he could see her glance from Gale to the hovercrafts as he explained who they were. Peeta finally jogged to where they were, his shorter legs taking more time to cover the distance. He was breathless by the time he reached her.

"It's Thirteen," he panted. "They're here."

Katniss eyes grew wide as she realized what she'd done. "Thirteen?" she echoed. Her eyes met Peeta's, then moved to the hovercraft smoking on the ground. "I thought…I thought they were coming to bomb you, I….What have I done?"

Peeta reached out, running his hand down the side of her sweaty face. She was out of breath and red-faced, droplets of sweat running down her temples from her run. She had several fresh, bloody scrapes on her cheeks and neck, but looked otherwise unharmed.

"Hopefully nothing. Come on, we need to go make sure they're okay. They landed fine, I don't think your arrow did much damage."

"I was in the woods and they passed overhead and…Peeta, oh my god…"

He grabbed her hand, squeezing it. It didn't take much to realize what she'd thought they were and why they were heading towards the town. "Katniss…it's going to be okay. We need to go see if they're alright. Come on."

Gale and Haymitch had already walked back across the meadow to the hovercrafts by the time Peeta and Katniss met them. The crowd had turned into a sea of people with curious stares as the doors to the hovercrafts finally opened. Peeta held her hand as Katniss sucked in a breath as they waited for the damaged hovercraft to open. It was the last to budge, but it did. The steely doors lowered to the ground as the engines came to a halt. Peeta squinted in the late morning light as he struggled to see who was on the other side of the door.

A uniformed man walked out of the damaged aircraft, his ridged posture and steely eyes making everyone gasp. He was older – maybe in his forties by the look of his slightly greyed hair, but the commanding way he walked off the hovercraft and into the mud made him look like a force to be reckoned with.

"I'll be damned," Haymitch muttered, stepping forward. Peeta held his breath and watched as he stepped forward towards the stranger, his face bright but full of disbelief.

More and more people stepped out of the hovercrafts, filing in behind the man that appeared to be their leader.

He smirked. "That any way to welcome your old friends?"

Haymitch's face of doubt broke into a wide grin. "That depends," he spoke, "Did you just do what I think you did?"

The man from Thirteen glanced from side to side, catching the eyes of the others he was with. They looked proud but stricken, Peeta realized. What had they done?

"We did," he sighed proudly, his face hardening. "Consider yourselves a free nation. The Capitol has been eliminated."


	52. Chapter 52

Chapter 50:

Katniss

She realized she was still shaking slightly as she sat in a room off the main part of the Hob with their guests. She'd almost blown a hovercraft that had been sent to help them to absolute bits. Their blood would have been on her hands, she realized. Her hands shook now. Inhaling through her nose, she swallowed the lump in her throat and realized it felt like sandpaper. Images from the bombing in the town came back to her, flooding her eyes. The broken glass, the rubble, the blood-

She jerked back when Peeta shifted his weight, his leg brushing hers. He gave her a look when he too realized she was still shaking from the action that had just taken place. He held his leg against hers and discretely brushed his hand over her knee. She let out the breath she'd been holding and swallowed a second time. That felt better. Her face twitched as she fought a smile. Only a crazy person would run after someone with an explosive bow. She dipped her head and tried to focus as the man in the strange gray jumpsuit leaned back in his chair with a face of accomplishment and started talking. Haymitch barred the door and leaned against it with an expectant look. His gaze landed on hers and she didn't have to hear him speak to understand what he was saying.

Place nice.

Everyone was clearly still a bit jumpy.

The man who'd introduced himself as Boggs happily accepted the tin cup Haymitch passed him, barely wincing when he took a sip.

"Quite the welcoming committee Haymitch," he smirked. His eyes shifted from Haymitch to hers. He crossed his arms and she couldn't help but cross hers in response. "Can't say we expected that when we flew into Twelve."

"You flew into town just weeks after a hovercraft flew over and leveled half the district," Gale replied, his tone friendly but challenging. "Did you expect a party?"

Peeta shifted in his seat beside her. "I think what Gale here means is…is we were on the defensive," he answered in a diplomatic tone. "You have to understand - seeing hovercrafts about to land in Twelve has never been a welcomed sight. They usually bring more Peacekeepers or…bombs," he muttered. "He isn't exaggerating when he says they leveled half our district." Katniss watched as his warm eyes lost some of their light, lowering slowly to the table. There was an uncomfortable silence as the seconds ticked soundlessly by. She didn't know how he did that, time after time. Rendered people speechless with just a few pointed words.

Boggs nodded. "I can see that. Can't say that I blame you for an offensive move, given the state of things. We flew over the town on our way in."

"Yeah, what can I say? Twelve knows how to welcome 'em." Haymitch leaned over the table, eyeing the rest of the crew with Boggs. "How many people are still in Thirteen?"

"Plenty," Boggs answered. "Bout of the pox wiped out a few hundred a couple years back, but most of us held on. The people want out of the ground – I got kids down there that haven't ever seen real daylight. It was time."

Haymitch nodded in agreement. She scanned the rest of Boggs' crew with Gale and Peeta. They stood behind him at the table, leaning on chairs and the plywood wall. They looked tired and slightly ragged but with enough fight in their eyes to rival hers. What had the people of Thirteen been doing all these years? History had told them that the entire district had been wiped out in the rebellion, but that obviously wasn't the case. They'd been organized enough to keep out of the spotlight and act extinct, even though that was far from the truth. How had they gotten hovercrafts and weapons? Compared to the residents of district Thirteen, Twelve had barely been surviving.

"Thought we weren't gonna make it to the ground," Boggs sniped. His eyes met hers. "You owe me a hovercraft wing, girl."

Katniss felt her stomach clench as Boggs seemed to stare right through her. He was clearly a hard man that showed no signs of weakness. Forget that, she thought. She'd lived in misery for years, starved half her life, and had seen more blood and pain and destruction in the last six months to make anyone want to run and hide. This man didn't own the right to intimidate her.

"Yeah?" she asked. "How much do those run?"

One of Bogg's men standing behind him smirked. "Capitol was giving you trouble with a guard dog like this Haymitch?"

She heard Haymitch groan and take a drink from his own cup. "She…helped me motivate the masses."

The silver haired man across the table watched her carefully, waiting for her to flinch. She leaned back in her chair, refusing to break eye contact. She could practically hear the wheels in Peeta's brain clicking to think of a way to quickly smooth over her prickly words. Gale snorted and Haymitch cleared his throat. Katniss gave Boggs a shrug.

"I was protecting my home. You saw the town. You expect me to just let a hovercraft land in my town and not shoot at it?" she snapped back.

Peeta held up his hand, eyeing her. "Easy," he whispered. "They're here to help."

Katniss leaned forward in her chair. "I thought you were hostile," she said, uncrossing her arms. "We haven't had power to communicate or any word for days. We thought they were coming for us."

"They were," he confirmed. Her stomach did another flop. "Beetee Latier finally managed to hack into their systems. You remember him? From Three?"

Haymitch's eyes sparkled with recognition. "Oh I remember him, sure. Sonofabitch cracked into it, did he?" he chuckled. "Guy was too smart for his own good. Capitol was stupid to let that guy go home," he laughed darkly.

"What do you mean?" Peeta asked.

"He was a genius – a gifted electrician, programmer, hacker, you name it. I'd been talkin' to him over the rebel lines since we were teens…shit, but I never thought he'd actually do it. He really cracked the Nut?"

"Nut?" she asked.

Haymitch nodded. "The center of their operations – it's in the mountains. Deep, protected. No force could ever crack it."

"Til now," the soldier from Thirteen muttered. He shared a smile with his group.

Peeta sighed. "I'm lost. What does that have to do with us?"

Boggs smiled at his men, sharing a victorious snicker. "With the districts in full rebellion, what could the Capitol do? Well, not much, but they still had their center of operations – the Nut. Deep in the mountains, surrounded by stone. Impossible for any of the districts to rise up against it – they'd see them coming for miles."

Peeta exhaled next to her as he seemed to put it all together.

"But that all changed when the power ran out."

"Smart," Boggs commented. "You're right. So we waited until the power ran out and their defenses were down. No power means no sensors, no cameras, no way for them to see us coming. Thirteen has been waiting for this, boy."

"So you've been hiding out underground….for years," Peeta said slowly. "Just waiting for a rebellion?"

Boggs shrugged, glancing at Haymitch. "More like waiting for the right opportunity. And yes, your rebellion took care of that. We watched from a distance as the districts imploded, one by one. Destroying things the Capitol citizens need. They weren't used to having their resources cut off. Coal, electricity, food…you name it, they had it. Until the districts rose up and refused. They were vulnerable, but they still had the Nut protecting them. Of course that could only go so long. They had backup generators, but those can't run forever. But were weren't going to give them the opportunity."

Peeta shifted beside her. "So you went to them."

"It was time to destroy it. Can't climb it, can't really break into it, and can't attack it. Not to mention the walls leading up to it were probably rigged with every type of trap they could think of. And let's just say that Capitol weaponry is advanced – even by Thirteen's standards."

She thought of all the times they could have used help over the years. All the suffering, the starvation…and they never once received word of help or hope. Anger boiled in her veins.

"Doing nothing's more like it," Katniss muttered. She glared across the table at Haymitch, who was giving her a leery look. "They could have helped us instead of hiding out underground like a bunch of gophers."

"It's called biding your time," Boggs snapped. "We moved underground as part of a treaty with the Capitol. They knew enough to be afraid and let us be."

She frowned. "Afraid? Why would the Capitol be afraid of a bunch of cowards who hid out underground and left the rest of the districts to rot?"

Peeta glanced at Gale, then Haymitch, shaking his head. "You weren't just doing graphite mining in Thirteen like everyone's always said…were you?"

Boggs grinned. "You are smart. No, boy, we weren't."

Peeta gave her a dumbfounded stare and leaned back in his chair again. "I thought those were just…rumors. You actually have that capability?"

For the first time since he'd arrived, Katniss saw Boggs' face soften slightly. "We thought of everything to keep from letting things get to that point, but yes."

Katniss growled and slammed her fist on the table. "Will someone please tell me what the hell you're all talking about? Thirteen? Thirteen mined graphite, everyone knows that. Didn't we all seriously sit through the same damn history class on district specialties about a thousand times?"

Peeta shook his head at her. All of Boggs's men looked smug suddenly, she noticed. "No. I'd read that they experimented with…nuclear power. Weapons, missiles, all that. It's really true?"

Boggs nodded. "Had our nukes trained on the Capitol for years. But that was the last resort. We didn't know what they would do or how far their damage would go. We couldn't exactly test them at full strength, you see. If that was what it came down to it could have easily been the end of all of us."

She watched as Gale and Haymitch stepped up the ramp to the hovercraft. Gale gave her a final wave, his gaze solemn and his eyes hard. Haymitch nodded to her one last time before the doors snapped shut and the engines began to whir. There was a cyclone of dust and a rush of air and the hovercraft from Thirteen was gone.

"I can't believe he want to see it," she muttered. When Boggs and his men had offered Gale and Haymitch the chance to fly over the destruction of the Capitol and the Nut, her old friend had jumped at the chance to go. She understood his curiosity, but that didn't mean she was jumping at the opportunity to see more effects of war. It had been harrowing enough to see it once. Boggs had given Gale the chance to fly in the Hovercraft as they went to the Capitol to access the damages done.

They'd spent most of the day in the Hob with the people from Thirteen, discussing what was next. Thirteen's army was heading to the Capitol to collect any survivors and execute anyone who was left of their leadership to ensure their horrible regime was dead and would stay that way. She didn't necessarily agree with killing more people, but Haymitch had pulled her aside and told her to pick her battles.

"They didn't blow us to smithereens again girl, let them do what they're gonna do and be thankful the tyrants in white are gone," he'd hissed at her. She'd given him one final glare before he'd headed onto the hovercraft with Gale. It was a lot to process – no more Capitol, no more Peacekeepers in white uniforms, threatening to stone people or worse. The fence was permanently off and they had no more mining quotas from Snow.

Snow was hopefully dead, she realized.

She turned to Peeta once the hovercraft had disappeared into the clouds, heading west. It had turned into a mostly sunny afternoon, with the early evening sunset starting to reflect a brilliant show of colors against the clouds. A feeling of calm had finally settled over Twelve as everyone seemed to realize that their fears and training and preparation were finally moot. There would be no more war.

"So what now?" she asked Peeta, scanning his face. Her breath caught in her throat slightly as she watched the colors of the orange and pink sunset wash over the planes of his face. His squared, strong jaw was relaxed and the light made his eyes look pretty and soft. His shaggy blond hair was in need of a cut, but she liked the way a few blond tendrils hung down to almost touch his eyes, she'd decided. He needed a shave and there was a smudge of dirt on the side of his cheek, but he was easily the most handsome thing she'd ever seen.

He gave her a soft smile and a little shrug before leaning over and pulling her face gently to his. His lips moved over hers, kissing her sweetly. Just as she was letting herself enjoy it, he pulled back and watched her.

"I want to go home. To your house. I want to cook you dinner and tell our family that everything is going to be okay. Then I want to curl up with you in front of the fireplace and watch the flames until we both fall asleep."

She raised one eyebrow at him and licked her lips. She could still taste him there.

"That sounds like a very nice, simple plan."

Peeta grinned, one of his dimples showing. "That is concisely the point. But," he said, stepping closer and putting his hands on her cheeks, "most importantly, I want to tell you I love you tonight and know that I'll have tomorrow to do it as well."

Her throat grew tight as his eyes searched hers, his hands warm against her cheeks. He looked so calm, so certain. In the aftermath of what had happened – and what had almost happened…it sounded a lot like bliss to her.

It was almost difficult to speak. Her throat had grown tighter and tighter as happy tears fought their way to the surface and she had hardly the strength to push them down. One slipped out of her eye, cutting a cool streak down her cheek. But if felt right to let it come- it felt like sweet relief.

There would be a tomorrow.

"That sounds like a very…very nice plan."


	53. Chapter 53

Chapter 51

One month later….

An unrelenting, bitterly cold winter had turned into a warm, balmy summer that gave her nothing but relief.

The heat was a little hard to bear at times, especially so early in the spring, but she wasn't complaining. Now that the fences were permanently off (and even torn down in places) a trek to the lake or a nearby fresh water stream was nothing too strenuous. She'd happily accept the heat over the bitter cold temperatures of the winter they'd just barely endured.

Of course the heat made the town cleanup…unpleasant.

Katniss watched as Gale pulled the cloth mask off his nose and mouth, swatting at the flies in the blistering afternoon heat. He'd kindly volunteered to get several guys from the mine together to gather the remains of Peeta's mother and brothers out of the bakery rubble so that he wouldn't have to see them when he started to rebuild. She was glad for that – the last thing Peeta needed to see in the rubble of his family's bakery were their remains. The spring rain had washed away the traces of blood and the smell of death, but it still seemed to haunt her at every turn. After a month of spring and peace, Peeta had finally brought up returning to the town to begin accessing the damage to the building. Katniss hadn't even had to ask Gale for his help in the task. Instead, he'd simply volunteered to do the unspeakable task to help Peeta, effectively shocking her for the first time. Gale wasn't one for change, and he certainly wasn't one to normally take so much pity that he'd go out of his way to help someone from town. But her best friend had surprised her that winter. He'd given Peeta a bit of hell at first of course – that's what Gale did to everyone. He wasn't easy to win over nor was he ever personable or anything particularly close to the word 'friendly'. However, Peeta had coaxed Gale into not just accepting him, but actually liking him.

It seemed like everyone liked Peeta.

He reminded her of her father in that way. He'd been nothing but a uniquely handsome miner from the Seam with a penchant for telling wild stories, keeping his word, and singing witty songs his neighbors liked to hear. He'd lived most of his short life underestimated and overlooked, excluding those closest to him. She'd underestimated Peeta. He'd slowly nestled his way into her heart that winter – her heart she didn't think was even worth a second thought. He'd won her over with pink frosted cookies and by taking a lashing for her. She would never make that same mistake again. Peeta needed her now and she needed to cast her own silly insecurities about what she wanted in life aside. She would do it – for Peeta. Wiping her brow of sweat, she licked her parched lips and stared aimlessly into the rubble of the bakery as Gale and the miners did a final sweep. Peeta had almost no one now. Only his father. She'd need to be strong for him, be his rock. The same way he'd done for her.

Her eyes shifted to the wooden boxes that were sitting near what used to be the alley beside the bakery. They were lined up in a neat row – one for his mother, and two for his brothers. They sat under the apple tree that was in full bloom, waiting to be buried. It was a strange sight: the peachy pink blossoms of the apple tree against a blue springtime sky, twisting upwards with a row of wooden coffins underneath it.

The apple tree.

The same tree Katniss had sat under one rainy day when Peeta had thrown her the bread that saved her. She swallowed the lump in her throat as she stared at the wooden boxes and wondered what else she could have done to save more of them that cold day. Her hearing had returned in her ear that had been damaged in the blast, but every now and then it would give her trouble. More than once she'd woken up from a nightmare filled with white hovercrafts and bombs, her inner ear throbbing. But Peeta had been there every morning to gently pull her from her bad dreams, his strong hands and soft voice the only remedy she needed. He'd hold her close and press his lips against her ear and tell her that it was just a dream.

Some mornings it was easier to convince her than others.

Katniss shook her head and wiped some sweat from her eye as she came back to the present. Gale waved a hand in front of his face before pulling his mask back into place. The flies were relentless. He met her eyes over the rubble and gave her a nod as he plunged back into the pile, efficiently sifting and checking it for anything they'd missed. A few walls of the Mellark Bakery still stood, but she wasn't sure they were worth saving. It was mostly just a pile of whitewashed bricks and glass dust.

Prim had helped her arrange a small service for Peeta's family the next morning. He was due to arrive at the bakery any minute – just now he was at makeshift justice hall in the square, securing his building permit for the bakery. It was really just a tent propped up against the side of the rubble that was the old building, but it would be years before another one would be built. The entire town would take years to rebuild, she realized.

The Capitol was gone. Thirteen had destroyed the Nut, most of the city, and had turned Snow's famously lavish mansion into nothing but dust. Gale had always been eager to see the famous city, but she would never forget the harrowing look in his eyes when he returned from the flight he'd taken in Thirteen's hovercraft. He didn't say much after that day about the Capitol or winning the war. All around them was the sound of hammering nails, saws, and people talking and planning as the town was rebuilt. Two girls she'd never seen before ambled, past, their eyes wide as they took in the devastation that was the town square. Their faces were pale and they looked lost, like they'd never seen this place before. Probably refugees from Thirteen, she mused. With the threat of nuclear war with the Capitol gone, the population of Thirteen had slowly immigrated to Twelve. New faces showed up every day as more and more people gave up the underground life they'd known in Thirteen. Not that she blamed them – most people that lived there had never even seen real daylight.

Twelve was on its own for now. Haymitch had been in contact with his tech-savvy friend, Beetee, and together the two of them were organizing a district wide radio for communication. Crews of volunteers – miners, mostly, had left town almost two weeks ago to help aide the work to restore the railroads. Until those were functioning and trade between the districts could resume they were on their own to rebuild. Katniss licked her lips and pictured things from other districts- Fish from the ocean in Four, fruit from the sunny orchards of Eleven, the sugary candies from One…. Trades between districts were pricey and rare and never something she could afford before the war. She had high hopes that without the Capitol monitoring everything it would be easier to enjoy goods from other places. Maybe even travel. She stared blankly at the horizon, the sloping mountains rising up in her blurred vision. The outline of the mountains was something she could picture anytime she closed her eyes. She'd never even considered travel before. What would it be like to see an orchard? Or the ocean? Or anywhere other than there? There were suddenly opportunities for things she'd never even dreamt of.

Katniss lowered her head, digging the toe of her boot into the rough ground. Better to just get through the day, she thought.

She had a chance at something normal with Peeta. But did she want it? She'd never pictured her future and been able to come up with a desirable picture of anything 'normal'. She'd seen what losing a spouse could do. She'd seen their house with no firewood and bare cupboards. She'd witnessed the worry on her mother's face when her father was gone and she had no money to feed two hungry mouths, much less her own. The husband, children, house thing had never struck her as an appealing option before. It felt strange to be considering that for herself.

Prim wandered over to where she stood, waving away a fly that was buzzing her face. "It's going to be a lot to clean up. Do you think Peeta will want us to help?"

She shrugged. "Does it matter, little duck? We'll help him."

Prim wrinkled her nose at the nickname but nodded. Katniss watched her sister squint into the sunlight, her nose already covered in summer freckles. She's grown so much that winter – from a half starved, scared little girl into a young woman and an experienced healer. It wouldn't be long before Prim was the one delivering babies and doling out medical advice for more than petty trades and thank-yous. Katniss could picture Prim running a legitimate business as a healer.

"He'll rebuild it better. He told me he wants to put an apartment on the second floor until he can buy a house," Prim mused casually, a smile behind her words. "He wants to buy a house," she whispered giddily, nudging her sister. Katniss scowled at her.

"What is so interesting about a house?"

Prim sighed a girlish sigh and shrugged. "Maybe he wants a house that the two of you can live in together. Fill with something other than dead animals you shoot and bread he bakes," she replied, eying her pointedly.

Katniss gave her sister a light shove. "Stop it. You know that's not what I want."

"Why not? You don't want to be with Peeta?"

"Of course I do."

"Well, he seems like he wants those things. A house. Kids. You. Why fight that?"

Katniss stared at the rubble. You only see the good in things. Never lose that, Prim."

"Katniss…"

"Think of everything that could go wrong, Prim. You remember what it was like when mom….after dad died," she cleared her throat. "Why would you invite that into your life on purpose? Kids could get sick, there would be no food, Peeta could die…I could die. Things could be awful again in the blink of an eye, don't you see?"

Prim shrugged. "Or they could be wonderful."

"Be real."

"I am, Katniss. Peeta is a baker, not a miner – I think you'll find their mortality rates are a lot lower. And the Capitol is gone, Snow is gone…they're not coming back. We'll never have to live like that. Peeta would give you a good life and cute, round faced little children…they'd always have bread and cookies to eat. And they'd have me for a healer if they got sick, and a kind grandfather. And you could be married to the sweet, thoughtful baker that smells like sugar and cinnamon and basically offered himself up to be whipped in your place. Peeta would be so good to you – he already is. I guess I just don't see what's wrong with wanting something like that. It sounds like a beautiful life," Prim sighed. "You deserve a beautiful life after everything we've been dealt."

Katniss was quiet for a moment, just thinking. Prim had painted a pretty picture of how things could be, but there was no guarantee. "Always such a romantic," she sighed, elbowing her.

Prim snorted. "Come on, Katniss. Things change. You didn't want things like that before the war and before….well, Peeta. But now we're allowed to want things. It's not like a normal life is a dream anymore. "

"Then what is it?"

Prim turned her head, barely having to look up at her to meet her eyes. She'd grown so much over the past winter. Her eyes were clear and blue as she stared back at Katniss.

"It's a possibility."

Katniss didn't protest as Peeta's hand found hers, his strong fingers winding their hands together. He'd already gained back almost all the weight he'd lost over the winter. His days were spent in her mother's tiny kitchen, baking away so that he and his father could still sell their highly-desired breads and cookies. Instead of using a bakery, Peeta and his father had become staples at the Hob the past month. They'd struck up a deal with several other vendors to buy the bulk of what flour and sugar remained in Twelve and they'd spent hours coming up with recipes and ideas to make it last until the trains were repaired. Now that the rainy spring was almost over it was time to focus on rebuilding. They couldn't bake out of her mother's kitchen forever.

"What do you think?"

Gale and his crew of friends had done a final sweep of the bakery rubble – they'd moved the big pieces out of the way with some teamwork, and all that was left to do now was to clean up the glass and smaller pieces of brick. It wouldn't be easy – she could see the cleanup taking them weeks to finish before Peeta and his father could start rebuilding.

"It's a mess, but…I think I can do it. I'll rebuild. Maybe make some improvements. But I can manage."

She squeezed his hand in hers. "I can help."

Peeta frowned. "You don't have to do that…the fences are off, you can hunt. You should do that. People need food and….you're so good at it."

She shrugged. "I can hunt in the mornings and help you in the afternoon. I don't mind."

"This is a huge mess," he chuckled, motioning to the pile of rubble with his free hand. "You'd be crazy to want to help me sort through all this."

Peeta's words were lighthearted and joking, but she could hear the pain laced in them through his warm smile. She squeezed his hand again. "I"ll tell you the same thing you said to me when I called you crazy for taking that lashing for me in the square: don't be stupid," she said. "Of course I'm going to help you, Peeta."

"Don't be stupid," he chuckled. "Yeah, I did say that."

He was quiet a moment, staring at the rubble. "I think about that day all the time."

"I do too," she said softly.

"There was no way I was going to let that man whip you. For something as stupid as a dead turkey."

"It was a really good turkey though," she sighed. "Nice and fat."

He snorted out a quiet laugh pulling her to his side. His hand easily found its way to her side, winding against her hip and pulling her against him. He brushed a kiss against her temple and she felt herself relax against him.

"I'm going to rebuild this start over. If you want to help me, I'd love it. To new beginnings, right?"

She smiled and nodded. "To new beginnings."


	54. *Epilogue*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay…officially sitting here crying guys. It's been forever since I've finished a story, and I'd forgotten all of the emotions that go along with putting the finishing touches on something that takes up so much of your life for so long. This story started out as a one shot that just blossomed and grew into something I've really enjoyed writing for you. I love you all for reading, commenting, favoriting, sharing, discussing…just…amazing. I am so honored to get to write words that you all enjoy so much, and I only hope I can follow this work up with more stories you will enjoy in the future. Thank you for reading and please let me know what you thought. I would truly love to hear from you all.
> 
> *sniffles*
> 
> *ugly cries*

Epilogue

"September first….I couldn't think of a more perfect date for a bakery to open," Prim sighed.

Katniss tried not to roll her eyes. "And why's that?"

Prim dunked her rag in the warm water, wringing it out. She'd already wiped down every surface in the bakery, but the reconstruction had turned out so perfectly that neither one of them was in any hurry to get home. Katniss could spend more than a few hours sitting it the newly built, bright, sweet-selling bakery. The scent of fresh paint and mortar hung beneath a strong layer of fresh bread and sugar. They'd spent all day doing the finishing work for Peeta as he worked in the kitchens with his father all afternoon to get enough baked to open the next morning. The new supplies had arrived from One and Eleven just days before, barely giving him enough time to start planning his menus. Not that it mattered – the Mellark bakery was one of the first businesses to reopen after the war and people were already clamoring to get freshly baked items from somewhere other than the Hob. Prim was determined to wipe away every bit of construction dust and flour from every surface before finally going home. The bakery was complete and they were preparing for the grand reopening.

"Fall. September is like…the start of the fall season. And people love to buy bakery items when it starts to turn cold. Apple pastries, spiced cookies, hearty breads…it's going to smell so wonderful in here."

Katniss just laughed and shook her head as she continued her work of sticking the already baked cookies in the glass case in the front window. People passed by on their way home for the evening, already eying the sign on the front door that announced the grand re-opening of Mellark Bakery the next day. Summer had been a whirlwind. It turned out Peeta had more than enough help rebuilding the bakery. Almost everyone had lost someone they knew during the bombing. The entire town had seemed so determined to rebuild. Peeta and his father had become so well-known and likeable from selling their food at next to nothing to the hungry people of the district that there was no shortage of hands that had helped complete the bakery.

Katniss smiled to herself as she remembered how overwhelmed and flattered Peeta and his father had been when they'd seen how many volunteers had shown up to help them with the new construction. It'd taken them nearly all summer, even with as many helping as they'd had. The bakery had been completed several days before, and the upstairs apartment where Peeta would live still needed a few finishing touches, but was basically done. The windows had been delivered on one of the first trains hauling materials that had arrived in District Twelve and the final piece – the glass display cases for cakes and baked sweets – had just been installed only minutes before. The workers were done for the day and had left Prim and Katniss to do the finishing work.

"You're forgetting about everything pumpkin flavored."

"Oh yes, that too. People will be lined up for Mr. Mellark's pumpkin bread."

Katniss peeled a piece of glue away from the glass display case, wiping it down with her rag. They were so close to having everything perfect for the next day. "I hope you're right, Prim."

The last three months had flown by – it had been a flurry of cleanup, construction, and finally making last minute orders to ensure they would be ready for their opening day. In fact, that was where Peeta was at the moment; the train station on the edge of town, picking up his final order of fancy food coloring and something he'd dreamily referred to as 'confectioners' sugar'. She didn't know what that meant, but if Peeta was excited to get it to use in baking, she was excited to sample whatever it was he planned to make with it.

It took them another hour, but they finally finished. Everything was clean, dusted, and ready to go.

They surveyed their work: the entire bakery was clean, sleek, and a perfect mixture of homey charm and glamorously white that Katniss had decided she loved early on. From the whitewashed brick walls so the sleek, white glass tile, the finished product was a gleaming picture of perfection.

She turned when she heard the back door open and Peeta's heavy footsteps as he made his way to the front of the shop. She smiled to herself – Peeta desperately wanted to learn how to hunt in the woods, but she had a feeling any game could hear him coming from a mile away. Not that it mattered – she and Gale were finally able to hunt almost every day now. For the first time she could remember, food was no longer scarce. The fact that they could rely on the woods for game for food and trades was much of the reason Gale wasn't thrown into a panic when Madge told him she was expecting another mouth to feed that January. Katniss shook her head at the memory, laughing to herself. Gale had come running to her house, dragging Madge behind him with a flustered look on her face. He'd been practically dumbstruck and unable to speak with he'd told Peeta and Katniss and had begged to see her mother. They'd had a toasting the next day.

Her stomach did a nervous flop at the memory of Peeta's reaction. "A baby? Oh Gale, you're going to be someone's daddy. A baby…wow," he'd gushed, his face flushing with emotion. He'd been so over the moon happy for their friends. Chewing her lip, she wondered if he'd be that happy if they ever decided to have a baby.

One step at a time, Katniss. Just get through the bakery opening.

"Looks good!" Peeta called, setting the crate of supplies down on the back counter. He smiled brightly before walking up to join them in the front of the shop. "Hey Prim," he greeted her sister, "And hey you," he added, leaning down. She jumped slightly as he gently grasped her face in his calloused hands and gave her a deep, lingering kiss. Pulling away, he chuckled as she exhaled sharply and grabbed the counter to steady herself.

Prim just met her astonished gaze and snickered to herself. She'd told Peeta time and time again she wasn't one for public displays of affection, but he never seemed to listen. He seemed to kiss her enthusiastically anytime they spent more than fifteen minutes apart. It was one of those things she pretended to get angry about, but secretly just took in stride.

"This place looks like a million bucks," he sighed, resting a hand on his hip. He surveyed the room proudly, beaming at them. "Will my workers for the evening take payment in cookies?"

"You know it," Prim quipped. "Sugar, or chocolate chip?"

Peeta made a scoffing noise. "It's September first tomorrow, Prim. I think you know I'll be making pumpkin spice cookies with orange buttercream frosting. Let's be real now."

Prim made a noise much younger than her years and beamed.

Katniss rolled her eyes and bit back a laugh. "How was the train station? Get everything you need for tomorrow? What else do we need to do?"

"Yup, got supplies. I've just about done all I can do before tomorrow, but I need to bake something for tonight, then I'll be back. Meet you guys at home?"

"That'll be fine," she said, still slightly breathless. She wasn't sure if it was from all the work they'd been doing or from Peeta's lingering, fiery kiss. "We're done here anyhow." She paused in the doorway. "Wait, what are you baking right now?"

Peeta wouldn't meet her eyes. He grinned down into the crate of supplies as he unloaded them, shaking his head. "Something."

"See you outside," Prim muttered, brushing past her to the door. Katniss hung back. Peeta had something up his sleeve.

"Something what?"

"Something special, that's all," he answered noncommittally.

"You're being evasive…which is strange for you. Normally you can't keep a secret to save your life. You won't tell me?"

He shrugged and gave her a mischievous wink. "You'll have to be at the house in an hour and you'll see."

Katniss narrowed her eyes at him. "Fine."

"Fine," Peeta deadpanned back. They shared a look across the empty bakery before she finally shook her head at him a final time and headed out the door. She took off the apron she wore for cleaning and tossed it into the laundry basket under the counter before shooting him a final playful look.

"You'd better be there, Everdeen!" he called after her.

Prim waited until they'd gone out the back door and were heading home to burst into a fit of giggles.

"I hate you," Katniss chuckled, shaking her head.

An hour later Katniss was freshly bathed and sitting in a chair in front of her mirror in his mother's dress. It was light blue – the exact shade of Peeta's eyes – and actually fit her. All of that extra bread Peeta had been baking lately was paying off. She actually had somewhat of a bust and a waistline to fill the silly dress up for once in her life.

"Ow," she complained, yanking her head to the side. Prim gave her an unyielding glare in the reflection as she continued her work. She was braiding her hair, weaving a few of the last summer flowers into it as she went. Normally Katniss just wore her hair in a plain side braid, but she supposed an occasion like this called for something a little fancier.

Prim finished, tucking the ends of the braid effortlessly into the back of her head and pinned it with a few old bobby pins. Katniss was a good braider, but Prim was the one that seemed to be able to do all of the fancy hairstyles. Katniss surveyed herself in the mirror and stood.

"How do you do it, little duck?"

Prim smirked, pushing in the chair she'd been sitting on. "Do what?"

Katniss did a turn in front of the mirror and gave herself an up and down glance. "Make me look….nice."

Her sister watched her in the mirror and shrugged. "Thank mom for the dress, I just braided your hair. Maybe thank Peeta for all that extra bread and cheese buns he's been making – you finally fill it out," she joked.

Katniss shot her a dirty look in the mirror. She knew her sister was just playing – more than once they'd both commented on how nice it was not to see their own bones through their skin when they undressed for their baths. Her collar bones no longer jutted out in a hungry-looking fashion, and her chest wasn't ridged and bony anymore. She had hips, breasts, and most importantly, she never went to bed with an aching, empty stomach.

"Come on, we don't want to keep them waiting," Prim sighed, opening the bedroom door. "Not every day we have a toasting in this house," she said, her eyes shining.

The papers had been signed and taken back to the makeshift justice building earlier in the day, so they were already officially married. However, it wouldn't feel real for anyone until the bread was toasted and they'd washed it down with wine.

Their tiny house was nearly full – Madge was there, along with Gale and his entire family, standing in a row by the kitchen. Haymitch was slumped in her father's old armchair, and a few of Gale's miner friends were on the couch. Prim was standing next to the fireplace, idly picking at the garland of twigs she'd made and stuck fresh flowers and sweet smelling herbs into. Everyone held their small cups of wine, ready to drink when the toasting had been done and the bread had been eaten.

Peeta stood with her at a small table in front of the fireplace, carefully unwrapping a loaf of bread from the white towel. It was braided beautiful, the top golden brown and the insides white and fluffy as he cut it. Katniss cleared her throat nervously, her hand shaking slightly as she reached for the plate with the two newly cut pieces.

"Is this what you had to bake before you left?"

He nodded.

"This is beautiful," she whispered.

He just grinned at her, his face almost boyishly proud. "I did my best."

Turning, she tried not to look nervous as she offered the plate first to her mother, then to Mr. Mellark. Peeta took the plate from her slightly shaky hands and picked up two cups of wine, one of which he handed to her. She smiled and turned back to her mother and Peeta's father. Mr. Mellark took her hand in his, kissing the back of it lightly. Prim sighed behind him, poking her head around to watch as they leaned towards the happily crackling fire and held out their slices of bread.

Peeta's hand found hers, quietly weaving their fingers together as they stood and watched their parents toast their bread. She glanced at him and smiled.

"Long time coming," she mouthed to him with a grin.

Peeta laughed quietly. "I know what you mean."

Katniss was about to turn back to the ceremony when she frowned. "What?"

"These two. The toasting. Finally," he winked at her.

Her stomach did another flip at his implied meaning. Turning her attention back to the ceremony, she watched as they pulled their hands back from the fire and fed each other their toasted bread. The tiny room erupted into cheers and calls of congratulations as they chewed the bread and swallowed. Katniss clapped as Peeta's father took her mother into his arms and placed a long, lingering, happy kiss on her lips. Her mother pulled away with the biggest smile she'd seen her have in years.

Did she want this for herself?

She watched her mother playfully swat Mr. Mellark's shoulder, hiding her face in the collar of his shirt as their guests clapped and cheered. Prim tossed up a handful of grain in the air, laughing as it flew up every which way. Katniss watched the grains fall, but instead of picturing them in her mother's hair, she pictured them falling into hers. She imagined standing with Peeta in front of the mantle, not her mother and Mr. Mellark. It was Peeta kissing her, producing a smile so wide and sincere it almost made her cheeks ache.

Standing still, she watched the scene in front of her slow down in her mind's eye as she pictured what it would be like to have her own toasting. How it would feel to stand in front of a fireplace and eat toast from Peeta's fingers that he'd baked with his own two hands. It was the first time the thought didn't paralyze her with fear. No, it made her feel warm and hopeful, just as Prim said. She bit her lip and smiled to herself. What had happened to her?

Peeta handing her a cup of wine broke her from her thoughts. "We're celebrating," he said over the cheers. "Have some."

She nodded, accepting the cup. A sip or two of ripper's wild grape wine was enough to make her bones feel wiggly and her skin hot. She downed her cup and didn't protest when Peeta offered her another cup. They ate more bread and drank wine until the sun had long since gone under.

Guests were still milling around the living room and kitchen table as the party went on, more and more neighbors and people from the Hob stopping by to wish her mother and Mr. Mellark well. The end of summer heat was almost more than she could bear, even after only two cups of wine. Peeta took her hand and nodded to the outside. "Want to go for a walk with me?"

"Yes, let's," she eagerly agreed. Placing her cup on the table, she caught Prim's eye over the excitement. "Going for a walk, little duck."

Prim shot her a knowing smile as she used a wooden try to pick up the discarded cups of wine. "Try to be back by dawn, sister," she cheeked.

Katniss only smirked and led Peeta out onto the front porch. "Where should we go?"

He shrugged. "Thought about walking past the bakery. I just want to check on it, make sure it's still standing," he said, a trace of darkness to his tone.

"Peeta…"

He pulled her hand. "Just come on, Katniss. I want to show you something."

"Fine, fine," she agreed, following him into the moonlit night. It was a pretty evening – the sun had set, but the stars and moon were bright enough to lead their way through the edge of the Seam and up the path towards the town. With the Peacekeepers gone and curfews a thing of the past, they were all free to roam about the district with little to no fear. The summer breeze was light and airy, brushing the ends of her mother's blue dress as they walked.

They walked in silence up through the edge of town, all the way up to the square. The Mellark Bakery looked like a beacon of light in the darkness. It was still one of the only finished and renovated buildings on the square, and one of the best looking ones at that. Two stories high, it was a striking structure of white brick and white shutters, with the words 'Mellark Family Bakery' etched in black onto the front window. A beautiful periwinkle blue door had various wildflowers painted onto it, winding their way up the oval shaped window. It looked so quaint and impeccable standing there – like a perfect start to a new beginning.

He paused in front of it, pulling her closer. He squeezed her hand in his and she felt him take a deep breath.

"You ready to start over tomorrow?"

Peeta blinked at the bakery for a moment, then looked down at her. "Who says I haven't already?"

"In a way, yes. But when you open those doors tomorrow it's going to be like a new beginning. A fresh start."

He looked back at the bakery. "It really does feel like a rebirth of sorts. This will sound kinda silly, but…this morning when I was putting away all my supplies…I put them out the way I'd always wanted them organized. I felt so calm in there with all the white brick and the smell of the paint…it felt like I was getting another chance to start over. It felt cleansing."

"That's not silly, Peeta."

"Come inside," he said, pulling his key from his pocket. "I want to show you something, it'll just take a second." A single light shone through the darkness, illuminating the white doilies in the window – they were ready and waiting for whatever Peeta would be filling them with the next morning.

Once inside, he led her back behind the counter, through the swinging door, and into the kitchen. She walked slower than he; pausing to run her fingers down the smooth butcher-block countertops. He'd found a few salvageable things in the rubble – his mother's old sugar canister, a few brown bottles of various extracts, and the rolling pin he'd learned to use when he was little. Each piece he'd manager to find during their cleanup now each had a place of honor somewhere in the bakery. He had one of the large, cast iron stoves from the Capitol to make bread in, but he'd still insisted on getting a regular fireplace put in for warmth in the winter. She frowned when he paused beside it, reaching over to grab something wrapped in cheesecloth beside the oven. Flipping back the cloth, he proudly showed her the second woven loaf of bread she'd seen that night.

"What's this?" she asked, running her finger along the ridged side. The bread was even more perfect than the loaf her mother and his father had toasted with. The crust was a little thicker, with bits of herbs flecked here and there. It had obviously been cooked a little longer so that the braided crust was browned just the way she liked. She had no doubt the inside would be fluffy and divine, just as he always made it. It was amazing what he could do now that he had the proper ingredients to actually bake with.

He looked at her, his eyes watching every move of her face. She looked down at the bread, then back up at him several times in question.

"The bread I gave for my father's toasting wasn't the only loaf I baked tonight, Katniss."

She licked her lips that were suddenly dry. "What's that for, then?"

Peeta sighed, placing it down on the raised heart. He ripped off two pieces, the crust ripping and flaking just like she knew it would. Taking her hand, he placed a piece in hers and kept one for himself.

"Planning my dad's toasting got me thinking….I…I know you wouldn't want people around, Katniss. That's not you. Or maybe I'm wrong and totally off base and you want a big toasting with people and friends and wine and all that…but I didn't think you would."

"You've thought about this?" she asked, mystified.

Peeta curled her fingers around the bread, securing it in her hand. "Ever since I tossed you that bread in the rain that day. Yes, I've thought about it," he grinned, looking at the bread in his palm. "Now that the bakery is finished, I'm going to move into the apartment upstairs. It's not much, but…I'll be comfortable up there. I'd like it if you came with me. If you lived with me, that is," he cleared his throat awkwardly. Katniss stared at him. She stared into his deep, blue eyes so filled with quiet love and so much trust that it almost made her heart ache.

"The war is over and we're safe and….and when I rebuilt this place I always built it with you in mind. With us in mind. I think it would be a great place for both of us to start over, not just me. Besides…our parents might want two fewer kids around, being newlyweds and all that so….I want you to come with me when I move into the upstairs tomorrow. And….I thought it might be nice if we started this new…chapter, I guess…with a toasting."

She clenched the bread at his words, staring at him in surprise. "A toasting?"

He gave a half nod, half shrug. "Well…it can be practice. Or it can be real. Or we can just do it and sign the papers when we feel like it. But I wanted to do this with you…tonight…to start fresh. I don't want a new life if you're not in it, Katniss," he added softly, reaching up with his free hand to touch her face. His calloused fingers slid over her cheekbone, so soft.

"You want to have a toasting….w-with me?"

Peeta blinked slowly, his eyes raising up to meet hers. His face was only half visible in the dim light of the crackling fire, but what she could see was beautiful. His sculpted jaw was clean shaven and tan from the summer, and his unruly blonde curls he'd tamed back for the ceremony were slowly becoming untamed in the summer heat. She could see his left eye shining at her hopefully as she turned the piece of bread over in her fingertips. Did she want this? Hadn't she just imagined herself doing this with him? And he'd made it so perfect too – just them, that night, alone in the bakery. His new start, his fresh beginning. And he wanted her to make that step with him.

"Okay," she heard herself croak. "Okay," she repeated, her voice stronger. "Let's start over together."

His smooth, supple lips split into a grin as he bounced up and down on the balls of his feet. "Really?"

"Really," she nodded. She couldn't help but smile as he held up his piece to hers. "You ready?"

"I'm ready," she said, and she realized she'd never meant any words more than those. They held their bits of bread towards the fire, their arms extending out towards the orange flames. The fire was hotter than she'd expected, the flames making her fingertips quickly grow hot. Peeta stepped closer to her, wrapping his free arm around her waist. He leaned his forehead against hers as they each reached out with one arm to toast their bread. She heard his breath hitch slightly before he spoke.

"I…. love you, Katniss Everdeen. And I'd take another whipping for you any day if it mean I could toast bread with you. It hurt more than anything I'd ever felt but…it was the best choice I ever made."

The memory of the lash lines across his back instantly sprung to her mind. She could still remember the angry, bleeding red lashes like it was yesterday. Her chest actually panged with a dull ache as she remembered Peeta's suffering for weeks afterwards. There had been so much blood an exposed muscle and tendons she wasn't sure if he'd even survive it. To have him there, standing in front of her, toasting bread with her felt like nothing short of a miracle. A hot tear sprung to her eye, insistently sliding down her cheek.

"Peeta," she sighed, using her free hand to wipe away a stray tear. She leaned away from him and frowned up at him. "Don't say that."

He gave her an earnest smile and shook his head in dismissal. "It's true." His grip tightened around her waist. "I'm here now. No use letting it ruin this for us."

She smiled, shaking her head at him. "We'll have to get a kitchen table in that apartment of yours, just in case."

"That apartment of ours," he reminded her. "Table and all." They both paused for a moment, sharing a secret look as they remembered what had transpired under her mother's kitchen table that snowy night. Leaning forward, she brushed her mouth against his. The kiss was slow, heated, and promising of what was to come after the bread had been toasted. "I love you too. In case you were wondering," she whispered softly against his mouth. Her lips felt his turn upwards into a smile.

"It's nice to….I didn't think….I will never get tired of that," he admitted, his words a little breathless. Peeta swallowed, glancing at their outstretched hands. "I…I think it's toasted."

She pulled her piece of bread away from the fire, examining the toasted edges. Peeta held his piece in his fingertips and gave her a lopsided little smile.

"Are you nervous?"

Katniss licked her lips, evaluating. "To eat the bread? Never."

"You know what I meant."

"No…I'm actually not. Strange. I…guess I thought I would be?"

"Me too," he admitted softly. Raising his hand, he paused before placing it at her lips. His blue eyes, so filled with warmth, flicked up to meet hers. "I….I know we said this was just a practice toasting but….if this is just practice, then…. why does it feel like we already belong to one another?"

A small laugh fell from her lips. "Peeta….maybe we always have."

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Valentine's day! Okay, so it seems a little dismal now, but this is my Valentine's day story. Parts of it will be angsty, but parts of it will be fluffy as well. Fluff and angst=Valentine's day, no?
> 
> This story will not delay updates on either Shades of Winter OR Not In Our Favor. This was just something I wrote for fun one night when I couldn't sleep. It will be completed by Valentine's day.
> 
> Twitter, Tumblr, and Blog links are available on my main page if you'd like to come play!


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